The Grace In Darkness (41 page)

“
If you hadn
’
t asked me, Ryland, I was going to ask you. Of course I
’
ll marry you. It was never a question you had to even ask. I
’
m yours. I
’
ve always been yours and I will always be yours. So yes, I will marry you. I will marry you a hundred times over if you ask me to.
”

“
For you, I would do anything a hundred times over, Hummingbird.
”

Eight months later...

“
W
here are we?

It
’
s a field. Actually, it
’
s a piece of land.
”

“
A piece of land?
”
She sounded like she was questioning my sanity.
“
What are we doing here?
”

“
Well, it
’
s your land... our land.
”

“
Our land?
”

“
I bought it for us. So I could build a house for us.
”

“
You
’
re crazy,
”
she said with a smile on her face and tears in her eyes.
“
Wait. Do you know how to build a house?
”

“
I could learn how to build a house.
”

She eyed me.
“
You could?
”

“
Or I could hire someone.
”

She stretched up and kissed my lips.
“
You could build us a house. I believe in you. Come on, tell me more.
”

I took her hand and we walked through the tall grass, side by side.
“
The neighborhood is really nice, but there is a lot of privacy. I heard the schools here are the best. It
’
s two acres so we have plenty of room to build. We could have a farm if you wanted. I could build you a dance studio like your mom
’
s.
”
She was staring out into the sunset.
“
Are you imagining our life together?
”

She smiled. Her skin was flushed a rosy pink from the heat.
“
Yes, I am. I
’
m picturing you becoming a farmer.
”

“
For you, I could be a farmer. I
’
d wake up early and wear tight blue jeans, boots, and a cowboy hat.
”

“
That sounds incredibly hot,
”
she purred, wrapping her arms around my waist and laying her head against my chest.

“
Oh, it will be.
”

“
It
’
s amazing, Ryland. I love it.
”

“
There
’
s more.
”

I pulled her through the grass with me.

“
While I was here, I found this patch of dandelions growing over here. It
’
s actually what finally sold me on this place.
”

She walked a few steps ahead of me and stood there lifting her face toward the light. The sun lit her hair and the wind blew the fiery disarray of locks all around her. She stopped my heart.

“
There are millions of them growing wild and full of unspoken promises.
”

Turning around, she threw herself against me, and I lifted her off the ground.
“
I
’
m glad you approve.
”
I laughed and set her down.

Leaning over, I started plucking dandelions from the ground, careful not to free the seeds just yet. Standing over her, softly I brushed one of them down her nose and over her cheeks.

“
I promise to love you for the rest of our lives, and if there is life after us, I will love you even if you
’
re the ocean or the stars or a fish.
”
I blew softly, letting the seeds fly away.
“
I promise to show, not just tell you how much you mean to me.
”
Again, I blew another one.
“
I promise to treat you as my equal and always walk beside you.
”
I continued to blow one after each promise.
“
I promise to protect you and always keep you safe. I promise to kiss you every chance I get and make love to you even more, and I promise never to hurt you and only make you cry happy tears.
”
I wiped my thumb across her wet cheeks.
“
Are these happy tears?
”

She nodded and then looked up at me.
“
Yes. Very happy tears.
”

I lifted her right hand, kissing her palm and then turning it over. I wrapped the stem of the last dandelion around her middle fingers.
“
I promise to give you nothing less than everything I am, Araya.
”

“
Forever and always, Ryland.
”

“
Damn, I love you, Hummingbird.
”

Lifting her, I kissed her and spun her around. Her feet hit the dandelions, making the seeds float all around us.

If I were being honest with myself, I
’
d know she was the best damn thing that happened to me. If I were being honest with myself, I
’
d see I deserved her more than I deserved anything in my entire life. And if I were being honest with myself, I
’
d fight to keep her heart, cherish her soul, and live every day to make her never regret falling in love with me.

And, finally, I was being honest with myself
.

