The Exception to the Rule (24 page)

 “The blood work shows that Matty has leukemia,” he said finally, looking up at me compassionately. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Leukemia was a word that no parent wanted to hear.

He explained that the type of leukemia he had was a very fast growing and aggressive cancer of the blood and bone marrow, which meant that they had to treat it just as aggressively. He explained the course of treatment that he would recommend was very high doses of chemotherapy and radiation to send it into remission. He said that Matty’s bone marrow may become damaged or destroyed due to the intense amount that he would be receiving, which would more than likely require him to have a bone marrow transplant.

I was in a fog. I stared blankly at the family portrait on Dr. Fowler’s bookshelf. I was speechless. James listened closely, making sure that he asked the important questions that I was unable to. I finally pulled it together as best as I could. “When do you recommend that he start the treatments?” 

“I would say three weeks would be the latest,” he answered. He explained that there were a couple more tests that he would like to do first.

 I immediately thought about Matty starting school in a few days. “He’s supposed to be starting kindergarten,” I said, choking up again.

“I don’t see that happening right now,” he said sympathetically. “He’s going to have a long road ahead of him and his immune system will be compromised.”

I looked away, hoping that this was all a bad dream; that my little boy was going to be okay. “I’m so very sorry,” he said. “Please know this is not a death sentence, I’ve treated many patients who have had this same type of cancer and they have gone on to live healthy happy lives,” he said optimistically.

I was silent.

“In the meantime I encourage you to get a second opinion. Also keep in mind that Matty may need a bone marrow donor. Does he have any brothers or sisters that we could test for a match?” Dr. Fowler asked.

I shook my head no.

He explained to me that a sibling was the best chance for a match but if that is not an option then the parents are the next best chance. He said that if Matty had any aunts or uncles it would be worth a shot to have them tested as well. Anything beyond that would be the same as finding a random donor. He said that he would also put his information into the national registry in hopes of possibly finding a match there as well.

“What happens if you don’t find a match?” I asked.

“Well, then we will just have to take it a little slower with the treatments,” he said, sounding as if this wasn’t his prime choice.

 He told me that he would have Matty’s records available if I wanted to get a second opinion. He handed me a card of another oncologist with whom he worked very closely. He again expressed how sorry he was to have had to deliver this news as he left his office telling me to take my time to get myself together before leaving.

I looked over at James, who seemed just as shocked as I was, his normal goofy persona completely gone. “I just can’t believe this is happening,” I said, grabbing a tissue to wipe my tears. James was still silent as if deep in thought. “I guess I’ll give this other doctor a call and see what he has to say,” I said, looking over the business card in my hand.

James looked at me as if I were crazy. “Kat, you can’t be serious,” he said sternly. I looked at him, confused by his reaction. “Matty’s father is one of the best oncologists out there and you’re going to take him to someone else just because you were given his business card?”

“I trust Dr. Fowler’s opinion. I’m comfortable with whoever he would recommend,” I said, defending my actions.

“Okay, even if this doctor does concur with Dr. Fowler and you are comfortable with that, Matty may need a bone marrow transplant,” he painfully reminded me. I tried not to think about that; I was hoping that I would be a match and that would settle everything. “Kat, I promised you that I would keep your secret about Matty, even though I didn’t agree with it. But if you don’t tell him about this, I will.” His tone didn’t even sound like it was James talking. I knew that he was serious—I had never seen that look in his eyes before.

“What I am supposed to do, James, just barge into his life after all these years and tell him, Oh by the way, you have a son that’s got cancer?” I asked, crying even harder now.

“It’s his son, he deserves to know, and Matty deserves the best care possible,” he said starting to sound a little more compassionate.

I knew he was right—Matty did deserve the best care. I also knew that besides me, Julian was his only hope for a possible donor. 

“I’m just scared,” I finally admitted. “What if he doesn’t want to be bothered with all of this?” 

“Really Kat, you’re talking about Julian; you of all people should know better than to think that way.”

 “He’s going to hate me for this,” I said, staring into space.

