The Girl Before Eve (12 page)

He wiped her tears away. “But how do you know if you don’t speak to him?”

She took a deep breath. “Because he’s my best friend in the whole world…always has been…and he just got engaged and moved in with the love of his life.” Her legs almost gave way as she finally made the difficult admission that she had contemplated making to Chris only a few days before.

He held her and stroked her hair. “Oh, Lily…sweetheart…”

After letting her cry for a few minutes, he pushed her away and smiled sadly into her eyes. “Unrequited love is a complete, fucking shit-head of a bastard, isn’t it?”

She choked out a heartfelt laugh through her tears. “You certainly got that right.”

Chapter Thirteen

No One Knows
(Queens of the Stoneage)

November 2003

“This is the best flat we’ve seen all day, Lily. What do you think?” Eve asked when the estate agent ducked outside to answer a call on his mobile phone. The flat was in a beautiful, converted Victorian terrace on the outskirts of Edinburgh. The ceilings were high and the large, original sash windows let in lots of light, making the small but perfectly formed space feel bright and airy.

Lily sighed. “Yeah, it’s small but I don’t suppose I need anything bigger.”

Putting an end to her travels, she had decided to return to Scotland and begin the arduous task of finding work. She had several interviews lined up and a string of excellent references under her belt thanks to the work she had gotten in Australia, New Zealand, and other countries she had visited. She was determined to do well at… Well, whatever she ended up doing. It would become her life and her main distraction.

Being back in Scotland caused a mixture of emotions to bubble to the surface for Lily. Eve and Adam were loving being in their new home and had initially insisted on Lily moving in with them until she found a place to live. Finding somewhere had now become a matter of urgency. Being under the same roof as the loved-up couple was difficult to bear. As much as she loved that Adam was happy, hearing him make love to Eve through the not-so-thick walls was the worst kind of torture. She knew they were holding back and trying to be quiet but why should they? It was their house after all. She felt so very uncomfortable.

The estate agent returned to the lounge of the one bedroom flat. “So Miss Macrae, what do you think?”

Lily looked at Eve who nodded encouragingly. “Where do I sign?”

♥♥♥

The two friends sat opposite each other in their favourite city centre coffee house. Eve opened her mouth to speak but seemed hesitant.

Lily took a sip of her vanilla latte. “What’s wrong, Eve?” she asked, tilting her head to one side.

“Look, Lily… I hope you don’t think we’re trying to get rid of you. You’re welcome to stay at our house as long as you need, you know.”

“It’s fine honestly. I want to get out of your hair. You two need your space. You’re planning a wedding, and as much as I love Adam and you, I think I need my own space.”

“As long as you didn’t sign up for the flat because you feel pressured to leave. It’s not necessary. There’s no pressure. You haven’t been back long, and I’m just worried that being alone will give you too much time to think about Chris.”

Lily paused with her cup halfway to her lips. She hadn’t discussed what had happened between her and Chris with Adam and Eve for reasons obvious only to herself, but of course they were concerned that she had suffered a broken heart. She had of course, but not at the hands of Chris and not really through anyone’s fault.

She closed her eyes for a second and tried to compose herself. “Chris and I parted as friends. It really is fine. We just… Well, we wanted different things. He wanted a commitment and I wasn’t ready for that with him. That’s all. We parted so that he could move on and do his cookery apprenticeship. It was what he wanted and he needed to concentrate without worrying about me and whether we had a future.” This was the most she had opened up since her return. She had tried to avoid talking about the situation and had been quickly changing the subject any time the matter arose.

“I see…” Eve nodded. “And you’re sure you’re okay? I mean
really
okay?”

Lily smiled and for a moment forgot whom she was out with.
Big
mistake. “I’m
really
okay. Chris is a great guy. He has a lot to offer a woman and I don’t want him waiting around for me forever when I’m still in l—” She stopped mid-sentence, a feeling of panic washing over her at her almost slip of the tongue. She could feel her cheeks burning, a dead giveaway. “Wh-when I’m in no position to offer what he needs.” Lily’s eyes darted to Eve whose eyes were wide for a split second, but then Eve re-arranged her pretty features into a smile and nodded looking down at the table. Had she realised?
Oh shit, that’s not good. Not good
.