I
had no idea if I
’
d covered the entire wall with the light-green paint or not, but I
’
d at least attempted. Either way, Ryland was going to be upset that I
’
d finished without him. Good thing for me I knew exactly how to direct his attention elsewhere.

I
’
d been painting all afternoon. I was covered in green splatters and I was hot and sweaty. I rinsed my paint brush, capped the lid on the paint, and walked over to the door. Looking back at the room, I wished I was able to see it when it was done.

“
Come on, Giselle,
”
I soothed softly, and thirty-five pounds of chocolate fur came running toward me. She stopped at my legs, waiting for me to keep moving. I bent over to ruffle her face and scratch behind her ears.

“
Let
’
s go, girl.
”

She followed me up the stairs, jumping on the bed and curling into her regular spot. I turned on the shower, got undressed, and stepped in. The water felt good against my sticky skin. I knew Ryland would be home soon and I wanted to be out before he could see what I
’
d done.

Ryland was in his last year of college and excited to be finished with it. He planned to take a year off to help around the house and get his music lessons started. He was so excited about starting his own company, and honestly, I was relieved to have him around more.

We were so busy with life that I felt like we hardly got to see each other anymore. The past three and a half years had flown by in the blink of an eye. At least it felt like that. This year would be our second engagement year, but we promised each other when we finished school, we
’
d start planning. But life had other plans. I smiled to myself and turned off the water.

I took extra care with what I wore in case I needed it on my side when Ryland got home. After twisting my ankle last month, both Ryland and my doctor thought I needed to take it extra careful for the next few weeks, and I wasn
’
t about to argue. We all agreed it was better safe than sorry.

When I walked out of the bedroom, Giselle followed, always four steps ahead of me. She wasn
’
t a trained service dog, but she knew I was different and that made her super protective of me, which made Ryland happy.

I checked on dinner in the oven, breathing in the heavenly sent. Ryland should be home any minute now, and I couldn
’
t wait to hear his voice.

Home was the beautiful, two-story house Ryland had designed and built for us—with help, of course. It was just off the lake and as far away from Jonathan and Coraline Dare as we could get. Annie made monthly visits, bringing enough baked goods to last us the entire month until her next visit. She scolded us for not talking to Careless and Sebastian more, but we all seemed so busy lately.

I loved Annie
’
s visits, though. She was so warm and comforting. She reminded me of my mom in some ways, and my heart ached for her. I wished I had her here to talk to when I doubted myself. But more than anything, I just wished she was here with me. A few months ago, Ryland had surprised me with a box of pictures of me and my mother that he
’
d gotten from my grandfather. I
’
d curled up on our bed, surrounded by memories of my mother, and cried until I couldn
’
t cry anymore.

The next day, Ryland helped me put them in picture frames and put them up all over the house while I relived each memory with him. It comforted me that she was always around. Every day, Ryland did something that made me fall a little more in love with him.

I kept in touch with Mak as much as she allowed me to. After everything happened with The Underground and the murder, she
’
d been different. It made me sad, and I made sure to call her every chance I got. Peirce and I were still dance partners and oddly enough, Ryland and he had become friends. It didn
’
t matter why or how. I welcomed the white flag.

I heard Ryland
’
s car pull up and my heart kicked in my chest the way it had the day I met him. I knew for as long as I loved him, he would forever cause this reaction in me, and I never wanted that to change. I was excited to tell him my news.

I waited for his dark shadow to appear in the kitchen. Sunlight poured in from all directions so it would be easy to see him. Not that I could forget his shadow.

Seeing color hadn
’
t lasted long, but that was okay because I got something better than the vibrant hues of reds, blues, and oranges. I had Ryland
’
s love, and that was brighter than any color in the rainbow. I also got something else, something that, to me, was equally as precious as my relationship with Ryland.

“
There you are.
”
Ryland came in behind me and I turned to meet him.

His hand wrapped around my neck and he pulled me in close. He kissed me softly on the nose before capturing my lips with his. Kissing Ryland was something I would never get tired of. His tongue was a sweet invasion as it swirled around mine teasingly.

