The Grace Series (Book 3): Dark Grace (2 page)

“Thanks, Sue,” said Boggs.  I made my way with my dinner in hand to the fire and sat on my favorite log-seat.  I ate in silence as I watched the flames.  I had a small spark in my broken heart, at last.

“Who’s taking the first shift tonight?” asked Nathan.

“It’s our turn,” answered Gus.  He of course was referencing himself and Emilie.  He had taken a seat on a small boulder near the campfire and spit onto the ground.  Emilie walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around him. 

“Do you mind if I sleep?” she asked.

Gus turned and looked at her.  “That’s fine.  Everything ok?”

She nodded.  “Ya.  Just tired.”

He nodded.  “Let me know if I can do anything, ok?”

“Sure.”

Jane was sitting beside Susan, wide-eyed and sucking her thumb.

“I’ll sleep with Nathan and Susan!” offered Jane.  She seemed pretty enthusiastic.  “Abbey can share the sleeping bag with Emilie.”  Jane’s smile lit up her entire face. 

Susan turned to Nathan.  “You ok with that?”

He nodded.  “Sure.  No problem.”

Jane stuck her thumb back in her mouth and looked delighted.

“Gus, I can stay up with you if you want,” said Boggs. 

“Nah, I’ll be fine, but thanks.  I’ll wake you for the next shift.”

“Abs, did you help make dinner?” asked Nathan.

“Yup!” answered Abbey.  “That’s why it’s so good,” she said followed by a giggle.

“You all ok with canned fruit tonight?  We have a few cans left,” added Susan.  “Might make a good dessert.”

“Sounds great,” said Nate.

Boggs had been rather quiet in general lately.  This new life had changed all of us, but possibly him the most.  I worried about him.  I missed his old carefree self.  He seldom laughed anymore.  He sat beside me now on a log we had pulled over when the fire pit was constructed.  Our seats consisted of that log, a few small boulders, and two tree stumps.

Susan carried a plate full of raw fish strips over, and Nathan helped her skewer them on branches that we had sharpened.  We’d each cook our own, and Jane usually had Nate help her. 

“These look good,” I said to Susan as I grabbed one and inspected it.

“Thanks.  Abbey rubbed them with salt and chopped the onion down real fine.”

“Nice job, Abs,” said Nate as he winked at the preteen.  She beamed from the praise.

“We need to cook it before it goes bad.  Nate and Jane caught it this morning,” added Susan.

The strips of fish were sizzling near the flames, and the scent of wild onion filled the air.  My mouth began watering even though I was full from the chili.  The ocean breeze had calmed down
and the evening was quiet.  The heat from the growing fire was warming my face.  It felt like it was going to be a cold night. 

As the rest of our dinner was cooking, we started talking about plans for the next day.  It was a discussion I had been dreading.

“We need to make a scavenging run,” said Gus matter-of-factly.  “Tomorrow.”

I heard Emilie sigh deeply, and Gus wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

“Who all will go?” asked Susan.

“I don’t want anyone to go,” I mumbled.

“We have to, darlin’.  We desperately need more supplies,” replied Gus.

I pouted.  “I know.  But I still don’t want anyone to go.”  I lifted my wooden skewer and blew on my piece of cod. I was suddenly in a bad mood.

“I think Abbey, Jane, and Zoe should stay behind,” said Nathan.

“I’d like to leave at least one of us behind,” said Boggs.  “I mean us guys.”  He mentioned that they had seen the dead traveling in our general direction, but I figured there must be another reason he had in mind.  Surely they couldn’t get from the mainland to our little island.

“Probably wise,” said Nathan.  “Gus, I know you won’t like it but since you have the medical experience I think you should stay behind, with Zoe.  Cause of the baby.”

Gus huffed.  It was the noise he made that meant ‘I’m thinking.’

Nathan continued.  “The other four of us adults can head north and search the shore for something isolated.  Make it a real quick run.”

Gus sighed deeply.  “You’re right.  Focus on food, blankets, tools.  I hate not going, though.”

