The Guardian of My Soul (Soul's Desire) (29 page)

“Tell me, baby...” he said, sounding urgent as he started pumping with sure, strong strokes again.

“Tell you what?” I gasped.

“Tell me you love me,” he murmured through clenched teeth, his voice a plea.

I put my arms around his neck and cradled him with affection. “I love you, Alec. I love you, I love you! Only you!” I felt him shudder as he experienced his release, filling me with his warmth. My orgasm came strong and fast, but lasted long as he kept moving. Each drive of his hard member caused my pleasure to escalate to a new height. I moaned with full abandon, drowning in the blissful sensations he delivered to my needy body. I was unable to hold back the waves of ecstasy which rolled through me like thunder down a canyon.

“Yes, K. Keep coming. Squeeze me tight. Like that...yes...” he breathed against my neck.

I moaned his name, fulfilling his erotic wish until I felt his body tense up again and release more of his seed within me. I loved the sensation, so I kept clenching my inner muscles, milking him till he had nothing left.

He slumped down on top of me, breathing hard and I held him tight with all my heart, certain that I was madly and irrevocably in love with him.

“K, if I’d known you were this good in bed, I wouldn’t have been able to keep my hands off you for as long as I did,” he declared, rolling off after a moment and resting on one side, his head propped on his elbow.

“Is that so?” I smiled, drawing circles on his torso with my finger.

“Hell yeah!”

“You taught me everything I know,” I whispered timidly.

“And I enjoyed every second of it,” he said sweetly and pulled me back into the cradle of his body.

*  *  *

The bed was empty when I opened my eyes in the morning. For a moment I felt panicky at my unfamiliar surroundings, but then I remembered where I was.

Stretching my sore limbs, I pulled myself to a sitting position and looked around me. I noticed my bag on the floor and went to look for some clean clothes to put on, wondering where he was and why he’d left me all alone.

When I opened the door I heard his voice coming from the living room, but his words stopped me in my tracks.

“Diane, she’s not going to hurt me! How many times do I have to tell you? Would you please quit sulking?”

“Yes, she is! She doesn’t belong in our world, Alec. You have nothing to offer her and I would hate it if she woke up one day and realized she’d had enough and wanted someone who could take care of her and give her all those things she’s accustomed to having.”

“Diane—” Madelyn started.

“What, Mom? You know it’s true! We’ve been through this before! I cannot stand watching him get hurt again! Who knows how many guys she’s slept with and played with their feelings.” Her voice was trembling and the knot in the pit of my stomach was back, making me feel as if all the air in my lungs had been sucked out with a vacuum.

I had to lean against the door to maintain balance, feeling the pain in her words and her total disapproval of me. The pang of guilt poked me in the gut. It made me sad that they were arguing because of me.

“If you gave her a chance, you’d see she’s not as you imagine her to be. I know the real Kristen, Diane. I’ve never felt more alive, more in love. Please don’t ruin this for me.”

“This is exactly what scares me! You’re so head over heels in love, you can’t see reality anymore. Even if, supposedly, she doesn’t hurt you, her mother surely will! How do you think she’ll react? Can’t you see she’s afraid to tell her? Now, why is that? That woman will make you miserable. Who knows what she’ll do to you,” she sobbed in a muffled voice.

“I cannot deal with this right now,” he muttered wearily. “I honestly thought you’d be happy for me, but from what I can see you’re not. And it hurts...”

“Alec, please—”

“Come on, Mom. Let’s go buy those groceries before she wakes up. We’ve got a long trip back and we don’t have much time to waste.”

“What? You’re going back to LA today?” she asked concerned.

“Yes. Her mom is coming home tomorrow, so we have no choice. But I promise to come back. If my baby sister changes her mind about her...”

“Alec—”

“Oh, and if you must know...I’m the only guy she’s ever slept with!” The front door closed with a loud bang, making me flinch.

“Now look what you’ve done! You’d better apologize when we get back! How could you be so mean to your brother? Can’t you see how happy he is? And she’s such a lovely girl.” Madelyn scolded her before she followed him out.

“Damn!” Diane burst out.

I swallowed hard and pushed back the unshed tears as I made my way into the living room and found her on the couch, hugging the massive Rottweiler.

They both turned and looked at me, assessing me with cool eyes.

“Hi,” I murmured under my breath, but she said nothing in return. “What is it that I’ve got to do to make you accept me?” I asked, watching her cheeks turn pink and her eyes drop to the bracelet on my wrist. I threw myself on the armchair opposite from her and waited for her answer.

She cleared her throat before she spoke, “Did he tell you about his problems with drugs?”

