The Fall Girl (27 page)

As the bus pulls in at the school gates, I spot Lesley by the wall chatting with Jackie and Orla, and hiding a cigarette behind her back. As usual, they're waiting for me. I suppose that's a good sign. Still, it doesn't stop me from blushing profusely as I step off the bus and walk over to join them.

‘Well, any crack?' Orla says.

‘She's been sick in bed,' Lesley says. ‘How the hell would she have any crack?' She rolls her beautiful eyes.

‘Want a fag?' Jackie asks, holding out her packet of Major.

‘Thanks.'

‘How did your date go Friday night, Lesley?' It's the most natural question I can think of asking.

‘It was all right,' she says, shrugging.

‘Just all right?'

‘Yeah. I'm getting a bit bored with him. I fancy someone else more.'

‘You're joking. Who?' I can't believe it.

She smiles at me. ‘That would be telling.'

‘It's just because he said he loved you, isn't it?'

‘You were the one who said that would put me off, remember? And you were right. It has. I can't abide that soppy oul shite.'

‘But you said you loved him.'

‘Not to his face I didn't. I wouldn't. I'm not that pathetic. Anyway, I was telling the girls yesterday: I'm gonna break it off with him on Wednesday.'

The girls start sniggering.

‘What's so funny, youse two?' Lesley asks.

‘You,' Orla says. ‘You've more lovers than Elizabeth Taylor.'

‘Huh! And so I should have: I'm much better-looking. Aren't I, Frances?'

‘Yeah. I think so anyway.'

Jackie bursts out laughing.

‘Jealousy will get you nowhere,' Lesley says, flinging her butt on to the wet grass. ‘Come on, Frances. Thank God I've one true friend.'

I can't stop myself from smiling the whole way up the avenue. I'm thrilled that Lesley is over Johnny. At last, things will go back to the way they were between me and Lesley before he came along and turned her head. Now, she'll have more time for me. No one mentions anything about what I was supposed to be looking for in the mirror.

During our first class, Maths, Lesley passes a note over to me saying:
I missed you like crazy. XXX
.

Because of our giddiness in the past, we're not allowed to sit together. When I look over at her, she has her head down pretending to be looking at her Maths book, but she's peeping out from underneath her hands at me.

I missed you too. XXX
. I scrawl at the bottom of her note and pass it back.

She winks over at me when she reads and starts writing again.

How much?
she writes.

Tucks
, I reply.

Good, cos you're the one I fancy more than GBM
. I have to read it twice. Jesus, is she serious? I can feel the heat on my face. I look up at her again. There's a glint in her eye. It's impossible not to get carried away. The note is written on such a tiny scrap of paper, I have to tear a piece from the back of my copy.

QUIT MESSING!!!!
I write.

I'm not messing, I swear
.

I don't know what to think. I do love Lesley, but am I in love with her? Am I? I look across at her again. Yes. There's no doubt about it. I'm in love with her.

Good. I feel the same way
. My heart is racing as I write it.

Tell me what you want to do to me
. It's written on the bottom of the same piece of paper.

‘What are you giggling at, Miss Fall?' the teacher says. ‘Perhaps you'd like to share the joke with the rest of the class.'

‘Nothing. Sorry, Miss.'

After a minute, when I haven't replied to Lesley's note, she starts making eyes at me and squiggling her pen a few inches above her book, indicating to me to reply to her last message. I nod towards the teacher, letting her know that she's keeping an eye on me. But Lesley doesn't give up. She wants an answer. ‘Go on,' she mouths. The other girls are watching us. When the teacher turns to write an equation on the black-board, I tear off another strip of paper from the back page of my copy.

I want to see you naked. I want to kiss your lips. XXX
.

‘This is the last one,' the girl beside me whispers when I fold the note and hand it to her to pass on.

I watch a beautiful smile spread across Lesley's face as she reads it.

After class, she comes over and sits on my desk. She leans across and cups her hands around my ear.

‘See you later,' she whispers, and then, for a couple of seconds, holds my earlobe between her teeth, making my skin tingle with pleasure.

