The Fragrance of Her Name (36 page)

She put on her smile and let her mind linger over the past to give her strength. At least Brant cared for her. Of that much she was certain. And his reason for returning to a less intimate relationship…Laura. Laura still needed to be saved. Laura was still his focus. And though Lauryn was rather jealous, hurt…still she comprehended it all. Or, tried to.

Therefore, when they arrived at the McGovern home to be met with the warmest of warm welcomes, Lauryn simply decided to enjoy being on Brant’s arm. She did revel impishly in the delight of the shocked and admiring glances of the women in attendance as they saw Brant Masterson enter the room.

As any gentleman would, he asked Penny, his hostess, for the first dance. Lauryn smiled as she watched her friend blush. Someday she might tell Penny of her day on the island with Brant. Tell her that it had been the most wonderful day of her life. Tell her that Henry hadn’t really helped them learn anything about kissing!

“
You look ravishin’ as usual, Lauryn,” Jeffrey complimented as he came to stand beside her. Lauryn smiled at the flattering remark and giggled as he took her hand, raised it to his lips and kissed it gallantly.

“
Handsome charmer still, I see, Jeffrey,” she said.

“
I see your new beau is causin’ quite a stir among the ladies this evenin’.” Jeffrey smiled and winked.

“
Is he?”

“
Come now, Lauryn,” he chuckled. “Don’t play ignorant.”

“
The decorations are lovely,” Lauryn commented changing the subject. “Your mother is the perfect hostess.”

“
You know Mama,” he replied. “Perfection! Everyone has to have the time of their lives or she feels she’s failed.”

“
She puts too much pressure on herself. She always does a wonderful job so she needn’t worry,” Lauryn assured him. She knew Mrs. McGovern needed to hear reassurances from every venue possible. And she knew Jeffrey would certainly deliver this one.

“
May I?” Jeffrey asked, offering his hand to Lauryn.

Lauryn smiled. “Of course, sir.”

Jeffrey led her to the dance, a quick fox trot followed by a waltz. Mrs. McGovern always insisted on numerous waltzes at her parties. She referred to the waltz as,
‘a beacon of classic hope, midst the ridiculous dances of the day that put one in mind of a cluster of recently beheaded chickens runnin’ about!’

Jeffrey led Lauryn in the waltz, and as they finished he bowed to her chivalrously and led her from the floor. Immediately, Penny was upon them.

“
Lauryn you look beautiful! That lavender dress is simply a dream!” Penny exclaimed. “And I love this lace,” she mumbled, touching the dainty lace at Lauryn’s sleeve. Then lowering her voice she added, “And your prince charmin’ is, too! My stars, Lauryn, if he doesn’t send me into fits of delirium nearly!”

“
I know it. Believe me, I do,” Lauryn confessed, as she looked across the room at Brant, who had Mrs. McGovern’s captivated attention at that moment.

“
You have to tell me…” Penny begged dropping her voice. “You have to, Lauryn. I mean, I haven’t seen you for a week! Please tell me that it’s because he’s had you tied up at some secret rendezvous….your hand held at your back while he threatens to steal your virtue!”

Lauryn giggled. Penny was always so dramatic. And, Lauryn had always confided everything in her. But dare she even imply that she had, indeed, spent time in Brant’s arms? Penny’s eyes were wide with excitement. And, after all, what was a best friend for if not sharing secrets?

“
Let’s just say,” Lauryn began. “Henry’s not near the lover we thought him to be.” Penny squealed with delight, and Lauryn shushed her.

“
You’ll tell me all about it,” Penny demanded. “In great detail, later. Won’t you?”

“
Shhh!” Lauryn warned. “He’s comin’ this way.”

Lauryn watched Brant approach. He strode toward her with confidence and determination. Not unlike a lion that had cornered his prey. He reached out and took her hand, placing it in the crook of his arm. “My turn, sugar,” he said. “Sorry, Miss McGovern. But the next waltz will be starting shortly and I need to have your friend here.”

Penny giggled. “That’s just fine, Mr. Masterson. You do whatever you want with her.”

