The False Martyr (119 page)

Noé stepped into his
vision. She was naked, profile to him. He watched her move, eyes on
her long neck, round breast and rear still plump from the baby
she’d lost. But even those sights did not hold him. He turned again
and again to the bruises, purple, green, yellow covering her in a
pattern like a calico cat. Some long and thin, others broad and
round. Small and large they seemed almost more prevalent than the
white skin they marred. Still, she moved easily, walking
effortlessly over the thin grass and lifting her dress without a
hitch over her head. Thus dressed, she turned and looked at the
world around them, admiring the pasture, the mountains, the lake,
the small stream that fed it in a full circle until she ended on
Cary.

“
You’re awake,” she said
with slight surprise. The tiniest bit of red rose in her cheeks,
illuminating them. She followed his eyes to her face and lifted a
hand reflexively to cover her deformed lip. “How are you feeling?
The ice almost had you last night.”

Cary realized only then
that it had been the removal of her warmth that had roused him,
that a moment before she had been laying naked beside him. His mind
flashed to how it might have gone if he had come round sooner. He
pushed the thought away just as fast.

“
I’m tired and sore, but
I’m not shivering anymore. Thank . . . thank you for warming me. I
. . . I’ve never been so cold.” He sat up and realized how
incredibly sore he was. “How is it that you didn’t freeze in that
water? It was like swimming in ice.”

She chuckled, still
covering the split in her lip. The red claimed a bit more of her
cheeks. “I am a Morg and an Esselhelt Morg at that. The winters
there are like nothing you have ever known. But the cold fears us,
not the other way around.”

“
But don’t Morgs just stay
in their lodges during the winter?” Cary could not imagine getting
used to what he’d felt last night.

“
Most do, but there are
still things that need to be done outside, and it is certainly not
Order Keepers or Mothers who are doing them.” She laughed at that,
eyes becoming playful.

“
Tell me,” Cary insisted
as he rose. He considered his nudity before leaving the warmth of
the fur but decided it was foolish to feign modesty now.

“
Why would you want to
hear my stories?” Noé waved him off and looked away, blush rising
all the way up her neck to her forehead.

By the Order, no one has
ever asked her about her life
, Cary
realized as he watched her. And I am no better. We’ve been together
for a week, and not once have I asked about her life before I
walked into it. It was enough to stop him completely. “I’m . . .
I’m sorry I’ve never asked you before. I’ve told you countless
stories about my life at the castle and traveling as a courier, but
. . . .”

“
Put on your clothes,” she
chastised. “Despite our efforts last night, I am sure we have not
lost those men. Even if they follow the wrong path, they will not
just stop. You have no idea what you’ve done, . . . what . . . what
they think you’ve done.”

“
Then we will run from
them. We will hide where they will never find us. We will
disappear.” Cary pulled on his pants. He lifted the shirt over his
head, pulled it down, and walked to her. He came in close, placing
a hand behind her neck. The other wrapped around her waist. “But I
will never leave you. I want to know about you. I want to hold you.
I want to be with you. And I want to kiss you.” He had to lift
himself slightly to reach her, but he was used to that. He was not
used to how tentative she would be, how unprepared, how
sloppy.

“
I’m sorry, that was
awful,” she said when he pulled away. She retreated several steps
and turned from him. “I am . . . I have never . . . no one has ever
. . . . You are so nice to me, but I am not what you want. I . . .
.”

“
You’ve never been
kissed,” Cary interrupted, coming to her side, placing a hand on
her elbow. “The Maelstrom take me, I should have
realized.”

He came around to face her
and forced her to look at him. “I know what you have been through.
I understand,” he said, then continued despite the shaking of her
head. “My father . . . .” He took a deep breath to steady himself.
“My father used my sisters just like . . . just like the order
master did you. I loved one of them very much, but she found a man
just like Zhurn.” Noé retracted at the admission, looked like she
wanted to say something. Cary continued over her, “I could have
helped her. By the Order, I should have helped her. I ran away
instead. And that bastard killed her.” Cary broke down. He saw
Allysa, heard her words, and could no longer hold the emotion
inside. “I ran away, and he killed her. I . . . I could have saved
her . . . but I . . . .” He crumbled to the stones and shed all the
tears he’d been holding with interest to fill an ocean.

And again Noé held him,
her hands rubbing his back, her legs tucked beneath her, and when
he calmed, she whispered, “I am not your sister.”

#

They filled their stomachs
with blueberries from a cluster of bushes along the far side of the
lake then rode the pony hard over the high plain. It had filled its
stomach with the grasses of the meadow and seemed to have all the
energy of a long rest. As they rode, Noé clung to Cary’s back and
told him of her life, of gathering snow in the dark to melt for
water, of the wind and cold as harsh as fire, of a thousand other
chores the filled her days, of sleeping in a corner of the order
master’s room on a pile of rags, of reading his books when he was
away, of being ignored. But she talked also of running through
fields of wildflowers – the only girl allowed outside the lodge –
of sneaking through the order passages, of spying, of the young
order keepers who were nice to her, of Juhn bringing her treats on
the holidays. Though she filled the day with her words, not a one
was of her abuse, of the crimes committed against her, of the pain
and suffering she had felt.

I am not your
sister.
The words echoed through Cary
again and again. And he realized the truth of them. Allysa had been
betrayed by love. She had loved then had that love turned against
her. Love to her became abuse and betrayal. And so she had sought
out abuse because that was the only love she knew.

Noé had never known love.
No one had ever held her or kissed her or told her stories late
into the night. Everything that had happened to her had been
because she was not worthy of love. And so she accepted her abuse
because she did not think she was good enough for anything else.
But it also meant that love had never betrayed her, had never hurt
her, had never been turned against her. It meant that love could
heal her. It could burn away everything that had happened before
and make it irrelevant. She was waking from a nightmare. The dream
was still there, still cold and dark and terrible, but it was not
real, it did not matter. She had only to find the love at her side,
hold him close, and know that the horror had passed.

