The Guardian of My Soul (Soul's Desire) (12 page)

“Alec said you behaved nicely on the road and there were no problems.”

“Did he?” I crumpled the comforter in my fingers. “When did you talk to him?”

“This morning...”

“I’m sure you’d say he did an excellent job. I couldn’t go anywhere without him right behind me, not even when I went for walks around the property. I rarely had a moment to myself.”

“He did what he had to do to make sure you were safe. Oh, by the way, Paola is coming to visit us from Italy and she plans to stay for a while,” she said quietly.

Suddenly, I was wide awake. “Cousin Paola? Damn, she used to be nothing but trouble,” I groaned. Even though she was the daughter of my father’s only cousin, Paola was not my favorite person in the world. We never managed to agree on anything and often argued.

“Come on, she’s nineteen now. You haven’t seen each other in four years. Maybe she’s changed.”

“I truly hope so.” I wanted to crawl under the covers and stay there. “How am I going to entertain her? I’m about to start work. I don’t think I have time to deal with her right now.”

“Give her a chance, Kristen. She may surprise you.”

I nodded, resigned. “When is she coming?”

“Next week. Her mother called to ask me if she could come. I couldn’t refuse her. They’re the only relatives from your father’s side we have left.”

“I know.” I slouched back on the pillow. “Hey, has Jake been here while I was gone?”

“I asked him to come a couple of times to help me with my workout. Why do you ask?”

“No reason,” I replied, wondering if he was still upset that I turned him down. “I’ll call him tomorrow. I’m meeting my friends tonight. I think I’ll stay in bed till then.”

“All right. I’ll send Gilda up with some food.” She kissed my hair and walked away, leaving me free to do my thinking.

*  *  *

Alec glanced up at me from the living room couch and my heart jolted against my ribcage when I saw him, remembering my foolish, uncontrolled behavior from last night.

I took a deep breath. My throat hurt. I felt as if I was trying to swallow a jagged rock. My vision blurred for a moment as my heart rate gathered speed.

“Kristen, are you all right?” Mom asked, showing up out of nowhere.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Don’t wait up for me. I don’t know what time I’ll get back.”

“Okay, but please be careful.”

“Always am.” I started for the door and Alec stepped in front of me to open it. Without glancing at him, I made my way toward the car and stretched my hand out at him, wordlessly asking for the keys.

He hesitated, but when my eyebrows pulled together in a scowl, he handed them to me.

I drove toward the club, feeling a weight pressing on my chest with him so close.

“Kristen, I—”

“It doesn’t matter, Alec.” I kept my eyes on the road. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

His intense gaze burned my cheek, but I ignored him in desperation to regain my composure. He didn’t even move when I parked the car, stiff in his seat.

I turned to him confounded and caught him looking at my breasts. He growled something under his breath, but I didn’t catch it. For a second I was tempted to ask him what he was thinking about, but quickly shoved the thought out of my head. I was eager to escape the intense attraction I had for him, yet I wanted to delve into his mind and know what he was thinking. My contradictory urges were giving me ulcers. Scrambling out of the car, I started for the club’s entrance, not looking back to see if he was following me.

My friends were sitting at a table next to the dance floor, talking animatedly over the loud music. Their faces brightened as I approached them and they stood up to hug me.

“Krissy! Long time no see,” Matt said, beaming at me before enveloping me in a tight embrace.

I hugged him back. “I see you managed to survive without Megan after all.” I said, trying to guess their mood.

“I had no choice. But I did call her every other night.” He gave her a wicked grin that she quickly reciprocated. Things appeared to be better, but with these two one could never be sure.

“I don’t even want to know what you two did during those phone calls.” I giggled. “What about you, Sam? Was it hard without Ana?” I leaned into his arms.

“It was. But the coach kept me busy with exhausting training sessions. I didn’t have the time or the energy to be too upset,” he complained, looking a little tired.

I gave him a soothing kiss on the cheek before directing myself toward Ian. I opened my mouth to greet him too, but he pressed his lips to mine and pulled me closer.

“Missed you,” he whispered in my ear when we broke apart.

I noticed Alec settling at the bar, eyeing me like a hawk, but Ian moved between us and blocked my view, forcing me to look at him. “So did I,” I replied mechanically. “What did you do while I was gone?”

