She realizes she is female, but nothing beyond that. She knows she once had a name but she can't remember it.
She also knows that she did not live in this place, this old cold house. She had a warm home somewhere but cannot remember where it lies. And even if she did, she could not go there.
She cannot leave. She has tried, but she is tied to this awful house. She wishes she knew why. It might explain this terrible sourceless rage that envelops her.
If only she could remember her name!
She is lonely, but not alone. There are others in this place. She has reached out but cannot make contact. Yet she keeps trying â¦
Lyle awoke to the sound of running water. His room was dark, the windows open to the night, and somewhere â¦
The shower.
“Now what?” he muttered as he pulled the sheet aside and hung his legs over the edge of the bed.
He blinked and brought the display of his clock radio into focus:
1:21
. He stared dully at the red LED digits. He felt drugged. He'd been way down in deep, deep sleep and his brain and body were still fumbling back to alertness. As he watched the display, the last digit changed to a zero.
1:20?
But just a few seconds ago it had been ⦠or at least he'd thought it had been â¦
Never mind. The shower was running. He jumped off the bed and hurried to the adjoining bathroom.
Lyle felt the steam before he saw it. He fumbled along the wall, found the light switch, and flipped it on. Billows of moisture filled the bathroom, so thick he could barely find his way. He made it to the shower and reached out toward the curtain â¦
And hesitated. Something told him not to pull it open. Maybe one of those premonitions he didn't believe in, maybe the result of seeing too many horror movies, but he sensed something besides running water behind the curtain.
Feeling suddenly cold despite the enveloping hot mist, Lyle backed away, one step ⦠two â¦
No. He wasn't giving in to this. With a strangled cry that anticipated the terror of what he might see, Lyle leaped forward and slashed the curtain aside.
He stood there in the steam, gasping, heart pounding,
staring at a shower running full blast at max heat. But the spray wasn't running straight into the tub. It was bouncing against something ⦠something that wasn't there and yet was. And after the spray struck whatever it was, the water turned red and ran down into the tub to swirled away into the drain.
Lyle closed his eyes, shook his head, then looked again.
The shower continued to run and billow up steam, but the spray now flowed uninterrupted into the tub, and remained clear all the way down to the drain.
What's happening to me? he thought as he reached in and turned the knob.
And then he sensed someone behind him in the steam.
“Whaâ?”
He spun and found no one. But movement to his left caught Lyle's eye. Something on the big mirror over the sink ⦠dripping lines forming on the moisture-laden glass ⦠connecting into letters ⦠then â¦
Words.
Who are you?
Lyle could only stare, could only think that this wasn't happening, he was dreaming again, and pretty soonâ
Three more question marks, each bigger than the last, added themselves to the end of the question.
Who are you? ? ? ?
“I ⦠I'm Lyle,” he croaked, thinking, It's a dream, so play along. “Who are you?”
I dont know
“Why are you here?”
The same words were rewritten below.
I dont know. Im scared. I want to go home
“Where's home?”
I DONT KNOW
Then something slammed against the mirror with wall-rattling force to create a spider-web shatter the size of a basketball. The lights went out and a blast of cold tore through the bathroom, plunging the climate from rain forest
to arctic circle. Lyle leaped for the light switch but his bare foot hit a puddle; he slipped and went down just as he heard another booming impact break more of the mirror. Glass confetti peppered him with the third impact. He crouched on his knees with his forehead against the floor, hands clasped over the back of his head as whatever was in the room with him pounded the mirror again and again in a fit of mindless rage.
And then as suddenly as it began, it stopped.
Slowly, cautiously, Lyle raised his head in the echoing darkness. Somewhere in the houseâdown the hallâhe heard running footsteps, and then his brother's voice.
“Lyle! Lyle, you all right?” The bedroom light came on. “Dear God, Lyle, where are you?”
“In here.”
He rose to his knees but could find neither the strength nor the will to regain his feet. Not yet.
He heard Charlie's approach and called out, “Don't come in. There's glass on the floor. Just reach in and hit the light.”
Lyle was facing away from the doorway. When the light came on he looked over his shoulder and saw a wide-eyed and slack-jawed Charlie staring at him.
“What the fuckâ” Charlie began, then caught himself. “Dear Lord, Lyle, what you done?”
Charlie's use of a word he had expunged from his vocabulary since he'd been born again told Lyle the true depth of his brother's shock. Looking around, he couldn't blame him. Glittering slivers and pebbles of glass littered the floor; the big mirror looked as if Shaq had been bouncing a granite basketball against it.
“Wasn't me.”
“Then who?”
“Don't know. See if you can find a blanket and throw it on the floor so I can get out of here without making hamburger of my feet.”
While Charlie went looking, Lyle pushed himself to his
feet and turned, careful to stay in the glass-free circle of floor under him.