Eve lifted her gaze and unreadable emotions clouded her vivid blue eyes. A sad smile tugged at the corner of her mouth as she leaned across the small table to squeeze Lily’s arm. “As long as you’re okay, Lily. A broken heart can be tough to get through alone.”

♥♥♥

Back at the house, Adam was in the kitchen making dinner when the girls arrived home. After hanging their coats on hooks, Lily excused herself and went up to her room. Eve made her way through to the kitchen and slipped her arms around Adam’s waist.

He turned to face her and enveloped her in his embrace. “Well hello there, sexy. How are you?” He leaned down and kissed her passionately.

She smiled when the kiss ended. “I’m better now.”

Adam looked down at her and furrowed his brow. “Better
now
? What do you mean? Is everything okay?”

She nodded. “Yes, yes, everything’s fine. Just ignore me.”

He was filled with concern. “Come on, Evie, I know when something’s bothering you. Tell me.”

She shook her head. “It’s fine honestly. I love you Adam…more than anything. You know that, don’t you?”

He slipped his hands into her hair, stroking his thumbs over her cheeks. “Of course I do. Is there something you want to tell me?”

“No, everything is fine. It’s nothing… Oh, Lily found a flat though.” She changed the subject and Adam knew that’s what she was doing, but he let it go.

“Oh great. When does she move in?”

“Adam! You can’t ask things like that,” she whispered loudly.

“What? Why? I’m just interested.”

“Yes, well, I don’t want her feeling like she has to leave if she’s not ready.”

He chewed his lip before speaking. “Why? What makes you think she’s not ready? What has she said?”

She sighed. “She hasn’t
said
anything, Adam. I just… Well, I don’t know, but I just think things are harder for her than she’s letting on, that’s all.”

Adam wondered what had been said while they were out. Clearly something had. “Should I talk to her?”

Eve gasped and shook her head. “No! That’s the last thing she needs right now. Just let her be and if she wants to talk she’ll talk. Just don’t pressure her about moving out, okay?”

“I wasn’t going to, sweetheart, but you’re worrying me now.”

She placed her hands on his chest. “No need for worry. Just…I don’t know…don’t be your usual brash self around her, okay?”

Adam chuckled. “Awww, you’re spoiling all my fun. But okay…I won’t.” He kissed her again still feeling puzzled.

♥♥♥

Lily lay on the bed in the room she was
borrowing
at Adam and Eve’s house. The way Eve had looked at her when they were at the coffee house preyed on her mind. She knew. Something told Lily that Eve had seen through her, and now Lily felt, more than ever, that she had to leave as soon as possible. She
had
to get out of here. How could she possibly stay now? Okay, so nothing had been confirmed, but the knowing look in Eve’s eyes…
What if she says something to Adam? Shit! No…no surely she wouldn’t. And what if she starts to act differently around me? Oh nooo. This is not good, Lily. Not good.

She wanted things to remain as they were and was terrified of awkwardness. The thought of Eve being upset with her made her heart sink and her stomach tie up into knots. There was a gentle knock on the door.

“Come in.” Her voice croaked.

“Hey, are you okay?” Eve asked as she pushed the door open.

Lily sat upright. “Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine. Just a bit bushed still, I suppose.” She forced a smile.

“Look…Lily…you don’t have to move out right away you know. Really, you don’t. You and Adam have been best friends for so long it’s like having part of the family staying with us. I don’t want you to feel—”

“Honestly, Eve it’s fine. You guys need your space and I really need mine, too. It’ll do me good to get sorted somewhere, and then I can really start looking for work in earnest. I’m fine, so please stop worrying. I hate that I’m causing you to worry.”

Eve bit her lip and nodded and seemed to hesitate before speaking again. “Lily…erm…”

Lily’s heart pounded in her chest and she gulped. “What is it?”

Eve smiled and shook her head. “It’s…it’s nothing. Dinner’s ready.”

“Okay, I’ll be right down.”

Eve turned to leave but paused and looked back toward Lily. “I consider you my best friend, too, Lily.” Her voice was just above a whisper. Lily swallowed hard and opened her mouth to speak but no words came.

Eve left the room and closed the door.

