The Harder They Fall (56 page)

“Please believe me,” he beseeched. The duress of his arrest and interrogation was flooding back to him. He couldn’t go through that again.

The woman stepped towards him, her prior expression now transforming into a kindly smile.

“You look just like him. His eyes. And you’re a good boy, I can tell.” She was looking at him, but she wasn’t at the same time, like she was studying his outline. It was making him feel even worse.

“I don’t want to get in trouble for not coming forward, but I promise, I didn’t do it.”

“I know, dear,” she said, reaching into the side pocket of her handbag. She opened his hand and placed something inside it. “A mother knows these things.” She smoothed his hair, and then she turned away and left the room. Jason opened his hand, unsure what he was going to find inside, and did a double-take.

“Cool,” Krissi said, glancing at the small, silver ring in his ear and then at the identical one glinting on his palm. “You found it. Come on. Let’s go dance.” She grabbed him by the arm and bounced out into the atrium, pulling him along. There was no point in resisting, so he didn’t even bother to try. As they danced, he kept looking for the woman who had given him the ear-ring, but he couldn’t see her anywhere and eventually gave up on that too.

In spite of the loud music and jovial atmosphere, Little Shaunna was curled up, thumb in mouth, fast asleep and looking tinier than ever, snuggled in amongst the plush pillows and duvet of her grandmother’s super-kingsize bed. Dan watched as her long, dark lashes flickered against her rosy cheeks, wondering about the dreams of innocent two year olds. Momentarily, her little nose wrinkled and her brow creased in worry, then all was tranquil once more. For a second or so, the music became louder; Dan turned and smiled at his mother.

“Sound asleep?” she asked.

“Yeah. It’s been a long day for her,” he yawned, for he too was exhausted, having been up with his daughter since six that morning. His mother rubbed his arm sympathetically. When her own boys were small, she was still married to their father, a man who would readily engage in all the fun stuff—the birthday parties, football matches, and so on—but didn’t trouble himself with the day-to-day tribulations of bringing up three boisterous young sons. By the time Dan was four, she’d had enough and sent their father on his way, and it was hard-going, being a single parent. She wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

“So you and Adele are finally settled?” The question was the natural progression of her thoughts.

“Looks that way. She doesn’t want to get married, though, but that means nothing these days.” She frowned. “Stop stressing, Mum. I know it’s not been the easiest of relationships, but I’m pretty sure all of that’s behind us.”

She took off her jewellery and walked past him to her dressing table, then turned and took his face in her hands, looking up into his eyes.

“I’m so proud of you,” she said earnestly. He tutted self-consciously. “Don’t be like that, Daniel. It needs to be said. You’ve got a successful career, a beautiful daughter…” She ruffled his hair with her fingers and he rolled his eyes. “You’ll always be my baby boy, and I’m so very proud of you,” she finished tearily.

“Andy’s not doing so badly for himself either,” Dan defended.

“Hmm.” She stepped away from him and turned her back. “He told me about Krissi earlier.”

Dan nodded, but didn’t say anything, readying himself to take yet another bullet for his brother. And he’d do it again, and again, if he had to.

“Did you know he had a daughter?” she asked.

“Yeah.”

“Since when?”

“Since he’s known,” he lied. No point telling her the truth, if he could get away without.

“And what about Shaunna? How did she cope, bringing up a child on her own?”

“She wasn’t on her own. She’s been with Kris since she was sixteen.”

“Your friend Kris? I thought he was gay.”

“He is. He and Shaunna have just separated.”

“Well, he’s obviously more of a man than your brother, raising someone else’s child.”

Dan pinched the bridge of his nose and smoothed the bags under his eyes with his finger and thumb. So, the truth it was then. She was sitting in front of her dressing table, removing her make-up and watching him in the mirror. He sat on the end of the bed and waited until she swivelled round to face him, and then he told her everything, beginning with the party, where Shaunna and Andy had got so drunk that neither of them could remember what they’d done, the part-confirmation of his suspicions when they met baby Krissi for the first time, the years of keeping this to himself, Krissi’s quest to find her biological father, how his brother had tried to do the right thing by Shaunna, Krissi and Jess, finishing up with the non-dramatised version of their trip to Kathmandu and Andy and Jess’s break-up.