Charlie reappeared with a blanket. “This one pretty thin butâ”
He stopped and stared, a look of abject horror stretching his features.
“What?”
Charlie pointed a wavering finger at Lyle's chest. “Oh, God, Lyle, youâyou cut yourself!”
Lyle looked down and felt his knees soften when he saw his T-shirt front soaked in crimson. He pulled up the shirt and this time his knees wouldn't hold him. They buckled and he crumbled to the floor when he saw the deep gash in his chest, so deep he could see his convulsively beating heart through the opening.
He looked up at Charlie, met his terrified eyes, tried to mouth a word or two but failed. He looked down again at his chest â¦
And it was whole. Intact. Clean. No hole, no blood, not a drop on his skin or his shirt.
Just like what had happened to Charlie last night.
He looked up at his brother again. “You saw that, right? Tell me you saw it this time.”
Charlie was nodding like a bobble-head doll. “I saw it, I saw it! I thought you was buggin' last night, but now ⦠I mean, whatâ?”
“Throw that blanket down. I want to get out of here.”
Charlie held onto one end and tossed the rest toward Lyle. They spread it out atop the glass-littered tile and Lyle crawledâhe didn't trust his legs to support him so he
crawled
âto the door.
When he reached the carpet Lyle stayed down, huddling, shaking. He wanted to sob, wanted to vomit. Things he'd always disbelieved were proving true. The pillars of his world were crumbling.
“What just happened in there, Lyle?” Charlie said, kneeling beside him and laying an arm across his shaking shoulders. “What this all about?”
Lyle gathered himself, swallowed the bile at the back of his throat, and straightened his spine.
“You know what you said about this house being haunted? I'm beginning to think you're right.” He looked up at the clock radio, which now read
1:11.
Who knew how long it had been running backwards. It could be three in the morning for all he knew. “Fuckit, I
know
you're right.”
“What we do about it, man?”
Something strange and angry had invaded their house. Was that anger directed at him? At Charlie? He hoped not, because he sensed it ran wide and frighteningly deep. Charlie wanted to know what they were going to do. How could he answer that without even knowing what they were facing?
He grabbed Charlie's arm and got to his feet.
“I don't know, Charlie. But I know one thing we're
not
doing, and that's leaving. This is
our
place now and nobody, living or dead, is chasing us out.”
Gia was staring at the clock when the phone rang.
She sat at the kitchen table, a mug of green tea cooling next to her elbow. An hour, almost to the minute, since she'd called Dr. Eagleton's office about her pregnancy test. The receptionist had said her results weren't in yet, but she'd call the Beth Israel lab and have them fax it over.
Jack was gone. After making a few cryptic calls earlier this morning, he'd gone out to run a few errands, and since then Gia had barely moved.
But she moved now, rising, stepping to the phone, checking the caller ID, seeing the name
A. Eagleton MD
on the display. Her breath caught a moment, she hesitated, then snatched up the receiver.
“Yes?”
“Ms. DiLauro?” A girl's voice. She sounded like a teenager.
“Speaking.” Her hand felt slick on the plastic.
“This is Dr. Eagleton's office returning your call. Doctor says to tell you that your pregnancy test is positive.”
Gia felt her body go rigid. She brought up her second hand to help grip the receiver, to keep it from falling.
“You're ⦠you're sure?”
“Positive.” She giggled. “I mean, yes. Doctor wants you to arrange an appointment for some routine preliminary blood work. When do you think you canâ?”
Gia hung up on her and sat down.
I'm pregnant. With Jack's baby ⦠Jack's and mine.
She should be bursting with joy, she knew, but she wasn't. Instead she felt uncertain, and maybe a little afraid.
Gia closed her eyes. I'm not ready for this ⦠the timing's all wrong.
She picked up the mug of tea, looking to warm her chilled hands, but the cup was nearly room temperature. She took a sip of the pale yellow liquid but it tasted sour on her tongue.
Of course this wasn't just about her. There was Jack. Telling him wasn't a matter of ifâbecause he had every right to knowâbut a matter of when. It was so very early in the pregnancy, a time when too many things could go wrong and end in miscarriage. She'd had two of those before Vicky was born.
Then the question of how he'd react. She knew Jack, probably better than anyone else in the world. Even better than Abe. But she still wasn't sure how he'd deal with it in the long run.
She knew his first reaction would be joy. He'd be happy for her, for himself. A baby. She wanted to see him grin, see his eyes glow. And she knew it might be enough to drag him out of his funk over losing Kate. One life ends, then a new one begins.
But telling this early carried risks. What if, say, next week, she miscarried?
Jack, you're a father-to-be! You're first child is on the way!
No, wait. Never mind. Your child is gone. Sorry.
