The First Three Rules (17 page)

Ellis collapsed against Jon’s thigh.

What was he doing wrong? Jon had barely touched him and he lost it.

“C’mere.” Jon tugged Ellis’s arm.

Ellis shook his head. “I’ll try again.”

“Ellis…”

Heat blistered his cheeks and he ducked his head. Jon pulled him to his feet.

Ellis kept his eyes closed. “I’m not very good at that, am I?”

“You were fine.”

“Is that your way of trying to soften the truth?”

“No. I mean it. It was your first time. No one knows what they’re doing their first time.”

“Yeah, but the fact you didn’t…” He swallowed. “You know.”

“Come?”

Ellis nodded. “I couldn’t get you to come.”

“You’re not the first.” Ellis met Jon’s gaze and he laughed. “I love having my cock sucked, but I don’t come very often like that.”

“Why not?”

“I have no idea. It feels wonderful and I enjoy every minute, but I guess it’s just not enough to push me over the edge. Same when using my hand. My arm has given out more than once.”

“What will push you over?”

“C’mon. Water is getting cold.” Jon turned off the spigot, opened the door, and grabbed the towel off the sink. Jon wrapped it around Ellis, and rubbed his skin dry.

When Jon was done drying himself, he joined Ellis on the bathmat. “Why are you avoiding my question?”

Jon sat his duffle bag on the counter.

“Answer me.”

“It’s not important.”

“You’re still hard.”

He chuckled. “I’ll be fine.”

“I don’t want you to be fine, I want you to enjoy yourself.”

“Ellis… I told you…”

“Just tell me what you need me to do.”

Jon pulled out a pair of sweats.

“Damn it, Jon. Quit ignoring me.” Ellis grabbed the duffle and yanked it away. It hit the wall and everything spilled out.

A bottle of clear liquid rolled up to Ellis’s foot. He picked it up. A box of condoms lay half covered by a pair of boxer briefs.

Jon cussed and began cramming everything back inside.

Ellis thought about yesterday and the things Jon said. How Jon smeared lotion over his anus. How Jon had pressed his fingers against his opening.

It wasn’t that Ellis didn’t know what anal sex was, it was just the concept didn’t seem real.

People didn’t really have sex like that. Even when Jon’s cock had been pressed against Ellis, he still couldn’t wrap his head around the act.

It struck Ellis then that he really did live in a bubble. Some sterilized space where the most provocative event was Rudy trying to wear his swim trunks to the grocery store.

Jon finished picking everything up. When he reached for the bottle in Ellis’s hand, he wouldn’t let go.

“I think I’m retarded,” Ellis laughed because it was either that or cry.

“What?”

Ellis shook his head. “Not mentally disabled the way Rudy is, but I’m definitely retarded.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you.”

“Maybe not physically or mentally, but definitely socially.”

Jon put his hand on Ellis’s shoulder.

“Do you know it’s been almost twenty years since I’ve done anything for fun? Just for me?” Ellis met Jon’s sad gaze. “It was a birthday party. Bobby Mickland turned twelve. I was jealous of the RC car he got, so I asked to play with it and ran it into a tree and broke it.”

“Ellis…”

“That car cost me a month’s allowance.” Ellis tightened his grip on the bottle. “A week later my parents were dead and I was taking care of Rudy.” He smiled, but it hurt. “While most boys were masturbating over dirty magazines, I was trying to keep social services from taking me away and putting Rudy in a home somewhere.”

“How did you?” Jon said.

“What?”

“Stay out of foster care.”

“Rudy was twenty four, technically old enough to be my guardian, so on paper I had family. George Marsh was sheriff at the time, he knew my parents really well and he knew Rudy. George was going to call social services, but I begged him not split us up. I promised I’d take care of Rudy.

“He gave us a ride home and said he’d come back in the morning to talk. He did and I convinced him to let us try for a week. Then one week became two, then a month.” Ellis shrugged. “Sheriff Marsh would give us a ride to the store for groceries when we needed it.”

“Still, someone would have noticed. It’s a small town.”

“It is. A small town with no local social services team. We weren’t a high priority. In the grand scheme of things, we were better off than most who still had their parents.”

“What about school?”

“What about it?”

“Were you able to go?”

“No. I never went back after the accident. I couldn’t leave Rudy alone that long.”

“Didn’t anyone say anything?”

