The Education of Sebastian & the Education of Caroline (97 page)

“So where do you think she’s gone?”

“I don’t know. I don’t fuckin’ know.”

He looked at me hopelessly.

“What are you going to do?”

His eyes dropped to the floor again.

“I’m going to wait for her.”

“That’s three years, man. That’s a long time.”

He shrugged, and a ghost of a smile made its way onto his face.

“Life is a long time living, but without Caro it would just be a long time dying. I love her. So I’ll wait for her. And I know that somewhere on this rat infested planet, she’s waiting for me, too.”

I hoped he was right.

But it was damn hard trying to believe it.

TWENTY-ONE

“Yeah, this is the place.”

Ches pointed towards a low-rise, khaki-colored building with a sign announcing ‘Porter’s Pub’. It was a typical student dive: happy hour and cheap beer. Sounded good.

To be honest, I didn’t really care where we went. I was just happy to have a couple of quiet drinks with my best friend.

Inside, it was a dark, narrow room set out with wooden tables and chairs, and a stage at one end.

Ches started to lead the way towards a table near the back, but before we got there, someone called his name.

“Ches! My man! What’re you doin’ here, dude?”

The speaker was obviously a college kid: long, greasy hair, looking like he’d just stepped out of a Red Hot Chili Peppers video.

“Hey, Vince. How’s it going?”

“I’m long, loose and full of juice, my friend.”

I tried not to roll my eyes, I really did.

I was feeling pretty fucking tense and on edge, excited really, but so not in the mood to party with Ches’s college buddies. It looked like I didn’t have a choice. Whatever.

Other than the ass-hat, there were four other guys that Ches introduced, and a girl whose name I didn’t catch. I noticed her running her eyes up and down my body, and it made me uncomfortable.

“This is Seb, a friend from high school.”

They nodded and muttered, eyeing my military haircut, and the girl smiled.

“I thought you said you were busy tonight, Ches, man?” said Vince.

“Well, yeah. We were just going to go out and have a couple of drinks now
that Seb’s back in town.”

“Did you go away to school?” asked the girl. Her name might have been Stacey.

I didn’t get a chance to be evasive, because Ches answered for me.

“Nope. Seb enlisted. He’s a Marine—just got back from Iraq. A gen-u-ine hero, right, man?”

That shit was just fucking embarrassing—but typical of Ches.

“Wow, really?” said Del.

“Yep,” said Ches, “and looking damn skinny. Man, didn’t they feed you out there?”

“You try wearing ninety pounds of gear in 110 degrees, you fat fucker,” I muttered.

Ches laughed and patted his stomach, which was slightly larger than last time I’d seen him.

“Man is a large animal. Besides, wait till you try Amy’s cooking.”

Amy. This was Ches’s new girlfriend, and, according to him, the love of his life. I hadn’t met her yet, but if she made my friend happy, that was good enough for me. And he was—happy, I mean. Happiness rolled off him in waves. Not that I was jealous. Okay, that was a lie. I was jealous as fuck, but still really pleased for him. I knew what it was like to be in love—except right now, it was fucking painful. For me, anyway.

I’d earned a few days’ leave, and had managed to be in San Diego this
week. I was waiting for Caro. I’d been waiting for her for three long years.

The guys around the table eyed me like I was a fucking Martian. I could see what they were thinking: too dumb to go to college. It didn’t bother me, I just didn’t want to spend the evening talking about being a Marine. I was having a night off.

I mumbled something and stood up to get the beers, pulling my wallet out of my back pocket.

“Nah, man, your money’s no good tonight,” said Ches, pushing me down into my seat.

“Huh?” said Vince, looking annoyed.

“It’s my buddy’s
birthday,” announced Ches loudly, as I stifled a groan. “Twenty-one and legal at last.”

A chorus of ‘congratulations’ and ‘happy birthday’ rolled around the table. I cocked an eyebrow at Ches, and he shrugged, a wide smile across his face. He signaled to the waitress and ordered beer for everyone. Then he pointed to me:

“It’s his birthday, so don’t let him pay for any drinks tonight, okay?”

