The Fall (35 page)

Dallas

• Now
  

I don’t remember the trip to the hospital aside from the fact that Dean murmured words of comfort I wasn’t catching and never let go of my hand. I wanted to tell him that I am not the one who deserved consoling. I knew in the moment my mother told me Grant was gone that I had also just lost a large part of my sister. I held Dean’s hand tightly to me like a lifeline.

When we walked into the hospital lobby, my father greeted us, hugging us both tightly to him. He didn’t bother to hide the tears he was shedding. I saw my mother behind him and pulled from my father’s embrace and ran to her.

“She’s with him. She’s refusing to leave.” She walked quickly to a room, and I followed through the open door without hesitation. Rose was sitting calmly in the corner of an empty room, her hands folded in her lap. I quickly walked over kneeling in front of her. As I feared, the look in her eyes was distant. My little sister, normally so full of life, looked so small.

“They just took him away,” she said absently. “He was so beautiful. I’ve never seen a man so beautiful...have you?”

I shook my head no and waited. I had no idea what to say. I let my tears fall and waited for words that never came. She just fixated on the wall behind me. My mother made her presence known by placing her hand on my shoulder and I gripped it.

“Rose, baby, let’s go home,” she urged.

“But he’s
here
,” she said adamantly. “I don’t want to leave without him.”

Neither of us said a word as we waited on her. I prayed for the right words, all of them jumbling together in my mind and none of them being the right ones. I watched a wave of calm pass over her and knew it was false. I was just about to speak up when she spoke before me.

“Okay,” she said quickly standing and taking my mother and I both by surprise. “Let’s go.”

We quickly scrambled to her side, but she ripped her arms away. “I can walk!” I cried harder as she moved in front of us, walking past my father’s out stretched arms in the waiting room. When she got to the sliding doors, she stopped suddenly. We all watched as she paused her next step, bracing herself against the door. “No, no, no, no, NO! NO! NO! I can’t leave him here!”

My father ran to her just before she completely lost it and began to collapse. I buried my head in my hands with thoughts of his warm smile and kind eyes replaying over and over.

“I’ll be a good brother, I promise.”

The level of pain I felt in that moment for my sister and her loss had me sagging against Dean, who caught me quickly. I watched my sister fall apart as my father held her to him. He looked up at my mother, completely lost as she looked on, crying right along with her. Paul walked in moments later, seeing the scene unfolding and quickly gripping them both in his embrace, helping to support them as they slowly walked out the doors. We rode back in silence to my parent’s house and sat in the living room as Rose buried her head into my father’s chest and cried silently for hours. My mother gave her a low-grade sedative and when we finally got her asleep, we all hugged tightly and wordlessly and made our way to our bedrooms. I turned to Dean.

“I’m not leaving her. Please call the hospital, also please have Nichols check on Beatrice. You can go home.”

“I’m not leaving. I’ll handle it, but I’m not leaving.”

“It’s Christmas, Dean. Your mother—”

“I’m not leaving. I’ll see her tomorrow.”

“Okay, take the guest room.” He nodded quickly and pulled me into his arms. “I’m here, for whatever you need.”

“It’s whatever she needs,” I corrected as he nodded in agreement. “I love you, Dean.” I pulled him to me and kissed him hard, pulling away only when I was forced to take a breath. He seemed to understand my urgency, kissed me deeply, and then let go to make his way to the guest room. “I’m not going anywhere,” he assured me as he gave me one last soft kiss.

“Never, I won’t let you,” I said as I grabbed his hand, pulled him back to me, and wrapped my arms around him. We stood in the hall for several more minutes until my eyes fell heavy and we parted reluctantly.

I slipped into bed with Rose, noting the pain written across her features even while she slept. I studied her beautiful face and cried silently, lying next to her, replaying the brief time I had seen my sister happier than she had ever been. Her life had been ripped away one week before her wedding. Grant had been struck and crushed by a driver who had fallen asleep behind the wheel and was killed on impact. I couldn’t imagine the gentle giant who I’d spent only a few stolen precious moments with a few short weeks ago not being anything but indestructible. And yet here I lay, staring at the beautiful woman who was supposed to become his wife in only a few short days and she would never know another day with him.

I found the world a cruel, unforgivable place in that moment as I prayed for my sister and the gentle giant who had left his young bride behind.

The next few days I kept busy by calling the vendors and cancelling the wedding arrangements. I called the guest list, informing them of Grant’s passing and the time of his service. It was by far the hardest thing I had ever done in my life. Rose only made one decision, asking that Grant be cremated. She did not say a word and simply sat on the couch as we stayed within arm’s reach, taking turns to sneak off and take care of what had to be done. My mother and I took turns simply sitting by her side as she stared across the room, fixated on nothing. I found her a few times in the garden doing much of the same. She hardly spoke and refused to eat. Paul stayed home several days trying to engage her, but she refused to entertain him anything at all. He kept his patience with Rose but eventually broke down in private with my mother terrified for his sister and thinking the same thing that we all were, that we had lost Rose as well.

