The Gossamer Cord (33 page)

He had written, “Dearest Violetta,”

I am arriving on Thursday. I have discovered there is a hotel in Poldown…West Poldown. It’s a place called Black Rock Hotel. I have booked a room and shall be staying for a few days. I have Tregarland’s number and I’ll give you a call as soon as I arrive. There is so much to talk about.

See you soon.

All my love,

Richard

Thursday, and it was Wednesday today!

My feelings were mixed. I wanted to see him, of course, but he would try to persuade me to leave Cornwall, and that was something I could not consider, at least not yet.

Well, I should hear what he had to say and I would make him understand that I had promised Dorabella to take her place with her son and that it had been a sacred promise which I must keep at all costs.

He was reasonable. He would see that.

I thought about him all the afternoon, recalling what a pleasant time we had had in London, and I was definitely looking forward to seeing him again.

The first thing I did next morning was to go to the nursery to see Tristan.

“Still sniffling,” said Nanny Crabtree. “So it is another day indoors for you, my lord.”

In the late afternoon there was a call from Richard. He had just arrived at Black Rock Hotel. He wanted me to have dinner with him that night. Could I come to the hotel or should he come to me? If I came to the hotel we could be alone together. He had ascertained that he could get a car at the hotel and come and pick me up.

We arranged that he should do this.

I told Matilda that he was coming. She seemed rather pleased. She said it would do me good to see him.

She was very friendly when he arrived. Gordon happened to be there and they were introduced; and after a short time I went back with him to Black Rock Hotel.

It was a pleasant place with a lounge overlooking the sea. The black rock, from which the hotel took its name, was very much in evidence and Richard and I sat in the lounge looking out on it.

“You will be coming home soon,” Richard was saying.

“I don’t know what is going to happen. We’re just drifting along at the moment.”

“I know. It was such a terrible shock.”

“Then there is the baby.”

“I understand that he has an excellent nanny.”

“Yes, but it is not the same, is it?”

“Isn’t it?”

“Oh, no. He has lost his mother…and he looks to me, I know.”

“Oh, I am sure he is too young to miss her.”

“In a way. But somehow…I think he needs me.”

Richard looked faintly disbelieving.

“Perhaps it is difficult for you to understand,” I began.

“Oh, no…no,” he said. “I understand perfectly how you feel. All this was so sudden, so absolutely shattering. You can’t really sort things out at first. I have been talking to your mother.”

“What did you say to her?”

“It was she who thought you should leave Cornwall and come home. She thought they might see reason down here and let the baby come with you. She said that would be by far the best for everybody, and she reckons that is what it will come to eventually.”

“I don’t know.”

“It would be the best surely. If you made up your mind…about us…well, it would only be natural that your mother should take the child.”

“He belongs down here, you see. One day he will inherit everything. His grandfather wants him to be brought up here.”

“Your mother tells me that the grandfather is rather an odd character, and she wonders if he is resisting in order to be perverse. She says she is sure that at heart he is quite indifferent about the whole matter.”

“There is, of course, Tristan’s father to be considered.”

“He’s rather a weak person, according to your mother. He goes where he’s put.”

“That’s not entirely true. But at the moment he is suffering deeply from a terrible shock.”

“Of course. But that’s enough of these people. What about you? Tell me…have you thought any more…about us?”

“I haven’t been able to think about anything but all this.”

“You’ll get over it…and then…”

“Dorabella had been with me all my life until she married. And now she’s gone, I can’t believe it. I can’t think about anything else.”

He looked crestfallen, and I fancied just a little impatient.

“I’m sorry, Richard,” I said. “It’s just impossible for me to see very far ahead.”

“I understand,” he said soothingly. “Let me tell you what is happening in London. My mother was hoping you’d come up and stay for a while. There are a lot of things she wants to show you about the house.”

“Oh,” I said faintly.

“As for Mary Grace, she is already very fond of you.”

“Did she do that portrait?”

“Yes, and it was much admired. There are two more people clamoring for her work. You see what you have already done for the family. Oh, Violetta, it can be so good, I know it can. Please, please, do think about it. I am so sure it is the right thing.”

