The Forgotten: Aten's Last Queen (28 page)

“Stop saying that name!” Ay yelled at me, stirring up echoes around the chamber. It beat against my head. “He is not worthy of it! He gave it up!”

Now that I had him on his toes, I could not stop, “Why? Would you prefer the name Moshe? Do you want Moshe to come back bringing locusts and sickness with him? Is that what you’d like to stand over when you accept the double crown?” The thought welled up from my heart and came bursting out at him. “Then may the Nile run with blood once again.”

I could tell Ay feared what I was saying. I felt the words from my mouth to be true, even if I did not know it by my memory. Even if to me they were just stories, to Ay it had been a reality.

“His one God defeated all of ours. Do you wish for Him to return and avenge the death of
His
followers?” I finished with a hiss in my voice.

Ay stood up abruptly. He had a knife in his hands. Quickly, he walked over to Amyntas. I reached out, ready to scream, but Ay only slashed the ropes binding him. Once free, Amyntas’s hands removed the gag in his mouth. He stumbled up heavily and stood next to me. His eyes were alight with a passion I had not seen before. It was not a passion sparked by the love of a woman.

“God spared your people so all lands would know the greatness of His power and His love. Do not make the same mistake as Pharaoh of old,” he said.

Horemheb stepped away from the door to let us out, but Ay had not finished.

“You will marry me, crown me pharaoh, and this boy will not speak a word of this to anyone. Moshe or not, I will strike down your daughter if he passes on what we have spoken tonight. Only by submitting to my will, shall your daughter stay alive, Queen. General, will you escort this boy safely home?”

The thought of Horemheb alone with Amyntas should have scared me, but it did not. I knew he would make it home safe. Something whispered it inside me like a gentle breeze passing by my ear.

But what Ay had said about my daughter being held over me, keeping me submissive, raked my heart. I did not think my heart could beat again; it felt as heavy as iron. She was now a pawn of his. I had never intended her to be one. Yet she had come to the same fate as all the women in my family had come to.

We stepped out of the room, and Horemheb grabbed Amyntas by the arm.

“You’re going to marry him,” Amyntas said simply, looking into my eyes as he spoke. It was a statement and not an accusation.

“I had to keep you and Tasherit safe. If this is what he wants, then so be it.” I replied. “I will give anything so long as you both live.”

Horemheb started to pull him down the walkway, but his eyes would not depart from mine so easily.

“I’m sorry, my queen. I have failed you,” he called back.

“No, you have not. I will make sure you both are safe. Tell her I love her… every day.” My voice broke like the waves crashing down on me.

Amyntas shook his head. “This is not goodbye.”

He was pulled away from my view. My world was now empty.

I knew that my life was coming to an end. Amyntas was wrong. I would leave this world. Ay would see to that.

Soon.

Part Two:

Ra’s Battle

Chapter 1

To Hear Your Voice

1332 B.C., Season of Akhet

To my dear Defender,

I wanted you to know that we are fine. The baby is a girl. She is healthy and gets stronger by the day. She is a blessing in my life. Mother says she is as quiet as I was as a baby, so I have named her as my Tasherit. I know that mothers do not name children after themselves in your country, but I find it fitting that she should continue in my name. Hopefully, her life will be blessed beyond my own
.

Now that Father’s 70 days of mourning has passed, Mother is back in the palace and helping Merytaten and Smenkhkare. She has given them lone occupancy of the rooms upstairs. The rest of us have moved to the lower apartments. There was always plenty of space there as if Mother and Father had planned many children but then had forgotten to get around to it. It feels like a home again. The only thing that is missing is my heart, as it belongs to you. I hope one day to see you again. Things are so busy right now that it is impossible to get out
.

I have decided to nurse my daughter like mothers in the villages do. Smenkhkare looks at me with disgust when he sees me out in the gardens. He says I have belittled myself and the role of a princess. Merytaten tries to explain what this means to women, but he will not listen
.

He does not seem to care for Merytaten at all. He walks around with a scowl on his face constantly. I think he wants to pull free from my family, but he does not have that power. In all appearances, Smenkhkare and Merytaten are the rulers, but Mother is the power and wisdom behind them. Ay is also a presence surrounding the decisions. Together, they try to teach him, but I cannot guess where his anger will lead him. It certainly covers his ears from reason
.

Smenkhkare promises to continue what my father started. He is less passionate, and I am not sure if the people will follow him. They are comforted to see Mother again, but I fear their support will quickly waver. Smenkhkare has little patience and sees everyone outside the palace walls as little more than animals
.

There will be a celebration soon honoring the completion of his new hall. I hope you will attend. I will be seated at a side table away from Pharaoh and Great Wife. Please do not be displeased when you see me again. My thighs and stomach have grown thick from childbearing. I am shy to see you once again. Yet I find myself proud of the way I look now. I have brought forth life, and my body may be changed, but it was an honor to change in such a way. I hope that makes sense!

I do get out riding chariots with my mother when I can. I think this is helping to strengthen my legs again. It is fun to feel the breeze swim past me. It is like water with currents that envelop me as I ride. Mother loves to race. The world goes so quickly by when we ride. It is thrilling and frightening at the same time, and I always find myself going back for more. I do not go as fast as Mother, of course
.

Thank you for finding a job for Marahkaten. Tia has told me how she has been helping the goldsmiths in the village. She deserves more than she has been given in her life. Growing up in a palace adorned in gold, surrounded by wealth daily, she only desired friendship and family. I hope she is able to find a new life with your help
.

