The Fairy's Return and Other Princess Tales (24 page)

That ravishing smile! His heart fluttered again. He blushed and mumbled, “I'd try to be, Parsley.”

“You
would
be. If you finally win—”

“I don't think I'll win, unless you help me again. I need—”

“A dog small enough to fit in a walnut.” Parsley nodded. “I'll be happy to help.”

She had him close his eyes while she made the most charming teensy-weensy dog—curly brown fur with a black patch on its back. Then she hid it.

“Open your eyes.”

Tansy saw a coconut in the tall grass.

“Crack it carefully when you get home. The dog's name is Tefaw, which stands for Tiny Enough for a Walnut.”

Tansy placed the coconut in his saddle-bag and thanked Parsley at least a dozen times.

She was embarrassed and changed the subject. “If you won and became king, what would you do?”

Tansy sat down. She squatted next to his right hand and never took her eyes off his face.

“I would build small Royal Glass Hills all over Biddle for children to slide down. I'd breed thousands of fireflies and release them for light on dark nights. And every year I'd give a Best Biddler Award in three categories: interesting dreams, knowledge of Biddle history, and acrobatics.”

Parsley loved Tansy's plans, and she had some ideas of her own, like letting subjects go on quests and putting their discoveries in the Royal Museum of Quest Souvenirs, or like having the Royal Army build chicken coops for people's chickens during peacetime.

Parsley and Tansy talked for hours. When the goatherd Princess Alyssatissaprincissa came by, Parsley made a big haystack and hid herself and Tansy inside it.

Bombina watched them talk. Keep smiling, Parsley, she thought. Smile, my love.

Tansy liked Parsley's smile more and more, until he believed that toads were the most beautiful creatures in Biddle. And the smartest and the friendliest.

For her part Parsley admired Tansy more and more. And when he said he'd make toads the Royal Animal and make people pay a fine for squashing them, her heart almost burst with love.

Night came. Tansy stretched out under the bridge, and Parsley settled down a yard or two away, in case he rolled over in his sleep.

They talked the whole next day and the day after that and the day after that, for six days, until Tansy had to return to Biddle Castle.

While he saddled Bhogs, he tried to say how much it had meant to him to talk to her, but he couldn't find the words. He mounted Bhogs and looked down at Parsley. “Thank you, and farewell.” He rode off, turning to wave until he could no longer distinguish her from the grass.

Twelve

T
ansy heard barking as soon as he crossed the Royal Drawbridge. In the throne room puppies were chewing on the Royal Drapes, making messes on the Royal Rug, leaping at Royal Chair Legs and Royal Table Legs and the Royal Legs of Randolph and Rudolph. King Humphrey IV was standing on his throne, lifting his new Royal Ceremonial Robe out of reach.

None of the puppies was small enough to fit in a walnut shell.

“I had a smaller dog somewhere, Father,” Randolph said.

“I had a smaller dog too,” Rudolph said.

“Remove these puppies,” King Humphrey IV roared.

Royal Servants shooed the dogs from the room. King Humphrey IV descended and sat on his throne.

Tansy knelt down. “I have a dog too.” He took out the coconut. Using his hunting knife, he cracked it carefully and found a walnut shell inside. He began to smile as he cracked the walnut shell—and found a peanut shell. That Parsley! Grinning broadly, he cracked the peanut shell and found a pistachio shell, and inside the pistachio shell was Tefaw. The dog pranced around on Tansy's hand and barked an astonishingly deep bark for such a tiny creature.

“I
HAVE A DOG TOO
.”

“There it is,” Randolph said. “There's my dog.”

“There's
my
dog,” Rudolph said.

Together they said, “Tansy stole it.”

“I did not steal it!” Tansy yelled. “I got it my—”

“Did too steal it,” Randolph hollered.

“Did too steal it,” Rudolph screamed.

King Humphrey IV was puzzled. The twins had never lied before. But Tansy did look truthful, and they hadn't said a word about a coconut.

There was only one thing to do. “We will have a final contest. The son who brings home the most beautiful bride will be our heir.” The twins would hardly be able to say they'd misplaced a maiden.

Parsley was angrier than she'd ever been before. Tansy won, she thought, fuming. Fair and square.

Bombina wondered why Parsley looked so angry. The fairy watched and waited.

Randolph and Rudolph didn't try to follow Tansy this time. Their carriages turned onto the Royal Road and sped on.

Tansy kicked Bhogs into a gallop. He didn't know what to do. He didn't want to pick a bride just because she was pretty.

Bhogs streaked through Harglepool.

The kindest queen in Biddle history was Queen Lorelei, and her nose had been a bit too big. And although Queen Sonora had been beautiful, she was remembered for her wisdom.

Bhogs dashed through Lower Vudwich.

Besides, no matter how pretty his choice was, his father would probably say Randolph's or Rudolph's choice was prettier.

Bhogs flew though Podcoomb-upon-Hare.

And what if he won and had to marry a maiden he didn't like?

Bhogs tore through Popping Squeak.

He didn't know what to do. The only thing he knew was that he wanted to discuss it with Parsley.

If only he could find a maiden as smart as she was—as smart and sweet and understanding, with a smile that was even half as heartwarming.

There was her stream. He slid off Bhogs's back. “Parsley, where are you?”

She was so happy to see him. She put all her happiness into her smile.

As soon as Tansy saw the smile, he knew. He couldn't marry anyone but Parsley, even if she was a toad. He had to marry his love, if she'd have him.

He dropped to his knees. “Parsley, will you marry me?”

Bombina whooped and yelled, “He did it! My precious Parsley! I love that prince!”

For a moment Parsley just blinked up at Tansy. Her smile froze. Wind rushed by her ears. She'd felt this wind before. What???

