The Grace In Darkness (28 page)

She was right.
“
Craze. I knew he was a creep.
”

“
River too.
”

I frowned.
“
You think he was a part of it too? He seemed... nice, and he helped me. He brought me to Sebastian.
”

“
I don
’
t know. I thought I remembered seeing him last night after everything happened.
”

“
You probably did. He said he was going to find you.
”

“
He did? When?
”

“
After he left me with Sebastian. Did he find you? What happened to you? I was so out of it or I would have made sure they found you first.
”

“
I was fine. I woke up in my car. I probably stumbled out there.
”

Something didn
’
t sound right, but the more questions I asked, the more her answer became vague.

“
We should call the cops, right? Do you think they do this all the time?
”

“
They probably got rid of the drugs already. I
’
ll talk to the police, okay?
”

“
Are you sure everything
’
s okay? You
’
d tell me if something happened last night, right?
”

“
Of course,
”
she said quickly, but I didn
’
t believe her.

Her legs had been tucked underneath her and she moved, stretching them out in front of her. She was still sipping her coffee, and because I had nothing else to do, I finished mine too.

“
Where is lover boy?
”
Mak asked.

I sighed.
“
I fought with him before I left. His brother, Sebastian, dropped me off. He thinks I
’
m pushing him away because I
’
m afraid he
’
ll see me like everyone else does. A helpless blind girl.
”

“
And what do you think?
”

I exhaled loudly.
“
I think I push him away because I
’
m afraid he
’
ll treat me like a helpless blind girl. When I first met Ryland, he was the only one who treated me like I was still capable of living, of being alive. He pushed me and taught me what no one else did. He was so patient with me, never making me feel like I was slowing him down or holding him up.
”
I was starting to get angry with myself.
“
Why was I being so stupid? How could I let all these months go by and not realize what I walked away from?
”

“
Sometimes we think too much and we let all that negative get the best of us.
”

“
He just freaked me out when he started talking about quitting school and wanting to stay with me. I didn
’
t want him to become like Nina and Carl.
”

She nodded.
“
He loves you, Araya. You weren
’
t trapping him. It
’
s not like you were pregnant or anything.
”

Her words sparked a seed of doubt inside me. How could I have been so stupid and careless about this?

“
That was a joke, Araya.
”

“
Yeah... right,
”
I said slowly and smiled.

“
Oh my God, Araya, you
’
re not pregnant, are you? You
’
ve been safe, right?
”

I looked at her and shook my head.
“
The night of the benefit. It happened so fast...
”

“
Just take a deep breath. That doesn
’
t mean you
’
re pregnant. Give it a week and then you can take a test. Everything will be fine.
”

I nodded.
“
Okay.
”
I suddenly felt emotionally drained, but I needed to talk to him.
“
I have to talk to Ryland.
”

“
Are you going to tell him?
”

“
Not about
that
. There
’
s no point in us both freaking out about something that may not even be an issue.
”

“
See, I knew you were a smart girl.
”
She teased.

“
First thing
’
s first. I have to get out of these clothes!
”
I made a face.
“
They stink.
”

“
Yeah, I didn
’
t want to tell you, but you do kind of stink.
”

I pushed her with my shoulder.
“
Are you sure you
’
re okay?
”

“
Positive! Now go!
”
she said playfully, pushing me back.

“
I
’
ll see you later, right?
”

“
Of course.
”

I hated leaving and I wished I could shake the feeling that something wasn
’
t right, but Mak was stubborn and if she was hiding something from me, I wasn
’
t going to get it out of her unless she wanted me to.

“
Okay.
”
I moved to get up but stopped to give her a quick sideways hug.

She hugged my arm and laughed.
“
You
’
re such a sap.
”

“
I
’
m glad you
’
re okay.
”

She didn
’
t say anything for a few seconds.
“
You too.
”

W
alking toward my building, the air was cold against my skin and thunder rolled and exploded above me. I could smell the rain seconds before tiny drops fell on my face. Ryland was waiting for me right where I
’
d left him. In that moment, I knew I couldn
’
t keep pushing him away.

I wanted my happily ever after and I wanted it with him. I started walking toward him and I smiled when his shadow moved toward me. He swept me up into his arms. His mouth was on mine before I could say anything, and he kissed me like it was the last time.

“
Kiss me like that always,
”
I whispered against his lips.

“
Like what?
”

“
Like it
’
s the last time. I was so stupid, Ryland,
”
I got out between kisses.
“
I never should have left you. I
’
ll never leave you again, I promise.
”

He shook his head.