“
Welcome home, Mr. Dare,
”
I purred.

He groaned against my lips, nibbling softly.
“
I don
’
t care who you are, that
’
s sexy as fu—
”

“
Ryland!
”
I scolded before he could finish. My blush heated my face and neck.

He chuckled and kissed me hard.
“
You
’
re so fun to tease, Hummingbird. I
’
ll save that kind of talk for later.
”

I laughed and pushed at his shoulder, but he was already pulling me into his arms. My stomach became a slight barrier between the two of us, and it brought his attention to my belly.

“
How
’
s my little one today?
”

He lifted my shirt, whispering softly against the slight swell below my ribs. I smiled down at him as he talked to the tiny life inside me. I still had a hard time believing I was pregnant, but every day I was reminded that good things do happen when you least expect it.

“
Perfect, as always,
”
I said, running my fingers through his hair.

I was eighteen weeks along and, according to my shocked doctor, as healthy as I can be. Dancing was no longer a priority to me, and I didn
’
t regret it for a second. Ryland and I hadn
’
t been trying to get pregnant. As sad as I was about it, I didn
’
t give having a baby another thought.

I was eight weeks pregnant before I even realized it. I thought I
’
d come down with a really bad stomach virus, but after a trip to the doctor, he confirmed it. I swear I thought Ryland was going to pass out. It was unexpected but something I wanted so bad.

“
I got you something,
”
Ryland said, reaching into his pocket.

“
What a coincidence. I got you something too.
”
I pulled a small envelope out of my pocket.

“
Okay, but me first.
”

Opening my hand, he placed something in my palm. I concentrated as I ran my fingers over the tiny wires.

“
A necklace?
”

It matched the one I was wearing now, only at the end of the chain, it had two hummingbirds, not one.

“
Two hummingbirds.
”
I smiled.

“
Yep. One for you and one for our—
”

“
Daughter,
”
I said quickly.
“
One for me and our daughter.
”

I waited for him to catch his breath.
“
Daughter? It
’
s a girl? We
’
re having a girl?
”
His voice got louder each time he said it, and I laughed.

“
Do you want to see our daughter?
”

“
Yes!
”

I handed him the envelope, and I was pretty sure he nearly ripped it apart trying to get to the sonogram inside.

“
Oh my God, she
’
s beautiful.
”
He sighed.
“
We
’
re having a girl, Hummingbird.
”

He wrapped me up in his arms and kissed me with so much passion it stole my breath.

“
She
’
s amazing. You
’
re amazing.
”
He bent over and kissed my belly.

It
’
s a hard lesson to learn, but you have to believe that out of every bad situation, a piece of good lingers within. Ryland, our baby—they were my piece of good, my piece of forever. No one ever said fighting for what you want is easy, but it is always worth it, and I wouldn
’
t change any of the decisions I made after the accident because every one of them brought me to where I was today.

Later that night, Ryland and I lay in bed with Giselle curled up by our feet and Ryland playing with my belly. It had become our nighttime routine, and I loved it.

“
Ryland?
”

“
Hmm?
”

“
What if I came back as love? What if I came back as
our
love?
What if nothing in this world could destroy me and I had no end and no beginning and I just went on and on for all of eternity?
”

He thought about it for a minute.
“
Then I would come back as forever. Because you can love someone forever and that
’
s the only kind of forever that exist, Hummingbird, and I only exist when I
’
m with you.
”

Rolling over, I laid my body on top of him.
“
And I don
’
t exist without you, Ryland. You
’
re my beautiful darkness.
”

Smiling, he pulled me down and kissed me softly.

As I watched Ryland sleep later that night, I thought about how much my life had changed since I met him and I realized you may not always get what you want in life, but if you are lucky,
if
you are lucky, you get exactly what you need.

It wasn
’
t the end for Ryland and my love. No, our love would go down in the history of love stories. It was real and passionate and epic. It was the start of our happily ever after.

With Ryland, I had found my grace in darkness.