The Final Piece (14 page)

“I feel like I’m letting everyone down,” I whimper.

“Stop that, you’re not letting anyone down. It’s high time that you put yourself as priority number one. Gran, Pops, Uncle Rob and Aunt Melissa
would
be mad at you if you went home just because you thought they wanted you to. They are just as excited for you as I am. In fact, they’re pretty damn jealous that I could get off of work to be here and they couldn’t.” Tommy chuckles, “It pays to be the boss.”

I know that Tommy left a bunch of projects in the hands of his foreman to be here for my graduation. He makes it seem easy, but his construction business is booming and with it, his responsibilities have multiplied. Knowing how much he juggled to be here only makes me feel like more selfish.

“Thanks, T,” I whisper.

He’s just given me the reassurance to feel good about moving to Chapel Hill early, but I still want crawl under the table and curl into the fetal position. I remind myself that this is what I wanted. It is what I want. I excuse myself for the ladies room, thinking some cold water on my face will knock some spine back into me.

When the door closes behind me, I lean against it and try to breathe deep. The rich red hue of the walls and soft lighting cast the illusion of a dark corner to hide in. Sinking to the floor, I weep for Ryan. Bypassing my trip to Iowa this summer means more than just missing my family, it signifies the finality of letting go. For the last three years I have held out hope, even if only a tiny thread, that I would see him again. By skipping my annual trip to Iowa, I’m resigning myself to moving on completely. No more wishful thinking, no more holding out hope for something that just wasn’t meant to be. There’s a burning in my chest that threatens to engulf me and even though the odds are stacked against me, my heart still pleads for me to hang on.

“Beth?” My head snaps up when Charlie’s voice comes through the door. I scoot away from the door, and Charlie’s head peeks inside. When his eyes settle on me, he pushes all the way in and joins me on the floor. “Beth, what is it? What happened?” The tenderness of his concern only makes me cry harder. Charlie scoops me into his lap and rocks me gently while he shushes me. He runs his fingers through my hair and kisses my temple, waiting patiently until I’m calm enough to speak.

“It feels so final, Char. I didn’t think it would be this hard,” I whisper against his chest. “I mean, so much time has passed, why does it still hurt so much?”

Charlie’s chest rises and falls with a heavy sigh. He has heard everything about Ryan. He’s the only person who seems to care about what I’m feeling instead of trying to talk me out of it.

“Sometimes the right decision is the hardest one to make,” Charlie murmurs into my hair. “It’s not easy but it’s time, Beth. You know it’s time or you wouldn’t have made the choice to start school early.”

“I know,” I sniffle into my Kleenex, “it just sucks. It really, really sucks.”
             
Charlie tips my chin up until our eyes meet. “You’re going to make some UNC guy the luckiest bastard on the planet,” he smiles sincerely, but it hints of a lingering sadness. My brows pinch together as Charlie looks away. “I’m so glad that you had a ‘Ryan’ in your life, Beth. I’m so sorry that you’re hurting, but I’m glad that you got the chance to feel something big and wonderful with someone who felt the same way.” I tilt my head and try to get him to look at me. Instead, he grabs my hand and focuses on our fingers as they lock together. “You’re my best friend and I wouldn’t trade that for anything, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t have moments I wished it were me.”

I force air in and out of my lungs as I stare at Charlie in shock. I never knew. I never ever knew. The closeness of our bodies and Charlie’s candid confession makes for a long awkward silence. When he finally looks at me, the sheepish smile that crosses his face steals what’s left of my breath. Charlie’s been my lifeline for the last three years, my rock. His blue eyes confess a need that I can never give him. God, I wish I could. I cup his face in my hand, rubbing circles with the pad of my thumb. Charlie leans into my touch and closes his eyes.