And that was why she was
so different from Allysa. Allysa was already dead by the time he
found her tied to that bed. Even if he had saved her from the
duke’s son, she would have found another, would have sought that
out because it was the only thing she could understand. His only
chance to save her had come and gone after that first night. In the
morning, when she came stumbling from their father’s room. When
that bastard yelled at her to clean herself up. When she’d looked
at him, eyes pleading, face a mask of shame, he should have gone to
her, should have been with her, supported her, loved her. It was in
that moment, not the one three years later, that he had failed. It
was when he looked away, when he ran from the room, when he left
her with her shame that he had lost her. Love had betrayed her. It
was pain and abuse and suffering. And it was all she would ever
know.

Be the man your sister
needed.
Cary had thought it meant to
protect her, to save her from her abusers, to carry her away and
defend her.
Love her
is what Juhn had truly meant.
Just
love her.
That is how he had failed
Allysa. It was how he had saved Noé. And it was how she had saved
him.

Chapter 69

The
56
^th
Day of Summer

The vest certainly wasn’t
comfortable. Dasen tried to adjust it, but it still pinched under
his arms, chaffed his neck, and pressed on his shoulders. The
morning was hot, and Mrs. Tappers had made him wear his heaviest
dress. It was layers thick with a neckline that rose almost to his
chin. She said it would be best for concealing the vest, but that
was only assuming he didn’t tear it off first.

“
Are we ready?” Kian asked
as he came into the room. He tapped on Dasen’s chest with his
knuckle listening to the knock of the inch thick boiled leather
beneath. “That will stop anything,” he assured. Teth scowled at
him. He backed away and produced an arrow. “Just to reassure you,
this is one of the bolts I’ll be using.” He held it up so that they
could see it. It was short, designed for a crossbow and thick with
small feathers at the back. The point was a wicked looking double
head made of two triangles forming a cross. It was a vicious
weapon.

“
The Order be merciful,
you can’t shoot him with that!” Teth gasped. “From a crossbow?
You’ll kill him.”

Kian slammed the bolt onto
the table. The point exploded. Shards of seeming metal scattered
across the top of the table. Dasen jumped as a few of them hit him
but was only startled. They did not even scratch his
skin.

Kian picked up one of the
larger shards and put it in his mouth. “Care for some?” He offered
a shard to Dasen then Teth. “It’s sugar mixed with ash. One of the
people who’s supporting us is a confectioner. He hasn’t had much to
do seeing as there’s not a grain of sugar to be found in the city –
except for that in our storerooms, of course – so he was happy to
have a special project. I have two more just like it.” Kian pulled
another bolt from his quiver. “I will shoot you with this. The
point will break apart when it hits the leather. There’s not a
chance in the world that a simple shaft gets through that
vest.”

He looked at Dasen
seriously. “Trust me. It’s gonna hurt. You’ll have a bruise, and it
will put you on your ass, but that’s what we want. We want it to
look real. And that’s where this comes in.”

He held up a bag the size
of a small pillow but not nearly as thick. “Pig’s blood. You wear
this around your neck.” He produced a loop and placed it around
Dasen’s neck then proceeded to push the bag down his dress next to
the leather. “I’ve always wanted to put my hands down the dress of
a noblewoman,” he said as he groped. Dasen rolled his eyes, but did
not otherwise feel the need to answer. “The arrow will pierce the
bag, releasing the blood. You will look a mess. Garth, Lareno, and
Jaren will handle the rest. You just spasm a few times, maybe
whisper some last words, then lie still. Got it?”

Dasen sighed, adjusted the
vest again and pressed on the sack. It squished. He shuddered.
“Alright. Then what?”

“
Garth brings you back
here, and you wait. If it goes as Lareno said, the city will be
ours before the sun is down. Then your job starts. Until then, keep
your head down.”

“
And Teth will be with
me?”

“
No,” Kian said, eyes
shifting. “I have something else for her to do.”

Dasen opened his mouth to
protest, but Kian stopped him. “She’s the best shot in town, and we
need this. There is a caravan of supplies stuck outside of town. A
report came in last night. One of the wagons broke an axle and the
others can’t get around it. And they’re loaded with weapons, armor,
and food. We have to have them, but they’re guarded like the
Chancellor himself is riding in one of ‘em.”

“
So you’re sending Teth to
attack it?” Dasen tried to keep himself from yelling. “You can’t.
There’s no way. It’s too dangerous. You just said it.”

“
Hold on!” Kian held up
his hands, but his eyes shifted and he licked his lips. “There’s
heavy cover, and she’s only going to use a bow. We’ve got a bunch
of men to do the fighting, the twins among them. And we’ll have
surprise on our side.” He turned to Teth, clearly hoping for a more
receptive audience. “Teth, all you have to do is fire from the
cover of the grass. You can have a half-dozen men down before they
know what’s on them. No joining the fighting, got it?”

Teth took a deep breath
but looked determined. She nodded.

“
Garth said you were
ready, that we would see the same girl that saved my life and so
many others outside Thoren.”

Teth’s face darkened
noticeably at that. Her eyes dropped, resolve seemed to fade. Dasen
was almost glad to see it. Maybe it meant that Kian wouldn’t be
able to use her.

“
You don’t have to kill
them,” Kian added quickly. “Just put them out of action, so we can
take the wagons. We’ll surprise them, so they’ll probably surrender
pretty quick. We just need you to encourage them,
alright?”

“
Alright,” Teth agreed.
Dasen felt his heart plunge. Teth reached out, took his hand, and
squeezed it.