The Emerald Valley (79 page)

‘Will there be anyone there to see him?' It was a cottage hospital, staffed only by family practitioners.

‘They'll have to get someone then, won't they? My doctor will come if they call him.' His tone said: He'd better! and Amy thought: Thank God for Ralph! It was almost incredible the way he seemed to be there, just when she needed him most. This was beginning to be almost a habit.

Thankfully she settled herself back against the seat, pulling Huw's head onto her shoulder.

‘You see, silly? There was no need to run, was there? Everything is going to be all right, you'll see. And from now on, my lad, you're going to stop worrying me to death!'

‘Ralph, I don't know how to thank you.'

The warmth of her kitchen encompassed her and she stretched out her hands to the fire. Ralph sat on one of the upright dining chairs, legs splayed, his hands cupped around a mug of tea that Rita had brewed on their return.

Now she had gone and Ralph and Amy were alone, the cottage hospital having elected to keep Huw in overnight.

‘I'm just so glad you knew where to find us,' Amy said. ‘If I hadn't told Rita where I was going, and if you hadn't come to look for me, I don't know what I should have done.'

‘You shouldn't have gone out there at night on your own. Frankly, Amy, I think you need taking in hand.'

He looked at her over the rim of his mug, as if expecting her usual quick retort. But for once, Amy was subdued.

‘It's Huw, isn't it?' he said after a moment. ‘He's causing you all sorts of problems.'

‘Oh, I know it seems that way, but he isn't a bad boy really,' she said hastily. ‘He's just terribly insecure. He's been very stupid, I know, but in the circumstances it's quite understandable.'

‘But he's had a good home with you for some years now.'

‘I know, but it goes so deep with him and I think he's still afraid – afraid of authority and afraid I might send him away. And I've been afraid too – that I might lose him. If the powers-that-be were to decide …'

‘Yes, Flora told me.' He set down his cup. ‘Why did you take him in, Amy?'

She turned to look at the fire. The flames danced and leaped up the chimney, mesmerising her, and suddenly she wished she could tell him. After all these years of lies and half-truths, how marvellous it would be to stand up and admit, unashamed, the reason why she had taken Huw into her family, fought for him, kept him and loved him.

But the habit of silence was too strong and Ralph was an outsider. You didn't tell outsiders your business.

‘It's all right,' he said behind her. ‘You don't have to tell me; it doesn't make any difference.'

‘Difference? To what?'

‘To the fact that I still want to marry you.'

She spun round. The flames into which she had been staring seemed to have etched themselves onto her pupils, so that she could see them still – gold and orange with dark centres, leaping against the hard-hewn angles of his face.

Happy surprise leaped in her like the flames, lighting every corner and bathing her in warmth. Then, as she looked at him sitting there with elbows resting on the table, so casual, so totally unlike the picture of a man proposing marriage, her ready defences flew up.

‘Is this a joke? Because if so …'

He held up his hands in mock-surrender.

‘No joke. And don't look so surprised. It's not the first time I've asked you, after all. You turned me down before, of course.'

‘Don't be ridiculous!'

‘Surely you can't have forgotten so soon! Oh, it seems a long time ago now, I grant you. You were in difficulties with the business, I seem to remember …'

‘And you were double-dealing with Frickers!'

‘So you do remember! I wasn't
double-dealing
with Frickers, though.'

‘How can you deny it? I saw the lorries leaving your yard with my own eyes.'

‘Doing runs you had already declined to tender for!'

‘And as for asking me to marry you, since you were supposed to be going to marry Miss Fricker you can hardly be surprised that I didn't take your proposal very seriously.'

‘Amy, there is something very wrong here. I never had the slimmest of designs on Erica Fricker.'

‘I saw her in your car and I heard …'

‘Gossip, I expect. You of all people should know what gossip is like in this place.'

She felt herself colour slightly and decided the subject might be best left alone. She had no wish to know the details of any affair he might or might not have had with Miss Erica Fricker.

