The Fall (31 page)

I had been through hell, and though most of it was self-induced hell, I had done it. And my little sister looked at me that way I had always hoped she would.

For a brief moment in time, I was my little sister’s hero and Dean was no longer mine.

Maybe Dean didn’t know the exact details of how I mourned him, or the loss of our baby, but
I knew
them. I was ashamed of them, and judging by Cammie’s reaction to our relationship, I was in the right to think it was impossible to start it up again. Loving Dean made me a train wreck. Maybe I was a stronger woman now, and maybe I could actually handle the way I felt a little less drastically. Being out of control like that could completely change your outlook. And while every single piece of my heart belonged to Dean, even the broken ones he had asked for, my head still belonged to me. I had fought for that control for years and it was a well-earned victory.

I looked at my phone only to realize I had been staring at the fountain for an hour. I quickly made my way back to my shift.

And this is exactly why you don’t go there. Work, focus, career...You have a practice to build!

Dallas

• Now
  

At seven o’clock that night, I answered the door for who I assumed was my sister and got the UPS man instead. I signed for a package, sure I had not ordered anything, but took the box out of his hand. He quickly brought in two more exactly the same size as I opened the first.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t order this,” I said, puzzled by the boxes’ contents.

“Looks like the return is a Dean Martin. Sign here.” I rolled my eyes as I pulled the first pillow out. The man came back from his truck carrying five more boxes.

“What in the hell?” I questioned as I signed for them. “How many more are there?” I said, peering behind him.

He ignored me as he brought the boxes in one by one and stacked them in my entryway. I thanked him and shut the door, staring at the intrusion. I quickly dug in and found every single one of them was a pillow. Memory Foam, Wassaba, My Pillow...all of the infomercial pillows made an appearance in my new collection. I laughed hysterically as I opened each one, testing them out with my fist.

Dean was well aware of my issue with the right pillow. More than once in college, I had turned him down to sleep at his place to get back to the comfort of my bed. He had six brand new pillows laying on his bed at his frat house the next night and we had used every single one in one form or another. I had griped a few times recently at his new place for not having more than one for each of us. He simply looked at me, shook his head and threw his pillow in my face, opting to sleep without one. I teared up at the recent memory.

“This has got to be the coolest thing ever. Did Dean send these?” Rose smiled, shutting my front door as she eyed me on the floor. “Dallas?”

“Fuck,” I bit out before throwing my arms around her, dragging her down to the floor with me and crying on her shoulder while I clung to her.

“What is it?” Rose said taken by surprise. She let me have my minute and when I pulled away from her, I was laughing.

“What the hell is wrong with you, crazy woman?” She was giggling as she gauged my reaction.

I looked around me and laughed with her, surrounded by a mountain of pillows.

“Most girls get flowers. Only Dean would know a comfortable pillow would be the way to your heart.” She picked one up and tossed it at me playfully. I nodded, wiping away my last stray tear. “Did you bring food?”

“No, you were supposed to order it.” She stood up, rolling her eyes. “I’ve got this, loser. What good are you?”

“I’m not lately,” I said on a whisper.

“I’ll handle it. Just go shower or find about twenty-five new cases for these.” She gestured, pulling her phone from her pocket. “And Dallas, you will be telling me what the hell is going on.”

I nodded, dragging a handful of pillows to my bedroom.

I sat on the edge of my bed trying to beat down the urge to fly over to Dean’s in nothing but a winter coat when I got a text.

DEAN: Twenty-five notifications from UPS that your packages arrived. Sleep well, Dallas.

I couldn’t stop myself from replying.

DALLAS: I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.

I didn’t have to wait long.

DEAN: I’m sorry I broke my promise.

“Dallas, Kung Pao chicken?” I heard Rose call from the living room. I slid my phone underneath my new pillow and joined my sister. Being near her made me so much stronger.

“Yes!” I said with a smile. An hour later, we were in a carb induced noodle coma in matching yoga pants sharing a bowl of New York Super Fudge Chunk
.

“This is the cure for...everything,” I said around a mouthful of chocolate.

“So, I think I’m going to nail the interview,” Rose said, matter of fact.

“You will, you’ve so got this.” She was referring to the interview for a prestigious surgical fellowship she had earned. Only one student was chosen per year and Rose was up for it. She was by far the more disciplined of the two of us. I envied her and the fact that she had more of a normal college experience than I had. Just the same, I was happy for her.

“If I don’t get it, I guess I’ll just chill for a bit and ease into marriage.” She widened her eyes at the word marriage and I chuckled.

“Married, good Lord, I’m close to old maid status,” I remarked, retiring my spoon.

“Oh, horseshit,” she huffed. “Everything can change in a hot minute. I mean the love of your life came waltzing back after what, five years?”

“Seven,” I corrected.

Picking up the trash off my coffee table, she continued her argument, following me to the kitchen. “Okay seven, still he’s back. He’s courting you with pillows and hot damn, Dallas, he is better looking than ever.”

“Don’t remind me.” Blowing out a lungful of air, I threw our trash away and turned to see her standing close.

“What is going on? Please, Dallas, stop keeping things from me. I don’t keep anything from you. At least tell me the situation so I can tell you exactly why you are an idiot.”

“Well, when you put it that way.”

Rolling her eyes, she blocked me from exiting my small kitchen. “You’ve told me your whole life I’m your best friend, right?”

“Of course.”