His mother had continued to remove her eye make-up and listen intently throughout. Now she was watching him carefully, reminded of the little boy who was always so relieved when he finally owned up to whatever minor misdemeanour he had committed.

“And?”

Dan shrugged. “And what?”

“There’s something else.”

He frowned and examined his shoes, but she kept her beady eye on him. It was never a good thing to get caught alone with her. She could wrestle a confession from an innocent man. “Andy’s in love with Shaunna,” he confirmed. “Has been for a long time. Maybe even since school.”

His mother nodded and turned back to her mirror. “Well, I suppose that’s something,” she said. She was about to send him on his way, so she could change and go to bed, when the door opened again. Adele edged through the gap and closed it quietly behind her, unaware that there was anyone else in the room. She jumped when she saw them.

“I just came to check on the baby,” she whispered. Dan nodded over his shoulder at their sleeping child.

“Have you had a nice evening, Adele?” his mother asked.

“Oh, yes, thank you, Barbara. It’s been lovely. Thanks ever so much for letting us have the party here.”

“That’s quite all right, although it’s your future brother-in-law you have to thank. He did everything, including getting the cracked marble replaced. Don’t know how he managed that. Leonard’s been trying since we moved here.”

“He got it off this man he and Dan…” Adele began, but Dan coughed to shut her up. He might have told his mother the truth about the rest of it, but there really was no need for her to know the ins and outs of their business ‘negotiations’.

“I’m going to get a drink before the bar closes,” he said as their cue to leave. “What d’you want, Adele?”

“Just a lime and soda.” She busied herself with giving little Shaunna one last check.

“Really? Too many Martinis?”

“No! I’ve only had one glass of Champagne!”

“So what’s up then?”

“Nothing.”

“Who’s upset you this time?”

“No-one. There’s nothing up.” She folded her arms.

“You fallen out with Jess again?”

“No.”

“Shaunna?”

Adele gave out a little shriek. “I wasn’t going to say anything, until I got past three months.”

It took a moment for her words to sink in, at which point Dan’s confused expression spread into a wide grin. He put his arms around her and kissed her.

“We’re going to have another baby. I’m going to be a daddy again.”

His mother raised an eyebrow, then she smiled too.

“Congratulations,” she said. “Now, bugger off, so I can go to bed!” She shooed them from the room and soon after climbed under the duvet, beside her tiny, unstirring granddaughter. Dan and Adele returned, arm in arm, to their party downstairs.

The night was almost over and the music began to slow in tempo, with some people taking to the ‘dance floor’ in couples, while others stood around and chatted.

“Do you want to dance?” Josh asked George.

“Slow dance, you mean?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea. As I said before, we don’t know most of the people here and they don’t know us.”

“So?”

“So sometimes you have to be a bit less—”

“Out?”

“Yeah.”

Josh kissed him.

“That’s, erm, not quite what…”

Josh kissed him again, and this time it was a full, long, lingering kiss that left George both speechless and breathless. He backed away, feeling ashamed, but for the first time in his life it wasn’t because of who he was.

“I, err, I think I need another drink,” he stammered.

“Hurry back,” Josh smiled, but George wasn’t going anywhere. He felt like his feet were glued to the ground. All this time he’d been worrying about what people would think of him—his social class, his sexuality—yet no-one had ever tried to fix him, or told him he was abnormal. When at last he found he could move again, he didn’t run away to the bar. He put his arms around Josh’s neck and pressed himself hard against him, so hard that he had him pinned to the wall. Now he kissed him properly, his tongue pushing and probing, their lips crushed together, wet, penetrating, his whole body flooding with desire, overwhelmed by the taste and the scent, oblivious and not giving a damn about who might or might not be watching. When he finally, reluctantly pulled away, he saw that Josh’s cheeks were flushed red, and could feel his own burning too, but not with shame or embarrassment.