“
You were so good to me, Ryland. You pushed me like no one else did. I made myself feel that way. I didn
’
t want to ruin your life.
”

He held my face between his hands, rubbing his finger over my bottom lip.
“
Don
’
t you get it, Araya? You
are
my life now. I meant it when I said you saved me.
”

“
We saved each other, Ryland. We saved each other.
”

“
Life is too short, Araya. I don
’
t want to spend it apart anymore. I
’
ve lost way too much time with you already. I
’
ve done some stupid things the last few days, but none of that matters now. All I want is you. All I
’
ve ever wanted was you. I just didn
’
t know it until I met you. If I ever made you feel... weak or... like you were holding me back, whatever... I
’
m so sorry!
”

I shook my head, kissing him between words.
“
No, no, no! I was wrong, Ryland. God, I was so wrong. You see my light and you love me for my dark.
”

“
You couldn
’
t shine without your darkness, Araya. Where it truly matters, you
can
take care of yourself! You don
’
t need anyone to pick up the pieces for you. I don
’
t want to take care of you because you need it. I want to take care of you because I love you.
”

“
I love you too!
”
I kissed him again.
“
I want you to finish school, though.
”

He laughed and kissed me harder.
“
Yes, I
’
ll finish school and you
’
ll finish school, and we
’
ll do it together!
”

“
And no more fighting—
”
He kissed me again, cutting me off, but it was the perfect interruption.

“
I could take you up against the nearest wall and have no problem with it, but I don
’
t want you to get pneumonia. I plan to have a lot, and I mean
a lot,
of sex with you, and I need you as healthy as you can be. And I...
”
He growled against my neck and lifted me into his arms. My legs wrapped around his waist and he carried me toward my building.
“
Plan on starting right now.
”

Rain beat down on the small window above my bed as I lay on Ryland
’
s chest, running my fingers over him.

“
Was he really upset?
”
I asked, hopeful.

“
J.D.? Oh, yeah. He doesn
’
t admit defeat so losing Careless and me in one day pissed him off royally.
”

“
Careless quit?
”

“
Mm-hmm.
”

I sighed in relief.
“
Good.
”

“
Why
’
d you stay there when you knew where I was, Ryland?
”

“
Because I was afraid if he knew, he would take you away from me again. Don
’
t get me wrong, I would have spent the rest of my life trying to find you, but I couldn
’
t let him do that to you. He would have destroyed your beautiful soul, Hummingbird, and I would have killed him for that.
”

“
Don
’
t talk like that. You couldn
’
t kill anyone. Life is too valuable even for someone as dark and evil as J.D., and no one has the right to take that from someone else.
”

“
You keep me good, Hummingbird, but for you, I would do anything.
”

“
I would never ask you for anything like that so we
’
re good. I don
’
t want to spend the rest of our lives fearing him.
”

“
The only fear J.D. has ever managed to bring out in me is when you
’
re concerned. He hates the fact that I chose you over him, but what he doesn
’
t understand is that I would have never chosen him. I won
’
t let him take you away again.
”

“
I
’
m not going anywhere, Ryland. I never should have left you. I know that now.
”

“
I
’
m not upset that you left, Hummingbird,
”
he said against my lips.
“
Deep down, I knew
why
you left. I
know
you needed to, but I was too blinded by my own sadness and hatred to accept it.
”

“
I made things worse. I wanted to feel like a whole person, to feel like I wasn
’
t just surviving anymore, and I did when I was with you. But I thought I needed to be on my own for it to really count, for it to matter. But the truth is I
’
ve never felt more alive or complete than when I
’
m with you.
”

“
You don
’
t need me to be a whole person. You did that on your own.
”

“
Because you showed me how.
”

“
It was a friendly reminder.
”

“
It changed my life.
”

“
And you turned mine upside down.
”

I touched his cheek with my fingers and he turned to kiss the tips.

The room was darkened by the storm outside, but it was soothing and I sighed contently. My fingers brushed against something rough and uneven on Ryland
’
s skin and I frowned, resting on my chin.

“
What is that?
”

He groaned and covered his face with his hand.
“
That, Hummingbird, is the result of a very drunken night with my brother and the crazy things alcohol can make you do.
”

I lifted on my elbow and traced the mark all the way up until I felt it end. The marks were all uneven, and I couldn
’
t figure out what it was.

“
Did you get hurt? Did someone have something—
”

“
No, Hummingbird.
”
He chuckled, covering my hand, bringing it up to his lips, and brushing them over the back of my knuckles.
“
It wasn
’
t anything like that. It
’
s a tattoo.
”

My eyes widened in shock.
“
You got a tattoo?
”

He laughed.
“
Why do you sound so surprised?
”

“
That seems so... dangerous!
”

“
I can be dangerous, Hummingbird.
”
He growled playfully into my neck and pushed me back, lying on top of me.

“
You
’
re definitely dangerous, Ryland.
”
He planted kisses down my neck and over my chest, and his name left my lips on a sigh.
“
What did you get a tattoo of?
”
I asked when he finally gave me a chance to breathe. He groaned, burying his face into my neck.
“
What
’
s wrong? Is it something really embarrassing? Did you get a unicorn?
”

“
What? No!
”
he said in a way that made me laugh uncontrollably.

“
What, then?
”

He sighed and leaned up so he could put my fingers against the edge of the tattoo.
“
It
’
s not embarrassing, really. It just… Do you remember that afternoon at my house when we made a promise on the dandelion?
”
I nodded.
“
These
”
—he moved my hand up—
”
are dandelion seeds, and here...
”
He moved it up farther.
“
This seed is turning into hummingbird.
”