The Fear of Letting Go (4 page)

“Maybe some other time,” I say.

“Okay, but it's never too early to start making your presence known at some of these business social events,” he says. “Won't be long before you're filling my shoes out there.”

I nod and hold my tongue. Lately, this is another thing my father never fails to remind me of when we're together. I still have a full year of undergrad left, but he's already grooming me for taking over the company.

When they're gone, Penny pats the chair next to her again. “Sit down, if you have a few minutes to talk,” she says. “I feel like I hardly see you anymore.”

“I know, I'm sorry,” I say. “Between school and working at the office a couple of days a week, now, I feel like I don't have enough time to just goof off and have fun.”

I pull the metal chair out and turn it to face the pool.

“Want something to drink?” Mason asks. “I feel like I need a vodka after that conversation.”

I laugh as he gets up and heads to the bar in the living room. “No, thanks. I had more than enough last night,” I say. I turn my attention to my sister. “How are you feeling these days?”

“Tired,” she says. “I can't sleep. It's hard to find a position that's comfortable these days, and I feel like I'm up every hour to pee.”

I smile as she rubs her belly. “You look radiant,” I say.

She rolls her eyes, but smiles. “So, last night's date was a dud?”

“Same as always,” I say. Mason comes back to the table with a vodka and orange juice for himself and an ice water for Penny. “I'm just so tired of feeling like I'm having the same damned conversations on every date.”

Penny sighs. “What was it last night? Wanting to go sailing on the yacht? Build a house together on the beach and raise three-point-five children together?”

“Private jet to Aruba,” I say. “About an hour into the date, she casually suggests how beautiful it must be there this time of year and how we should be spontaneous and go for spring break, just the two of us.”

Mason laughs. “Yeah, as if she hadn't planned on bringing that up,” he says.

“Exactly.” It feels good to get some sympathy from Mason and Penny, at least. They've both been there, so they understand what it's like when all anyone cares about is what you can do for them. “Then Mom has to start in on this Piper chick. I'm only twenty-one and everyone's ready to see me settled, as if it's some kind of game to them.”

“Pin the bride on the billionaire,” Penny says with a laugh.

“It's not funny,” I say. “I'm so over it. You guys are the lucky ones, not caring what anyone else thinks or says. I would like to have just one relationship where it wasn't always all about money or the future. What's a guy gotta do to just have a little fun every once in a while?”

“You could always take off on some grand adventure,” Mason says, rubbing Penny's back.

“Mom and Dad might not recover from another one of us going awol for a month or two,” I say. “But it's tempting, let me tell you.”

“What you need to do is stop dating the same kinds of girls,” Penny says. “You need to find someone more down-to-earth who doesn't give a shit about how much money you have. Someone you can just have fun with, no strings attached.”

Jenna's face flashes in my mind. The way her body felt pressed up against mine on the dance floor last night makes me bite down on the inside of my lip.

“Preston Wright, you dirty dog,” Penny says, slapping my leg. “You've already got someone in mind, don't you?”

“I don't know what you mean,” I say.

“Liar,” Mason says. “And I already know who it is. You should go for it, man. The way you two have been exchanging looks the past few months even has me hot and bothered.”

Penny smacks him on the arm.

“Hey, what's that for? Lord knows I'm not getting any from you these days, preggo.”

“I do not need to hear about your sex life,” I say with a laugh.

Penny sticks her bottom lip out in a pout. “Come on, no secrets,” she says to me. “Who is it?”

My stomach tightens. I haven't ever said it out loud to anyone, but there's no denying the tension between us whenever we're around each other. After last night, I'm ready to do whatever it takes to get her to go out with me.

“Jenna,” I say, almost embarrassed to admit my crush to my sister. “I know what you're going to say. She's too close of a friend and it'll just get complicated, but—”

“I think she's perfect for you,” Penny says. “She's the only girl I can think of who won't put up with your shit, but who will definitely be up for a good time. And Jenna does not care one bit about your money, I can tell you that. She'd be the last person in the world to suggest a private jet to Aruba.”

