The Hairdresser Diaries (27 page)

“How long do you plan on staying?” he asked looking at my luggage.

“What? This one has my clothes and stuff and this one is all my toiletries and hair stuff.”

He just shook his head. “I’ll never understand why women pack a week’s worth of stuff for two days.”

“One, cause you never know what the weather will be like, and two I change my mind and like a variety.”

“Then why don’t you only take what you need so you can’t change your mind.”

“Cause then I’ll be mad because I didn’t bring something and you’ll have to hear about it because you made me leave it at home.”

“Good point,” he replied.

I double-checked my luggage making sure I had everything. Cole had arranged for a limo to pick everyone up. We had to take two because there were so many of us. All the bridesmaids, Savannah, Kelly, and me, plus Peyton, Jessie; the groomsmen, Nate, Landon, Jaxson; the rest I didn’t know, plus Tommy and Cole. It was shaping up to be an interesting trip.

I sat next to Cole on the plane with Peyton on my other side talking my ear off about all the stuff there was to do. I reminded her that we were only there for the weekend and there wouldn’t be time for all everything she was talking about. She didn’t care; she just kept going on and on. I rolled my eyes and laid my head on Cole’s shoulder hoping I could find a way to drown her out. Cole offered her some Benedryl hoping she would get drowsy and stop talking. He suggested she’d want to be well rested when we got there. She bought his bullshit and took the pills.

“Those should knock her out shortly,” he whispered in my ear.

“Thank you, I knew I kept you around for a reason,” I smiled and kissed his cheek. He put his arm around me and I snuggled into his chest.

I slept most of the plane ride. Cole nudged me gently when the plane started to descend. “We’re starting to land,” he said softly.

“You might want to wake up Peyton.”

I turned to my left and saw she was passed out. Wanting to enjoy the quiet while I could I decided to let Peyton sleep and told Cole I’d wake her up when they let us off.

Everyone was so excited the second we stepped out of the airport. I couldn’t get Elvis’ “Viva Las Vegas” out of my head. We arrived around two in the afternoon having taken the earliest flight would could so we spend more time there. When we got to the hotel we divided into Bachelors and Bachelorettes.

I said goodbye to Cole and followed the girls to our room. We were split up into three rooms. We didn’t care who stayed in what room, it didn’t matter. We only planned to use them to shower, sleep, and get ready.

We had most of the weekend planned out. The first night we were going to have the big blowout party and the next day we’d spent most of it at the spa and then have a nice dinner. I figured getting drunk tonight would be better than flying home with a hangover.

Since it was early and we had practically all night, we put on our bathing suits and headed to the pool. Apparently the boys had the same idea.

I strolled right up to Cole. “Hey sexy,” I winked at him and smacked him on the ass. He turned around, grabbed me, and leaned me back planting a huge kiss on my lips.

“Hey, none of that,” Kristi said pulling me away from Cole. “The boys are doing their thing and we’re doing ours.”

I pouted and waved goodbye to Cole.

We sat on the opposite side of the pool, which I thought was ridiculous, but they wanted to do their own thing, so I just sucked it up. I called Tyler to check up on Nala and Leo. He said they were doing fine, so I sat back and relaxed and soaked up the sun.

After the pool we did some shopping and found this cute place that sold crazy colored wigs. Peyton thought it would be a fun idea for all of us to get one and wear it tonight. They varied from long too short to red, green, purple, blue, and so on. We made Kristi get a white one since she was the bride.

After shopping we ate and went back to the room to get ready for tonight. Savannah made tank tops for everyone to wear. They were black with bridesmaid written in diamonds across the front. Kristi’s was white and of course said bride. The rest of the girls wore black tops with either jeans or a jean skirt.

We all gathered into one room and started drinking. Kelly had come up with some games for us to play and we decided to wait until afterwards knowing they’d be more fun drunk. We made a list of things Kristi had to do while we were out at the clubs. Which included: take a body shot off a stranger, tell someone this was your last night as a women before your sex change and see if they’d buy you a drink to celebrate, ask a guy if he’ll give you his boxers, take a picture with an older man posing provocatively, and so on.