My throat tightens when I think of all the times Charlie let me cry on his shoulder over Ryan. How could I have been so self important that I could miss this? The thought of him hurting from something I’d done, willingly or not, punches a hole in my gut. He’s always been there to comfort me but I can’t remember the last time I offered him any. Before I can think better o
f it, I wrap my arms around Charlie
’s neck, pulling him just close enough to brush my lips against his with as much tenderness as he’s always shown me. The flutter of my heart doesn’t feel anything like the erratic spasms I felt when I kissed Ryan. It feels strong and steady, just like Charlie. The urge to kiss him again surprises me almost as much as how good it felt. I start to breathe a little harder when an image of Charlie returning my kiss pops into my head. I can feel the blush creeping up my neck and the telltale heat burning my cheeks.

He’s my best friend. Rewind. Play. Repeat.  

“Some Georgia peach is going to win the lottery with you, Charlie. You’re going to fall in love and have it all with someone who feels the same way.” I muster a big smile but am scared to death that I’ve just screwed up royally.

“Don’t do that, Beth.” Charlie’s grip on my waist tightens, reminding me that I’m still sitting in his lap with my arms wrapped around his neck. A chocolate curl wraps around my index finger at the base of his neck as my mind and heart war over where my loyalties lie. Letting go of Ryan is the right decision, but whatever this is I’m feeling with Charlie, I won’t use him to do it. My heart is stubborn in its yearning for Ryan, but it won’t deny Charlie, either. Ever since my summer with Ryan, Charlie is the one who’s been there for me. He’s the one I turned to when I needed to vent about my parents, the one I leaned on when life was unbearable. He’s always been there for me and I love him for it. I gasp as the thought ricochets between my head and heart. I need space. Now. I shift to move off of Charlie’s lap, but sensing my retreat, he tightens his hold on me.

“Please, Beth. Don’t,” he pleads.

“Don’t what, Char? I don’t know what you want me to say,” my voice shakes, betraying my feelings.

“Don’t
run
.” Those piercing blue eyes trap mine with their intensity. “Don’t pretend like you didn’t just kiss me, and don’t you dare act like it didn’t mean anything.”

I’m pinned by his stare; I can’t breathe when he brushes his fingers across my bottom lip. I close my eyes, trying to generate space any way I can, when I feel Charlie’s lips brush my cheek. My eyelids flutter open in time to watch him lean in and kiss my other cheek. The gesture is so sweet, it takes the edge off my frayed nerves; I can breathe again. He knows me so well. It would be so easy. His mouth hovers in front of mine, so close, our noses touch. 

“You’re my best friend,” I whisper.

Charlie silences me with a kiss filled with so much unspoken emotion it tears my heart in two pieces.

“Still am.” His answer makes me smile, despite myself. “And I’m still the same guy who’s been dreaming of kissing you since tenth grade. My feelings have always been there, Beth. I’ve just been waiting for you to realize that you’re madly in love with me.”

“Smartass,” I laugh, poking him in the ribs. It feels good knowing that our playful banter is still alive and well. “We should probably get off the floor of the women’s room,” I suggest.

“Yeah, we should before they send out search and rescue,” he laughs as we stand. I stop short when Charlie hesitates at the door. His tone turns serious, “Walking out this door doesn’t erase what happened in here.” He tips my chin up when my eyes drop to the floor. “We’re talking about it and no matter what, no hiding. Okay?”

If I wasn’t already freaking out about the shift in our relationship, now I have to deal with being in one with someone who already knows all my bad habits.

“Fine,” I sigh, resigned, “but you’ve got to be patient with me, Charlie. I’m scared.” Scared shitless is an understatement. I just made out with my best friend in the ladies room. Worse, I liked it. A lot. Then there’s the small issue of moving to different states in a few weeks. What have I done?

He cups my face in his hand. ”You don’t ever have to be scared of me, Beth. Ever.” I know Charlie would never hurt me. He doesn’t have it in him.

“I’m not scared of
you
, I’m scared of
losing
you,” I confess.

He pulls me against his chest and I let his warmth comfort me. Every time Charlie touches me, it becomes a little easier to let go of Ryan and let Charlie in.

“Not gonna happen,” his voice reverberates against my cheek where I’m pressed against his chest, “you’re stuck with me.” With a quick peck to the top of my head, he lets me go and we walk out of the bathroom, into the real world.