Before I get the chance to draw a reactional breath, she's down off the desk and flouncing across the classroom, picking up her Art books on her way out. Feeling flustered, I look around the classroom to see if any of the girls are watching me, but no one is. They're all busy chatting or rummaging through their schoolbags. Having different classes to attend, Lesley and I don't see each other again until lunchtime.

It's a cold, crispy January afternoon. The sky is still and pale.

‘Will we go for a walk?' she says.

‘Yeah.' I smile at her.

We're both wearing scarves and fingerless gloves. No jackets. We stroll down the tree-lined path towards the orchard, puffing condensation from our speechless mouths. There are still the remnants of autumn leaves on the ground. My heart is pounding and my lips have gone dry. Without saying a word, she slips her hand in mine. I gasp and look behind me.

‘Relax, will you?' she says. ‘No one is going to see us. It's always deserted down here in the winter.'

‘OK,' I say, squeezing her hand gently. ‘OK.'

‘Where did you put the notes I wrote you?'

‘Here.' I open my skirt pocket and take them out. ‘You must have the others.'

‘I tore them up and flushed them down the bog after Art class,' she says, taking the pieces of paper from me and burning them with her lighter. ‘Always get rid of the evidence, that's what I say.'

‘Yeah, I suppose. Can you imagine the gossip if anyone found out?'

‘I couldn't give a fuck about gossip, could you?'

‘No, but –'

‘But nothing. You're ashamed of how you feel, aren't you?'

‘No.'

‘Yes you are. And you're ashamed of me,' she says, stomping on ahead of me.

I run to catch up with her. ‘I'm not ashamed, Lesley,' I tell her, laying my hand on her shoulder.

She shrugs it off and turns to me with watery eyes. ‘Really?'

‘Really.'

Raising her face to the pale sky, she bites her lip and sighs. ‘OK, I believe you.'

‘It's just when you said about getting rid of the evidence, I thought
you
didn't want anyone to know.'

‘I couldn't give a flying shite what other people think; I just didn't want to get you into trouble. I care about you.'

‘I know. And I'm sorry if I offended you.'

‘Mmm,' she says, looking at me with a playful grin. ‘I suppose I'll forgive you.'

We stop at the orchard gate for a smoke.

‘So what do we do now?' she says, looking into my eyes with an intensity I've never seen in her before. She tilts her head and starts playing with her hair.

‘I … eh … I don't know,' I blurt.

Backing up against the orchard wall, she pulls off her scarf and opens the top two buttons of her blouse. ‘Go on,' she says, closing her eyes, ‘feel me.'

I reach over and skim my fingers across her glossed lips, down her chin and elongated neck, and into the softness of
her bosom, hesitating when I get as far as her bra. My hand is trembling.

‘What's wrong?' she asks, opening her eyes.

‘Nothing.'

She leans towards me, almost touching my lips with hers. Her hair is tickling my cheeks. ‘You want to kiss me, don't you?'

I nod and press my mouth against her parted lips.

‘Sick bitch,' she screams, pulling back and slapping me hard across both cheeks.

‘What … why …?' I gulp, trying to steady myself and at the same time catch my breath, but she has already turned on her heels and is walking away. ‘What did I do wrong?'

She ignores me, marching on indignantly with her nose in the air. I sit down on the grassy bank that surrounds the orchard wall, nursing my face in my hands.

‘Come back,' I cry out helplessly, as she disappears round the corner. ‘I'm sorry.'

With the end of my scarf, I mop up the tears that are streaming down my cheeks. It's not the pain that's making me cry, or even the humiliation I'm feeling – they will pass in time; it's the realization that Lesley and I are history. It's over. I'm sure of it. Hanging my head, I blubber my way through a string of Hail Marys, beseeching Her to soften Lesley's heart. For reinforcement, I pray to Aunty Lily, asking her to have a word in Mary's ear. They're the first prayers I've said in over a year. Then, with a heavy heart, I pick myself up and walk back down the path through a confetti of snowflakes.