James shrugged. “I don’t know how he’ll react, but you can’t worry about that, you have to do this for Matty. If you’d like I’ll call him for you.” 

I quickly shook my head no. I knew if I was going to do this it was going to have to be me that told him and not over the phone. I realized that this was going to be one of the hardest things that I ever had to do, but when I saw Matty’s face flash into my mind, I knew that I had no choice.

James drove home, with the entire car ride being mostly silent. I was thinking about how I was going to break the news to Charles and Claire. I was mostly concerned about how I was going to explain this to Matty; he was so excited about starting kindergarten. We had just gone shopping last week to buy him new clothes, a big boy backpack and a lunch box. How on earth was I going to tell him that he wouldn’t be going now? Instead he would be suffering through grueling months of treatments. I felt sick to my stomach thinking of him going through the chemo and radiation, losing his hair, being sick all the time and being scared and not understanding why he was enduring all of that pain.

We pulled in the driveway as I gave myself a look in the rearview mirror, trying to wipe the last traces of mascara off my face the best that I could. I walked in the house trying to put on a strong face. I could tell that Samantha had noticed that I had been crying as she hurriedly made her way out the door before I could even pay her. James came in as promised to say hello to Matty, but his crazy playful personality that he had prior to the appointment was now gone. He seemed to be just as drained from the news as I was. I looked at Matty, who had climbed up on the couch next to him, all smiles and happy; so unaware of what was going on, and my heart sank. 

James sat with Matty for a while watching cartoons before leaving. I walked him to the door. I gave him a hug and thanked him for everything. I asked him to please tell Tricia the outcome of the appointment. I would just get myself more upset if I had to tell her and I just didn’t have it in me right now. He made me promise that I was going to go through with what we had discussed at the doctor’s office. I assured him that I would – even though it was the last thing that I wanted to do. 

Another unwanted task that I had to do was break the news to Charles and Claire and I knew that I had to tell them soon. I called their house and spoke to Charles. I asked if they were going to be around later, and he told me to come over anytime.

I took Matty for a walk down to the bay. I spread the blanket down that I had carried along with me. We sat staring at the water trying to see some dolphins. I looked at him so full of life and seeming so healthy. Looking at him, no one would ever know that he was sick. I watched as he got up from the blanket to chase the seagulls, then he sat back down out of breath.

“We should’ve bought food for them,” he said.

“No, no you don’t feed the seagulls, silly.” 

“Me and Uncle James always feed them,” he said giggling. 

I made him sit down next to me and began to explain to him that he wouldn’t be going to school on the big kid bus in a few days.

“How come?” he asked, looking up at me sadly.

I tried to explain it to him as simply as possible without scaring him. I asked him if he remembered all the colds and fevers that he had gotten over the summer.

He shook his head yes.

“Well the doctors have to give you lots of extra medicine to make sure they don’t come back,” I said, trying to sound as if it were no big deal.

“Then when that’s done, can I go to the big school?” 

“Yes, but it may take a while,” I said, wanting to be as honest as possible with him.

“Okay,” he said, unfazed as he got up to chase another seagull. He was much too young to understand what was going on and I was unsure if that was a good or bad thing. 

We arrived at Charles and Claire’s just after dinner. Matty played with Gracie in the backyard. I sat the two of them down telling them about the turn of events of the past week. I apologized for not telling them sooner but explained that I didn’t want them to worry if it had turned out to be nothing. Claire immediately began to cry as I tried to hold it together.

Charles asked me which oncologist I had taken him to. I told him Dr. Fowler and asked him if he knew much about him. He told me that from what he knew, he was a good doctor. I handed him the card of the other doctor that Dr. Fowler had recommended for a second opinion. He said that he was unsure of who he was. He was looking at me the same way James had in Dr. Fowler’s office. 

“I know,” I said, stopping him before he could get the words out. I had the next few days off and even though I had planned on spending them with Matty, I now had to alter them for Matty. Claire and Charles both agreed to watch him while I was gone. 

