The Embers Of My Heart (21 page)

The door opened and closed and I was alone.

Chapter Thirteen

"That's what you tore half the room apart looking for?" Drew asked. I crawled out from under my bed with the prize in my hand. "It's a tennis ball. Did you really need to go crazy looking for it, dude? You could have just gone down to the courts and stolen one if you wanted."

"Easier this way." I tossed it in the air and caught it.

"So, why? You just want to play catch or something?"

"I'll just play with myself. The way it's supposed to be, right?"

Drew sighed and rubbed his face. "Kev. Man, drop that angsty shit. You want to talk about it?"

"Not really." I suspected everyone already knew.

"That's fine, I respect that. Just don't be too down on yourself, all right? You're going to bring all of us down all around you and that's just not cool."

My hand tightened around the tennis ball. "What's it matter to you? You can just run down the hall to Lisa. She'll hug you and make you feel all better. Tell you you're the amazingly cool dude she's madly in love with. You can go out and have some fun. You can stay in and have some fun. You've got someone to be with, right, Drew?"

Drew crossed his arms over his chest and stared me down. "Not cool," he said after a long moment of silence. "You're bitter and you're taking it out on me. Not cool."

"I went through all sorts of shit and she put me through more. You have no idea what I'm going through."

"So tell me."

I looked away. I couldn't tell him anything. I couldn't admit I cheated on my girlfriend with Jess's twin sister, presumed dead by everyone in her family, by the way. I couldn't admit to him or myself that Nikki was right about me. I couldn't admit I was a terrible person. "I can't."

"You won't," he said. "Like I said, I respect that, Kev, but you've got a lot of shit building up. Can't you tell me anything and let a little steam off?"

"I lied," I said.

"About what?"

"About a lot of things."

Drew sat down in his chair and sighed. "Man, I know I put the idea in your head all that time ago, but you didn't actually sleep with Kaitlyn, did you? I mean, I'd tap that in a hot second if I wasn't with Lisa, but I can't see you doing it." He looked at my expression and shook his head. "Wait. No way. You did?"

"No! No, I didn't sleep with Kait."

"Oh. I'm actually a little disappointed." He grinned. "That would have been a hell of a story. Why'd you look so surprised?"

"You said you'd tap it if you weren't with Lisa. You wouldn't have justified it like that last year. I think you've changed a bit."

"Lisa's good to me. We get along, she makes me smile, we click. She's not crazy, at least not too crazy. She's definitely not as crazy as your girl, man. I tell you what, I wouldn't even judge you that badly if you did sleep with Kait in this case."

"So if Lisa turned on you like Nikki, you'd feel justified?" I asked.

Drew scratched the back of his head and shrugged. "I guess she'd have to do it for a long time. We've got history now, you know? I don't think I could just up and do it now."

"Why not?"

"Well, we've been together a year or so now, right? It's going places, right?"

"And?"

"And what?"

"Why is a ladies' man like yourself still with her?" I asked.

"She's ok, I guess." Drew trailed off and looked down at the floor. "Shut up. I love her, all right?"

"You wouldn't cheat on someone you loved," I said. "Right?"

"You're right. You telling me you loved Nikki?"

I took a deep breath. "I don't know."

"Fair point, my man, but answer me this. We all figured she lost her shit at some point. I mean, she was a decent girl at first, we all liked her, but she went full bitch mode down the line. Why'd you stick with her for so long?"

I shrugged. "She's got her moments."

"Not a lot of them as far as I've ever seen."

"She cares about me."

"Cared about you. Past tense. You have to look out for yourself, man. Look out for number one."

"I know. It's hard right now. I don't know what to do."

He stood up and stretched. "I hear you. You're coming with us tonight."

"What?"

"Going out. Lisa and I are meeting Max and Jess. Kait's coming too. It'll be fun. We'll get your mind off shit." He grinned again.

"I don't know. I'm not really in the mood to go out."

"I didn't say you had a choice."

"Fine," I said.

Lisa arrived in the next few minutes. "Come on! Let's go! Kaitlyn's not here yet? I told her to meet us!" She bounced around our room, pausing only to reach up and ruffle my hair. "You're coming with us, right, Kev?"

"Yeah, I'm coming," I said. "Drew talked me into it."

