The Embers Of My Heart (22 page)

"You have to live with her."

"I won't tell her if you won't. It's none of her business."

I swallowed and made my decision. "I don't want to double down on my mistakes."

"It's like that?" She leaned in and kissed my cheek again. "Well. Far be it from me to step in. Just thought I'd make the offer."

"You don't know how tempting it is."

"I'm pretty sure I do."

I looked over at her. She arched her back again and smiled. "You're not humble or modest in the least, are you?"

"I know what I'm good at. Your loss. You two did sleep together, right?"

"You know we did."

"Wasn't sure if you did or just wanted to pretend you did." She abruptly sat up. "Was she your first?"

"Is that any of your business?"

"Not a bit. Just wondering."

"Yes."

Kaitlyn hugged her knees. "Thought so. You two aren't going to be friendly again. I don't think it ever really happens that way. Don't try. It's only going to hurt."

I sat up as well. "I don't think that's going to be any problem. Did that happen with you?"

"Explains a few things, doesn't it?"

"If you say so," I said. "Sounds like we both have our own mistakes we have to live with."

She nodded and we watched the fireworks quietly for a few minutes. The crowd shifted between loud and quiet. I suspected quite a few people were drinking and that Troy police didn't care tonight. I stayed shoulder to shoulder with Kaitlyn for a while. "Sorry," she finally said.

"I appreciate it," I said. "Really, I do."

"Sure."

"That being said, I'd like to hang out with you more." She turned her head and frowned at me. "Not to sleep together, but it sounds like we could both use someone to talk to now and then. What do you think?"

"I might try to seduce you," she said.

"I'd be disappointed if you didn't."

"It does sound nice."

"We'll make it happen then."

The fireworks continued and no one paid attention to us. Kaitlyn's presence warmed my body, but I was still cold inside. Mindless, meaningless sex couldn't fill the sense of loneliness I felt. My mind turned again to Star and I closed my eyes. I had answered my own question about taking advantage of the lull. No more mistakes. She meant too much to me.

The climax of the fireworks display came around within a few minutes. Sparks showered down over us and I flinched as the red lights seemed to flicker right toward me. "You all right?" Kaitlyn asked.

"I'm good," I said. "Are you?"

"Always. Shall we?"

"Let's." We stood up as our other friends stretched and climbed to their feet. I didn't pay much attention to the conversation on the way back to the dorm. My mind wandered. Before I could realize it, we had returned to the dorm, and I found I didn't have any memory whatsoever of the trip back.

Before they could notice, I slipped aside and walked to the back garden to find some solitude. It wasn't as if I had just tuned people out or gone on autopilot. I'd done that plenty of times on the way to or from class. I knew if I thought about it, fragments would come back to mind and I'd be able to piece things together. Instead, this time, there was a void. Nothing came back. I rubbed at my temples as if I could push the memories out.

In the back of my mind, I tapped into my power and started the pattern to enhance my memory. It worked as normal until I reached for that certain fragment of time, then my power sputtered. A spike of red-hot pain flashed through the front of my skull. I nearly screamed. If someone had been trying to dig my right eye out with a spoon, it might have hurt less.

"Fuck me," I mumbled as the pain finally receded. It was even worse than when my power had been out of control before my training began. My eye twitched and I felt a tear roll down my cheek from the sheer pain that had forced its way through my brain. I reached up and wiped the tear away. It felt thicker than normal and I looked down at my hand. Even in the dim garden lighting, I could see red streaks across my fingers.

"Kev?" I turned to face him as Max approached me. "Are you crying blood? I don't think that's healthy, but hey. I'm no doctor."

"It's nothing," I said.

"Is it something we need to talk about with Andreas?"

"Probably."

"Should we go up there now?"

"Yeah," I said. Without warning, half of my vision blacked out. I stumbled and held my hand up to my right eye, or at least tried to. My right arm failed to respond as desired. It didn't take long to find myself on the ground. "Fleas," I said as Max grabbed my shoulders. "Queens crash gold. Surfboard."

"You're making less sense than Drew after a binge," Max said. Wind or water roared in my ears and I couldn't tell which. "The whites of your eyes are also turning red, which does remind me a lot of Drew after a binge. While I'm on that topic, Drew, get your fucking ass over here, now!"

