The German Numbers Woman (21 page)

Carla:
(sounding worried, almost angry) ‘And what happen to you?'

Judy:
‘Nothing.'

Carla:
‘I think of you all the time.'

Judy:
‘I want you, as well. Why can't we be together always instead of just a couple of days every few months? I sometimes think I want to die.'

Carla:
‘Me too. I love you. Don't like to think of you on that boat, only one woman.'

Judy:
(laughs) ‘You needn't worry. I don't fancy any of them. Anyway, what about you and your crew?'

Carla:
‘Nobody want me. I'm forty, but you young.'

Judy:
‘Don't
worry
. They're all too busy here. Anyway, they go after the local variety, or look for tourists. They know I've got you, so they leave me alone.'

Carla:
‘I kill them.'

Judy:
(another laugh) ‘I like it when you're jealous.'

Carla:
‘No good. Love not jealous. It's just I worry about you.'

An excitable Russian, as if he was in difficulty trying to steer a container ship through the Corinth Canal, drowned Carla's voice for a few moments.

Judy:
‘There's that man again. I can't hear you.'

Carla:
‘Me change channel?'

Judy:
‘I always hate doing it in case we don't make contact again. Up to the next OK?'

Howard trailed after them, step by step until he overshot or passed, nothing to fix on because they had as yet made no contact. He saw them both, on the bridge of their yachts, or maybe down in a cabin, in the dim light anyway, hearing nothing but lost in the thrall of calling, drowned by annihilating atmospherics, and the ever expanding crush of iron filings, an aural snowstorm from earth into space. Morse got through, but voices had a hard time of it, till he heard Judy clearly enough: ‘
Pontifex, Pontifex
, this is
Daedalus
, can you hear me, over?'

Again and again, voice close to frantic, often with a note of pleading, as if the Almighty might hear and, out of sentimental feeling, turn down the static: ‘
Pontifex, Pontifex
, where are you? Carla, can you hear me?'

Howard picked up both when they were deaf to each other, a common failure between two people trying to make contact. Their transmitters were no doubt accurate in definition, pre-set and spot on for the required number and decimal point of kilocycles, but the voices working through them failed to meet. Vanya didn't always hear aircraft wanting to know where they were, and ships working on different wavelengths failed to get in touch. In spite of technical perfection and acute professional ears contact was often difficult, Howard amused and gratified with evidence that scientific man was not always master in his own house, and that a greater Power could foil what was supposed to be certain – no bad thing for the sobering of whoever assumed they had chained the forces of nature.

But now he felt woeful that Judy couldn't hear Carla nor Carla Judy, call as they might. Judy's tone was fretful, though her voice was loud: ‘
Pontifex
, this is
Daedalus
, can you hear me?'

Carla was exasperated: ‘
Daedalus
, no can hear you. Where are you? Can you hear me?'

They regretted not having struggled along on the previous wavelength, in spite of shrill interference from the Russian captain, who persisted in manoeuvring his vast ship through the Corinth Canal for a bet. They had searched for improvement, if not perfection, as if the power of such love would bring them physically together – and who could blame them? He wanted to hear Judy as if she were in the same room, and with whatever senses he could muster try to imagine what she looked like. Knowing such a meeting to be impossible – at which he might be able to ask her, or get someone else to describe her – he felt a pain at the heart, an ache which could only be alleviated by another tot of life giving whisky. He would crawl to bed if he had to, meanwhile resuming his brush-like sweeping of the aether, and wondering whether he would give an account of his tribulations in the next morse letter to Richard. Then they were reunited.

Carla:
‘Now I hear you. Top strength. Wonderful.'

Judy:
‘I hear you too. Where have you flippin' been?'

Carla:
‘Nowhere, here.'

Judy:
‘I've been on this frequency all the time. You must have been somewhere.'

Carla:
(sound of annoyance) ‘I can't tell. Where have you been?'

Judy:
‘I'm not telling you. It was very nice. But I needed a shower afterwards.'

Carla:
‘I kill you.'

Judy:
‘I was with my lover, Carla, the best woman on earth.'

Carla:
‘What we do?'

Judy:
‘I'll tell you when I see you.'

Carla:
‘You drive me mad. I love you today.'

Judy:
‘Love you, too. Tomorrow we'll be going to Salonika. Can you come?'

Carla:
‘No, we go to Sicily. Trapani. Much work.'

Judy:
‘I'll call you at midnight.'

Carla:
‘Don't know if possible. Not if captain on bridge. We try, though. Also lots of people on board. We take horse to Naples.'

Judy:
‘Horse! What do you do with a flippin' horse?'

Carla:
‘Boss likes.'

Judy:
‘Funny boss. Do you know Salonika?'

Carla:
‘Empty place. But we did much work.'

Judy:
‘Don't tell me. Just say you love me.'

Carla:
‘I love you. I remember when in bed.'

Judy:
‘Do you want me to come now? No, I'll meet you on the quay in the morning. In Italy. Italy! We'll find a café and eat breakfast in the sun.'

Carla:
‘'Olding'ands!'

Judy:
‘How can we eat when we're holding hands? We'll just look at each other, and smile. And when we're finished we'll go upstairs, and stay in bed all day. It'll be a café with rooms.'

Carla:
‘At night we eat again, and have bottle of wine.'

Judy:
‘We're tormenting ourselves.'

Carla:
‘I can't hear you.'

Nor could Howard. She had faded, overwhelmed by atmospherics and interference. They called each other in the wilderness but heard nothing. Using their lovers' intuition they would both, without telling the other to do so, change to the next wavelength down, which Howard had already reached and knew to be clear. If he were Carla he would know what to do, but neither were wireless operators, and nor were they blind. Then he heard Judy, who came in as loud as if she had made a thousand-mile leap closer to Howard: ‘Hello,
Pontifex
, can you hear me? This is
Daedalus
calling
Pontifex.'