Brant’s eyebrows raised, surprised at her comment. “Whatever I want, huh?” Lauryn’s heart was beating like a kettledrum.

“
Anythin’,” Penny assured him.

“
Hmmm,” Brant mumbled. “Anything I want she says, sugar,” he whispered in Lauryn’s ear. Lauryn didn’t even care about the shocked expressions on the faces of several of the older ladies who stood nearby and had caught the conversation between Brant and Penny. All she cared about was that Brant was now leading her to the dance. The music started and he took her in his arms.

Brant’s hand at her waist seemed to burn through Lauryn’s clothing, sending a marvelous shiver along her flesh. She looked up to find him smiling down at her. It was the mischievousness in his smile that she loved most in that timeless instant. She fancied that for all his avoiding mentioning what had happened between them the day before, it was still as fresh in his mind as it was in hers.

“
You follow well,” he said after a few moments.

“
I was taught well,” she explained.

He frowned. “Really? How well?”

“
Quite well,” she answered. Then to her dismay and delight, Brant began to lead into a cross-over step—the very same step the Captain taught her years before. Lauryn followed him easily. He smiled and nodded his approval.

“
He taught you well, your Captain,” Brant noted.

“
How did you know it was the Captain?” she asked.

“
Who do you think taught me?” he whispered as he leaned toward her ear. Laura taught Brant the step? Lauryn’s mouth dropped open in wonderment.

“
Don’t try to tempt me into kissing you,” Brant whispered. “My resolve where self-control is concerned is refortified today.” Lauryn shut her mouth quickly, simultaneously thrilled and disappointed.

“
Now, show me what you’re made of. Can you keep up with me?” he asked.

Lauryn narrowed her eyes, accepting his challenge. He led her around the room in a flawless cross-over waltz. Eventually, Brant returned to a normal step and Lauryn triumphantly smiled up at him.

“
You realize, of course,” he whispered, “that there aren’t two other people in this room our age who can pull that off.”

“
I do,” she assured him. Almost instantly an odd dizziness began to overtake her. It was as if she were looking through a thick fog. Suddenly, it was the Captain’s face she saw before her, the Captain’s arms that held her. Only for a moment and then she could see Brant once more. She saw him saying her name, but she could not hear him.

Her dizziness increased as she realized what was happening. It was her vision! The one she’d had years past while dancing with the Captain in her bedroom. That odd, dreamy moment when the Captain seemed to change and she found herself looking through a veil of fog, searching for the identity of a stranger who held her in his arms. It had been Brant! The stranger in the fog! She knew it now! It was Brant that had been shown to her in that visionary dream. And now, that same moment, that blessed peek of the future…it was upon her again. Only it was reality!

“
Lauryn?” Brant asked. “Are you all right?” The fog lifted and the present was all around Lauryn once more. Brant, though still leading her in the waltz, studied her with concern.

“
I’m…I’m fine,” Lauryn lied. “Just a bit dizzy. You’re quite a dancer and I guess that I am not.” Brant’s eyes narrowed suspiciously, but he seemed to let her fib pass. The music ended and Brant escorted Lauryn to the refreshment table.

“
You’re sure you’re all right?” he asked once more.

“
I’m fine,” she assured him. “Why don’t you take Nana and Aunt Felicity some punch. I’m sure they’re simply parched.”

Again Brant looked at her and she knew he was not as easily put off as she had hoped. He nodded. Filling two punch cups he rather unwillingly, left her in search of the two elderly ladies.

Once Brant was far enough away that he could not return too quickly, Lauryn escaped. As quietly and as unnoticeably as she could, she left the party and retreated out to the veranda. Breathing deeply, she tried to calm her frazzled state.

Her vision! The one she’d had years ago while waltzing with the Captain. The foggy vision of her Mr. Perfectly Imperfect. It was Brant! It wasn’t as though she hadn’t already been feeling he was the one she’d love forever. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t entertained ideas of belonging to him, being his wife. Of course she had. Daily! Almost hourly since the very moment she’d met him on the train months ago. But to have this…this…this vision come to her—it had flung her thoughts into complete turmoil, sent her heart aching far worse than it ever had before. She wanted to possess him with a greater urgency! She wanted to abandon everyone and everything else in her life in order to try and win him!