Considering how down he'd been, was it right to risk putting him on that sort of emotional roller coaster? Wouldn't it be better, kinder after what he'd just gone through to wait until she was sure her pregnancy was firmly established?
Or was she just buying herself more time before she had to face up to the task of telling him?
So those were the short-term issues. But what about long term? When it sank into Jack what raising a child, what true fatherhood would mean to his independence, his treasured autonomy ⦠what then? Would he think the cost too high?
The yellow plastic sandwich board sign stood in the middle of the sidewalk, its red letters reflecting the morning sun.
ERNIE'S PHOTO I-D
ALL KINDS
PASSPORT
DRIVERS LICENSE
TAXI
Jack cut around it and stepped through the open doorway into a tiny store packed to the ceiling with miniature Statues of Liberty, New York City postcards, customizable T-shirts, sports caps, and anything else Ernie could cram into a rack or onto a shelf. Ernie's shop made Abe's seem like the wide open range.
“Hey, Em.”
The skinny, droopy-faced man behind the counter wore an ugly orange Hawaiian shirt and had a Pall Mall dangling from the corner of his mouth, J-P Belmondo style. He looked up and winked.
“Witcha in a minute, sir,” he said and went right back into his spiel to an old Korean tourist about a pair of Ray Ban Predators.
“We're talkin' big savings here. Real money.” He pronounced it
monnay
âlike “Monday” without the
d.
“I'm tellin' you, these list for ninety bucks. I can let you have 'em for fifty.”
“No-no,” the old man said. “I see down street for ten. Ten dollah.”
“But they're knock-offs. They ain't the real thing. You
buy 'em today and tomorrow morning the lenses'll fall out and the temples'll break off. But these, my friend, these are the real deal.”
Jack turned away and pretended to browse through a rack of bootleg videos. Nothing Ernie sold was the real deal.
His mind wandered back to Gia. He'd slept over again last night. Nice. He loved waking up next to her. But she'd seemed so jumpy this morning. She'd looked impatient when he'd been making calls, and he'd gotten the impression she'd been waiting for him to leave. He didn't consider himself the easiest person to live with, but was he getting on her nerves already?
The old guy had haggled Ernie down to thirty-five and left wearing his cool shades.
“Hey, Jack,” Ernie said, folding the money into his pocket. Too many years of unfiltered cigarettes had given him a frog's vocal cords. “How y'doin'. How y'doin'.” He shook his head. “Tough t'make a buck these days, y'know? Real tough.”
“Yeah,” Jack said, easing up to Ernie's combination display case and counter. Half a dozen faux Rolexes glittered through the crisscrossed scratches in the glass. “Things are tight all around.”
“These street guys are killin' me. I mean, what overhead they got? They roll out a blanket or set up a cardboard box and they're in business. They're sellin' the same stuff as me for a fin over cost. Me, you wouldn't believe the rent I gotta pay for this here closet.”
“Sorry to hear that.” Ernie had been crying poverty since a number of his fake ID sources dried up after the World Trade Center catastrophe. He'd been Jack's main source of driver's licenses and photo IDs for many years. “You get the queer we talked about?”
“Sure did.” He pointed to the door. “Make us look closed, will ya?”
Jack locked the door and flipped the OPEN sign to CLOSED. When he returned to the counter, Ernie had a stack of currency on the glass.
“Here she be. Five K of it.”
Jack picked up one of the hundred-dollar bills. He snapped it, held it up to the light. Not too crisp, not too limp. “Looks pretty good to me.”
“Yeah, it's good work but they're cold as bin Laden's ass. Every clerk from Bloomie's to the lowliest bodega's got that serial number tacked up next to the cash register.”
“Perfect,” Jack said. Just what he wanted. “What do I owe you?”
“Gimme twenty and we'll call it even.” He grinned as he started stuffing the bills into a brown paper bag. “I'll knock the price down to fifteen if you take more off my hands.”
Jack laughed. “You're really looking to dump this junk, aren't you.”
“Tell me about it. Stuff was golden for a while, but âbout all it's good for now is lightin' cigars and stuffin' cracks in a drafty room. Can't even use it for toilet paper. Liability having it around.”
“Why don't you just burn it?”
“Easier said than done, my man. Especially in the summer. First off, I ain't got no fireplace in my apartment, and even if I did, I wouldn't want to burn it there. And the bums ain't lightin' up their trashcans in this heat, so I can't just walk by and dump a few stacks into the fire. I'm gonna hafta wait till winter. Till then, I'm glad to have someone take even a little off my hands.”
“What are friends for?” Jack said, handing him a twenty and taking the paper bag.
Ernie looked at him. “I don't get it. Why you want bad queer when I can get you good? Whatta you gonna do with it?”
Jack smiled. “Buy myself a stairway to heaven.”