Her hands on her hips made her look like the ten year old I used to kick the crap out of for stealing my makeup.

“Well ...” Nodding toward me in suggestion, I sighed. The more I thought about it, the more I knew she was right. I turned back to the kitchen and heard her groan behind me.

“Dallas ...”

“If I’m going to come clean, I need wine.” I said as I held up a bottle.

Her broad smile was so beautiful it took my breath away.

“You are annoyingly happy at the moment,” I teased. “So please, take that into consideration before you throw sunshine and roses on my shit storm.”

“Deal,” she squeaked, grabbing two glasses out my cabinet.

An hour into my revelation, Rose broke down. I think it had more to do with the fact that I hadn’t told her, but then again the news about the baby clearly wrecked her. We stayed up well past midnight talking and ended up in my bed at 2:00 A.M., winding down our conversation with scattered whispers across the bed in the dark.

“Do you still love him?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“Then be with him. Shit, Dallas, did I tell you what I did when David broke my heart?”

“No, should I record this for the wedding video?”

“Shut up.” We both chuckled. I held my new pillow close, enjoying the comfort.

“This has got to be the most comfortable pillow ever,” she remarked.

“Switch,” I said, snatching hers from underneath her. She groaned as her head hit the mattress then sat up.

“If Grant were to leave me for any reason, I would fly back to him the day he came back.”

“I really hate your cheesy logic right now.”

“Okay, all things considered, you have admitted that the problem is you. You want to be in control.”

“I don’t want to be that needy nutcase ever again.” Admitting that was embarrassing, even in front of my sister. She faced me on her pillow, and I couldn’t help but smile at the recollection of the similar memories of when we were younger and the subject matter was way less dramatic.

“I keyed his car,” Rose said quickly. “I begged him back and harassed him on the phone. I even showed up to his wedding and ate a piece of cake.”

“Oh shit!” I exclaimed. “Damn, sis, did you boil his pet rabbit on the stove?”

“What?”

“Ancient movie, but I would say you were
close
, pun intended.”

“You’ve lost me.”

“Fatal Attraction? Never mind.” I laughed hysterically at my own joke.

“Funny, really...I dated him for five years and he got engaged right after. I had a right to be a little crazy.”

“Yeah...he was a douche.”

“I thought it was love, but it wasn’t. It was a need to be the right girl for him. I just couldn’t understand why I wasn’t good enough, or how he could marry her.”

“I can totally relate to that.”

After a long minute and what I thought was the end of our conversation, Rose spoke up again.

“He emailed me,” Rose said quietly.

“Who, David?”

“Dean.”

I sat up, turning on the light. Adjusting my eyes to the harsh bulb, I found her guilty eyes and glared at her.

“Before you flip your shit, you should know that I had
NO IDEA
what was going on. It started your sophomore year of high school. At first, he would just ask simple stuff about us. Then he started asking me about you.”

“And you didn’t think to tell me this!” Throwing the covers off my legs, I stood tapping my foot.

“I didn’t know you weren’t talking to him, too!”

“What the hell did you email about?”

“Like I said, he just asked me about you. It wasn’t all the time, once a month or every couple of months.”

“So you were the one reporting back to him? Great! I’m sure he got a kick out of that.”

“That’s not all.” Fear covered her features as dread coursed through my body.

“What is it, Rose?”

“He emailed me after you graduated,” she said, terrified of my reaction and pulling the covers closer to her.

“What?”

“You were in Cabo with Cammie. I told him you were gone to Cabo with that guy Patrick you were seeing.”

All the blood drained from my face.

“There’s more.” She was wringing her hands. “Before you kick me out—”

“Please just tell me,” I said quickly.

“I knew he had hurt you. I was trying to be a good sister. I just didn’t want him thinking you were sad.”

“ROSE!”

“I told him you were in love with Patrick and that you were probably going to get married.”

“Jesus, Rose!”

“I was trying to have your back. I had no idea. I know you would have done the same if David had come back after he’d hurt me that way. It wasn’t a secret when you ended things. Dallas, I promise I wasn’t trying to ruin your life.”

“You didn’t.”

“Wait...what?”

“An email doesn’t mean shit. He was probably engaged by then.” I dismissed it all, climbing back into bed.

“Maybe he was—”

“Let’s go to sleep.” Turning the light off I punched my pillow out of habit.

“I’m kind of afraid to sleep with you right now. You are taking this
way
too well.”

“Rose, seriously, my days of being obsessed with the ‘what ifs’ are over. I need to focus on our practice. But tell me about Dean...I mean Grant.”

“He’s perfect.” Her voice was shaking. “What if he was going to come back to propose to you Dallas?”

“Rose,” I leaned in so we were forehead to forehead. “I love you more than anyone in the world. Do you understand?
You
are my number one.” I felt her nod and gave her a quick squeeze. “It doesn’t matter. I’m glad you told me the truth and maybe if I had told you mine a little sooner it could have been helped. Honestly, I just want to move on. I think all of us have suffered enough, including you. Love’s a bitch, but if she’s going to be a bitch to me, I’m glad she’s being good to you. Let’s go to sleep.”

I pulled my cell from underneath my pillow and looked at the screen.

DEAN: I just delivered a beautiful boy. I can’t stop thinking about you and how beautiful our baby would have been. We will have more. I promise you, Dallas.

For the first time since Dean popped back into my life, I wanted to believe him.