“I don’t think it’s fair to leave him here just ‘cause of me,” I said.  “No offense, Gus, but you’d be much more use going on the run.”  I tried to play along to make the plan look like it wasn't what Gus had in mind anyway.

“It’s ok, Zoe.  Don’t sweat it,” said Nate.

“I need you guys to look for some medical supplies for Zoe.  It’s a long shot, but I need a handheld ultrasound to listen to the baby’s heartbeat.  And some medication.”

“Gus, make a list for us.  We’ll see what we can do,” offered Emilie.

“Will do.  Girls?” Gus looked at Abbey and Jane.  “Still have some of that scratch paper and that tic-tac-toe pen of yours?”

Jane nodded.  “Yup!”

“Can I use it after dinner?”

“Sure!”

“So Susan and I will be going with?” asked Emilie.

Nathan nodded.  “I think four of us going will be best.”

Emilie shook her head.  Her short red hair was starting to grow, looking a bit scruffy.  “Ok.”

“You nervous, Susan?” asked Emilie.

“A little.  But I know we have to do it.”

I had already started picking at my serving of fish.  It smelled delicious but was rather plain tasting.  It gave me something to do, though. 

“When will we leave?” asked Boggs after swallowing a bite of the fish.

“First light,” said Nathan.  “We should try to get a good night’s sleep, and get our guns ready tonight.”

Susan yawned.

“You all go ahead and sleep through,” said Gus.  “I can manage tonight by myself.  Y’all will need your rest for tomorrow.”  I always liked when his cowboy accent crept through.

“Gus, you can wake me up in a few hours and I’ll spell you,” I offered.

“I’ll keep that in mind, Zoe, if I get too tired.”

I took another bite of cod.

“Uncle Nate?” asked Jane.

“Yeah, Bug?”

She giggled at the nickname.  “Can you look for candy tomorrow?”

He chuckled.  “I’ll try, but no promises.”

She smiled up at him.

“Ok, girls, time to hit the hay,” said Gus.

“
Aww,” whined Abbey.  “Can’t we tell stories?”

“Tomorrow, Abs,” said Nathan quietly.  “Tomorrow.”

“I’m heading to bed too,” said Boggs as he stood. 

I looked at him.

“Ok.  I’ll be there in a little while.”  He nodded in acknowledgement. 

“Boggs, mind if I head over with you and the girls?” asked Emilie.

“Sure, no problem.”

“Abbey, mind bunking with me?” asked Em.

“Sure,” said Abbey.

“I’ll get Jane settled,” offered Susan.  “Nate when you come to bed, don’t squish us.”

Nathan winked at her.  “I’ll be there soon.”

Gus, Nathan, and I stayed near the fire.  Nate was the only one who knew that Gus and I had explored our feelings for each other, but I don’t think he knew how far we had gone.  The shelter we had made was several yards away, and I looked back to see everyone settling in under the blue tarp as the last bits of light faded for the day.

“If I hit the hay, you two promise to behave?” asked Nathan.

“I’ll be right there, Nate,” I said. 

He looked thoughtful for a moment, nodded once, and then stood and walked away.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go with tomorrow?” I asked Gus.

“Someone needs to stay here with you little girls,” he said, teasing me.

I rolled my eyes.  “Oh please.  You sound like a nasty old man.”

“Maybe I am one,” he chuckled.  “You look tired, Zoe.”

“Ya, I am.”

“That’s to be expected.  Morning sickness still bad?”  He spit on the ground again.  I hadn’t seen him put a new pinch of chew in his mouth.

“Not as bad.  You know, that’s really gross.”

“Sorry,” he said and spat again.  He seemed distant, as if conversation was somewhat forced.

“Are you mad at me?” I asked.

He laughed.  “Why would you ask that?

I shrugged.  “You just seem distant.”

“It’s just kind of hard, Zoe.”

“What is?”

He sighed deeply, spit the wad of chew out, and wiped his mouth with his sleeve.  “Staying away, I suppose.”

The heat ran out of my face.

“I didn’t mean to make you feel like I was mad, though,” he continued.

I pouted a little.