‘Anyway, I might as well tell you that I don't intend to let you turn me down a second time,' Ralph went on smoothly. ‘You might have been able to build up a successful business, you might be a very determined lady. But you're not safe to be left alone!'

She opened her mouth to protest but the happiness was there, spilling in again through every pore, and she was remembering so many of the moments of their tempestuous relationship, shaken together so that they danced and spun in a bright kaleidoscope. There had never been – or so it seemed to her – a time when he had not stirred her in some way. To hear his name or catch a glimpse of him had always started a restlessness inside her which could be stilled only by resolution and the imposition of work, work and more work. To be with him was a sweet storm, sending waves of conflicting emotion to drown all reason. To feel his touch … she shivered now, delicious pinpricks electrifying her skin at the very thought of it. Yet there had been resentment too, and mistrust and fear. Fear of getting too close to him, fear of the strength of her own emotions. And always, always there had been sparks between them, it seemed – rivalry flared so easily. Why, even now there was the little matter of the piece of land she had wanted …

‘Wait a moment, Ralph,' she heard herself say. ‘You say you want to marry me. But what reason on earth can you give me for some of the things you've done? Only a couple of weeks ago, you outbid me for a piece of land I wanted so that I could build myself a house. You couldn't have wanted it yourself, so why did you deprive me of it?'

‘Would you believe it was because I thought that if you had a brand-new house of your own, you would be less likely ever to consider coming to live in mine?'

‘But that's silly …'

‘You'd better believe it, because it happens to be the truth. How did you find out that I was the one who'd bought it, anyway?'

‘As you yourself said, it's impossible to keep secrets in this place!'

His mouth twisted wryly and he got up, perching against the table edge. ‘I suppose I asked for that. Anyway, you haven't given me an answer yet, Amy. I've waited a long time for you – I don't think I can be patient much longer.'

‘I suppose if I were to say “this is so unexpected” it would sound like a cliché. But it's true – it
is.
I can't believe you're serious enough to warrant a serious answer.'

He reached across, taking hold of her by the wrist and pulling her towards him. Taken unawares, she was unable to resist and stumbled against him; then before she could move away his arms were around her, holding her tight, and his mouth was on hers, hard and inescapable. Beneath its pressure she felt her own lips soften, then move in irresistible response. A surge of longing made her weak and pliant, her head spun, her body became fluid and moulded to his; her legs, hardly strong enough to support her, were trembling. For timeless moments the whole of her being was drawn up into the exciting vortex of his kisses. Then he pulled away slightly, looking down at her, his eyes dark pools reflecting fragments of light from the glass shades on the gas-lamp.

‘Now do you believe I'm serious?' he asked.

She tried to break away. His nearness was so disconcerting, upsetting all preconceptions, making her want nothing more in the world than to say, ‘Yes, Ralph, yes. I believe you.'

‘Well?'

‘I don't know …'

‘Come on, my love, think of the advantages.' There was a rough edge to his voice now which she recognised as barely-controlled desire. ‘You wouldn't have to worry about them taking Huw away from you any more, for one thing. Keeping him seems to matter a great deal to you. If we were married, I could adopt him.'

Again she tried to pull away. ‘Oh Ralph, don't play with me like that. It's not fair! And besides …'

‘Besides what?'

‘How do you know he wouldn't run away again if he thought he was going to have to live with you?'

He laughed outright. ‘You make me out to be quite an ogre, don't you? But seriously, I don't think he would. You said yourself he's not a bad boy. He just needs stability and a firm hand.'

‘But I couldn't marry you just for that; it wouldn't be right.'

‘Not just for that!' He pulled her close again. ‘I'm in love with you, Amy, and I think you're in love with me. The difficult part is getting you to admit it!'

The weakness was beginning again, turning her knees to jelly and speading in warm rivers up her thighs. The smell of his leather flying-jacket and the aroma of his cigars was in her nostrils, dizzying her, the longing was an ache which began deep in the heart of her and spread and trickled through every vein.

