The First Three Rules (26 page)

Ellis laughed. “As if he’d follow it. And if he didn’t, who am I going to call, the police? With my luck they’d send out Louis and Russell, then I’d really be screwed.”

“What about Sheriff Marsh?”

“He’s got enough to deal with and he’s supposed to be retired.”

“Yeah, but this guy has a serious personality problem.” Pissed off and mean was one thing, but this guy was crazy.

Jon put a hand on the back of Ellis’s neck and pulled him over. His hair smelled like the peach scented shampoo he’d used. Somehow the scent was perfect for him. Jon pressed his lips to Ellis’s temple. “I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

Ellis leaned into him. “Me either.”

The happy sounds of cartoons from downstairs punctuated the silence.

“So, what are we going to do?” Ellis said.

Jon sat back. “Do you know how to use a gun?”

Ellis whipped his head around. “What?”

“I’ll take that as a no.”

“Why would I know how to use a gun? I don’t even like guns.”

“You may not like them, but I think you need to get one and learn how to use it.”

Ellis jumped to his feet. “Are you insane?”

“If this guy comes after you…”

“No. Absolutely not.”

“Ellis—”

“I said no. What if Rudy found it?”

“You can hide it so he can’t.”

Ellis’s laugh was angry. “Somewhere he can’t find it?”

“You keep the medicine hidden from him.”

“That’s different.”

“How?”

“Because it doesn’t shoot bullets.”

“And what if Lenny shows up here and I’m not here to deal with him?”

Ellis narrowed his gaze. “You think I can’t take care of myself?”

“In this case, no, I don’t.”

“I’ve been dealing with him long before you showed up.” Ellis threw out a hand. “I didn’t need your help then and I don’t need it now. I most certainly do not need a gun.”

Jon stood. Ellis tried to move away, but Jon corralled him against the wall. Ellis did not drop his gaze. Finally, Jon brought the fire inside Ellis to life. He would have smiled if the situation was different.

“Get out of my way,” Ellis said.

Jon put his hands on Ellis’s cheeks. He gave a half-hearted attempt to shake off Jon’s hold. He searched Ellis’s face. Jon didn’t know what he was looking for, but he knew what he felt. “I cannot lose you.” Jon put his forehead against Ellis’s. “If this man comes after you, he might very well kill you.” Or hurt him in terrible ways. “Do you understand? I made a mistake and now he will take it out on you. I cannot let that happen.” If it did, Jon wouldn’t even need a gun to end his life. His broken heart would bleed him out.

“Then we’ll think of something, but you will not bring a gun into this house. Do you understand me?” Ellis grabbed Jon’s wrists. “Swear to me. Swear to me you will not bring a gun in here.”

If he disobeyed, Jon would lose him. The unspoken threat hung in the air. There had to be another way. Jon didn’t know what that was, but for Ellis, he would find it.

Jon kissed Ellis between the eyes and said, “I promise.”

Ellis couldn’t sleep. A thousand terrible thoughts ran through his mind about Rudy or Jon getting hurt by Lenny. And how if he came after them, Ellis wouldn’t be able to stop those terrible things from happening.

Should he let Jon teach him how to shoot a gun? It wasn’t the teaching part that scared him. It was a gun being anywhere near Rudy. Jon was right, he could hide it. Ellis wanted to believe there was a place he could keep it out of Rudy’s hands. He never tried to get into the medicine. That was probably because Rudy never wanted it. But if Rudy did want something, he always found it.

Ellis didn’t even want to think of the ramifications of Rudy finding a gun.

If only moving was possible. They had money from the settlement from his parents’ death, the insurance policies, and Rudy’s disability check. The house was paid for, but if they left, they’d have to rent a place. That would be an expense out of the budget Ellis set aside each month and would eventually deplete the savings.

Then there was Rudy. The one time their parents tried to take a vacation in Florida, all he did was pace and worry. He refused to sleep or stop asking when they were leaving. The next morning, they drove home. Ellis could only imagine the reaction Rudy would have to moving into a different house.

How was he going to fix this and keep Rudy safe?

Ellis turned toward the window. The moon illuminated everything outside in a silvery glow, leaving the trees black shapes against the sky. He stared at this same scene almost every night. The thought of leaving it made him sad.

Jon’s arm snaked over Ellis’s hip and pulled him against his body. “Why are you still awake?”