Chapter Fourteen

Last Tattoo
(Rehab)

January 2004

Lily nervously sat on the black leather sofa in the waiting area of the tattoo parlour. She was surrounded by blue walls and cabinets packed with all manner of paraphernalia from mugs to messenger bags. There was a smell of disinfectant permeating the air and the sound of buzzing filled the large space. The thud of her pounding heartbeat throbbed in her ears.

Across the room a young man was stretched out on a black leatherette chair where a pretty, blonde haired, female artist was concentrating on an intricate design on the man’s thigh. He looked quite relaxed for the most part, except for the odd wince every so often.
What am I doing? I must be bloody mad!

The good-looking guy behind the counter smiled at her. “You look terrified,” he commented, snapping Lily from her own thoughts.

“Yeah…yeah…I am a bit to be honest.” She smiled as she fiddled with her nails.

“Is this your first time?” he asked, leaning on the counter.

She cringed. “Oh God, is it that obvious I’m a tattoo virgin?”

The man chuckled. “I can tell ‘em a mile off. Don’t worry though. You’ll be fine.” She recognised his voice from the telephone.

“I’m guessing you’re Joe?”

“Yep, guilty as charged,” he said as he glanced down at his diary. “And I’m guessing by my amazing powers of deduction that you’re Lily?”

“Yup, that’s me, lily-livered Lily.” She pointed to herself and rolled her eyes. Heat warmed her cheeks, which was a wonder considering most of the blood had drained from there.

Joe laughed at her and shook his head. “Honestly, you’ll be fine.”

She narrowed her eyes. “How can you be so sure, though?”

“Call it experience. It’s never as bad as you build it up to be.”

“But what happens if I pass out or throw up?”

“Well, if you pass out it takes longer coz they have to stop. If you throw up, we give you a mop and bucket.” He winked. “It happens so rarely though. Like I said, you’ll be fine. I have faith in you.”

“Well, I’m glad one of us has.” She wished she had his confidence. “I bet you don’t get many women like me in here, do you?” She had moved on to fiddling with the hem of her top.

He scrunched his face. “Women like you?”

“Yeah…you know…normal, boring, ink and piercing-free women.”

“Hey, you’d be surprised how many people you know have tattoos. They don’t all look like Stubbs.” He nodded over his shoulder at the other artist wielding a tattoo needle.

“Really? I thought maybe I was…I don’t know…out of the ordinary.”

Joe huffed. “Nah, not by a long way. We had an author in here not so long ago. She was a woman of about forty. She was having her first tattoo done to commemorate the publishing of her first book.” He smiled. “To look at her, you’d have thought she was the last person to have one, but like I say, you can never tell. Her husband came in awhile after her to get his first done, too. He’s had a few more since then.”

“Oh? It can’t be that bad, then?”

“Well, put it this way, there’s more return visitors than not. It’s kind of…how do I put it…” He looked up to the ceiling. “Addictive, in a way.”

She sniggered at his last comment. “Erm, I’m pretty sure I’ll just be having the one.”

He wiggled his eyebrows. “Hmmm, never say never, eh?”

She appreciated his attempts to reassure her as she glanced around and took in the photographs of previous tattoos that adorned the walls.
These guys are some bloody talented artists
.

A muscle-bound, giant of a man with hardly a tattoo-clear inch on his exposed arms walked over. “Lily?” he asked as he smiled. She nodded. “Come on lass, you’re up.” She walked over to his workstation, which had been prepared and covered ready for her.

Once she was sitting in the chair, he laughed. “Joe was right, you look absolutely terrified. Don’t be. It’ll be done before you know it. I’m Stubbs by the way.” He held out his gloved hand and she took it. He had a firm grip and such a friendly face she momentarily forgot her fear. “So, you’re having some Gaelic script on your lower back, is that right?”

“Yep, that’s right.”

Stubbs held out a sheet of paper with a phrase printed on it. “This is what you emailed in, are you happy with it?”

She looked over the words that had been written in beautiful script designed especially for her and a lump of emotion lodged in her throat.

“Yes…yes that’s beautiful.”

“Right, lass, I need you to sit sideways in the chair with your feet through the arm, and you need to lean slightly forward, okay?”