The waitress winked at me.

“He’s so cute, I wouldn’t make him pay for anything anyway.”

“Whoa!
You’re in there, man,” said Vince, as the waitress sashayed back to the bar.

Stupid fucker
. I scowled at him and he leaned back in his seat, looking surprised. I hadn’t so much as looked at another woman in the three years I’d waited for Caro—I wasn’t going to blow it now.

Ches threw me a warning glance. I nodded once and looked away. I had gotten the message.

Yeah, yeah, it wasn’t Vince’s fault I was so on edge. But listening to a bunch of college kids talking about midterms and professors wasn’t really doing it for me. Technically, they were all older than me, but they just seemed really young. Ches was the only one who knew what it had been like for me since I enlisted. His dad was a Staff Sergeant, so he understood; the rest of them were civvies. And that created a distance. Besides, they were Ches’s friends, not mine.

But because they were Ches’s friends, I knew I just had to chill the fuck out.

“Hey, Seb,” Ches nudged me. “Look I hadn’t really planned on everyone being here tonight; I know you just wanted a quiet drink. But since they are here, would it be cool with you if I texted Amy to join us?”

“Sure, why not? It’d be good to meet
your girl, man.”

Ches grinned. “You’re going to love her. You’ve never met anyone like her…” His words trailed off. “Sorry, man. I know you’re hoping Caroline’s gonna turn up, but come on...” He looked at me seriously. “Even if she was in town, she’s not going to know which bar you’re at, is she?”

I ran my hands over my hair in frustration. “I know she’ll be here; I just know it. I mean, fuck, I’ve left my cell number for her at your mom and dad’s old place, her old place and at the civvy entrance to the Base. She’s gonna go to one of them, isn’t she?”

Ches didn’t answer. Instead, he became very interested in staring at a hole in the toe of his sneaker.

“Sure, Seb,” he said, quietly.

He was my best friend, and he was a lousy fucking liar.

Picking up my beer, I chugged half the bottle.

“How’s it feel drinking legally?” said Stacey, jogging my elbow.

“Pretty much like any other time,” I snapped.

“Well, excuse me!” she snorted.

I was being an asshole.

“Sorry,” I said, grimacing at her. “I’m just…”

I didn’t know what to say to her.

She smiled. “Apology accepted. I guess this isn’t what you really wanted, is it? You know, a big crowd of strangers. We must seem pretty immature to you.”

I looked at her in surprise.

“Yeah, my big brother is in the Old Guard out at Fort Myer.”

I nodded slowly. “It’s just a bit … weird. I only flew in this morning. I’m still…”

She touched my arm. “It’s okay, I get it. You don’t have to explain.”

I smiled with relief, and she blinked a couple of times.

“Thanks. Stacey, right?”

“So you were paying attention!”

I grinned at her. “Must have been. Who knew?”

She clinked her beer against mine. “Here’s to paying attention.”

After my fifth beer, I started to loosen up a bit. Even so, I couldn’t help checking my cellphone for the fortieth fucking time.

“You waiting for someone … your girlfriend … or…?” asked Stacey.

“Yes. No. Kind of. I don’t know.”

She raised her eyebrows.

Truthfully, I was waiting. I knew Ches thought I was crazy. I mean, I hadn’t heard from her for three years but there was a reason for that: a really good fucking reason. And I knew, I just fucking
knew
that she’d be looking for me. She’d promised me—we’d promised each other.

It really bothered me that I didn’t even know her surname. I mean, I knew her married name, but I’d assumed she’d have changed it. And I was such a fucking idiot, I’d never thought to ask her what her maiden name was at the time.

I’d tried to find her but got nowhere: turns out you need to know someone’s name if you want to find them. Yeah, right. But I knew she’d be able to find me back in San Diego. That’s why I’d cashed in every favor I could to make sure I was here for my 21
st
birthday. I’d left messages at all the places that had meant something to us: she had to find one of them. All I could do was wait. Yeah. That’s all. It was fucking killing me.