Oh no oh no. Her skin was expanding. She was pulsing all over, her insides, her head.
Boom! Boom!
It hurt! And her blood was rushing, swooshing, flooding.

Tansy's dear face, coming closer, looking frightened. And now she was above his head, rising higher. Oh oh oh!

It was over.

Parsley panted, her hand pressed to her chest.

Her hand! She had a hand?

She looked down at herself. She was human again!

It's the maiden from the fairy's palace, Tansy thought, the one with green teeth.

Tansy saved me! Parsley thought. She smiled down at him. “Of course I'll marry you, if you still want me.”

“I do!” He could see his beloved toad in her smile and in her eyes.

She said, “Do you like parsley?”

Thirteen

R
andolph and Rudolph each decided that it didn't matter who they thought was the most beautiful maiden. It only mattered what their father thought.

On the outskirts of Ooth Randolph saw a pretty maiden picking roses in her garden. He stopped his carriage and got out.

Rudolph got out of his carriage.

“I say,” Randolph said, “will you marry me if my father the king chooses me to be his heir and chooses you as the most beautiful bride?”

Rudolph said, “Will you marry
me
if the king chooses me to be his heir and chooses you as the most beautiful bride?”

“I asked her first,” Randolph yelled.

“I asked her second,” Rudolph shouted.

The maiden giggled. She pointed to each of them in turn and said:

          
“Which son?

          
Either one.

          
Pink, gold, blue.

          
I choose you!”

She pointed at Randolph.

He smirked at Rudolph and climbed back into his carriage. The maiden climbed in after him. The carriages rolled on.

Whenever Randolph and Rudolph passed a pretty maiden, they stopped their carriages and each asked her to marry him if King Humphrey IV chose him as heir and chose her as most beautiful.

Some maidens picked Randolph. Some picked Rudolph. Some refused them both and said:

          
“Which son?

          
Neither one.

          
Pink, gold, gray.

          
I say nay!”

By the time they reached Moowich, each twin had ten carriages full of maidens.

Tansy and Parsley and Bhogs ambled down the Biddle Byway. At the end of the week they reached Biddle Castle. As soon as she saw it, Parsley felt nervous. She wanted to win the throne for Tansy, but she didn't think she was pretty enough.

In the throne room Randolph's maidens were milling about on the right side of the room, and Rudolph's were milling about on the left. There were scores of them. King Humphrey IV was glad to see so many winsome wenches, but what kind of kings would the twins be if they couldn't make up their minds about which maiden to marry?

Tansy entered holding Parsley's hand. He led her to the throne, and they both knelt down.

“Father, this is Parsley, the most beautiful maiden in Biddle, the maiden I wish to marry.”

“Let us look at you, lass.”

Parsley blushed and smiled at King Humphrey IV.

“She's hideous!” Randolph screamed. “Look at her teeth.”

“Look at her teeth!” Rudolph shrieked. “She's horrendous!”

No one saw Bombina materialize behind Rudolph's maidens. Luckily for the twins, she didn't hear what they'd just said.

King Humphrey IV noticed the color of the damsel's teeth, but he paid more attention to the loveliness of her smile. With such a smile her teeth could be sprouting fur and he wouldn't mind.

“Sire!” Randolph hissed. “Think of your ripped Royal Robe.”

“Sire!” Rudolph hissed. “Think of your broken scepter.”

King Humphrey IV frowned. He looked over at Randolph's lasses and beckoned to one of them. He beckoned to a beauty of Rudolph's too. They approached, and each of them was at least as pretty as Parsley.

“Oh no you don't!” Bombina belowed. She marched to the throne. She wouldn't turn the king into a toad, but she'd turn him into something.

A fairy! King Humphrey IV trembled. He stood and bowed. Randolph and Rudolph trembled. They bowed too.

Tansy gasped. She was the one who'd turned Parsley into a toad! Well, she wasn't going to do it again. He drew his sword.

Parsley ran into Bombina's arms. “I missed you!” She smiled up at the fairy.

Tansy sheathed his sword.

Bombina felt dizzy. Her Parsley was smiling at her again. She began to weep happy tears. “Oh my dear!”

King Humphrey IV thought, The damsel is dear to a fairy? A fairy's friend would make a fine future queen. He cleared his throat. “Tansy shall be our heir.”

Tansy could hardly believe it. He was going to be king, and he was going to marry his love. He felt overjoyed, overjoyed in a solemn way. He'd be a fair and kind king, and he'd make sure his subjects always had enough bathwater and mittens and—

Randolph screeched, “But I have to be king!”

Rudolph screeched, “But I have to be king!”

Randolph yelled, “Tansy broke the scepter and he tore—”

Parsley said, “He did not! You both did it and blamed him.”

“They did?” King Humphrey IV looked at the twins. Could this be true? The fairy would know. “Did they?”

Tansy held his breath.

Bombina stared at each twin in turn and used her fairy powers to find out. She nodded. “They did.” She felt a thrill. Randolph and Rudolph would make superb toads. She stared at Randolph.

“No!” Parsley yelled.

Bombina stopped staring. “No?”

Parsley considered. Randolph and Rudolph deserved to be toads if anyone did. But Princess Alyssatissaprincissa might propose to one of them, and then he would be a prince all over again. She had an idea. She whispered it to Bombina, who nodded.

The fairy flapped her wings twice, and howled
weejoon zowowow ay yay ay
.

Epilogue

R
andolph and Rudolph spun around faster and faster, so fast that they created a tornado in the throne room, and all the pretty maidens wept and whimpered.

At last the twins stopped spinning, and two goatherds stood glaring at each other. Bombina hiccuped twice, and they vanished, one appearing in a meadow just north of Princess Alyssatissaprincissa and the other appearing in a meadow just east of Princess Alyssatissaprincissa.