The Girl on the Cliff (51 page)

Matt spoke as realistically and honestly as he could. He didn’t spare himself, because he knew that if this woman – the woman he loved – and he, were going to have a shot at any kind of future together, he had to be truthful. He looked at her occasionally as he talked, trying to gauge what she was thinking or feeling, but her face was a blank canvas.

‘And that’s about it,’ Matt breathed, his relief at telling his story now palpable. ‘I’m sorry, baby, I told you it wasn’t pretty.’

‘No,’ Grania shook her head slowly, ‘it isn’t. Where is Charley now?’

‘My mom says she’s living in our house in Greenwich. And dating my old friend Al, who’s practically moved in, apparently. He’s always had a thing for her.’ Matt gave a grim smile. ‘The baby’s due in a few weeks. My name is dirt at the country club, but hey, who cares?’

‘What about your mother and father? Surely the situation makes it hard for them?’

‘Well,’ Matt managed a weak smile, ‘seems what’s happened to me meant my mom has kinda got with her own programme. And as from next week, I have a new flatmate.’

‘What do you mean?’ Grania frowned.

‘Apparently, Mom’s not been happy for years with my dad. You can imagine he didn’t take kindly to Charley and me splitting, said I should still stand by her for the sake of “form”. It was the proverbial last straw for my mom. So she’s leaving him.’ Matt shook his head. ‘Ironic really, but she says she’s had enough of toeing the party line. She wants to live a bit while she still can. You know, Grania, despite the impression you had of her, she thought you were just great. She even told me you were an inspiration to her.’

‘Really?’ Grania was genuinely surprised. ‘But you must be sad, Matt. They’ve been married such a long time.’

‘Yeah, well, my hunch is that she’ll go back eventually, but it won’t do Dad any harm to be without her for a while. Maybe he’ll start appreciating her and soften that rod up his ass in order to have a proper relationship with her. And his son, too.’ Matt raised an eyebrow. ‘Anyway,
my parents’ marriage is not what we’re here to discuss. It’s you and me who are important. How are you feeling, baby?’ he asked quietly.

‘I honestly don’t know, Matt.’ Grania stared into the distance then finally said, ‘There’s been a lot to take on board tonight.’

‘But isn’t it a real good thing we had the chance to talk? We should have done this months ago, Grania,’ Matt said with feeling.

‘I know,’ she answered softly.

‘And that little kid of yours, she did everything to give us the opportunity,’ added Matt. ‘She acted like our fairy godmother.’

‘She did,’ Grania agreed, ‘but …’

‘But what?’

‘It still can’t make the wrong things right. Or erase the past.’

‘What exactly are the “wrong” things?’ Matt stared at her. ‘Unlike you, I’ve only ever seen the “right” things about you and me.’

‘I’m tired, Matt,’ Grania sighed. ‘Can we go home, please?’

‘Sure.’

They drove back to the farmhouse in silence, Grania staring out of the window at the blackness of the night.

They walked into the kitchen and Matt said, ‘Where do I sleep?’

‘I’m afraid it’s the sofa. I’ll get you a pillow and some blankets.’

‘Grania … please, baby, at least give me a hug. I love you … I …’ He reached for her hand as she walked past
him, but she ignored it, went upstairs to the hot press and retrieved what Matt needed.

‘There.’ She dumped the pile on the kitchen table. ‘Sorry the accommodation isn’t up to much.’

‘It’ll do just fine,’ he said, suddenly cold. ‘And don’t worry – I’m out of your hair tomorrow. I have a lecture tour starting on Wednesday.’

‘Right. Goodnight, Matt.’

Matt watched her leave the room. He understood her shock, that the stuff he’d had to tell her tonight was difficult to hear, but listening to Grania’s story had hardly been a walk in the park for him, either. Yet he was still prepared to reach out to her, to accept and understand and put the past behind them. Simply because the need to be with the woman he loved overrode everything else.

Whereas she was as cold as ice, and refusing to give him an inch. He’d made the effort, encouraged by Aurora, to fly across the world to see her, to try one last time to salvage their relationship. As he threw himself and the blanket disconsolately on to the sofa, Matt sighed heavily. Maybe he was tired from the journey, but tonight he was all out of hope for the future.

