The Grace In Darkness (35 page)

“
Why was Sebastian brought in?
”

“
Well, he was at The Underground the night in question, and a witness said they overheard him and someone else talking about Mr. Curt, saying, and I quote,
“‘
Find her and find Craze and warn him. Warn him that I
’
m going to kill him!
’”“

“
He drugged Araya. Did you know that? Sebastian didn
’
t mean it. He was just pissed off. Hell, I wanted to kill him too for what he did to Araya.
”

“
But you didn
’
t... did you?
”

“
You seem to think I didn
’
t.
”

“
Well, if it wasn
’
t for your alibi, you would have been suspect number one.
”
He shifted the folder back and forth in front of him with his finger.

“
My alibi?
”

“
We pulled your record once we found the pictures,
”
he said, and my eyes immediately followed the folder,
“
and it turns out you were stopped for speeding around the time of the murder. You told the police you had an emergency... Actually, you told him you were speeding because your brother called you for a family emergency. So what was the emergency?
”

Out of everything he just said, I
’
d only heard one thing.
“
What pictures?
”

His eyebrows raised and his lips tilted.
“
Well, I guess you probably wouldn
’
t have seen those.
”

He leaned forward in his chair and flipped around the folder he
’
d been playing with and pushed it toward me. I looked at it and then back at him.

He hitched his head toward the folder.
“
Go on. Open it.
”

I lifted my hand and flipped open the front flap. I didn
’
t immediately look at them, afraid of what I was going to find. When I finally did, I couldn
’
t breathe, and I leaned forward, picking up the first picture. I swallowed hard before moving to the second and then the third and finally the last one.

They were all basically the same picture with just a slightly different pose. Sebastian and Araya were in a bed together. Her shirt had been pushed up and Sebastian
’
s hand was on her. His shirt was off and his pants had been undone.

My breathing increased and I slammed the folder shut and threw it off the table. The photos flew in the air before they fell to the ground. The detective watched them, but I was so furious I couldn
’
t see straight.

“
You seem upset by those.
”

I knew the signs. He was pushing me.
“
If he wasn
’
t already dead, I would kill him myself,
”
I said through my teeth.

“
For spying on them?
”

“
I know what you
’
re trying to do and it
’
s not going to work.
”

“
And what am I trying to do, Ryland?
”

I smirked.
“
This was a setup. They
’
re unconscious, for fuck
’
s sake. You can
’
t honestly believe this is real, and if you do, you
’
re a bigger idiot than I thought.
”

We stared each other down, playing chicken, and I refused to back down from him. His fake seriousness broke into a grin, and he just shrugged.

“
Maybe it is. Maybe it isn
’
t. I
’
d probably tell myself that too if my girl was sleeping with my brother.
”

My jaw clenched and I thought my teeth were going to shatter. I balled my fist on top of the table and the detective looked at my hand and then at me.

“
I don
’
t want to bullshit you, Ryland. If your brother walks out of here today, we have enough evidence to charge Araya fully. Unless... unless you have anything you want to say. Anything that will help protect Araya for taking the fall for this entire mess. She seems like a good girl, Ryland. She couldn
’
t have done this alone... She had to have had help... right?
”

“
You want me to tell you Sebastian helped Araya kill Craze?
”

“
We just want you to help us protect Araya. Can you do that, Ryland? Can you help us?
”

“
I
’
d do anything for her.
”

“
Good. That
’
s good. You can help save one or the other, Ryland. Someone is going down for Curt
’
s murder. It
’
s just a matter of whom—your girlfriend or your brother.
”

I looked up at him.
“
I want to see them.
”

I
paced back and forth, waiting for the detective to come back so I could see Araya. When he left, he
’
d told me she was talking with one of the other detectives, and I demanded that they wait until our lawyer was with her.

That had been forty-five minutes ago, and I was still waiting. I didn
’
t want them talking to her without our lawyer present. I didn
’
t want them tricking her into confessing something I knew damn well she didn
’
t do.

The door opened and the light from the hall spilled into the dim room. Jacobs walked in and shut the door.

Jacobs was a few years older than my father and had been our family lawyer for as long as I could remember. He was probably the only man J.D. trusted as much as J.D. could trust another person. However, Jacobs wasn
’
t entirely like my father, and that made me trust Jacobs a little more than I would have had he been like the others under J.D.
’
s control.

“
How are you holding up?
”
he asked, putting his briefcase on the small metal table.

“
Have you been in to see Araya yet?
”
I didn
’
t want to talk about how I was feeling.