And had she won him? From the perspective of anyone who may have seen his behavior toward her…his attentiveness, their passionate moments under the dogwoods…Lauryn knew anyone witnessing the friendship they’d forged would surely think she had begun to secure him as her own. Of course, few living souls knew of their sleuthing together—few knew of Laura’s incredible hold on Brant’s loyalty and heart.

Lauryn’s vision should’ve encouraged her; given her new hope. Instead, it depressed her, frightened her, allowed doubt into her soul somehow. Once more, in an unconscious, desperate attempt to shield herself from complete heartbreak, Lauryn tried to convince herself that it was impossible. She couldn’t have Brant! Not while Laura was still haunting him. Not while Laura still occupied the loving space in his heart. Maybe never! In her innocence and inability to believe herself worthy of such a man, Lauryn’s uncertainties were very well founded in her own inexperienced mind. After everything that tried to tell her otherwise, could she still not believe she was capable of winning Brant for herself?

Looking up into the heavens she pleaded in a soft whisper, “Please! Please stop this until we’ve found Laura. I can’t take this.” She clutched fiercely at the bodice of her blouse as if, somehow, she could squeeze the aching from her heart by doing so. She shook her head and brushed furiously at her tears, wondering how anyone could say that love was the ultimate happiness. She’d even said it herself, simple, naive and untried fool that she was. How could anyone praise such a love as she owned for Brant when it caused such pain?

With each inhaled breath of air her feelings for him grew. With every moment she lived, the invisible vine of her love for him wound more densely throughout her body, constricting her breath, stabbing at her heart and heating her tears. They ran like hot rivulets down her face now as she struggled to calm herself, to steady her breathing and gain some shred of composure.

In those moments, Lauryn’s chest began to fairly smolder with the ache of loving Brant. Her very breathing seemed to cause the excruciating pain to further intensify within her. The pain being caused from not being free to have him…his heart not being wholly free to have. He was perfect. Perfectly imperfect! Perfect, to her; for her. Every dream, every notion she’d ever had of the man she would lose her heart to, was embodied in Brant Masterson. It stung wickedly! For with Lauralynn still lost, the Captain so miserable without her…even despite the mystery that had brought Brant into her life…he seemed unattainable to her. A living, breathing dream never to be realized. And, it was insufferable to Lauryn at that moment. She wanted Brant for her own, immediately! She didn’t want to share him with Laura, with anyone anymore!

“
Lauryn?” Brant spoke quietly as he approached from behind her. She released an audible and sorrowful moan of heartache. Always he followed her when she was upset. He never let her wallow in misery for long. “Are you all right?” he asked, placing a strong hand on her shoulder, urging her to turn and face him. She nodded silently, and tried not to sniffle too loudly. “What’s wrong?” Brant turned her to face him, holding her firmly by the shoulders and looked. Each time he bent toward her, Lauryn turned from him, embarrassed by her tears.

“
Nothing,” she lied. “I just…”

Unexpectedly, Brant pulled Lauryn into his arms and against the warm strength of his body. She could not help but return his embrace and sob into the freshness of his shirt.

“
I think I understand,” he whispered.

“
You do?” she asked as fear washed over her. Did he really? Did he know she had fallen desperately in love with him?

As she tried to pull herself from his embrace, he held her tighter and whispered, “It was different when you were a child. Exciting, maybe. This needful ghost. But you’re an adult now. You want to live your own life. You don’t want to have to worry…have the guilt that you have over their unhappiness.” Lauryn was silent. He was assuming their waltz spurred a melancholy over the Captain and Laura. She said nothing. Let him assume it. It was far safer than if he’d guessed at the truth. He continued, “Then every time you’re at a party, or with loved ones…dancing, laughing and just living…the guilt sets in and spoils it. Believe me, I
understand. But it’s all right, you know. I…I think it’s only natural that we would want to leave it all behind and go forward. You don’t need to feel bad about it. I mean…I know you do. But it is all right. We’ve talked about this before.”