"He's good at that! I have trouble saying no to him." She gave me a wink. "Let's go find Kaitlyn."

"I don't think I should go down there," I said.

"Nonsense!" Lisa drew herself up and pointed at me. "You can't hide from her forever, no matter what sort of fight you had."

"I'm not hiding-"

She grabbed my hand and led me away before I could finish. I couldn't tell if Drew was following us or not, but Lisa kept my attention focused on everything that wasn't our destination with a constant stream of chatter. Before long, we were at Kaitlyn and Nikki's door. I pressed myself against the wall before Lisa knocked. I didn't want to face her if she was in. "Katie! Come out and play!" Lisa called.

The door opened and I tensed up. "Looking for Kaitlyn?" Nikki asked. "She's in the bathroom putting her face on."

"Cool! Are you coming with us too?"

"Coming where?"

"We're heading out to watch fireworks by the waterfront! It'll be fun! Don't you want to come?"

"No, I'm fine, thanks." Her tone was ever so slightly amused. I could imagine the mocking, insincere smile on her face right now. My eye twitched. Of all the people I knew, Lisa deserved this treatment the least of all.

"Why not? I bet Kev would love it if you came with us!" My eyes went wide and I choked back a snarl. I wouldn't love that at all. Lisa didn't even glance over at me.

"Oh, I'm sure," Nikki said. "But I'm afraid I don't like going out with you people."

"I'm sorry?" Lisa sounded confused more than hurt. "Was it something I said?"

"No. Now that Kevin and I aren't together anymore, I don't need to pretend to like any of you anymore."

I could see Lisa's right hand curl into a fist. "Wait, what? Pretend? What happened?"

"It's always been annoying to watch his friends fake caring about anyone aside from themselves." Nikki laughed. "All of you have your heads stuck up your asses, but you're the one I actually feel sorry for. It's painful to watch you slurp all over that jock who's only using you for an easy lay. You know that, right?"

I didn't see Lisa's hand move. I only heard the crack of an open palm against cheek. "Don't you dare talk about my boyfriend like that, you insufferable bitch. You treated one of the most decent guys I've ever met like shit. You have no right to criticize anyone else's relationship."

Two heartbeats passed. Nikki charged out of the room and the two girls hit the wall screaming, Lisa in fear, Nikki in rage. Doors flew open up and down the hallway as Nikki's hands found Lisa's throat. I stepped in and forced myself between them. Nikki didn't seem to notice or care, simply threw an elbow at my face. I grabbed her arm and pushed her back, earning a kick in the shin from Lisa and another attempted elbow from Nikki. At this point, Lisa had recovered enough to launch an offensive and I found myself at ground zero.

Luckily for me, Kaitlyn appeared in the doorway with wide eyes and unfinished makeup. I made eye contact with her and pushed Nikki in her direction. "Hold her!" I shouted.

Kaitlyn grabbed Nikki from behind in a bear hug, pinning her arms to her sides. "Nikki! Chill, girl!"

I concentrated on keeping Lisa from clawing her way across the hallway. "Lisa! Stop!"

After a few more moments of struggle, both of them stepped back from the fight and simply exchanged glares full of hatred. "You stupid bitch," Lisa panted.

"Takes one to know one," Nikki snapped back.

"What happened?" Kaitlyn asked. "I was working on my eyelashes when I heard the screaming start."

"We came down to get you," I said, indicating Lisa. "Your roommate answered and laid out a few choice insults. Lisa shot back. Nikki came out charging. That's the short version."

"Wasn't like that!" Nikki growled.

I glared at her and she flinched. "I was right fucking here. I heard everything you said. I saw you fly out right after Lisa slapped you, which was the least of what you deserved. You don't have a single goddamn excuse for what you said or did."

"I don't-"

"I don't care!" I shouted. She flinched back again and Kaitlyn's eyes widened. "I defended you! I kept telling my friends you weren't so bad, I made excuses for you, I did everything I could! You know what? They were right about you. You are a bitch. If you hadn't broken up with me already, this would have been the last straw right now."

She turned pale, then flushed red, then broke free of Kaitlyn's grip. For a moment I thought she would come directly at me, but instead, she pushed her roommate aside. The inner bathroom door slammed shut and I heard the deadbolt click into place. Kaitlyn and Lisa stared after her, then made eye contact with each other. "That was cute," Kait said. "You ok, Lisa?"