Grania lay upstairs, unable to sleep. Even though she believed Matt’s story, the unpalatable bit of it kept going round in her head. Whether Matt had been drunk or not, Charley had still ended up in his bed. And subsequently stayed there for five months. Her stuff had been hung in the closet where her clothes used to hang, they currently owned a house together and had announced their engagement. The scenario was her ultimate nemesis.
Grania shuddered as she thought of how smug Matt’s dad would have been at his son’s reunion with a more suitable female.

But she knew also that many couples managed to combine their different backgrounds. And most women seemed to relish being carried off by their prince. Grania sighed. So why couldn’t she? Besides, Matt was hardly a prince. The fact that his dad was a pompous, arrogant, narrow-minded ass who’d always made her feel inadequate – and, from the sound of it, his wife too – was not his son’s fault. The thought of Elaine leaving her husband was the one thing that made Grania smile.

And the fact Matt had come across the world to see her must mean he hadn’t given up. That he still loved her …

As the endless hours of the night wore on and Grania sat upright, her legs drawn to her chin, the truth began to dawn on her. She began to look back and realise it had been Matt’s choice to be with
her
, whatever his dad had thought. In fact, Matt was the one who’d pursued their relationship from the start. She’d never coerced him, or forced him to live the life they’d forged together. It was what he’d wanted. In fact,
he
was the one who’d bent over backwards to accommodate her hang-ups. He’d accepted her stubbornness at refusing to take handouts even when they were desperate, he’d understood she found his friends difficult so steered clear, and he’d agreed to live together, rather than marry.

‘Oh God …’

Grania saw clearly now that it wasn’t Matt who had the problem, it was
her
.

Her stupid, stubborn, ridiculous, destructive pride.
And
insecurity, which had blinded her to his love. And that conversation she’d overheard in the hospital, when she’d been feeling so weak and vulnerable, combined with her ‘blind spot’, had tipped her over the edge. She’d felt like a failure as a woman, a partner and a human being.

Grania sighed, thinking of Hans and his assessment of her. She’d learned a lot about herself in the past few months: what she had misguidedly seen as her strengths, she realised now, were also her weaknesses. So what if Matt had had a relationship with Charley before he’d met her? He hadn’t mentioned it before simply because he hadn’t deemed it important. And
not
because he was harbouring some deep, secret love.

In fact, she realised now, Matt had done absolutely nothing wrong.

As a weary dawn began to break, she drifted off to sleep. She was awoken not long afterwards by a soft tapping at her door. ‘Come in,’ she said drowsily.

Aurora, dressed in her school uniform, peeped shyly round the door. ‘It’s me.’

Grania hauled herself upright and smiled. ‘I know it’s you.’

Aurora walked hesitantly to Grania’s bed and sat down on it. ‘I just wanted to say I’m sorry.’

‘Sorry for what?’

‘Granny said last night that it really wasn’t a good idea to interfere in other people’s lives. I thought I was doing something good for you, Grania, but I wasn’t, was I?’

‘Oh, sweetheart, come here and give me a cuddle.’

Aurora went into Grania’s open arms and sobbed on to her shoulder. ‘I thought that you looked so lonely and sad.
And I wanted you to be happy, the way you’ve made me happy … I wanted to do something for
you
.’

‘Darling, what you did was wonderful. And brave, and a little bit dangerous,’ Grania added.

‘And you’re cross with me, aren’t you?’ Aurora looked up at her through tear-filled eyes.

‘No, I’m not cross at all, I just …’ Grania sighed. ‘Sometimes even fairy godmothers can’t make it all right.’

‘Oh,’ said Aurora, ‘I thought you loved each other.’

‘I know, darling.’

‘And Matt is so lovely, and very handsome, though not as handsome as Daddy,’ she added quickly. ‘And you did talk for a long time last night, didn’t you?’

‘Yes, we did.’

‘Well,’ Aurora extricated herself from Grania’s arms and stood up, ‘I have to go to school now. I promise I won’t say another word. As Granny says, it has to be your decision.’

‘Yes, it does, sweetheart, but thank you for trying to help.’

Aurora paused at the door. ‘I do think you go together very well, though. See you later.’

Grania lay wearily back on her pillows, wanting to gather her thoughts before she went downstairs.

Even if she and Matt managed to get over all the water that had passed under their mutual bridge, how could they combine their now disparate lives? Matt’s was on the other side of the Atlantic, whereas she was rooted here with Aurora. She’d become a mother – ironically, under the circumstances – since she’d last seen Matt. She had no idea whether he would want or be able to take that on board.