Oh yes, it was true, she was in love with him. She had loved him for so long – so long! Even in the days when Llew's death had been too fresh to allow her to admit it, she had known where her heart lay. And nothing had happened to alter that. Not their many differences, not the long months and years when she had put him out of her mind. The potency of the attraction between them had still been there, an ember waiting only to be fanned once more to a fierce flame.

And now Ralph had said he loved her too. Said it casually almost, as if it was something he had come to take so much for granted it hardly needed to be said at all. How like a man – especially a man like Ralph! Deal with the practicalities and let passion speak for itself. And the words became for him an irrelevance.

But not for me, Amy thought. He has said he loves me and he wouldn't say that unless he meant it, never in a million years. And the happiness leaped in her again, along with the new confidence and the certainty.

‘Admit it!' His face was close to hers, she could feel his breath on her mouth and beneath its touch her lips moved.

‘Yes, Ralph.'

‘Yes, you love me?'

She nodded wordlessly.

‘And yes, you'll marry me?'

Another nod.

‘Good.' It was soft yet jubilant, almost a sigh. ‘When?'

‘I don't know …' A moment's panic. ‘Ralph, it won't be easy. I'm used to doing things my own way …'

‘I know that! But I'm as bad. A confirmed bachelor, that's what Flora calls me.'

She laughed, a small, intoxicated giggle. ‘I thought that's what you were!'

He smiled, his eyes crinkling. ‘So I was – until I met you. Do you know, Amy, I think I knew the day you ran into me with that damned lorry that you were going to be the one who was different.'

‘Oh, Ralph!'

The yearning was beginning again, creeping and shooting through her veins. ‘I knew too.'

‘You did?'

He lifted a hand, tracing the outline of her face beneath the curly cap of hair and spreading out to cup her chin between his outstretched fingers and thumb. Then, holding her face square to his, he kissed her again, his lips touching first her forehead, then her nose and lastly her mouth.

At the fusion of their lips the fires sparked again, pure, sweet and explosive as he crushed her in his arms. Her hands slid beneath his flying-jacket and explored the sinewy length of his back beneath the tailored fabric of his shirt. How beautiful he was! Strong and lean, totally male. Delight shivered through her and she moved beneath his touch, now wanting nothing more than to abandon herself to him. But unexpectedly he pulled back, holding her away, and her turbulent emotion was shot through with a sense of rejection.

She looked up at him quickly, wondering in that second if even now he was about to destroy her again. But his eyes, meeting hers, were serious.

‘I haven't waited for you this long to take you here, in a kitchen.'

She understood and understanding was like a light going on in her heart. He was right. This moment of commitment was special for them both – too special to be snatched at and sullied by the impression of sordid and illicit lust.

She held out her hand to him. This might not be the place, but it was certainly the time. Tiredness and fear had receded now, and she wanted to drive them out for ever.

Without speaking he took her hand, following her along the hall. At the foot of the stairs they paused to kiss again and then, arms about each other, climbed unsteadily to the landing. At the door of the girls'room Amy listened intently for a moment, but there was no sound except their even breathing.

As she pushed open the door of her room, the first qualm hit her. Llew's room. Llew's bed. It was six years now since he had died, but it made no difference. Her faithfulness to him all that time had left untouched the memory of him here in this room.

Sensing her hesitation, Ralph moved his hand up to squeeze her shoulder and she curled in on herself, wanting him yet unable now to bring herself to cross the Rubicon.

‘Ralph – I'm sorry – I don't think I can …'

There was a moment's silence when she felt his fingers tighten on her shoulder, then relax. Glancing up, she saw his face had a shut-in look.

‘That's all right,' he said lightly, but she saw the hurt in his eyes and knew guilt. Perhaps she was wrong to hold back now. He would not try to persuade her, would not seduce or take advantage of her. Press her to marry him, yes, but not this. He had too much respect for her. She caught her lip between her teeth, fighting against the barrier in her own mind. She had been a widow for six years. She had loved Llew and remained faithful to his memory all that while – no one would expect her to remain celibate for ever. And she didn't want to hurt Ralph – hadn't they hurt one another enough?