Ellis shrugged. A tear slid down his cheek and he scrubbed it away. “Do you know how many kids in this town drop out of school? Or never even go? Back then, it was even worse than it is now. No one cared if you showed up. Half the people who graduated couldn’t even read. It may be 1992, but Gilford is stuck somewhere in the forties.” Ellis waved a hand. “If you go all the way up into the hills, there are still people who use outhouses and don’t have running water.” He ran his thumb over the label on the bottle of lubricant. “I think I’ve read just about every book at the library. Granted, it’s not a great selection. My math isn’t that strong, but I know the basics because the library had study stations with flash cards set up for every grade.

“George’s wife, Eleanor, is a retired school teacher. She’d call sometimes or come over. I think every conversation we had was some sort of veiled pop quiz. I tried so hard not to wind up ignorant. But here I am, dumber than a fence post when it comes to something as basic as sex.”

“Trust me, even when you think you know about sex, you don’t.” Jon pushed Ellis’s bangs back. “It’s a learning process.”

But how many people went into it knowing nothing because they’d been playing parent? All this time, Ellis thought he’d missed out on all the things the world had to offer. But it was worse. He’d missed out on himself.

He’d gone from a kid to an adult in a single day and didn’t even realize it.

Until now.

Jon closed his hand over Ellis’s. He wasn’t ready to let it go. “Does it hurt?”

Jon sighed.

“Please tell me.”

“Not if it’s done right. It’s not for everyone, but there are a lot of people who enjoy it.”

Ellis didn’t look away this time when their gazes met. “I want to.”

Jon’s mouth formed a thin line.

“I want to do this.”

“Ellis…”

“This is what pushes you over the edge, isn’t it? This is what you like.”

“Yes, but…”

“That’s why you bought this stuff, right? So you could.”

Jon pried the bottle out of Ellis’s hand. “It was presumptuous. I shouldn’t have.”

“But you did.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Yes. I hoped. I want to. I thought, just in case, I’d at least be ready.”

“Then what made you change your mind?”

Jon looked down at the bottle in his hand. “I haven’t.”

Ellis nodded once and walked, naked, back to his room.

Ellis sat on the end of the bed.

Was Jon getting dressed? If he showed up in his sweats, Ellis was sure the sex wouldn’t happen tonight. Tomorrow, Jon would find another excuse and then again, until there were days’ worth, and, eventually, he’d be gone. He might still be gone if they slept together, but Ellis didn’t care. He’d deal. He always did.

The bedroom door opened and Jon walked in wearing a towel. The terry cloth did more to accent his swollen cock than to hide it.

He closed the door, locked it, and dropped his duffle bag beside the door. He brought over the bottle of lubricant and condoms and set them on the bedside table. He opened the box and separated a couple of squares. Then he adjusted their location on the table several times before he seemed satisfied.

“I thought I was the nervous one,” Ellis said.

Jon chuckled. “It’s a first for me, I’ll give you that.”

“Am I that bad looking?” Ellis knew the busted lip and black eye wasn’t helping, but he never thought he was ugly.

Jon’s gaze softened. “No. Just the opposite.”

“Okay, now you’re just telling fairytales.”

Jon tilted Ellis’s chin up and leaned down. He brushed his lips at the corner of each eye, near Ellis’s temple, then his mouth. It wasn’t the hungry kind of kiss they’d exchanged in the shower, but the tenderness of the action made Ellis burn ten times hotter.

“This isn’t a pet monkey behind the towel.”

Ellis laughed. “I hope not. I hate monkeys.”

Jon loosened the towel, but kept it over his lap when he sat on the edge of the bed.

“So,” Ellis cleared his throat. “How does this work?”

“You make it sound like you’re learning to change a tire on a car.”

“No, I know how to change a tire. This…” Ellis dropped his gaze to the tent in Jon’s lap. “This is a lot more complicated.”

“It’s not, I promise. It just seems that way because nothing is happening…yet.”

Ellis nodded at the bedside table. “The lubricant is obvious but why the condoms? It’s not like I can get pregnant.”

“Disease.”

“I don’t have anything, do you?”

“Of course not.”

“Then why use them?”

“It’s just smart.”

“You weren’t worried about them yesterday.”

Jon scrubbed a hand through his hair, leaving it standing in the front. “Yeah. That was…that was pretty stupid of me.”

“What if I don’t want to use them?”