Footsteps echoed and bounced me across the ground. "Holy shit, what happened?"

"I think he's having a stroke."

"No fucking way."

"Yes fucking way, call 911, now!"

I blinked and stared up at the skies. The stars swam, but my vision seemed normal again. "I'm feeling better now," I said.

They both looked down at me. "You're coherent, but you're still all red eyed," Max said. "Don't give a shit how you feel. You need to get checked out."

"No, seriously, I'm fine." I sat up and felt stable, though lightheaded. "See? I can stand up and use my arms and everything." I got to my feet. Drew immediately grabbed my shoulder with one hand as the stars swirled overhead.

"Yes, I'd like an ambulance. I think my friend just had a stroke. He was showing all the signs but seems ok now. Ripley University. Carson Hall. We're in the back garden. Yes. I'll stay on." Drew's grip tightened. "You're not going anywhere," he said to me.

"It really isn't necessary," I said, but no one was listening.

Chapter Fourteen

I left the lecture hall with a smile after failing everything. It wasn't entirely my fault.

Absynthe had checked me over after I returned from the hospital. "It wasn't a stroke," she had said.

"That's what they said too. No known cause."

"It's the mental fracture."

"You told me it was nothing to worry about earlier this year. So what do I do about it now?"

Her eyes seemed distant and unconcerned. "You wait. It heals on its own. I recommend you try to avoid sources of stress and anxiety."

It wasn't possible to avoid that on a college campus. With a month to go in the trimester, amplifying my memory was impossible and I found that I'd become reliant on that crutch. Studying didn't help. I did what I could for the first three finals, but when I got to my last one, nothing made sense anymore. I threw the final on the professor's desk after twenty minutes. The only thing written on the paper was my name.

The sun beat down on me, high in the July sky. I soaked in the rays for a moment and smiled up at the stark brightness. "This really sucks," I said aloud.

"What sucks? The sunlight?" I turned my head to see Rachel walking toward me. Her expression was full of distaste and amusement. When our eyes met, she recoiled. "Damn. You look like shit, Parker. You're supposed to drink after finals, not during."

"I've been better," I said.

"Haven't seen you since the Bureau incident."

"Spent a little quality time in the hospital," I said, pointing at my eyes. "Life's been shitty."

She frowned and leaned in. "Haven't been sleeping, have you? You have a low-grade fever too. Not to mention those bloody eyes. You're freaking me out. The hell is wrong with you?"

"Absolutely nothing."

She held a finger up and tracked my gaze back and forth. "Was the girlfriend keeping you up late too? I don't know what sort of shit you two are into, but maybe you should chill."

"What girlfriend?"

"I thought you were seeing someone."

"I was. She dumped me."

"No shit?"

"No shit. Right after the tribunal."

Rachel sighed. "I didn't get to go, but I wish I had. Bureau puke tried to kill you? I would have loved to see that. How'd he try to justify it? The fact that you're a complete dick?"

I snorted. "Yeah, actually."

"He got what he deserved," she said. "Permanent twist and strip, send him to prison on top of it. I liked that. Nice touch. More appropriate than just offing him. You want to grab a late lunch?"

I nodded and we started toward the Caf. The sun became too bright and I felt a headache rising. It didn't seem to be from the mental fracture, but I couldn't be too sure. Those headaches kept me up all night. "Part of me wishes he had just been executed," I said. "It's cruel to strip him of everything he ever had, and then we throw him into prison without any idea of what he actually did. They killed who he was, and punished the innocent he is now."

"I guess." We walked on for another moment. "So. Second tier powers?"

"What about them?"

"What's it like?"

I shook my head and winced. "Everything goes dull and slow. It's as if you're thinking and acting faster than possible, everything's in slow motion. I controlled his powers the same way we control normal energy or matter. It's hard to describe. I don't know a lot about it."

"But you got registered," she said. I nodded. "I haven't heard of anyone breaking into the second tier since I've been here. Lucky you. No wonder Burke wanted you."

"He wanted me?"

"Of course he did. You're strong and talented." Her tone was warmer than usual. "Even if you did call me a loud mouthed bitch who deserved a kick."