Claire went into the bathroom to throw some cold water on her face. She didn’t want Matty to know she was upset.

“You’re doing the right thing,” Charles reassured me.

“I sure hope so,” I said with doubt in my voice.

Claire came out of the bathroom looking a little better but still upset just as Matty and Gracie came running into the house.

“Who wants to go for ice cream?” Charles asked.

“Me, me!” Matty screamed running to Charles excitedly. 

I was about to tell him no, remembering the big bowl that he and James already had this morning but then stopped myself. I knew that in a few weeks he wouldn’t even want ice cream, with being so sick from his treatments. 

Claire put her shoes on. “Are you coming?” she asked.

“No, but do you mind if I use your computer while you’re gone?” I asked.

“Go right ahead, you know where it’s at,” she said, placing her hand on my shoulder.

I walked into their office and logged onto the computer. I painstakingly began looking up airfare to Chicago. I found a flight leaving tomorrow afternoon. I pulled my credit card from my purse and instinctively began to enter my information. Before I knew it I had my airfare, rental car, and hotel all booked. I took a deep breath ready to face my biggest secret, telling myself over and over again that I had no other choice; I was doing the right thing.

Chapter 24

I spent the entire morning with Matty running errands. Charles and Claire were going to stay at my house to watch him and I wanted to make sure that I had enough food to get them through the next few days while I was gone. After we finished food shopping, I couldn’t resist the look on Matty’s face when we passed the toy store. I pulled in the parking lot as he grinned from ear to ear. 

Going in the toy store with Matty normally was a two-hour event; he would walk up and down each and every aisle taking everything in. I remembered having that same reaction when I was younger, and had the same feeling now as an adult when I entered a shoe store. So I totally understood where he was coming from. I told him we had to be quick today because we had a lot of food in the car that could spoil. He headed right down the aisle where his action figures were located. He had two of them in his hand and was trying to decide which one he wanted. I took them both from him and we walked toward the register. I was feeling guilty about leaving him, especially after the news that I received yesterday. I was hoping that these action figures would help alleviate my guilt in some small way.

I arrived home to find Tricia’s car in my driveway. She had let herself in with her key and was unloading my dishwasher. I staggered over to the counter to put the grocery bags down and take the weight off my overburdened arms. Tricia picked up Matty and gave him a big hug and kiss. He took his action figures out of the bag to show her then headed off to his bedroom.

Tricia looked at me with tears in her eyes. I had been up half the night thinking how I was going to remain positive about this whole situation and how Matty was going to beat this. I shook my head at her, not wanting to cry. She gave me a hug and I hugged her back, still trying to hold the tears. I told her everything that Dr. Fowler had said. I knew that James had probably already brought her up to speed, but still she listened closely. I also told her about my travel plans later today. She grabbed her purse and pulled out a piece of paper that included a phone number and two addresses on it.

“What’s this?” I asked, taking it from her hand.

“James said to give this to you.” 

She explained that it was Julian’s cell phone number as well as his home address and hospital address. I folded it up not wanting to look at it and shoved it in my purse.

“Are you going to be okay, going by yourself?” she asked.

“I’ll be fine,” I said, trying to reassure her and myself at the same time. I had no clue what Julian’s reaction would be. Nor did I know if I was even going to be able to get in touch with him while I was there, not knowing if he would be away for the holiday weekend. I knew that it probably would have been easier just to call him, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

I put the groceries away as Tricia talked my ear off the whole time, helping me to temporarily forget my problems. I looked at the clock, realizing that I had to be at the airport in less than an hour. I went over a mental checklist of what I still had to do, something I always found myself doing whenever I traveled. I had already made up the guest bedroom for Charles and Claire and my one bag that I was bringing was already packed so there was really nothing else left. My flight was leaving at 2:55. The flight from Atlantic City to Chicago was only two hours and fourteen minutes, for which I was most grateful. I would arrive back home on Monday afternoon, spending only two nights, hoping that I could accomplish everything in that short period of time.