Basically anything we could think of that we thought was funny and embarrassing.

Peyton and I helped the girls put their wigs on—mine was a short purple bob. Then we had a shot in honor of the bride and set off to the clubs in a limousine.

The night started off slow, until we got enough drinks into Kristi to get her to do the things on the list. At the second club she found an eighty year old man who volunteered to have his picture taken and she sat on his lap putting his head in between her boobs. I couldn’t stop laughing long enough to take the picture. She also found a transvestite to tell about her last night as a women and he was more than happy to buy her a shot.

Near the end of the night she had taken about five body shots off of people and collected over six pairs of guys’ boxers. I didn’t even ask how she got them.

Peyton and I stepped outside to get some air and smoke a cigarette. Some guy about five feet, who looked like he was eighteen and wearing the most ridiculous outfit stood in front of Peyton and I.

“Can I bum a cigarette?” he asked pulling up his oversized pants that hung so low I wondered what the point was.

“Sorry, I only have this one,” I said. Peyton said the same.

“Why you have to lie,” the kid said. “Come on just give me one,” he asked again.

“Like I said I don’t have anymore,” I replied.

“I was going to roofie you, but now I’m not.”

I looked at the kid. “Cause now I’m really gonna give you one,” I said turning to Peyton and ignoring him. He stood there for a moment just watching us. Then he walked away.

“Seriously, who the fuck says that?” I said to Peyton laughing hysterically. She just shrugged her shoulders and we went back inside.

Only in Vegas I guess.

I told the girls what happened outside and they thought I was kidding. I told them I couldn’t I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.

We left the club and picked up some snacks on our way back to our hotel. We all gathered in one room again and played the games Kelly had made up for us.

“Okay girls, for the first game we’re going to answer a series of questions. After each question, right down your answer, and throw it in the hat. Kristi will randomly pull out each one, read it out loud, and we have to guess whose it is.”

This should be interesting.

“First question, describe your worst date.”

I had to think about that for a bit. I didn’t really go on too many dates; I was more of a one night stand girl and had plenty of bad one night stand horror stories. I finally thought of one and threw my answer in the hat. Kristi reached in and pulled out a slip of paper and read it out loud.

“I had some guy talk the whole night about his ex-girlfriend and then asked me how to get her back.”

“Jessie!” Peyton, Kelly, and I shouted.

“Next one.” Kristi reached in again. “I had some guy get so drunk on our first date, I had to drive him home and he threw up in my car.” I knew that I was the only one who knew the answer to that one.

“Kristi,” I said

“That sucks,” Peyton said.

“Apparently it wasn’t that bad because she’s marrying the guy,” I blurted out.

Everyone turned with wide eyes to Kristi and we both started laughing. The other girls were in disbelief as we laughed to comments of “Are you serious?” and “No way.”

“Well…he said he was really nervous on our first date so he started drinking before it and didn’t realize how much he had to drink. He called me the next morning embarrassed about how he acted and offered to get my car cleaned for me and the rest is history.”

Sometimes it’s ironic how things turn out.

She read the rest of the answers and we made faces and comments about everyone’s unfortunate bad dates. The rest of us weren’t as lucky as Kristi. Our one bad date was enough.

“Okay next question, describe your worst hookup.”

“Uh… does it have to be just one?” I asked.

“Put down the one that you think was the worst.”

“Well they were all pretty bad it would be hard to narrow it down.” Peyton started laughing at me; she knew what I was talking about.

“Maybe that should tell you something,” Jessie said. I told her to shut up and shoved her harder than I thought, almost knocking her off the bed. She shoved me back and we started hitting each other.

“Now, now girls,” Kelly scolded in a motherly voice.

“She started it,” Jessie and I said at the same time and everyone started cracking up.

We threw our answers in the hat again and one by one Kristi picked them out.

“I hooked up with a guy who was so small I didn’t even know he was in me and five minutes later he asked are you done.”

Peyton and I both said “Jessie.”

Jessie added, “Yeah and I wanted to tell him that I didn’t even know we started.”