But I was not. It was reasonable, of course, for him to think that my mother should care for the baby, but he simply did not understand. I was glad to see him, of course. But somehow it was not quite as it had seemed in London.

He told me he could stay for only two more days. He just had to be back in London by Monday and would have to leave on Sunday. It was a pity it was such a long journey.

“I’ll come down again soon,” he said. “Give me a ring when you have made up your mind. I shall be waiting for it.”

I felt that he was taking too much for granted. He could not understand my uncertainty. He seemed so sure that I was going to marry him.

I wished that I could want to. He did not seem to realize that what had happened had made me unable to make any plans. My mind was still with Dorabella. If she had died naturally, would it have been different? But I could not rid myself of the strange feeling that she was not dead, because I had not
seen
that she was.

It was an unsatisfactory evening and I was not sorry when the time came to drive back to Tregarland’s.

The next morning early, Nanny Crabtree came to me in some anxiety.

“I want the doctor to come and look at Tristan,” she said. “I don’t like that cold of his.”

“Why, Nanny, is he worse?”

“He’s wheezing. He’s past the sniffle stage. And now it seems to be getting onto his chest. I’d just like the doctor to see him.”

“We’ll send for him right away. I’ll give him a ring.”

She nodded. “Well, it will set our minds at rest.”

I went to see Tristan. He looked pale and lay in his cot with his eyes closed. He was certainly not his usual self, and I wanted to be there when the doctor came.

I telephoned Richard, for I had arranged for him to pick me up at ten o’clock. I was going to take him for a tour of the countryside, lunch out, and return about four, when he would drop me at Tregarland’s and collect me to take me back to the hotel for dinner.

I said that after the doctor had been here, I would call him and we would meet later.

The doctor did not arrive until eleven o’clock. He apologized for being so long. One of his patients was about to give birth and he had been delayed with her.

He examined Tristan.

“Rather a nasty chill,” he said. “Just keep him away from draughts. He should be all right in a day or so.”

Matilda, who was present, said: “Nanny Crabtree will look after him, I know.”

“That I will,” declared Nanny Crabtree.

“You know how it is with children,” said the doctor. “They are up and down. We want to make sure that it doesn’t settle on his chest. Wrap him up warm…coddle him a bit. He’ll be fine in a day or two.”

“Well, that’s a relief,” said Nanny Crabtree.

When the doctor had gone, Matilda said to me: “What about your friend?”

“I postponed our time of meeting. I will ring him now.”

“It is nearly lunchtime. Why don’t you ask him to have it with us?”

I telephoned Richard and gave him Matilda’s invitation. He accepted, but I sensed he was not very pleased. I was learning something about Richard. He hated his plans to be disrupted.

He came. It was quite a pleasant lunch. Dermot was not present. He could not face meeting people. Gordon was there and he and Richard got on well together.

By the time lunch was over, it was nearly half past two and there would not be much time for us to drive far, so we decided to sit in the gardens.

It was very pleasant there with the house behind us and the sea facing us. Paths wound down to the private beach. I could never look at that beach without imagining Dorabella down there…taking off her robe and putting it with her shoes at the top of the rock which protruded from the water so that they would not be carried out to sea.

It was not really a very satisfactory day. Richard was certainly a little put out because of the disruption to our plans, which I sensed he felt had not been necessary. The child had a cold and for that reason his brief stay here had been spoiled. He was very charming though and talked of what was going on in London. We spoke of Edward and Gretchen and the plays he had recently seen. I think he was trying to make me see what a rewarding life I should have with him. He spoke of his work and the case he was now working on. His client was accused of fraud and he was beginning to doubt his innocence.

“What happens when you are trying to convince the jury of something you don’t altogether believe in yourself?” I asked.

“What I have to think of is the best thing for him if he is found guilty.”

“You must learn a great deal about human nature,” I said.

“Yes…perhaps.”

We talked of the situation in Europe, which he said was becoming more and more depressing. He did not know where it was going to end. It had been a mistake for England and France to give way over Austria. It would not stop there. There was going to be trouble in Czechoslovakia next. Hitler was instructing Konrad Henlein to agitate there.