"I was just being honest."

She punched my shoulder. "I'm not loud."

"But you are a bitch," I said.

"Most women have a bitch switch," she said. "Case in point, your ex."

"Huh?"

"They're a dumb bitch. Wait, were they a normal?"

"No," I said. "I don't think you know her though."

"I know everyone, but if you don't want to tell me, that's fine," she said. "But seriously, what a dumb bitch. She dumped a rising star with your level of potential? That's ridiculous. I bet it was over something petty and trivial, too. What happened? Did you forget the anniversary of your first kiss or something?"

I took a moment to straighten my thoughts out before responding. I couldn't tell if she was hitting on me or not, but she wasn't acting the way she normally did. "It wasn't petty or trivial," I said.

"What was it?"

"None of your business?"

"I know it isn't, but I'm still curious."

I sighed and rubbed my eyes, earning a fresh jab of pain and spots across my vision. "She thought I was cheating on her."

"Why didn't she just pick your thoughts and find out if you were or weren't?" I snapped my head over to look at her. Her expression was genuinely confused. "I mean, seriously. We don't have to worry about that sort of shit. We can verify all sorts of things that normal people can't."

"I wouldn't do that to her," I said. "And she wouldn't do that to me. Invasion of privacy much?"

"Why not? If she had real reason to suspect you, it's easier to just pick those thoughts out and confront you. No reason to stumble around pretending to be a normal couple. So, did you?"

I shrugged. If Nikki picked my brain, she'd done it without my ever noticing. "None of your business."

"Got it. Well, she's still an idiot. Who is she? I'll tell her how stupid she is to her face next time I run into her."

"Nicole Wainwright," I said.

"You mean her?" Rachel pointed at a familiar figure leaving the Caf as we approached. "Hey! You!"

"Wait, no-"

Nikki looked in our direction. I didn't expect her to approach, but she did. Her eyes locked onto me and her lips curled into a smirk. "Kevin. You look normal."

"Hi, Nikki."

"Who's this?" she asked, looking toward Rachel.

"Rachel Anderson. She's on the student council committee I told you about."

"Oh, the useless group of useless people." Nikki looked Rachel up and down. "Trying to pick him up off the rebound? You're in for disappointment."

"I wasn't-"

Nikki continued as if Rachel hadn't even opened her mouth. "I bet you think he's some sort of superstar after he got registered for second tier. Am I wrong? Of course you'd want to get in good with him now. Ask him this, though. Did he develop that power before or after sleeping with his Resistance side piece?"

Rachel's mouth clicked shut and she threw me a glance. I sighed and folded my arms. "Anything else you'd like to get off your chest while you're at it?"

"Of course." She smiled without an ounce of warmth. "Alistair arranged for me to study abroad in Europe after this trimester. England for six months. I don't think I'll see you again until I'm back, so I just wanted to say goodbye."

"You already did that."

"I did, didn't I?" Her smile grew. "Have fun while I'm gone. With whoever you like, however you like, as long as you can." She gave Rachel a wink as she sauntered away. I let out a long, deep sigh.

When Nikki was out of earshot, Rachel grabbed my arm. "Holy shit, Kevin. What were you thinking?"

"She wasn't always like that."

"Obviously. Not even you're that dumb. Wow. She's a complete bitch."

"I know. You have no idea how many people have told me."

"One more now. Do you still want to eat?"

I shook my head. My appetite had gone sour. "I think I'm going to take a walk instead."

She started to step toward me, but seemed to think better of it and stepped away. "Well. If you want company, I'll walk with you."

"Sorry. Need to think by myself."

"All right. I'll see you around, then. Have a good break if I don't see you before."

"You too."

I stalked away toward the edge of campus. My head ached and I was angry. No, furious. Furious with Nikki, with myself, and with my inability to deal with her bullshit. My heart started pounding as well and I forced myself to slow down and let my mind drift. In my current state, I felt like I was at risk for a heart attack. After a few minutes of walking, I was off campus. My heart calmed down and my breathing steadied. My mind searched for some level of stability. I wasn't quite at peace, but I was close enough for what I wanted to do.