Chapter 24

RYAN

I step out onto the deck and check to make sure that no one can see me slinking outside by myself. Immediately, I am attacked by the stench of old beer and feet. Damn, these guys are high if they think I should give up my gig as a resident assistant and move into this animal house. Nasty.

The noise from the party is finally muffled with the click of a sliding glass door. The cordless phone from the kitchen feels like a boulder in my hand.

It’s a phone call. Just a phone call, man.

The bones in my neck crack as I roll my head on my shoulders and blow out an anxious breath. I punch the numbers on the keypad and listen as the other line rings.

I can always ask for Tommy.

“You’ve reached the Bradshaw residence,” Beth’s voice fills my ear for the first time in three years, “we’re sorry we missed you...” The rest of her words trail off as I drink her in like some thirst-starved lunatic. I sigh, defeated as I hang up the phone and lean against the railing. What am I doing? I hang my head and kick the rail with the tip of my boot. What the hell am I doing? Alone in the dark, I let the frustration have control and launch the phone into the yard, cussing like Jack until I hear it crack against the patio stones.

“Feel better?” I jump at the sound of Liz’s voice. She walks up the steps onto the deck. The sight of her eases some my anger. I give her a tight smile.

“Oh, hey.” Crap. She just witnessed me murder the cordless over a botched call. “Sorry, I didn’t you know you were out here.”

I can only guess what she must be thinking. She hasn’t said anything but I know she’s aware Beth graduated from high school today. There are pros and cons to having a chick as a best friend. Pros: I can talk to her about anything. She’s funny. She likes to watch football and play disc golf. She’s hot. Cons: There’s just one, there’s no insight into what the hell girls are thinking. They are still every bit as confusing as they were before Liz and I became friends.

“Clearly,” she chuckles as she saddles up next to me and leans her forearms on the railing. I huff out a breath and try to shake off my embarrassment.

“What are you doing out here?” I ask, when it occurs to me that she came from the yard. Apparently I’m not the only one in hiding.

“Grabby Gavin wouldn’t keep his hands to himself,” Liz mutters.

That fucker, I should kick his ass.

“It was either go for a walk or kick him in the balls the next time he put his hand on my ass.”

That’s my girl—she doesn’t need me to fight for her. I’d pay good money to see her bring Gav to his knees. The thought makes me chuckle and from my peripheral I can see her turn her head toward me. Her eyes feel like a spotlight. 

“Wanna talk about it?” She bumps her hip against mine.

The frustration from the phone call takes a back seat to the curvy hip brushed up against mine. I scoot down the railing a little, but not before I notice the way her hip curves around to her very nice ass.

Down, boy. Can’t say I blame Gavin.

“Nah,” I blow it off, “I’m good.” Yeah, right. I’m an asshole who’s spent three years tied up in knots over one girl and lusting after another who also happens to be my best friend.

Dick move, Ryan. Dick. Move.

“You need to get laid, my friend,” Liz laughs. I choke on her words; coughing and sputtering like an idiot. “The frustration is rolling off of you, Ry. There’s a long line of freshman eager to get their Felicity on and bone their R.A., it’s just the truth.”

“For chrissakes, Liz,” I huff, “you know I’m not like that. Besides, I would feel like I was robbing the cradle or something.” As soon as the words are spoken, I want to take them back. Beth will be a freshman this fall. Liz arches her eyebrow and I know she’s thinking the same thing.

“Where did you say Beth got accepted?” She cocks her head to the side, challenging me.

Here we go.

“I didn’t.” I shift my weight to one elbow so I can face Liz. “Why are we going there, Liz?” I hate it when she talks about Beth. It always feels like she is baiting me, daring me to go toe to toe with her over a girl she’ll never measure up to.

“It’s pretty easy to figure out who you were calling, you’ve had her graduation marked on the calendar for months.” Her eyes are slits as she scrutinizes me, “What exactly were you expecting to gain? Unless she’s headed to Hawkeye country, what’s the point?”