Kristi pulled the next one out. “One night I was so drunk I hooked up with this guy and even told him I wasn’t feeling good. He didn’t seem to care and was all about me giving him a blow job. So I did and after he came in my mouth I threw up all over him.”

All the girls cringed.

I fell back laughing because I knew it was Peyton.

“Oh god Tatum, don’t tell me that was you?” Savannah said.

“No,” I said still laughing, “Peyton.”

They all looked at her.

“Hey, I warned him. That’s what he gets.” Some of the girls giggled and some had horrified faces.

Kristi continued on. “I once had a guy accidentally cum in my eye.”

“That sucks,” I thought to myself.

“Cindy,” Kristi said. She was one of the bridesmaids I didn’t know well.

“I had sex with someone who liked to wear women’s underwear.”

“Kelly”, a few of the girls said and she nodded in agreement.

“Please don’t tell me that’s Nate,” I said jokingly. Kelly laughed and said no.

“I had sex with a guy who was so bad halfway through I told him I was bored and to get out.”

Jessie and Peyton said my name and everyone looked at me like it was a joke.

“You really kicked him out halfway through?” Kristi asked. I nodded.

“You have to tell the whole story,” Peyton said.

I sighed and said okay. “One night Peyton and I were out and I was pretty drunk. Some guy started dancing behind me and I asked Peyton if he was cute and she said yes. So I kept dancing with him. When I finally saw him I thought he looked alright. He kept buying me shots and drinks all night so of course after each drink he got better looking and I took him home. He told me he loved me and never had a girl as beautiful as me. All I kept thinking was, ‘shut up and take your pants off.’ The guy was such a sloppy kisser and I just kept pulling my head away hoping he’d get the hint. He had no idea what he was doing and I started to sober up and noticed he was not as good looking as I thought. About halfway through I was pretty much sober and not into it. He asked me what was wrong and I said I was bored. I didn’t mean to say it out loud, but it was too late. He pulled out and looked at me and said, ‘what?’ I figured what the hell, I already said it so I repeated, ‘I’m bored and you need to go.’ He stood there for a moment and stared at me. I started to get dressed and handed him his clothes. And that was it, he left.”

“I can’t believe you said that,” Kelly said laughing.

“I think it’s great,” Jessie said.

“Tell them what happened after that,” Peyton said.

“There’s more?” Savannah asked.

“About a month later I get a phone call from him. I didn’t remember his name and I used my alias for him. When I picked up he asked for Kylie and I knew right away it was that weird guy, so I told him he had the wrong number and he hung up. Another month goes by and I get another phone call. This time I didn’t answer thinking he realized it was the wrong number because my voicemail says, “Hi this is Tatum,” but no, he still left a message for Kylie.”

“Did you call him back?” asked one of the other bridesmaids.

“Hell no, I didn’t want to give him hope.”

“Did he ever stop calling?” Kristi asked.

“Yeah, until a year later when he called again.”

“A year later?”

“Yeah, seriously, I know. Who does that?”

“What did you do?”

“I picked up having totally forgotten about it and when he asked for Kylie I told him again wrong number, but this time he said,

‘no this is Kylie, I know it is.’ I told him it wasn’t and got the gay guy at work to get on the phone and pretend to be my boyfriend and that was it, never heard from him again.”

“That’s scary, he sounds like a stalker,” Cindy said.

“Nah, he was harmless. Just annoying and a little obsessed,” I said laughing as did Jessie, Peyton, and Kelly.

“And what did you learn from this?” Kelly asked.

“To never trust Peyton to tell me if a guy is cute or not,” I said laughing.

Kelly shook her head at me.

Once the other girls got over the shock of my story we continued the game. When four o’clock rolled around most of the girls had passed out, either from drinking too much or from just plain exhaustion. Kelly, Jessie, Peyton, and I were still wide awake and weren’t done drinking.

We headed down to the casino to do some gambling and more drinking. By six o’clock in the morning we could barely walk and had to lean on each other as we headed back to our room. I tripped and fell in the hallway and Peyton tripped over me while I was on the floor. We were laughing so loud one of the maids gave us a dirty look and shushed us. We tried to contain ourselves until we got to the room.