Grania showered, dressed and went downstairs. Aurora had already left for school with Kathleen. Matt was sitting at the table in the kitchen, making his way through the full cooked breakfast Kathleen had made for him.

‘Your mom sure knows how to spoil a guy,’ Matt commented as he finished. ‘I’ve missed your home cooking as well, baby.’

‘Well, I’m sure Charley kept you fully supplied with take-out from Dean and Deluca,’ Grania commented, then kicked herself. It had fallen out of her mouth before she could stop it.

‘Grania,’ Matt sighed, ‘don’t go there, please.’

A tense silence hung over the kitchen, neither of them knowing what to say. She made herself a cup of tea, while Matt finished his coffee. Then he stood up and headed for the back door, pausing as his hand clutched the handle. ‘Look, honey, I’ve tried, but it’s obvious that you’re not gonna be able to put the past where it belongs. And perhaps you don’t even want to make a fresh start.’ Matt shrugged. ‘To be honest, I’m tired of fighting a one-way battle. And this morning, that’s what our relationship feels like.’

‘Matt …’

‘It’s OK, baby, you don’t need to explain. And maybe all this stuff about our different backgrounds and Charley, and not wanting to marry me, says something more; maybe, Grania, it says you’ve just never loved me enough to want to make it work. You know, everyone has shit to deal with in their lives. That’s what makes a relationship strong. That and compromise. You’ve never been prepared to do that – it’s all been
your
way. And at the first
sign of trouble, you turn tail and leave me. I’m all in.’ He checked his watch. ‘I gotta go. See you around.’

Matt left the kitchen, banging the door shut behind him. Grania heard his rental car drive off down the lane as tears of shock stung in her eyes. Why had Matt turned on her like that? Yes, a caustic comment had slipped out of her mouth, but what did he mean by ‘not loving him enough’ to make it work?

And now he’d left.

And it was over. He’d reached his limit. He’d made that very clear.

Grania left the house and drove numbly up to the studio, her stomach churning. As she sat at her workbench, tears continued to blur her vision. She wasn’t used to Matt fighting back. He was so gentle, easy-going and reasonable. It was she who was the feisty, volatile one. And after all her good thoughts and intentions during the night, a single sentence had slipped out and ruined it all.

‘You stupid, stubborn eejit, Grania! You love him,’ she moaned as the tears dripped on to her new sculpture, soaking the clay. ‘Matt tried so hard to fight for you and now he’s gone! And it’s
you
that has pushed him away!’ She stood up, wiping the tears away with the back of her hand, and paced up and down the studio.

What should she do?

Part of her, the old, proud Grania, felt she should let him go.

But the new part, that Hans and the events of the past few months had helped her recognise, told her she should swallow her pride and go after him. And beg him to give them another try.

There was so much to lose if she didn’t. Of course there were problems to be worked out, such as where they should live, and whether Matt was prepared to take on Aurora and be a father to her. But as Matt said, if you loved someone enough, surely it was worth a try?

‘
But I thought you loved each other …
’

Aurora’s sad face earlier came to Grania’s mind. Could she break the habit of a lifetime, swallow her pride and go after the man she loved?

Go … go … go …

Maybe it was the wind howling around the studio, or perhaps Lily, her presence urging her to trust in love.

Grania grabbed her car keys and sped off in the direction of Cork Airport.

On the journey, she tried Matt’s cell phone number on numerous occasions, but it was switched off. She drove far faster than was safe, yet when she arrived at Departures, she saw the flight to Dublin was already boarding. She ran to the Aer Lingus information desk and stood impatiently in the queue.

‘My – er – boyfriend is about to board the flight to Dublin. I have something I must tell him. Is there any way of contacting him?’ she asked the young girl desperately.

‘Have you tried his mobile?’ the girl replied sensibly.

‘Of course I have! It’s switched off, presumably because he’s about to get on the plane. Can you not put a message out on the tannoy for him?’

‘Well now, it depends on the level of urgency,’ said the girl slowly. ‘Is it urgent?’

‘Of course it’s urgent!’ Grania replied irritably. ‘Incredibly urgent. Could you put out a message for Matt
Connelly, telling him Grania Ryan … is waiting for him by the Information Desk. And could he please call her before he boards the plane.’