“Can’t sleep.”

“It will be okay.”

Because Jon would make it okay and he could get killed in the process.

Jon kissed Ellis on the back of the neck. “Please, don’t worry.”

How could Ellis not worry? If anything happened to Jon, he wasn’t sure he could survive it. Then who would take care of Rudy? He’d wind up in one of those institutions, doped up on Thorazine and drooling on himself.

“C’mere.” Jon made him roll over. The moonlight turned his tanned skin a cool gray and his brown eyes into pools of black. The fierceness in his eyes gave Ellis a small glimpse of the things Jon had seen in his life.

Ellis put a hand on Jon’s cheek. “This is going to get bad, isn’t it?”

Jon shushed him.

“Are you afraid?”

“Yes.”

“Me too.”

Ellis lay against Jon’s chest. He hadn’t shaved, so his five o’clock shadow rasped against Ellis’s cheek. In Jon’s arms, Ellis felt safe. Here, he didn’t have to think or worry. He didn’t have to do anything but breathe. The smell of soap and Jon’s natural scent filled Ellis’s lungs.

They’d showered together, but nothing else and even that had been done in silence. It was the first time in several nights that they hadn’t had sex. Ellis missed it already.

Jon’s calloused hands were rough against his skin as he petted Ellis’s back. And yet, Jon could make those hard hands do the most gentle things.

How had Ellis stayed sane without Jon in his life? Without being touched? Without being held? Without being…

“Jon?”

“Yeah.”

“Have you ever been in love with anyone?”

Jon paused for a few seconds. Then he returned to making long languid strokes down Ellis’s spine. “I’d like to think I have.”

“What does it feel like?”

“That’s hard to explain.”

“Try.”

He brushed his lips against Ellis’s ear. “It comes from somewhere down deep and fills you with the most glorious desire for life. It can make you vulnerable and easier to get hurt, especially by the person you love. “

“Who were you in love with?”

Jon held Ellis tighter. “A boy I met in college.”

“What was his name?”

“Steve Sikes.”

“Why didn’t you stay with him?”

“He was the first person I’d ever been with and I mistook the sex for love. I didn’t understand that just because you give someone your heart that it didn’t mean they were willing to give theirs back. And Steve wasn’t. He just took from me until I hurt.”

“Why did you stay?”

“I was afraid being without him would hurt more so I made do. But eventually he got bored with me, and moved on to someone else.”

Ellis traced the gentle slope of Jon’s arm down to his elbow. He tried to imagine what Jon described, but it hurt too much to try. “How did you live through it?”

“For a long time, I didn’t think I would. I felt foolish and abandoned. I was ashamed of ever thinking there was anything between us.”

“But you were okay.”

“Yeah, I was okay. It hurt but I learned a lot from the experience.”

“Anyone else?”

“When I was in my twenties. The guy was married and cheating on his wife. I ended it after I found out.”

“How does someone know they’re in love?”

“When you’d do anything for them because losing them terrifies you.”

The thought of losing Jon was inconceivable.

Ellis held Jon’s face and kissed him, one quick touch of lips. Then a second time, slower. The third, Ellis held the other man’s mouth hostage, plunging in his tongue. Ellis drank Jon down, desperate for something, only he didn’t know what.

But whatever Ellis craved wasn’t born of flesh but of the soul. He needed Jon in a way that he’d never needed anyone before.

Ellis broke the kiss, then he pushed Jon over and straddled him.

So perfect.

Dark hair, dark eyes, and a natural tan that promised dark caramel skin if he spent enough time in the sun. Jon did not have the face of a model, but of a man who’d weathered far too many storms. The terrible things he’d seen in his life had left their mark in the form of crows feet and worry lines.

Features that would have taken away from most but enhanced those of a man who was not only willing to face his fears, but carry the fears of others.

Even when he knew it could kill him.

Heat radiated from Jon’s flesh and sank into Ellis’s bones. He dragged his teeth down the column of Jon’s neck to his chest. There he pinched Jon’s nipple between his teeth hard enough to make him gasp.

Jon swept his hands over Ellis’s shoulders. He caught Jon’s hand and sucked his first two fingers.

A deep rumble echoed from Jon’s chest and lust made fire the dark pools of his eyes.