My face dropped the moment her words registered on my brain and the whole world seemed to fall apart. “What?” I forced the word out of my mouth in a voice I didn’t recognize.

“Thought so.” She shook her head, her face contorted with agony. “When Kaitlyn died, Alec lost it completely. You don’t know what we’ve been through to keep him safe from his very self! He couldn’t care less about anything that went on around him. All he could think about was revenge. So he started hanging with the wrong kind of people. He began drinking, smoking, taking drugs. He got a tattoo and he nearly tattooed his entire chest, if I hadn’t begged him on my knees not to do it. He was irrational and we were so afraid he’d hurt himself. It was hell! Mom was desperate. She called Dad and he came over to try to talk some sense into him. They nearly jumped at each other’s throats.”

Tears were streaming down her face while she spoke, and only when I felt the moisture on the back of my hand did I realize I was crying too. “Dad took him to rehab against his will. He stayed there for nearly two months. When he came out, he was a different man. He barely spoke to us. He acted like a total stranger. It took him a while to become himself again. To be my brother again! He came out determined to become a lawyer. A different kind of revenge, he said.” She paused, wiping her tears with a tissue. “People are in jail thanks to him. Yes, yes, that’s true,” she said as I gaped at her incredulous. “He helped the police identify a drug dealer. That man swore to look for him when he gets out in twenty years or so. Can you understand now what we’ve been through?” She sighed. “Alec is his middle name. We never used to call him that before. His name is Edward. And we’re from Chicago. Dad had us move here to San Francisco because of all the mess. Why do you think Alec bought us a guard dog?”

I lowered my head, dumbstruck by the amount of painful information she’d given me. I wondered why he chose not to tell me. Deep down I was hurt, but I couldn’t blame him either.

“You...you thought this was going to change my mind about him?” I asked low. Something heavy coiled in my stomach and crept up my throat. I had to swallow hard to keep the contents of my stomach inside. “It’s excruciating to hear what he’s been through. What you’ve all been through. But believe it or not, I love him. So much I’d be just as lost if anything happened to him. And I won’t let anyone stand in the way of our happiness. I have no intention to hurt or leave him, if that’s your concern. I need him just as much as he needs me. So please...don’t argue with him because of me.”

“He’s put himself in danger to save you...”

“I know. And I will be forever grateful to him. I want you to know I would do the same for him. He’s all I’ve got, you know? The only one who truly understands me. Mom doesn’t...”

“If she hurts him—”

“She won’t. I will not let that happen. I’m not losing him! If she loves me, she’ll have to accept him. If not, she’ll be the one losing me.”

We stared at each other for a long moment. “Don’t call him Edward. He hates that...”

*  *  *

“Well, well. So this is the mighty Kristen you replaced me with,” a woman said as soon as Alec and I stepped out of the building to head back to Los Angeles, looking me up and down with interest.

I cringed and felt Alec tense by my side. The woman standing a few feet away from us was a beautiful brunette, a couple of inches shorter than me. She had an angelic face and her body was in good shape. It was obvious she worked out. But despite her beautiful features, her dark eyes were ablaze with ill suppressed anger. This could only be Jenna.

“Jenna. What are you doing here?” Alec muttered under his breath.

“I had to meet my replacement,” she replied grumpily.

“She’s not your replacement! Who told you I was here?”

“Diane called me last night.”

“What?” Alec was fuming. I could tell he was upset and disappointed in his sister. So Diane had sent this woman to protect her brother from me. It felt even worse than a slap, and I began to wonder if the conversation we’d had this morning had managed to change her opinion of me.

“How could you give up on me so easily? After all I’ve done for you!” she reproached him, her hands clamped on her hips. “How could you cheat on me and then throw me aside like garbage?” she demanded, a wrathful scowl marring her features.

I gasped and my eyes shot to him, not sure what to believe of what she was saying.

Alec took a deep breath before he answered her. “Jenna, we both know our relationship ended before I even met her. We agreed on that together,” he said in such a calm tone, it surprised me.

“No, I didn’t! I never agreed to it!”

Alec’s eyes widened, then his face set in a scowl, matching hers. “Why are you lying, Jenna? Don’t make me lose the respect I have for you.”

I saw her shift from foot to foot, but before she could reply Diane stormed through the front door of the building and rushed to us. “Jenna, what are you doing here?” she asked, sounding concerned.

“Why don’t you answer that, sister?” Alec gritted his teeth. “You told her to come, didn’t you?”

“Alec, I—”

“Why the hell won’t you accept that I’m happy? Who gives you the right to meddle with my life choices?”