I sit alone in the classroom until the bell rings. Dreading what Lesley might say to me in front of the others, I keep my head down as the other girls start drifting into the room in twos and threes. Someone passing behind me kicks the leg of
my chair. I don't bother to react until she does it again, harder this time. When I look up, Jackie is leering down at me.

‘Dirty lezzer,' she jeers. ‘I always said you were a fucking weirdo.'

I have to swallow hard to stop the tears from flowing again. Our Religion teacher, Sister Helena, saves the moment by breezing in and telling everyone to sit down and be quiet.

‘Where's Lesley?' she asks.

‘At the principal's office,' Jackie says.

What's she doing there, I wonder.

Half-way through the class, someone knocks on the door. When the girl sitting nearest to it opens it, PMT breezes in past her and whispers something to Sister Helena.

‘Jackie Doherty and Orla Corcoran,' PMT says, looking down at the girls. ‘Could you both come to my office, please?'

They must have been caught smoking with Lesley is all I can think of.

A few minutes later, Jackie and Orla arrive back. Jackie walks straight to her desk. Orla goes up to Sister Helena and says something to her.

‘Frances Fall,' Sister Helena says, ‘Sister Marie-Therese would like to see you in her office.'

Orla smirks at me as I pass her on my way to the door. They must have squealed on me and said I was smoking too. My mother will have a fit when she hears about this. Outside PMT's office, Lesley is sitting on a chair with red, swollen eyes. My heart goes out to her.

‘Are you OK?'

‘Stay away from me,' she screeches.

PMT opens the door of the office and summons me in.

‘Sit down.' Her tone is horribly grave.

I sit on my hands to hide the nicotine stains on my fingers.

‘I've had a complaint from Lesley that you made inappropriate advances towards her today during the lunch break.'

For a few seconds, I'm not able to speak.

‘Have you anything to say?'

‘No, Sister. I mean yes, Sister. I didn't do anything.'

‘Where did you go at lunchtime?'

‘For a walk, Sister, and then I came back to the classroom.'

‘Where did you go for the walk?'

‘Down towards the orchard.'

‘With whom?'

‘Lesley, Sister.'

‘And what happened during this walk?'

‘Nothing.'

‘Nothing!'

‘We just talked.'

‘Did you walk back together?'

‘No, Sister.'

‘Why not?'

‘I don't know. She just ran off on me.'

‘So you were walking down the path and all of a sudden she ran away from you?'

‘We went as far as the orchard and we were talking and then she ran off. I don't know why, honest.'

‘How would you describe your relationship with Lesley, Frances?'

‘We're friends.'

‘Best friends?'

‘Yes.'

‘So why would your best friend suddenly run away from you for no good reason?'

‘I told you, Sister, I don't know.'

‘You don't know! I must say, I find that rather hard to
believe.' Clearing her throat, she leans across the desk, psyching me out with an impatient stare. ‘Did you at any stage instigate any physical contact with Lesley during this walk?'

‘No.'

‘You never touched?' Her eyes broaden.

‘No. Yes. We held hands, but that's all.'

‘Are you sure about that?'

‘Yes, Sister.'

‘How would you describe your feelings for Lesley?'

‘As I said, she's my best friend. I care about her.'

‘Do you have a crush on her?'

‘Of course not.'

‘I'll ask you again, Frances. Do you have a crush on her?'

‘No, Sister.'

She sits back, opens the top drawer of her desk, takes out a piece of paper and puts it down in front of me.

‘Is that your handwriting?'

I want to see you naked. I want to kiss your lips. XXX.

My God!

‘I said, is that your handwriting?'

‘I-eh-I …'

‘I'll ask you one more time,' she says, hammering the note with an accusatory finger: ‘Is that your handwriting?'

‘Yes, Sister.' I start to weep.

‘Did you try to kiss Lesley while ye were out walking at lunchtime?'

‘No, Sister.' I look up at her, willing her to believe me.

‘Frances, stop lying, for heaven's sake.'

‘But I didn't.'

‘You were seen. Jackie and Orla were walking a short distance behind you. They saw you.'

‘But she went to kiss me first.'

‘That's not what they saw, Frances.'