"I'm fine," Lisa said. She sounded subdued for once. "She didn't really hurt me."

I let go of her, but left my hand on her shoulder for a moment. "She's full of shit, you know that, right?"

"I know. Let's get out of here though. We're totally going to be late and it's all your fault, Katie!"

"My fault? Wait, I need to finish my makeup!"

We captured Drew without any explanation and headed for a park by the waterfront. Lisa coordinated our meeting with Max and Jess and launched into a description of the scene before I could stop her. By the time she finished, Drew had his hand over his eyes and Max was trying not to laugh. On the other hand, all three of the girls looked sad. "I feel like such a dick," Drew said. "I swear, I thought you were just on a break or had a bad fight or something."

"Again," Max pointed out.

"Don't give him too much shit," Jess said. "Doesn't matter if she was being a royal bitch or not, a breakup like that sucks. For everyone."

"Not us," Max said.

"I'll kick you in the balls."

"No, I'm serious." Max lifted his chin. "Look, we've all talked about what would happen if they broke up. We all know what we said. No one's surprised it happened." His eyes turned to me. "We're with you, Kev. Nothing you did can justify her bullshit."

I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. "Thanks, Max. That means a lot to me."

"Hey, hold on here," Kaitlyn said. She held her palms up. "Not saying I'm not with you, but she said you cheated on her. What's up with that?"

"She jumped to conclusions," I said.

Jess narrowed her eyes at me, but I ignored her. She'd be able to guess the truth if I gave her any hints. "All right," Kaitlyn said. "So, cool, your word against hers. I'm not going to take sides, right? Nothing against you, Kev, but I have to live with her for at least the next few months."

"I understand," I said.

"Let's find somewhere to sit and hang," Drew said. "Unless you all want to group hug Kev first. We can wait for that."

"I'll take any excuse for a group hug!" Lisa chirped and hug-rushed me. Jess and Kaitlyn rolled their eyes, but joined in. I didn't mind one bit. Once I was free of the multi-limbed embrace, we walked down a path until we found a spot. Max and Jess had brought blankets to spread on the ground for us. Before long, we were all leaning back and watching the evening sky turn darker. I found myself wishing Star was with me.

Someone shifted closer to me. I looked over to see Kaitlyn's eyes on me. "You ok?" she asked quietly. "That fight."

"That fight," I agreed. "Didn't expect anything like that."

"She's changed over the past year and a half," Kaitlyn said. She arched her back and shook her hair out. "Sweet girl, quiet and nice and pretty, you know. You fell for that."

"In what sense?"

"Both."

"Seems about right."

She looked over at me again. "So, level with me. Did you cheat? Not going to judge you if you did, not after what I saw today."

I sighed and looked past her at the couples. They were chatting away and paying no attention to me. I looked back to Kaitlyn's blue eyes and nodded slightly. "It happened," I said. "No apologies."

"How about regrets?"

"Seeing how she is, and what she thinks of all of my friends, I can't say that I do now. I might have before, but now? No regrets." I met Kaitlyn's gaze and didn't blink.

Kaitlyn nodded slowly and looked away. "I've been on both sides. Some regrets. Not a lot, but a few."

"I don't like myself very much."

"I know how that feels."

"She didn't deserve it."

"No one does."

I sighed and looked up at the sky. "Still shouldn't have done it."

Kaitlyn shifted a little closer. "You'll be fine. We all make mistakes."

"I feel like I've made a lot of them lately."

She chuckled a little, but didn't say anything. The first few fireworks started to arc up into the air. Summer had begun, the weather was looking up, and I was a free agent this year. Relatively free, at least. Star and I seemed inevitable. The question was whether I should take advantage of this lull.

Kaitlyn's shoulder bumped up against mine. "Hey," she said. "I just wanted to say, I feel for you." I glanced over and found her smiling at me. "So if you want to hang out some time and let me help you forget about her for a little while, I could arrange that." She leaned in and kissed my cheek.

I leaned away. "I appreciate that."

"But?"

"Lots of reasons," I said. "But none of them involve you."

"Humor me."

"Andreas," I said.

She shrugged. "We have an understanding."