Ches understood. He’d been there, and he’d been the one who picked up the pieces after Caro had left. I was a fucking wreck, but he and his mom and dad all helped. I even lived with them for a few months until I enlisted. They were my real family.

I couldn’t be bothered to explain everything to Stacey. But I was a Marine, and trained in evasive tactics.

“Do you want to dance?”

She looked surprised.

“Sure! I’d love to. I didn’t know Marines danced.”

I smiled at her and winked. “This one does.”

Stacey was a pretty good dancer and followed my lead easily. I kind of enjoyed having a girl in my arms again, even though it wasn’t
the
girl I was waiting for. Her hands crept around my neck and I pulled her into my chest. It occurred to me later that she probably wanted me to kiss her. Like
that
was going to happen.

She must have sensed my mood, because she started talking instead.

“Wow, you can really dance, Seb! Where’d you learn those moves?”

I laughed. “Ches’s mom and dad.”

“You’re kidding me!”

“Nope: Base salsa champions back in the day.”

“I’ve never seen Ches dance,” she said, eyeing him speculatively.

“Yeah, well, I think that talent skipped a generation.”

Stacey laughed. “I’ll tell him you said that.”

I smiled back. “He already knows.”

We’d danced for a couple of songs when I saw two girls join the table: one was a girl with light brown hair who threw herself into Ches’s lap. He kissed her like he needed her air to breathe, and I guessed this must be Amy.

Stacey turned to see what had caught my attention, then grinned up at me.

“Looks like Amy’s here.”

“You know her?”

“Sure! She’s my roommate. Let’s go say ‘hi’ before their lips get permanently locked together.”

“I think it’s too late for that,” I muttered, but she just laughed.

“Hey, Ames!” she called.

Reluctantly, Amy pulled her mouth off of Ches and leaned back. I saw him shifting uncomfortably and couldn’t help smiling. Dude must have had a helluva boner after that make-out session.

“Hey, Stacey,” said Amy, slightly breathless, then turned to me. “You must be Seb. I’ve heard sooo much about you: it’s really good to meet you.”

“You, too,” I said grinning, as we shook hands. “Although you look too smart to be going out with this asshole.”

Ches tried to punch me on the arm, but I ducked away and Amy laughed.

“Oh, happy birthday, by the way.”

“Thanks,” I mumbled, not really wanting to be reminded.

A look of sympathy crossed her face and I realized that Ches must have told her everything. It made me slightly uncomfortable but that’s what couples did, right? Shared their secrets. At least she hadn’t said anything to Stacey, and I appreciated that. Seemed like Ches’s girl was cool. I was glad about that. Ches was family: he was my brother.

“By the way, man,” said Ches. “Mom sent you a birthday card. It’s back at my place. Remind me to give it to you later.”

“Really?” I couldn’t help smiling. Shirley, Ches’s mom, always did stuff like that. “Tell her I said thanks.”

“Tell her yourself, you lazy bastard. You do know how to use email, right?”

I gave him the finger and he laughed at me.

I didn’t get much of a chance to talk to either Ches or Amy after that, because they spent the rest of the evening making out. It was kind of strange for me, seeing my friend like that, and remembering that Caro and I had never been able to behave like that in public. I really resented that we’d hardly had any time to just be us. I wished again that she was here. Now that there was nothing stopping us, I missed her even more. I knew it was dumb to expect her to walk into the bar, but I couldn’t help looking anyway. Every time I saw a woman with long, brown hair, my stomach flipped over—but it was never her.

I checked my phone again: no messages.

I’d just decided to wallow in misery and get shitfaced, when Ches announced that the party was moving to his place. I groaned, inwardly. I’d really hoped we could just go back and chill.

No chance of that now.

We trailed back to the house that Ches shared with a couple of guys from his Business and Economics classes. Gareth had already got the party started with a couple of kegs, three crates of beer, and a baggie of weed that he was using to roll joints. I looked longingly at the joint that was being passed around, but I knew I couldn’t risk it. I only had another four day’s leave and I’d be tested as soon as I got back. I didn’t know for sure how long that shit stayed in your blood.