I try to hide my smile, but I happen to think Penny's right. Jenna is the perfect cure for every bad date I've been on since Bailey and I broke up. I just hope I can convince her to take a chance and go out with me.

Jenna

I step into the quad and lift my face to the sun. It's finally starting to warm up, and I love this time of year. The cherry blossoms all along the quad have just started to bloom and their cheery pink and white blossoms fill me with happiness.

I can hardly believe there's only one more day of classes before spring break. Where has this year gone? I had planned to really slow down and enjoy my senior year, but it's passing by in the blink of an eye. In just a couple of short months, I'll be standing on this grass, graduating with honors.

The thought almost makes me laugh. Who would have ever guessed Jenna Lewis would make it through college, much less with honors? I'm so proud of myself, but I'm also terrified about the future. My adviser keeps asking me to stop by her office so we can talk about job opportunities and fill out some applications, but the truth is, I'm dreading the whole process. I've already looked through most of the current openings in Fairhope and there're not a lot out there. I'm sure I could find something better if I widen my search, but I don't want to leave Fairhope.

Over the past year, I've made some of the best friends of my life. The thought of leaving now and having to start all over makes me so sad. What if I never find friends like these again?

But I certainly don't want to graduate and keep working at Brantley's as a waitress the rest of my life.

I decide not to think about it this week. It's my last ever spring break, and I'm determined to enjoy myself.

I wish Leigh Anne was going to be in town the whole week, but Monday, she and Knox are flying up to Boston for a couple of days to go through some of the final preparations for her testimony at trial. I'll be so glad for her when this whole thing is over. The trial starts the same week of our graduation here at Fairhope Coastal, but I promised her I would get to Boston as soon as I can after the ceremony is over. I want to be there when the jury reads their guilty verdict and puts that asshole away for a very long time.

“Lost in thought?”

Someone moves up behind me and tugs on one of my pigtails. I swing around and see Preston Wright standing there, a big grin on his face like we were ten-year-olds on the playground.

“Hey.” I haven't seen him since we danced at Rob's last weekend, and my heart flutters at the sight of him. “You done with classes for the day?”

“Just finished,” he says. “You?”

“Same.”

“I don't suppose you've given any extra thought to my invitation,” he says.

I start walking toward the parking lot again, and he follows. “I already told you it wasn't really my kind of thing,” I say. “But have fun.”

“We always do,” he says. “But it won't be as much fun without you there.”

I don't have anything to say to that. I'm sure his family's yacht is gorgeous, but I can't picture myself on it.

“What are you doing later this week?” he asks. He clears his throat, and I realize he's nervous. “I was thinking if you had a night off work, maybe we could hang out.”

I stop walking and turn to him. We're standing underneath a beautiful cherry tree with white buds just starting to bloom. “Are you asking me out on a date?”

His mouth drops open slightly and he hesitates, as if trying to read me. I give him my best poker face.

“It doesn't have to be a date, exactly,” he says. “Just two friends spending time together. It could be fun.”

I bite back a smile, and start walking again. “Well, in that case, I'm afraid I don't have a lot of free time coming up this week.”

“Wait,” he says, touching my shoulder. “What if I said it was a date? Would that change your answer?”

“The answer is no, Preston,” I say. I reach my beat up old truck and unlock the door. “Just because we had one dance the other night does not mean I want to start going out with you.”

He stares at my truck, frowning. “What happened to your car?”

“It died a slow and painful death,” I say. “I found this on Craig's list for a steal last week, though.”

“Is it safe?”

I stare at my truck. It isn't much to look at, but it runs good. It took almost every dime I'd saved up to afford it, but that's another thing golden boy here would never understand. “Yes, it's safe,” I say. “Probably a lot safer than that sporty little black thing you drive sometimes.”

I climb into the truck and shut the door. He's still standing out there, so I roll the window down. No automatic windows on this old thing, though, so it takes me a second to hand crank it. “Look, I think it's very sweet that you want to spend time with me, but I'm not the girl for you. Trust me on this one.”