“
Why did you let them question you without me in here with you, Ryland?
”

“
I was hoping you were in there with Araya. Where is Sebastian?
”

“
We
’
re trying to get him released, but they
’
re dragging their feet. They
’
ve got nothing, which is why they pulled you in. You didn
’
t tell them anything, did you?
”

“
What do you mean? What
’
s there to tell? Araya and Sebastian didn
’
t kill Craze. Have you been in to see Araya yet? Have they questioned her? Are you trying to get her released too?
”

Jacobs hadn
’
t sat down and I felt like he wasn
’
t staying in here long so I needed to ask him everything I could before he left. He sighed and I didn
’
t take that as a good sign.

“
What? What
’
s wrong?
”

“
Your father doesn
’
t want me to represent Miss Noelle, Ryland.
”

“
What the hell are you talking about? What do you mean he doesn
’
t want you to represent her? That
’
s the whole reason why I called you down here, damn it.
”

“
I
’
m only here to represent Sebastian and yourself. I
’
m sorry, Ryland.
”

“
What do you mean you
’
re sorry?
”
I roared.
“
I don
’
t care what J.D. said! I will pay you!
”

“
You know it doesn
’
t work like that, Ryland. Your father and I go way back.
”

“
You
’
ve got to be fucking kidding right now.
”
I pressed my fingers into my temples, hoping to stop the pounding behind them, and stared up at the ceiling.
“
Get out of here, Jacobs.
”

“
But—
”

“
I said get out of here!
”
I yelled, knocking over the chair. I locked my fingers behind my head and turned away from him.
“
I
’
m denying your representation, so get the fuck out of here.
”

His briefcase scraped against the table as he picked it up and left the room. I paced the floor while my mind raced a mile a minute. I knew what J.D. was trying to do, and I would be damned if I let him get away with it.

Walking over to the two-way glass, I stared at it and then took a step closer.

“
Hello!
”
I yelled, pounding on the glass.
“
I need to see the detective, now!
”

I
’
d lost track of how long I
’
d been in this tiny room, and I needed to get up and move around. My butt had fallen asleep thirty minutes ago and my back was so stiff it was killing me.

I stood up, arching my back and stretching my arms above my head. I couldn
’
t remember the last time I
’
d sat for such a long period of time. I walked in a straight line and then turned and walked back.

I didn
’
t want to think anymore. My head was pounding with all the thinking I
’
d done in the last five hours. For some reason I couldn
’
t stop thinking about Craze
’
s family. I couldn
’
t help but feel bad for them for losing a loved one. I
’
d like to think that Craze hadn
’
t always been scum and that his family was remembering the good things about him.

Of course I was upset for the things he
’
d done to Ryland and Sebastian and me and Mak. I didn
’
t think I could find it in me to forgive him for what he
’
d been attempting to put me through, but that didn
’
t mean I wanted him dead. Knowing about the pictures made me sick to my stomach, and this was one of the rare occasions I was glad I couldn
’
t see. I hoped Ryland never found out about them.

I wanted to think that everything up until the point of stepping into the doctor
’
s office yesterday morning was a really bad nightmare. I didn
’
t understand how so much bad could happen to one person in a matter of forty-eight hours.

And then I felt guilty for complaining. I
’
m sure if Craze had the choice between living and changing, rather than dying, he would have picked living. People could change if they really wanted to. We could learn to forgive even if we didn
’
t forget. There was so much bad in the world, so much hate and sadness, and the majority of it we caused ourselves.

I stopped walking and repeated my thought over in my head. The majority of it we caused ourselves.

The door opened and I was thankful for the interruption. It clicked shut and I turned around. I was surprised to see him at first, and then my chest constricted with happiness. His shape was clearer, more defined.

“
How are you holding up?
”
he finally asked.

“
Pretty well considering I
’
m a murder suspect.
”
I joked, hoping to ease some of the stress I knew was etched around his eyes.

“
This is complete bullshit, Hummingbird. I promise I
’
m going to fix this. I
’
m going to get you out of here.
”
He vowed.

I took a deep breath.
“
I know, Ryland.
”

I also knew no matter what happened, the three of us would not be walking out of here together, and there was no way I could ask Ryland to choose between me and his brother.

“
How is Sebastian?
”

He seemed hesitant to answer.
“
I haven
’
t been able to see him yet, but I
’
m sure he
’
s raising hell like he does.
”

I smiled at the thought. In a weird way, it was kind of comforting knowing the detectives didn
’
t have it completely easy.

“
They
’
re going to let him go... aren
’
t they?
”
He didn
’
t expect that and he didn
’
t have a fast enough response.
“
It
’
s okay to be relieved for him, Ryland. You don
’
t have to choose sides.
”

“
There
’
s no choice, Araya. You
’
re going to get out of here too.
”

I didn
’
t respond. It was only making him feel worse about the situation.