I continue my prayers daily for you and your father’s safety. If you need anything, please send me a missive. You know where Tia resides. Just bring any messages to her. She will see them safely in my hands. Her family will welcome you. I also pray for my people. You know I cannot separate my thoughts fully from them. I hope that things settle after the hysteria surrounding my father’s final year. I hope they feel the one God as you and I do. I hope that soon they will be content
.

Until we find each other again, An

After signing the document, I re-read everything. The reed pen I used was beginning to lose its sharp tip, and I would have to replace it soon. It was nothing formal or fancy (in fact, it was a little sloppy thanks to the well-worn instrument still gripped between my fingers). My eyes captured simple words. Simple words expressing something so complex. I marveled how words could do this. Tia would be the one to read it for Amyntas, but that did not embarrass me. She knew what was in my heart.

I handed the papyrus over with my right hand, Tasherit supported in the crook of my left elbow as she fed. I could hear her soft suckling sounds as she ate with fervor. Choosing to breastfeed one’s own child was unheard of with royalty, but I was no longer a great wife. I no longer needed to worry about passing off my child for the needs of everyone else in the kingdom. Now it was just me and Tasherit. I could be a mother.

Tia let the ink dry before rolling it up. She would deliver the message and bring his reply. I had less and less need of her now that I was no longer the queen and no longer a child, but she came often to help with the baby. She also helped fill the role of a friend that I had been missing since Meketaten’s passing. That wound was still fresh as ever.

When feeding was done, I walked Tasherit out into the sunshine. With my feet bare, the grass next to the pool felt cool and damp. Mayati was already outside playing with her adopted namesake. She smiled and waved us over to their company.

Merytaten Tasherit was a season away from her second year. She was a chubby little thing who kept trying to run into the pool. My sister could easily catch her when she would dart off, and unrestrained giggling would ensue. The growing girl was a babbler. She also could throw a mighty tantrum! Today her mood was light. Merytaten Tasherit stopped when I sat down next to my sister and stared at my baby. She was entranced by those smaller than her. Eyes wide, she walked back to my sister and plopped down in her lap. Sister laughed.

“So do you believe me now? About children and love?” she asked, playing with Merytaten’s fine black hair.

I smirked at her. “No.”

Mayati looked at me with an expression garbled up in shock and confusion.

I continued, “Your description of how much I would love my daughter was not nearly grandiose enough.”

Mayati laughed. When she held Merytaten Tasherit, she was a completely different person. She was happy and easy to talk to. Smenkhkare was usually holding court with our mother and grandfather, so she had time to be a mother as well.

“Do you enjoy having the title of great wife back? You always looked so much better in the dress and ceremonial hats.” I inquired with a grin. Tasherit was snoring in my arms. It was the cutest sound I had ever heard. It was so soft, like a gentle flow of air tickling flowers as it passed by. Her tiny lips moved in the rhythm of feeding. She must be dreaming of food. Such is the life of a child.

Mayati snorted in response to my question. “Smenkhkare has no use of me. He has the throne and is sick of Mother and Grandfather telling him what to do. To be honest, I worry about what is to come. He does not concern himself with Aten. All he wants is power over everyone. He thinks that ruling requires fear.”

“Father wanted the people to fear him also.”

“But that was at the end when he had nothing to hold on to anymore. It was desperation for him. With Smenkhkare, he feeds off it. He thinks it will gain him respect among the people. To hear him speak of his ideas…” She trailed off. Her brows furrowed as she collected the right words to say.

When she did not finish, I filled the space, “I wonder what it was like for him in Waset growing up with only Grandmother as a guardian. I never really spoke with her.”

“Grandmother was a very unpleasant person,” Mayati said sharply. “She disliked all of us girls because we were our mother’s children. She thought we were all trying to usurp Father. She brought some woman with her to try to tempt Father with to produce children with and so she had a wife to control. But the only thing she could do to us was marry us off as quickly as possible and have our father try to control us with Mother away.”

I wanted to be angry, but looking at the face of my Tasherit, I just could not find it in my heart to be. All other emotion besides love dissolved in her presence. Hearing what Mayati shared saddened me, but it did not last long. My heart had to room for it. It was already overflowing.

“Then I’m glad I do not have that memory to darken my thoughts,” I replied.

Mayati hesitated for a moment. “I was going to mention to Smenkhkare perhaps commissioning a new remembrance for Meketaten. I think that her daughter should be able to see her, more than just in a tomb’s entrance that is. Maybe an obelisk?”

Her words stole my eyes from Tasherit like a thief. “That would be wonderful. I would like to see her face more often. We have not had an obelisk in years.”

“Then I will speak to him about it. Perhaps with Mother’s backing, he will concede.”

“You do our sister honor. But I hope you never forget that you are Merytaten Tasherit’s mother, more than just in a name. It was what Meketaten wanted,” I said. I had once asked myself if Meket would feel disappointment with Mayati naming the child Meryaten instead of after her. Then I remembered her words. She had wanted Mayati to have her. She had asked me to place the baby in Mayati’s arms. Thus my heart reminded me that Meketaten would have been pleased. The child gave Mayati joy, and that was all Meketaten desired. Boy or girl, I think she would be happy if she could see us from Ra’s sun boat which sailed so far above.

Merytaten Tasherit began to fuss on Mayati’s lap. Mayati stood, picking her up. “I think it’s feeding time again. Enjoy your afternoon. And An… thank you. I want you to know that, in truth, I envy you.”

“Why?” I asked her in utter confusion.

“Because you can feed your child. It’s beautiful, An. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise. Be who you are, not what others say you are. You can still choose.”