“I think I'm capable of deciding that for myself,” he says. He smiles, and he's so damned charming, I want to say yes. “Besides, I'm not asking you to elope or anything. Think about it, okay?”

I nod, my heart beating a lot faster than I wish it was at the thought of spending time with him. “I'll see you around,” I say.

I rev the engine and he backs away to stand on the sidewalk. It takes all my willpower not to jump out of the truck and tell him I've changed my mind, but I don't do relationships.

And I have a sneaking suspicion that with a guy like Preston, one night would simply not be enough.

Jenna

I drag myself in to work at ten the next morning. The first order of business is starting up some coffee.

“Late night?” my manager, Maria, asks, one eyebrow raised.

“Not intentionally,” I grumble. I feel like I've been run over by a mack truck.

I made it home at a decent hour last night, climbing straight into bed after I got home from work at midnight. But no matter how hard I tried, I could not get to sleep. Preston haunted me like the ghost of boyfriends-never-to-be-in-a-million-years. Every time I closed my eyes, I imagined what it would be like to have him there in bed beside me, on top of me, behind me.

Oh, God, make it stop.

I'd eventually crawled out of bed, uncorked my bottle of tequila, and watched old reruns of Buffy.

Now, Spike was more my kind of guy. A bad boy on the wrong side of death.

I finally passed out somewhere in the vicinity of four a.m.

Thank God, Brantley's isn't open for breakfast or I might have had to call in sick.

I woke up at nine-thirty this morning with a tequila hangover and a crick in my neck. I barely had time to shower and throw my hair in pigtails before heading in. Part of me is a little surprised Maria hasn't told me to turn back around and get my ass together before coming back.

Lord knows I cannot afford to lose this job.

See? Preston is already dangerously close to screwing up my life and we haven't even kissed yet.

Correction, will never kiss.

And yet, as I pour my first cup of steaming hot coffee, I wonder if he was thinking of me, too, or if asking me out was just a bout of temporary insanity.

“Mind if I grab a quick cigarette before I start my shift?” I ask.

“Your shift's already started, hon, but go on ahead,” Maria says. “You still got forty minutes until we open.”

“Thank you.”

I load my coffee with sugar and cream and head out back to the picnic bench that has become like my second home. I know I really should stop smoking, but I can't seem to help it. When you work in a restaurant, taking a smoke break is just about the only break you're going to get. And I work a lot.

“Good morning,” Leigh Anne sings as she walks up, looking pristine as usual.

“Morning, dear,” I say. “Hey, I thought you were going shopping today with your mom?”

“Maria saved me. Said she needed an extra hand,” she says. She slings her purse onto the table and climbs to sit next to me, our feet resting on the bench. “I was dreading spending the day with my mother. I was just trying to be nice, you know? Show that I'm making an effort.”

“Are they?” I ask. “Making an effort, I mean?”

She shrugs. “They think they are.”

I roll my eyes and take another sip of coffee. I made it really strong, and it tastes delicious. “One of these days, you really ought to tell your mother exactly what you think of her.”

Leigh Anne laughs. “I don't think she'd really hear me, even if I did.”

“Doesn't mean you shouldn't say it. For yourself, if not for her,” I say.

She nods and puts her hand in mine. “You're pretty smart, you know that?”

I shake my head and throw my cigarette to the ground. “I've been feeling pretty stupid lately, to tell you the truth.”

“I don't supposed that feeling has anything to do with a certain someone you were seen slow dancing with last weekend at the bar?”

I cringe and drop my head into my hands. Small towns are the worst. “What, did Knox tell you about that?”

“He told me the two of you were getting awfully cozy there for a while. He said for a minute there, he thought you guys might even leave together.”

I take a deep breath, letting the air fill my lungs until it almost hurts to keep holding it in. “Would you hate me if I told you I thought about?” No use lying to Leigh Anne about my feelings. In fact, if there's anyone who could convince me to stay far away from Preston, it's the woman sitting next to me. She knows what it's like to have your heart crushed by him.