“
I know tonight
’
s been hell through and through, Hummingbird, and I
’
m going to be completely selfish here, but—
”

“
Yes,
”
I whispered, knowing exactly where he was going.

His arms were around me before I could blink, and he buried his face into the side of my neck. His breath was warm and soothing against my skin. Just having him this close to me calmed my frayed nerves, and I no longer felt like I was fighting to reach the surface. He was my freedom.

“
How are you doing? Did they question you too?
”

“
Yes. They know they can
’
t hold Sebastian much longer so they pulled me in to get me to give them something,
”
he said angrily.

“
That
’
s ridiculous!
”

“
I got a ticket the night it happened so they say I have an alibi. They tried to get me to turn on you too.
”

He wasn
’
t going to come right out and say it. He wasn
’
t sure if I knew, and if I didn
’
t, he wasn
’
t going to be the one to tell me. In fact, he
’
d keep it from me forever if he could.

“
They showed you the pictures.
”

“
Shit!
”
he growled.
“
I was hoping they wouldn
’
t tell you about them, but they
’
re using it as motive and a reason for me to turn against you. I know they were fake, Hummingbird. You both were unconscious.
”

I hugged him harder.
“
Thank God! I don
’
t remember what happened, Ryland, but I swear to you I never would have hurt you like that on purpose.
”
And then I was reminded of the one thing I had yet to tell him.
“
Ryland, there is something you should know about that night.
”

“
I don
’
t care, Hummingbird. None of it matters.
”

“
It matters to me, Ryland. Everything is so fuzzy and I don
’
t know if I
’
ll ever remember any of it.
”
I took a deep breath, feeling frazzled.
“
I thought you were there that night. They didn
’
t say anything except your last name and I just assumed it was you, but it wasn
’
t. Sebastian practically had to hold me and... and I kissed him. But it was nothing and I thought he was you—
”

“
It
’
s okay, Hummingbird. I don
’
t care. As long as Sebastian wasn
’
t a better kisser than me, I don
’
t care.
”
He joked, kissing the corners of my mouth.

“
I love you.
”

“
I didn
’
t doubt it for a second.
”

I hugged him tighter and his words reminded me that there were still some things I needed to tell him. I leaned away from his embrace, fighting my own body the entire away.

“
I wish that was all, but there
’
s something else I have to tell you, Ryland.
”

“
Okay,
”
he said with no hint of anxiousness in his voice.

He backed up so he could sit on the edge of the table. He pulled me with him so I was between his knees.

“
I lied to you about something.
”
I didn
’
t look away from his face.
“
When you asked me if I was on the pill... I lied when I said I was. It wasn
’
t something I ever had to worry about before you came along. I went to the doctor yesterday because I was worried.
”
I paused so he could let what I
’
d just told him sink in.

“
Are you... are you pregnant?
”

I took a step away from him.
“
No... because I can
’
t get pregnant, Ryland, ever. The car accident... there was too much damage. I won
’
t ever be able to give you...
”
I took a deep breath and forced out the next sentence.
“
So I
’
m giving you an out, Ryland. No hard feelings. I know you wanted a big family, but I can
’
t give you that.
”

His hands were warm against my cheeks as he lifted my face toward him.
“
Hummingbird... stop.
”
He kissed me softly and touched my forehead with his.
“
This is why you were upset at dinner. I could feel you pulling away from me... you are pulling away from me now. Please don
’
t. I want a family with
you.
I don
’
t care how we have one, but I can
’
t lose you again. In fact, I refuse to. Whatever you
’
re thinking, stop. I know I can
’
t say anything that
’
s going to make any of this better, but I love you so damn much.
”

“
It
’
s not just you
”
My voice rose.
“I
wanted to have
your
children. I
’
m so tired of having everything taken from me... I complicate everything! For once, I just wanted to give you easy, Ryland! You deserve that and you deserve to be with someone who can give you that.
”

“
I don
’
t want fucking easy, Araya! I want messy! I want chaotic! Damn it, I want you!
”

He pulled me to him and kissed me with everything he had. Convincing me with more than just his earth shattering words.

“
Aren
’
t I enough, Araya?
”
he pleaded.
“
Can
’
t you be happy with me?
”

His words hit home and hard. He was right. He was more than enough. He was more than I thought I was ever going to have in my life after the accident. When I thought about my future without Ryland, I couldn
’
t breathe and I realized it didn
’
t matter whether we grew old together just the two of us or if we adopted a hundred babies. We
’
d always have each other and that was enough.

“
I
’
m sorry!
”
I said, wrapping my arms around his neck.
“
You
’
re right. You
’
re so right. You
are
enough, Ryland. You
’
re more than enough, and I never want to make you feel like you aren
’
t. I was just so worried you wouldn
’
t want me...
”