“Maybe we should talk about it tomorrow?” he asked.

I shrugged again.  “We’ll see.”

“You should go to bed,” he said.

“See, you don’t even want to be around me.”  I was starting to feel depressed.

The fire was starting to die down, so Gus stood and added a chunk of wood to it.  We had been gathering loose pieces of fallen trees for days and had built up a pretty good supply.  When he was satisfied that it would catch easily, he walked over and sat beside me on the log, side straddling it.  We were facing the shelter.

“Zoe,” he whispered.  “You have no idea just how much I want to be around you.”  I could feel his body heat radiating toward me. 

The fire crackled, shooting an ember into the air just to my left.  I jumped, not expecting the tiny explosion.  Gus wrapped his arm around me and gave me a small squeeze.

“Don’t,” I whispered.  I leaned forward, arms on my own legs, and hung my head. 

He took his arm away, but kept his hand on my back.  “I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

I wasn't sure what his apology was for exactly, and I didn’t want to ask. It hadn’t sounded like it was for placing his arm around me.  I stood and walked to the edge of the firelight, facing away from him.  I wrapped my arms around myself and looked up at the night sky.  The stars were out, shining brilliantly.  Along with the end of civilization had come an end to pollution, leaving nights like these especially crisp and clear. 

I heard Gus step up behind me, but refused to turn to look at him.

“Zoe
, please don’t shut me out like this.”

I could sense him standing close to me.  I could feel his breath on the back of my head.  His arms wrapped around me gently and he rested his chin in the crook of my neck. 

“Please,” he whispered.

I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feel of his arms around me, despite knowing it was wrong.  Sensing me relax, he tightened his embrace and kissed my neck softly.  “Don’t shut me out,” he repeated, his voice so quiet I could barely hear it.

He turned me around to face him and wrapped his arms around me, my head resting against his chest.  I inhaled his scent, relaxing even more.

“Penny for your thoughts?” he asked.

I responded by just shaking my head ‘no’ against his chest.

“C’mon, Zoe.  What’s bothering you?  Talk to me.”

“I guess I’m just lonely,” I whispered.

He kissed the top of my head.

“Boggs is so distant.  And so are you,” I continued.

Gus took a deep breath, and then pushed away from me gently so that he could look at my face.  “We’ll talk about it all tomorrow, ok?”

“I should go to bed,” was all I said, my mind filled with my promise to share a bed with Boggs.  That, and I was too tired to have an in depth conversation.

“Ok.  Sleep well.”

“Night, Gus.”

He moved his hand up to my chin, tilting my face up toward his.  He leaned down and
placed his warm lips on mine.  It was a gentle kiss.  My stomach dropped for just a moment, expecting it to turn into something more. Instead, Gus let go of me and walked back to the fire.

I walked to the makeshift shelter and climbed under the wool blankets, next to Boggs.  I listened to his breathing, trying to decide if he was asleep yet.  The bigger part of me hoped not. 

“Everything ok out there?” he whispered.

“Ya.”

I felt the air mattress move as he stirred, rolling toward me.  “Thanks for telling me about the baby moving, Zo.”

I smiled in the dark.  “Well, it is yours too.”

“I know, but I appreciate you keeping me in the loop.  Is it moving right now?” he asked.

“Not now.  It feels weird when it does.”

“Is it ok if I hold you?”  His voice sounded weak, almost defeated.

“Ok.”

He wrapped an arm around me.  I rested my head near his neck and let him hold me close.  Something about him was different, an overall tenseness that was barely perceptible.  Even so, he felt so incredibly familiar, as if my arms and my entire body had been missing something that was as memorable to me as my own skin.  I inhaled his scent, which rocked me to the core of my being.  I hadn’t realized just how much I had felt his absence until that moment.  It was a high beyond any I had known before, followed by the low of realizing that I was holding onto him with desperation, sensing that I would be losing him once again.  I had the urge to cling to him as hard as I could and to smell him for as long as he’d let me, because I may not always have the chance.  I was memorizing the sensation.  My soul filled with a melancholy joy.  He was mine, at least in that moment.