“Nothing much. Got bored to death. I thought of you a lot, though. I wondered why you don’t want us to take the next step and do more than just kissing. Kris, I really want you,” he confessed, while his eyes roved hungrily over my face and body.

“Ian...” I pressed my palms against his chest. “We’ve talked about this before. Let’s just hang out with the others and—”

“You put me off whenever I tackle this issue. Are you doing it with somebody else?” He narrowed his eyes questioningly.

“Don’t insult me!” I huffed and returned to the table, feigning happiness and suppressing my anger. Engulfed in a turmoil of intense feelings, I began to question my own inner choices, decisions and desires. Ian had been a good distraction, but he could never evoke in me all those mind-boggling sensations I’d experienced with Alec.

Ian sat quietly by my side for the rest of the evening, not participating much in our conversations. “I’m going to the bathroom,” he informed me at some point and took off.

I stared after him until I could no longer see him. Then my gaze met Alec’s and I squirmed in my seat. Just a glance from him could turn me on.

Megan distracted me for a moment and when I glanced his way again I was surprised he was no longer there.

My vision blurred for the second time today, but this time it was because of the alcohol in my system. It numbed my senses and made my head go round and round. By the time Ian returned, I felt sleepy and eager to crawl under the covers and doze off.

It was a little after midnight when we stepped out of the club and said goodbye to one another. Ian hovered by my side as we watched the others go.

“Come with me tonight,” he begged, taking my hand in his, looking rather agitated.

“You’d better tell her!” Alec barked, fuming on my other side.

“What’s going on?” I asked alarmed.

“Nothing, Kris! Please come with me.” His voice was desperate and his hands locked around my arm. He was hurting me a bit.

“He’s been flirting with another woman all evening right under your nose! And when he went to the bathroom I followed him. Guess what I found?” Alec frowned, showing me a picture of Ian kissing someone on his cell phone.

I shuddered and stepped away from his grasp. “What the hell is that?” I asked Ian, blown away by this news, especially after hearing how much he’d missed me and how desperately he wanted me.

“Kristen...you know I care about you and want to be with you so much. But this game we’re playing is not funny anymore. A man has needs, you know? How much longer am I supposed to wait for you to accept me? You don’t want to let me in and it’s becoming really frustrating,” he said in a gush of words all at once, making my head spin violently.

I gaped at him humiliated, mostly because of Alec’s presence. “I told you from the very beginning how things were going to be, Ian. Nothing serious, remember? I thought we agreed on that. We were two friends having fun. Yet you kept pressuring me, as if sex was all you ever wanted from me. I won’t have sex under pressure! You could have told me you wanted to try your luck with others and it would have been perfectly fine. As of now, I want you to stay away from me. You’re free to screw whoever you want.” I turned to leave, but he grabbed my arm and stopped me.

“Kristen, please. I don’t want to lose you!” he cried out.

“Let me go! You never had me, Ian. So you’re losing nothing. Go finish what you started and be happy with whomever you choose to be. I’m done with this!” I jerked from his grip and rushed to the car, wishing I could disappear into thin air.

Alec drove me back home, while I tried to tune out the world.

I mentally told myself I shouldn’t be affected by the situation, but the fact that Alec had witnessed everything, made me uncomfortable and embarrassed.

“So...” Alec murmured, his lips curling almost in a smile. “You never slept with the guy...”

I swallowed hard. Glancing at him, I tried to see his face in the shadows. “That’s what you got from the whole conversation? That I never slept with the guy?” I put my hands over my face. God, I could feel another headache coming on. “I don’t believe this.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t see what was going on. You’re usually extremely attentive to what happens around you,” he said, this time on a serious note.

“Are you expecting me to say thanks for your good deed, detective?” I asked ironically.

“Yes, that would be nice,” he drawled.

“You know what? I don’t give a damn about anything anymore. I never intended to sleep with him. He should have known that! I’ve said it to him so many times. It was our little agreement. Keep each other company and that’s it. But now you know as well, and I’m pretty sure everybody else will soon.”
I should have never agreed to have anything to do with him!

“I’m more inclined to think he’d choose to brag about having you, not about you rejecting him. Don’t worry. His ego won’t allow him to say anything.”