I watched Diane’s head drop in shame and my hands locked around Alec’s forearm, trying to calm him down. I couldn’t stand seeing him fight his family for me. I could tell she regretted her actions and that her sole intent had been to protect her brother. I couldn’t blame her, but I also felt hurt.

On the other hand, Jenna was smiling, visibly satisfied with the commotion she’d started.

“Alec, I’m just scared. I’m sorry,” she spoke low, not daring to look up at him.

He opened his mouth to speak, but Jenna spoke first.

“So what was I after all, Alec? Something temporary until you found someone better?” she asked, her stance arrogant and combative. “Did you just use me for sex? You never cared about me, is that it? Every time we had sex, you were never present! You were thinking of her, weren’t you? Kaitlyn? I bet he thinks of her when he screws you too!” she snapped at me and I swallowed forcefully.

“Enough!” Alec bellowed, shooting angry glances at her. “Why are you doing this, Jenna? I was never disrespectful to you.”

“But you never loved me either. You couldn’t care less if you saw me or not. Whereas I was always there to pick your pitiful self up. And how did you repay me? By telling me you needed a break and it was best for us to go our separate ways.”

“All I ever did was be honest with you. From the very beginning. You knew how I felt and what I’d been through. And when I realized I couldn’t give you what you deserved, I decided it was best to let you go so you could find someone to love you and make you happy. Was that such a big crime?”

It was too much for me. Taking the car keys from Alec’s hand I let myself into the passenger’s seat and waited for him, deftly tuning out the rest of their conversation. I just couldn’t stand to hear it anymore. My earlier talk with Diane and now Jenna had managed to concern me again, just when I had finally managed to find some peace in my life.

*  *  *

I was awfully quiet on our way back, not sure what to say to him with respect to his ex. Then I wondered whether it was better to pretend I didn’t know the truth about his dreadful past either. I just couldn’t decide how to tackle the issue. Maybe it was not wise to bring it up at the moment. One quick glance at him with the corner of my eye told me he was strained, his mind preoccupied with the recent event.

“I’m really sorry about Jenna,” he muttered at some point. “I didn’t expect to see her.”

“Was it true?” I managed to croak. I had to get it off of my chest.

“What?”

“Were you thinking of Kaitlyn while sleeping with her?”

“K, please don’t go there,” he murmured low. “I know where this is heading. Baby, it’s only you I love. It’s only you in my head when we make love. Please, don’t ever doubt it,” he said, brushing his palm up and down my thigh before giving it a light squeeze.

My heart settled a little, but it still didn’t feel its normal self. I trusted Alec, yet I knew how strong his love for Kaitlyn had been. For a moment, my mind wandered, thinking what his life could have been like if she hadn’t been killed. How would my life have been without him? Empty. That was the only word that came to me.

“I love you too, Alec. There are not enough words to express how I feel about you.” I beat back the tears forming in my eyes. I’d had enough of crying. Placing my hand on his, I gently caressed his knuckles. “What will happen to Jenna?”

“I told her everything I had to say. She’ll have to go on with her life. It’s what I plan to do. I’m sure she’ll find someone at some point. I for one will stop looking back. All I want right now is to focus on our future together and make you happy, Kris.”

I brought his hand to my lips and kissed it. “You do make me happy, Alec.”

He let out a long breath. “I believe I have to apologize for Diane’s actions as well. She has a tendency to overreact—”

“She told me everything...Edward...” I said the words before I could catch myself and he stepped on the brake abruptly, causing me to nearly bang my head against the dashboard. Then he quickly pulled over to the side of the road. I turned to him startled and stared at him wide-eyed.

His shuttered gaze rested on my face, his expression as blank as the tone of his voice. “What did she tell you?”

“Things that I wish you’d told me yourself.” His profound, steady gaze made me cower in my seat, but he instantly softened when he realized it was making me uncomfortable.

“Please don’t tell me you’re scared of me now,” he said, gripping the steering wheel tightly.

“No, why would I be?” My voice was small, yet firm. “She...she told me what happened after the accident. She told me about rehab and everything,” I murmured, watching his chest rise and fall faster.

Tears glistened in his deep green eyes. “You must think I’m—”

I drew nearer to him, flung my arms around his neck and buried my head in his shoulder, holding him in a warm embrace that he returned. “I am proud of you...that you managed to overcome your demons and give life another chance. It kills me that you had to suffer so much. I would have never guessed when I first saw you. And I’m so sorry for all the times I didn’t treat you right. I love you! I love you so much, it hurts. Nothing you did would change the way I think or feel about you. So, I’m begging you. Please, be honest with me. You can tell me anything. No more secrets. Just talk to me, okay? We’ll make it through together. Don’t hold it all inside. We have each other now...”