The Hands-Off Manager (20 page)

When she went to work the following Monday, she put in her two-week notice and hit the pavement looking for other work.
The next company she worked for had true leadership at the top and was a joy to work for. And had it not been for Pacino in
Any Given Sunday
she may never have seen the higher vision.

The main ingredient in stardom is the rest of the team.

—John Wooden

If it’s not fun, you’re not doing it right

The hands-off coach knows to link mastery to enjoyment. There’s always a component of greater enjoyment when people get good at what they do. Notice when you watch a golf match and you see a golfer enjoying the process. A spring in his step, a twinkle in his eye. Playing to win.

The person with fear is always playing not to lose

Great coaching takes the fear out of the workplace. That’s one of the vital things the legendary business efficiency guru Dr. W. Edwards Deming preached to the companies he transformed: Whatever you’ve got going on, you must take the fear out of the system, because that will always sabotage the system.

Should you fire someone for being afraid? Or for being unhappy? Wow. That sounds like the ultimate cruelty. They are already unhappy and now you’re going to fire them?

It reminds me of British philosopher Colin Wilson’s observation that the fastest, most efficient way to change the mental state of a depressed person is to throw him down a flight of stairs. Depression wouldn’t be there anymore. It would certainly be replaced by something else.

Although Wilson was being deliberately absurd and insensitive, his point was well-taken.

Unhappy people don’t make as much money as happy people (when everything else is equal). They don’t produce or perform as well in the workplace, either. So, yes, it is your role as coach to address the issue and solve it.

Many corporate cultures almost guarantee widespread unhappiness by being conditioned to be fearful of criticism “from above.” Soon everyone is living in paranoia, hoping nothing “goes wrong” today.

The hands-off manager cultivates a culture of NO FEAR. Teammates can be bold
and
happy. They can make mistakes and “fail forward.”

A woman named Stella who owned a home design business recently sat down with me for some coaching. She wanted to know what to do about Rosie, one of her veteran employees, who came to work angry every day.

“Every day?” I asked. “She comes in angry every day?”

“Every day.”

“Why does she still work for you?” I asked.

Stella looked stunned. She was taken aback by my question. Which was the reaction I was hoping for.

I pressed her further. “Does her anger affect your other employees?” I asked.

“Yes, of course. It makes them very uncomfortable.”

“Every day?”

“Just about, yes.”

“And what about you? Does her anger—the anger she brings into work—does it infect or affect your own mental well-being?”

“All the time. That’s why I called you.”

“So let’s look at it logically,” I said. “Business—when it succeeds—is logical. When it fails, it’s emotional.”

“Okay,” she said.

“What if this person—this Rosie—came into work and sprayed an aerosol can of skunk mist throughout your showroom and offices every day. What would you do?”

“I’d tell her to stop. And if she did it again, I’d dismiss her.”

“But why?”

“Because she would be damaging our ability to do business.”

“And she’s not now?”

Stella grew very quiet. Finally, she started nodding her head.

“So I just fire her for being angry?”

“No, you coach her. First you see if you can help her find herself so she can be happy and very proud of her work.”

“And if she refuses?”

“You decide what’s next. But don’t leave it like this. Remember, nowhere is it written that you have to put up with unhappy or angry people. It’s not in the Bill of Rights.”

Stella was even tougher than I expected her to be. The next day that Rosie showed up angry and cursing, Stella sent her home and told her to take a paid week off, and when she came back next week they would talk about her future with the organization.

Rosie was stunned, shocked, and a little frightened. She had just been thrown down a flight of stairs.

The hands-off manager is not a coward.

The ultimate level of coaching

Are you willing to take a risk? Are you willing to coach from outside the norm, and make a dramatic swing in your thinking?

We have discussed two types of coaches thus far. One is the mentor within the organization, the other is an outside consultant, as I am. Both types of coaching can have a dramatic effect on your people if you will use them.

There is a third approach that incorporates both of the first two but at a much different level. It cannot even begin to be executed by an old-school hands-on manager or micromanager. So if you cannot give that up, do not attempt to go to this level; it will not serve you.

I will call this level “Coaching so you are no longer needed.”

Many managers are afraid of this very thought. They are so attached to their insecurities and egos that it’s the last frontier they want to travel to. But if they could get there, it would reveal its astonishing power.

What if your goal with everyone on your team was to help them find such greatness within themselves that they no longer needed you to oversee their work?

The first step in this process is to shift your worried mind. You must give up the limiting belief that your people are inherently weak or lazy. Those deficiencies only exist when people let their fears interfere with their potential. So your biggest job becomes replacing fear with love in the hearts of those who work for you.

We have talked about tough love in this chapter and it may seem contradictory to see how that idea combines with “replacing fear with love.” But they go together. And that just might be because they are both in alignment with mother nature.

Nature, like a good coach, is selective. If you are not prepared when you venture into the desert without water, you will not survive. Does this mean that nature is cruel? Hardly. It means that nature is honest! Nature is reality. Plants and animals give their lives that we might survive and prosper, but we as managers do not want to honor the same universal system with our people.