“Is that why you rejected me last night? Because I hurt your ego by rejecting you first?” The words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them.

He pulled over abruptly. My pulse skyrocketed and suddenly I felt sick to my stomach. He looked down into my stunned face and drilled his blazing gaze into me. “You think it was easy for me to say no to you and walk away? I did it because I didn’t want to do something you’d later regret and then have you blame
me
for it.” His words made lava flow through my veins, and I thought I felt a little faint.

“Why would I regret it?” My voice was low and shaky.

He cocked his head to one side and chuckled, glaring intently at me. “Do I need to remind you of what your mommy would say if she found out I touched you?” His lips pressed into a hard line.

I flushed and stared down at the knotted fingers in my lap. “I like you,” I confessed in a hushed voice, but didn’t dare to look at him.

“You’re drunk. Don’t say something you’ll regret in the morning.” There was a hint of sadness in his words.

Electricity flickered down my spine and my stomach was tied up in knots. “I’m sober enough to know what I’m saying.” I assured him.

“I thought you didn’t like me. I believe you said so more than once.” He reminded me.

“I said a lot of things I didn’t really mean.” I rubbed my temple.

“You need to get in bed,” he said and started the car.

Once at home he helped me out, but as soon as I stood up the whole world began to twirl around me. My stomach couldn’t take it anymore and I threw up in a bush right next to the garage. Unbidden, tears began to flow. I was so tired of being miserable.

“Damn it, Kristen!” he growled upset. “Why the hell did you drink so much? Why do you do this to yourself?” He held his arm around my waist and kept my hair out of my face with his other hand. “Crazy woman...” he whispered and lifted me up into his arms once I was done.

I closed my eyes embarrassed and let him carry me to my room.

He took me straight to the bathroom and put me down in front of the sink. “Brush your teeth,” he commanded as he dampened a washcloth.

Still shaking, I did what he said. To my surprise, he didn’t leave my side. Instead, he tenderly wiped my face, cleansing away the tears I’d shed.

When he finished, he stepped away from me, a funny look on his face. “I’ll wait outside until you change.”

I nodded timidly and removed my clothes as soon as he was out. For a second I contemplated walking out naked and offering myself to him, but the fear of getting rejected again held me back. So I put my nightgown on before opening the door. My breath rasped in the still quiet of the room when I saw him waiting for me right outside the bathroom.

He took my hand and led me to the bed, then tucked me in under the covers. “I’ll go make you some tea.”

“No. Please stay. Stay with me,” I murmured nervously.

“Are you still feeling sick?” He worried.

“I’ll be fine...” I barely whispered.

“We’ll get in trouble if someone sees me here.”

“Please,” I begged him.

“All right, I’ll stay. Try to get some sleep.” He walked to the door and locked it with the key before returning to me. Then he took his shoes and jacket off and lounging himself on the other side of the bed.

I felt the desperate need to crawl into his arms and rest there, but somehow I managed to resist the temptation. I could sense the heavy weight of my eyelids beginning to build as I began to relax. I didn’t resist much longer before I drifted into a sound and restful sleep, feeling unusually safe with him right next to me.

*  *  *

The rumble of my stomach woke me up and I pulled my knees up, trying to shake off the discomfort. My hand landed on something warm, and despite my fatigue and the cloudiness in my head, my eyes sprang open.

Lying on his side, propped up on an elbow, Alec watched me in silence. He looked as if he’d been awake all night. My insides began to pulsate and burn with massive desire.

My breath quickened, my breasts rose and fell rapidly as he ran his fingers tenderly across my cheek. I willed myself not to throw myself at him again and froze in place until my muscles started to ache. Desperate not to hyperventilate, I held my breath, but my head throbbed and my eyes ached in response.

I had to touch him. I couldn’t resist. A stream of emotions rushed across his beautiful face as my thumb traced the shape of his firm kissable lips. He didn’t push me away, giving my skin a kiss instead. His gesture sent a fresh wave of arousal through me and I began to tremble, attracted to him as if he were the most powerful magnet.

My mouth was merely an inch away from his when the doorknob moved, then it rattled more forcefully, startling us both.

“Kristen?” Mom called, sounding worried and confused to find the door locked.

Panic propelled me out of bed in one leap, my eyes riveted to that doorknob.