The day of what was supposed to be their wedding I woke up and Rose was gone. She hadn’t left word of where she was going and we all quickly scrambled to try and find her. I spent hours driving around aimlessly calling her cell phone with no answer, cursing my stupidity for letting her out of my sight. When an idea finally occurred to me, I quickly called my father.

“Grants land, Dad. The house, where is it?”

“Of course, damn it. Why didn’t I think of that, I’m on my way,” he said quickly.

“No, Dad, I’ve got this, okay, text me the address.”

He hesitantly agreed and thirty minutes later, I was pulling in to a country girl’s dream. I took in the overabundance of empty acres, noting the vast amount of pasture complimented by the beautiful backdrop of the trees that surrounded it. Though it was the dead of winter, I could see the appeal and my heart sank a little further at the loss of what this land was supposed to represent: their beginning.

After driving several minutes, I started to fear I was wrong about my hunch when I noticed a large pond in the distance. I sped up moments later when I spotted Rose’s SUV under a low hanging tree surrounded by the framing of what was to be their dream home.

I spotted Rose, jumped out of my truck, and shivered against the cold wind as I looked at my baby sister in horror. She was standing in her wedding dress, yelling and cursing, fury written all over her posture. I saw her rear back and throw something at the framing of the house then rushed her way.

“Rose?” I questioned as she ignored me, continuing her rant.

“You don’t love me! If you loved me, you wouldn’t have taken him from me! Grant!” The pure agony in her voice sent me right over the edge with her. Our sobs matched as I watched my baby sister scream at the heavens. “Grant!” she called desperately, her hoarse voice begging for a reply.

She was hysterical and seemed to be yelling at...God.

She had a six-pack in her hand and was draining the contents of a new bottle. When she finished, she threw it with everything she had, aiming for the tree. It shattered in to pieces as she grabbed another bottle, crying, heaving, and screaming with rage.

“Four months! I only had him four months and you knew! You knew you were taking him away! How could you do this to me?!” Another bottle crashed against the framing, and I stood there watching her unravel. Her wedding dress perfectly fitted to her tiny frame. She had even taken the time to fix her hair the way she had practiced and had several sprays of baby’s breath tucked in. She looked absolutely beautiful and completely broken. I waited patiently for her to acknowledge me, but she was waging war and I was going to let her have it.

“Grant!” she cried, throwing another bottle with so much force she fell to her knees as it smashed against the wood. I rushed to her then, hitting my knees and throwing my arms around her.

She clutched my arms as I held her, the rawness in her voice tearing me apart. “Oh, my God! Dallas, oh, my God! Why, why, why did this happen? How am I supposed to do this? I can’t do this, Dallas! I’m over. My life is over! I can’t do this! I can’t live through this!” I nodded as I held her tightly to me.

“I’m here. I’m never leaving, you hear me? I’ll be here,” I promised.

“No you won’t!” she said, trying to pull away, but I refused it, gripping her tighter. “
He
was my every day, Dallas. He was my
life
. You can’t
be
him and he’s gone! Grant!” She crumbled against me as I held her tighter, feeling the painful waves rolling off of her. “Oh God, oh God, oh no! Noooo!” she sobbed as I refused to let her out of my embrace.

Minutes later, she curled up with her head in my lap as I stroked her hair. It was freezing outside and her skin was quickly becoming pink with each minute that passed. I threw my jacket over her as she cried. “One week and forever,” she whispered. “You said one week and forever.”

She hiccupped in my lap, allowing me to caress her hair away from her soaked cheeks.

“It’s beautiful out here,” I said quietly when she had drained the last of her tears. She readjusted herself on my lap as I ran my hand down her back, trying to think of anything I could say.

“I’ll never love anyone again, not this way.”

“I want to say it will get better, but I have no idea.”

I couldn’t offer her any more than the truth and I refused to use rehearsed words of comfort. They were useless. My sister had suffered the loss of her life and I wasn’t about to let her know I thought differently.

“Dallas, why are we here?”

“You mean meaning of life and all that crap?” I said, taking in her serious tone.

“Yeah, why? Tell me what you think, D,” she sniffed as she stared blankly in front of her.

“I don’t know...I think this is just all a random mess, a crapshoot of possibilities, good and bad. I think God put us here to live and we do just that. I think the world is full of fucked up people who will both love you and hurt you and then we have more thrown against us with disaster, disease, and everything in between.”

“Like freak accidents.”

“Yeah, those, too.”

“So why even bother to care about it? About anything or anyone if it all goes away?” Rose asked, her lip trembling.

I shrugged. “It’s our nature. Nothing we can do.”

“I can.”

“Rose, you are too much of a softy to turn hard now. Don’t let his death make you bitter toward everything. Use it.”

“I am sure you have no idea what you are saying.” She sniffed again.

“I don’t...I am just as lost as you.”