We want to promote someone to a higher position because we like them. Or because we owe them a favor, or because we don’t want to disappoint them. The rationales are endless. But the practices are unnatural. Nature would never do this “for” you. And yet nature has created the most beautiful world that anyone can imagine.

Nature gives its offspring everything it has. Nothing is withheld. And yet if you do not get in harmony with it, you will not be allowed to continue in its presence. The response is sometimes slow, so we imagine that we have escaped the consequences of the law of nature when we have not. If we continue to use oil the way
we do now, one day we will have no more oil. If we over-fertilize our fields, one day they will no longer produce a harvest. If we continue to pollute our air, one day we will no longer be able to breathe without becoming ill. Nature is absolute in its commitment to sustainability. Nature will always ultimately choose the good of the whole over the good of the individual.

But will you?

We sometimes think we are getting ahead when we compromise the well-being of another in order to gain something for ourselves. We rationalize this by calling it capitalism or competition. Yet what is more truly competitive than nature itself? One species is always sacrificing in an effort to facilitate a stronger one to prosper. This is not harsh. This is real beauty unfolding. Is it harsh that a tree provides so much shade that grass will not grow below it? Is it harsh that plants will not grow without water? Is it harsh that we cannot survive without food? No, it is beautiful because it is the way of nature. As truly hands-off managers, we understand this principle. We will not choose something for ourselves if it is going to compromise the well-being of the whole. We realize that the best thing we can do for ourselves is to do what is best for the whole.

Hands-off management decisions reflect this understanding. We do not make choices from fear, we make choices from love—a love of what works, not of what we wish would work.

This is what a sports coach does when he doesn’t move his friend’s son to first string just because he likes him more. This is what a coach does when he releases a player who is no longer contributing to the success of the team. This is not cruel, this is real love—a love of what follows the natural way.

Now for the next level: A true leader does not try to instill a need in his people for more and more of his leading. He shows them how they can lead themselves. A true coach does not believe that his people lack ability. He knows that everyone has life in them and that the potential of life is unlimited. He understands that this is a whole system and some people are better doctors than
lawyers. Some are better accountants than artists. Everyone has a gift—a greatness within them wanting to come out and be discovered. He sees everyone as amazing and incredible, yet different.

The hands-off manager’s job is to align her employee’s gifts with what they are being asked to contribute. When this task is complete, the manager’s final, ultimate job is revealed: She gives her employees to themselves. She steps aside and lets them become their own coaches. She knows her wisdom can’t compete with the greatness of life that is within them. She understands that they are now aligned with who they are and ready to be on their own. They have “grown up.” She surrenders her position as coach. Now their fullest potential can be fulfilled. Now their true nature, their highest selves, the highest possibilities, have the invitation and the freedom to emerge.

This coach’s new role is to remind her employees of this when they forget, and provide them with all of the back-up, tools, equipment, and manpower they need to be successful. The hands-off manager is now functioning more like a fellow employee than a boss!

Steps to hands-off success in your life

Three action steps to take after reading this chapter.

1. If you see yourself as a manager, supervisor, and leader only, make the commitment today to be a coach, mentor, and partner instead.

2. If your company employs outside coaching for its executives and top account people (most companies do), ask to get some coaching from one of them. It will give you experience receiving coaching from a pro, and you can use that experience to learn how to coach others.

3. Ask someone in your organization to coach you on something today. Sit with them and take notes. Notice how good it feels to be completely open to coaching.

EPILOGUE

Work is love made visible.

—Kahlil Gibran

RECOMMENDED READING

Duane Black

Good to Great
by Jim Collins
Servant Leadership
by Robert Greenleaf
Built to Last
by Jim Collins and Jerry Porras
Leading Quietly
by Joseph Badaracco

Steve Chandler

Circle of Innovation
by Tom Peters
Work and Money
by Byron Katie
Loving What Is
by Byron Katie
Conscious Business
by Fred Kofman

INDEX

A

accountability, hands-off,
76
,
181
-182

Adams, Douglas Noel,
93

Addair, George,
28

addiction, overcoming,
29
,
62
,
178
-179

advice,
67

expert,
192

unsolicited,
188

advising, coaching versus,
188

agenda, meeting with no,
44
-45

agreements, managing,
128
-129

Ali, Mohammed,
53

alignment,

being in,
19
,
103
,
111
,
114

path of,
85

Allen, James,
97

allowing, hands-off,
31
,
34

allowing

inspiration,
73

success,
32
,
34
,
85
,
89
,
110
,
120
,
136
,
141

anxiety, impact of,
40
,
65

Any Given Sunday
,
195
-196

approval-seekers, criticism and,
92

approval-seeking,
89
-90,
92
,
94

atom, structure of the,
47

attention,
50
,
63
,
166

B

baggage, letting go of,
32

Baruch, Bernard,
31

Bassoff, Michael,
152

Beckford, Sam,
182

becoming who you are,
112
-113

“beginner’s mind,”
192

behavior, controlling your,
163

behavioral change, lasting,
192

beliefs and experience,
87
,
168