Her lover was lost, or still at the previous place, and Howard was happy to know that though he couldn't talk, he now had Judy to himself. He felt the pain of her forlorn pleas for her lover, anguish lodging in him for her. She went back to the old frequency and began calling there, telling Carla to change to lower down, as if trying to lead her by hand into clearer skies and greener fields. Howard heard Judy on one and then the other, sensing tears behind an ever despairing voice. When she was calling on one frequency Carla was calling on the other, and each would think to change at the same moment, Howard turning the wheel and hearing their voices going futilely into space. They no longer used the names of their boats, Carla calling for Judy and Judy for Carla: ‘Can you hear me? Carla, where are you? This is
Daedalus
calling
Pontifex.'
Howard poured another whisky to celebrate.

Judy:
‘Hello, I can hear you. It's so hard keeping in touch, and now it's nearly one o'clock. I have to get some sleep. I dream about you, but I would dream more if I could stay in bed in the morning. I love the woman I can't have, that's all I know.'

The separation had worn away her normal ebullience. Carla spoke into the silence.

Carla:
‘OK. We are in love, but what can I do? I think it all my fault.'

Judy:
‘I don't know. What do I have to do? You don't want me enough.'

She was crying, tears to rend Howard's heart, so what could it be doing to her lover's? Perhaps not half as much.

Judy:
‘What do you want me to say?'

Carla:
‘You don't want to talk anymore? I hear this noise. I don't want you to be unhappy. It's not my fault. What I have to do now? Nothing. Don't be upset, is all I say.'

Judy:
‘What do you want
me
to do? Go out with somebody else? I can't. There isn't anybody else. You have the power, telling me to do this, do that. What's it all for? We've got to do something.'

Carla:
‘You know my situation.'

Judy:
‘I know. You can't do anything. You never can.'

Carla:
‘All right, don't wait for me anymore. Find somebody else.'

Judy:
‘You don't understand me. I don't want somebody else.'

Carla:
‘Judy, how we get in this quarrel?'

Judy:
‘I don't know. But what can we do?'

Carla:
‘Now
I
don't know. When you finish on the yacht we find a job together.'

Judy:
‘I don't know what I want. Oh, there's that voice interfering again. Let's change up, but don't get lost this time.'

They found each other immediately, and went straight on.

Carla:
‘I'd like to do something for you.'

Judy:
‘I know what that is. But you're not the only one who's upset. I'm more upset than you are. You can only say go and find someone else.'

Carla:
‘No, I understand now that you love me.'

Judy:
‘It upsets me when you think I'm not serious. I love you, and try to make you feel better. Sometimes I go out with the crew, and we go to a café. Maybe I have a dance with a man, but it doesn't mean anything.'

Carla:
‘I come to your boat. Maybe they give me a job.'

Judy:
‘No, I want you to come to England. I'll show you around Lincolnshire. Lots of nice places, Stamford, Boston. We can go to Cambridge and Ely. I'll take you around, my old woman! I'd love that.'

Carla:
(shouting) ‘Flippin' 'ell, I'm only forty.'

Judy:
‘Well, I'm twenty-eight, so you're a lot older, but don't worry, I'll keep you young, though I know I don't need to. You're all right. I only see you two or three times a year, but I get so that I can't wait anymore. I want to dance with you, even though you tread on my feet. I want to go to a restaurant with you. I want to walk along a beach. All those normal things. In England we'll find a cottage by the sea for a month. I want to bring you your breakfast in bed.'

Carla:
‘Me too. I want all those things. I love you deeply.'

Judy:
(laughs) ‘Your voice has gone very gruff, so I believe you. It makes my spine tingle. Must go soon, though. I'll try to call you tomorrow night.'

Carla:
‘Love you, darling.'

Judy:
‘I love you a lot. This minute, and all the minutes after. All today and all next week and next month, all this year and all the next year. To love you anymore than that would destroy myself. I only want to hold you, Carla.'

Carla:
‘I love you, Judy.'

Judy:
‘Love you truly. Not hearing you too well. There's a horrible noise coming on. It's that Russian again. Let's change.'

They switched, but only to say goodnight.

Carla:
‘Time to sleep. Boss coming on bridge.'

Judy:
‘Good night, Carla.' (sound of kisses) ‘
Buenos noches!'

Carla:
‘I light last cigarette. Love you, darling.'

Howard couldn't move, unable to say for certain where he was. In spite of the whisky his feet were sleeping, as if his body was solidifying and would be launched like a stone out of the world's orbit. He tuned in to the call sign from China (XSG) and let the rhythm go through his mind, as if the repetition would bring his senses back.

If he didn't make a move he would fall asleep and be found in the morning, a piece of old rock. The cat would jump on the frozen lump and run howling to Laura. He exercised his faculties on picturing Judy: fairly tall for a woman, maybe five feet six or seven, a good full figure, grey eyes and rich brown hair of medium length. She wore slacks and a white shirt, the two top buttons undone, sat on the deck of the
Daedalus
in the sunlight smoking a cigarette, engrossed by a Turkish fort on the hill behind the small harbour town, thinking not so much about her lover as of life in general, and what would happen in the future.

He sighed, though she was worth more than that, would hear her if they met, a warm accent with a level of north country still discernible, suggesting Derbyshire, remembered from a fortnight in Matlock ten years ago. Perhaps she had been born there, and her family had moved to Lincolnshire when she was a child. Everything was possible, and whatever you imagined could be true.

The door opened, and he knew the main light went on. She would be wearing her heavy dressing gown, and furry carpet slippers. ‘Howard, come to bed.'

‘You'll have to sleep with an iceberg. I forgot about the time.'