Jon’s cheeks flushed and his eyes widened. For a moment, Ellis thought Jon might comply, but then he said, “We use the condoms.”

“But you’re okay.”

“It doesn’t matter. Not using them with everyone is a bad habit to get into.”

“Everyone?” Ellis shook his head. “Jon, there is no ‘everyone.’ There isn’t even the possibility of anyone else.”

“Don’t say that. The world’s a big place. There’s plenty of opportunity to meet people.”

“Sure there is. If you’re out in the world. I’m not. I can’t. There just aren’t that many guys sitting on park benches who are determined to buy me ice cream.”

A wash of emotion slid across Jon’s face. He closed his eyes and dropped his head. His hand trembled as he traced Ellis’s jaw, his ear, and then the line of his throat. There was no passion in the way Jon’s fingers caressed Ellis’s skin. It was more like Jon was mapping out the details through touch instead of his eyes and committing them to memory.

He leaned in and exhaled across Ellis’s lips. Jon opened his eyes and Ellis’s world condensed down to the expanse of the man’s gaze. There was heat and there was desire, but there was also something else.

Reverence.

“Scoot back,” Jon said. Ellis stopped at the middle of the bed. As Jon crawled toward him the towel fell away and Jon’s half-hard cock filled.

There was just no way this was going to happen. Not without being ripped in half.

“Remember,” Jon said. “At any time you want to stop, I will.”

“I want this.”

“You’re shaking.” Jon moved over Ellis.

“I’m just afraid I’ll mess it up or do something wrong.”

“You can’t do anything wrong.” Jon’s lips brushed Ellis’s ear. Then he whispered, “I promise.” Jon lowered himself and the muscles in arms flexed. The heated length of his cock slid between Ellis’s legs.

It went on forever.

Jon kissed Ellis’s throat and then dragged a line with his teeth all the way to Ellis’s nipple. A sharp sting shot down to his cock, making him hard. He moaned when Jon sucked. Ellis undulated against the bed, using their bodies for friction. Jon lifted himself up and it was gone.

Ellis whimpered. “I don’t know how much of this I can take.”

“If you come then we’ll start over.” Jon moved down and Ellis grabbed him by the hair.

“Unlike you, that will make me come.”

“Like I said, if you do, we’ll start over.”

This man was going to kill him.

Jon had his mouth just above Ellis’s navel and sucking up a spot when he reached out and snagged the lubricant. Ellis tracked it all the way to where Jon made it disappear somewhere at the inside of his thigh. Was this it? He squeezed his eyes shut.

Wet heat slid up Ellis’s cock and Jon’s lips closed around the end. The initial crackle of pleasure condensed into lightning. Ellis fought to hold back. He did not want to ruin this. Jon took his time, and after a moment the tide receded and Ellis could breathe again.

Until Jon took Ellis’s cock all the way to the back of his throat.

“Oh, God.” Ellis’s eyes flew open and he squirmed under Jon. Ellis didn’t realize he was pulling Jon’s hair until he bobbed his head up and down. Definitely nothing like a hand. The hum in Ellis’s balls returned, crawling under his skin, climbing his spine. “Jon, please…I’m gonna…” Every muscle in Ellis’s body pulled tight.

Do not come. Do not come
.

He groaned when Jon released him. Relief and disappointment battled for dominance. “I want you to know I really like that.” The sound of Jon’s laugh echoed through Ellis’s heart.

“We’re going to start small,” Jon said.

“Small? Nothing about your…you is small.”

“I’ll use a finger, and if you’re okay with that, then two.” The snick of the lid on the lubricant was too loud. Ellis looked down to see what Jon was doing, but his shoulder blocked his view. Jon said, “Spread your legs.”

Spread his legs. Ellis’s stomach knotted up and his cock softened.

“Ellis.”

All he had to do was move them.

Jon put a hand on the inside of Ellis’s thigh. The pressure conveyed the message that Ellis’s brain seemed incapable of relaying.

“Now bend your knees.”

Now there was nothing left of his body Jon hadn’t seen. And some things were not meant to be seen.

Jon hissed. “Fuck, you’re beautiful.”

Ellis laughed so hard he had to drag a pillow over his face to muffle the noise. When he stopped he intended on keeping it there. Maybe if he didn’t watch, he wouldn’t die of embarrassment. Jon tugged it away.

He looked Ellis straight in the eye. “You are beautiful.”