“Henlein is the leader of the German minority there, and he is arranging demonstrations by the Sudeten Germans. Of course, Hitler’s next plan will be the annexation of Czechoslovakia. There is an uneasy feeling everywhere.”

“What do you think will happen?”

“The fact is, there is a growing fear of war. Hitler will take Czechoslovakia. People here say, ‘It is a long way off. What is it to do with us?’ They can’t see any farther than their noses. All they can do is bury their heads in the sand. They call those who see the danger ahead ‘war mongers.’ We should be arming. Chamberlain knows it. I believe he is abandoning his policy of appeasement. He wants us to arm ourselves as quickly as we can.”

“Do you think there will be a war?”

“It’s a possibility. And we should be unprepared if it happened now. Even so, there are those who vote against arming ourselves. The Labour Party, the Liberals, and a few Conservatives will vote against it…and then…”

“You paint a gloomy picture, Richard.”

“Yes, I’m sorry. But the way we are going, it does seem grim. They can’t really think that Hitler will be satisfied with Austria. He’ll soon have Czechoslovakia. Then he will try for Poland, and after that…what? It is the people who scream for peace who make the wars.”

“Let us hope it never happens.”

“None of these catastrophes would happen if people would only show a little foresight.”

“Do you think something can be done now?”

“It’s getting late. But if we and the French and the rest of the world stood together, that could be the end of Hitler’s search for Lebensraum.”

I said: “I think of Gretchen.”

“Yes, poor girl. I know she is very anxious indeed.”

“I am glad she is here with Edward.”

“She thinks of her family and her country.”

“Isn’t it sad to contemplate what can happen to people?”

I was looking down at the beach and in my imagination she was there, throwing off her robe, running into the sea.

No, no, I thought. I cannot believe it of Dorabella. There would be a chill in that sea…most people did not bathe until May at least. Dorabella had liked comfort. She was inclined to be lazy. I did not believe it. I could not.

I was aware of Richard beside me. “Don’t think I am not interested in what you are saying,” I murmured. “It’s just that I can’t stop thinking of Dorabella.”

“You should get away,” he told me. “It’s the best thing. Get right away from all this.” He took my hand and pressed it. “In London…it would be different. There’s so much to do. You wouldn’t have time for brooding.”

“Perhaps you are right,” I said. “But not yet, Richard. I have to wait. I have to make myself see what I should do.”

He nodded patiently and we went on sitting there. Matilda came out to join us.

“I do hope you’ll stay to dinner,” she said. “It is so nice for Violetta to have her friends down from London.”

Richard accepted the invitation.

Before he left he reminded me that he had to get back to London and tomorrow would be his last day.

“We’ll do something special,” he said.

It was early morning of that Saturday when Nanny Crabtree burst into my room. I had just awakened and was lying in my bed, contemplating getting up. Richard would be coming at ten o’clock. I must be ready. I would try to make up to him for the disappointment of the previous day.

I saw at once that there was something wrong. Nanny Crabtree was pale and her eyes were fierce. She was greatly agitated.

“I want the doctor at once,” she said.

I struggled up.

“It’s Tristan?” I cried. “He’s worse…I’ll telephone the doctor right away.”

“Do that. It’s on his chest…having difficulty breathing. Get him quick.”

I picked up my dressing gown and ran downstairs, Nanny Crabtree at my heels.

She stood beside me while I telephoned.

The doctor said he would be with us in an hour.

“How bad is he?” I asked Nanny.

“God alone knows. Four o’clock this morning, it was. I thought I heard him cough. It woke me. It’s a habit you get when you’re with children. I went in and there he was…all the bedclothes off…and, could you believe it, that window beside his cot was open…just enough to let in a draught. I couldn’t believe it. I had tucked him in so he couldn’t throw anything off. I had that window shut. There’s a cold wind blowing in from the sea. It must have been one of them maids, though what she was doing in my nursery I don’t know. I’d seen to him and he’d gone off to sleep…”