“Wow!” Josh said, breathing out slowly and shakily. Their eyes met again and George didn’t even try to hide that twinkle. He moved forward, their cheeks brushing and remaining in contact as he breathed into Josh’s ear.

“I’m sorry. That was way over the line.”

“Yes, it was.” Josh gasped, as George ran his tongue down to his neck and bit him gently. He still wasn’t letting up. Josh slid his hands into George’s back pockets. “Maybe we need to have that chat about compromise soon?”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“It’s not just sex.”

“Isn’t it?”

“I want to make love to you.”

“I can tell!” Josh pushed back against him. “But isn’t that what we’ve been doing? Making love.”

George thought on this for a moment.

“I want to make love to you my way.”

“I see. And did you still want me to propose?”

“When did I say that?”

“In the park. Before Ellie’s wedding.”

“Ah yeah. You can propose if you like, but I don’t need your ring to know that you love me.”

“George!”

“Sorry.” He smiled impishly. “But I mean it. You don’t want to do
it
, so we won’t.”

Josh smiled back. The reassurance was unnecessary; he had already given himself completely. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“What the hell is ‘TTWDTA’?”

“You still haven’t figured it out?”

“Would I be asking if I had?”

“It’s a defunct acronym.”

“But an acronym for what?”

“That Thing We Don’t Talk About.”

“What thing?”

“This thing.” George kissed him again, but this time it was a gentle, soft-lipped kiss, conveying the tenderness, the love, and the promise they had made to be honest and true to each other.

“Got it?” he asked.

“Got it,” Josh replied.

“Good. I’m going now. To get that drink.”

“OK. Go then.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too. Shoo!”

As George made his way to the bar, Kris intercepted, dragging him over to meet ‘Ade-wee-an’, even though Shaunna had already introduced them earlier. He looked back helplessly to Josh, but he just shrugged. Eleanor was now standing next to him, and he was pretending he hadn’t seen her, knowing that the time for the real inquisition had finally arrived.

“Come with me,” she said, and stepped off. Josh huffed like an uncooperative teenager, but still followed her, through the dancers, across the atrium and down the passageway, until they were standing in the dark space by the doors to the conservatory. She was looking away from him, not that it mattered, as he couldn’t really see her; he didn’t need to. They remained, in the dark, listening to the slow thud-thump of the bass escaping through the thick old walls, the occasional high-pitched chink of glasses and the fuzzy murmur of many distant voices.

They had no need for words; they communicated the way they always had, through a sensing of each other’s presence and how it felt. He knew she wanted to ask why he’d kept his feelings hidden from her. She knew that he would not answer if she did. There were some things that even she could not know; he was protecting her. It had always been like this and she accepted it as part of their friendship, for Josh was like a treasured, ancient book, a keepsake from childhood that has lost some of its pages, consigning them to fleeting memories; glimpsed recollections of a once complete story. And she had seen that George was now the guardian of those pages. He completed Josh.

He reached into the darkness and took her hand, pulling her close and encircling her with his arms, and they danced, to the echo of the bass and the whispers of conversation, their cheeks pressed together, hearts beating as one. When finally the dance was done, they stepped apart, their hands outstretched until only the very tips of their fingers were touching.

“You love him absolutely.”

“I would die for him.”

They moved on and the dance began again.

* * * * *

Christmas with George
…wow! His stomach did a little somersault at the prospect. Sure, they’d spent last Christmas together, but it wasn’t the same. This time last year they were still playing a game, pretending to be nothing more than good friends. Now it was different; so wonderfully different, and he suddenly felt the need to tell him that’s how he was feeling. He switched on the tree lights and loaded up the Christmas playlist they had put together. Yes, that was much better. He was ready to face the evening’s toils, but first he had a treat in store for them both.