Jon extracted his fingers with an audible pop, and trailed a wet line down Ellis’s chest to his nipple. The sting prickled across his skin and collected in his balls. Ellis rocked against Jon using the friction of their bodies to tease the head of his cock.

Jon gripped Ellis by his hair and pulled him back down. He welcomed Jon’s mouth against his and hummed when Jon flicked his tongue in and out.

It was a simple act but it left Ellis breathless.

There was something else in Jon’s gaze now and it burned hotter than lust ever could.

Why did Jon look at him that way?

And would he ever stop?

Ellis traced Jon’s cheeks, nose, jaw, and mouth. Ellis didn’t just want the memory of what Jon looked like, he wanted to remember the feel of every inch of his body.

Jon started to push Ellis over, but he pushed back.

“Stay.” Ellis petted Jon’s chest. “I’m going to take care of you this time.”

Jon’s touch followed Ellis as he moved between Jon’s knees. Ellis reached the junction of Jon’s hips and settled against his thigh.

The scent of male musk thickened.

Ellis dropped a kiss on Jon’s thigh and then he huffed a breath over the velvet sacks of Jon’s balls and the skin wrinkled. One at a time, Ellis drew them into his mouth and sucked.

The muscles in Jon’s legs tightened into hard lines.

Ellis slipped his fingers behind the sacks and rubbed Jon’s perineum. His groan turned into a growl. He leaned his head back.

“You like that.”

“You know I do.”

Ellis had learned a lot about how Jon liked to be touched, but Ellis had never felt as driven as he did in this moment.

Ellis gripped the base of Jon’s cock. Being circumcised gave the flared head long lines and definition. Every vein, every small curve came together creating a work of art.

Ellis dragged his tongue along the glans to the small scar on the underside and Jon dug his hands into the sheets. A tear of precum escaped the slit and traveled down the slope of the thick head. Ellis swiped it away with another pass of his tongue.

He lingered, caressing the swollen flesh with his lips until he reached the tip. There he sucked the glistening skin, drawing Jon’s flavor into his mouth. If only Ellis could have more of Jon. Feel the pulse of the man’s cock in his mouth and get to relish the heat of his cum sliding down his throat.

Then Ellis would know he had the strength to command Jon’s body. Not because he wanted control but because he wanted confirmation that he was good enough to be desired.

He took Jon deeper. The girth and length of the man’s cock stretched Ellis’s mouth. As he returned to the end he sucked hard enough to hollow out his cheeks.

If Jon would just grab his head and force him to move the way that he needed in order to come, but Jon would only comb his fingers through Ellis’s hair. He’d welcomed those encouraging touches before, but this time it only served to verify his ineptness. Not just in bed, but in life.

He couldn’t protect his brother, he couldn’t protect Jon, hell Ellis couldn’t even protect himself.

It was a truth he didn’t want to face but one he could no longer deny.

And Jon deserved someone who could stand at his side as his equal, not a fragile, ignorant fool who knew nothing about the world or how to stand up to the evils it held.

Is that why Jon treated him so gently? Because he thought Ellis would break? What else could make him be so cautious?

How dare Ellis even dream Jon could love someone like him? He was so useless he couldn’t even call himself a decent fuck.

Ellis bobbed his head until saliva covered his chin and hand. When that didn’t get the response he wanted, he forced Jon’s cock so far down his throat, he couldn’t breathe.

Jon made Ellis stop.

“Jesus, what are you doing, trying to choke yourself to death?”

Black spots danced in front of Ellis’s eyes, mixing with the moonlight. His whole face stung and when he closed his mouth, his jaw popped. Ellis swallowed against the ache in his throat and licked his raw lips. Jon pulled Ellis to his chest.

“Please, look at me.”

Ellis slid his hand over Jon’s thigh toward his cock. He caught his wrist.

“Let me,” Ellis said.

“Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing.”

“You almost suffocated yourself, something’s wrong.” Jon wiped Ellis’s chin with the bed sheet. He tried to pull away, but Jon wouldn’t let him.

Ellis slumped. “Why are you here?”

“Haven’t I already answered that question?”

“That was before. Before all this crap. Before things got dangerous for you. Why didn’t you leave when you could? I’m nothing. Just some fool whose whole world revolves around his brother. The only thing I’ve given you is trouble.” Ellis laughed and it wasn’t a happy sound. “I can’t even give you a proper blow job. So, I need you to answer the question. Really answer it.”