The Dusk Watchman: Book Five of The Twilight Reign (70 page)

‘At least you realise that. Most wouldn’t.’

Doranei snorted ‘Most haven’t spent so much time asking why in the name o’ the Dark Place they’re doing what they’re doing. You know, I just realised something about all I’ve done, all that bad shit in the name of the king – it’s not that I’m kidding myself here, when I die, me and Lord Death are going to have a long old chat. Old Bones might have a few comments at my Last Judgment, and Ghain’s slope is going to be one long bloody walk.’

‘I sense a “but” creeping in.’

‘Aye, there’s a “but” – seems to me, the deciding vote ain’t going to be Death’s. Either we stop Azaer or we don’t. The final judgment about me might depend on success, not the
right
or otherwise of what I’ve done. Either the Gods owe all of us one bastard of a favour, or an Upper Circle God’s going to have it in for us. Azaer’s not a forgiving type, even in victory.’

Ebarn was silent for a long while. ‘So now you’ve depressed the shit out of me,’ she said eventually. ‘And this is you dealing with things better?’

‘Gives us a prize to aim for, you’ve got to admit.’

‘Incentive like that I didn’t need,’ she muttered, running a hand over her short hair as though trying to brush of her mood. ‘Now I know why Endine doesn’t want to talk to you anymore.’

‘Pah! The scrawny bugger should know better than to have a serious conversation with me when I’ve had a few – the man knows I’m a mean spirited drunk.’

‘That all it was?’

Doranei looked away into the dark of the countryside. This was a sparsely populated part of the Land, most of the towns nestled close to the cities they were bound to for fear of the regular wars between states. Most of the smaller settlements were now abandoned, according to the Narkang scouts.

‘Mostly,’ he admitted at last. ‘Neither of us has been an idealist, not for years; what truth I spoke he knows anyway, he just doesn’t like to think about it. With Cetarn dead he’s feeling lost. He wants his faith to be a shield against the Land the way Cetarn’s bulk was.’

‘Lost without his friend, eh?’ Ebarn said pointedly. ‘There might be more than one man feeling that way. So maybe you’ll go a bit easy on him?’

‘I see what you mean.’ Doranei picked up his pace. Now wasn’t the time to talk about their own frailties. He’d got the golden bee on his collar and the sword of a dead Demi-God on his hip: he was a King’s Man. He didn’t want to know what men might say behind his back, though he guessed it would be as much hero-worship as distrust – conquered a vampire princess, ear of the king, cold-hearted bastard who murdered his lover, a hundred different things. Best he didn’t hear any of them.

I might be a bastard in their eyes,
Doranei realised,
but they want killers on their side, ones they can’t imagine falling in battle. Few of us liked Coran – maybe none of us, to tell the truth – but you were still glad to hear him snarl at your side when the Soldier beckoned.

They headed to one of the advance pickets, fifty yards out from the camp, near enough for voices to carry if it was attacked. All ten faces turned their way, then the squad’s sergeant saluted gravely before returning his gaze to the darkness beyond.

The sergeant was a few winters older than Doranei, but the rest were frighteningly young – but the recruiters didn’t care much about
actual
age so long as they were strong enough to use a spear.

‘Evening, boys. All quiet out?’

‘Yes, sir,’ squeaked the private he was looking at, the youngest of the lot. ‘Nothing more than a bat.’

‘Did it give the password?’ Doranei meant to joke, but his weariness and lingering grief made the words sound angry and the boy’s face paled. ‘Never mind, son; just a joke. See any daemons?’

The boy shook his head violently. ‘Nothing, sir. Corporal Rabb, in third squad, he said he did last night, thing like a dog, shining silver in the moonlight.’

‘And his sergeant said it was a damn rabbit,’ said the squad sergeant, glancing back. ‘Sergeant Garelden, sir. Sorry, foolish talk is all. Until they see their first fight, they’re always jumpy at the unknown.’

Doranei remembered the fears of his first mission well enough. ‘Sure it wasn’t actually a dog?’ he asked the private.

The soldier shook his head, eyes wide. ‘It ran without a sound, the corp said, and big as a wolf, and then it just vanished.’

‘Aye. His name’s Hulf.’ Doranei raised one palm to show the whole squad. ‘You seen these tattoos on the Ghosts and my lot? The Mad Axe decided the dog should get ’em too, give him a fighting chance if he’s going to run with the army. In darkness he’ll run like a ghost and likely sneak up on any daemons out there, just to give ’em a fright. He’s got his master’s sense of humour, that pup, but he’s with us. You’ve nothing to fear from him.’

‘Yes, sir.’

‘Enough of the “sir” crap. I’m no officer.’

‘Well,
sir
,’ Sergeant Garelden drawled, turning back to look at Doranei, ‘you’re a King’s Man and no infantry private, that’s for sure. Rank or no, think it’s best we use a bit o’ respect for anyone on first name terms with the king.’

Doranei hesitated, then said, ‘I suppose you’ve got a point there. Fair enough.’

‘Thank you, sir.’

Ebarn watched Doranei with a smile on her face while the rest of the squad, under the stern eye of their sergeant, turned back to the darkness beyond, wanting to show how alert to their duty they were, especially while the eyes of the king were upon them.

‘Question, sir?’ Garelden asked quietly, never taking his eyes from the darkness.

‘Sure – what is it?’

‘The enemy, sir,’ he said slowly, as if not quite sure how to ask what he wanted. ‘I was hoping you could tell us a bit more about ’em – the child, I mean. All we’ve heard is rumour, and not much of that’s made a lot of sense.’

Doranei shared a look with Ebarn. ‘So your question is, “what’re we doing out here?”, right?’

‘No, sir; I know my duty, my boys too. We’re with the king to the end and it ain’t our place to question what we’re doing. We’re all loyal to the bone.’

Doranei realised some of the younger men were looking alarmed at the very idea of a King’s Man thinking them disloyal. ‘Right, so the question is “why’re we out
here
”, mebbe? Why here and why now?’

‘Just hoping to understand a little better,’ the sergeant said carefully, not wanting to make a point of contradicting Doranei.

‘We’re marching into foreign lands to fight for our king, fight for our country, and none of us got a problem with that; it’s why we joined. But when I ask my boys to kill another man for a cause, I’d – well—’

‘Want to know the cause?’ Ebarn supplied, then, added, ‘It’s a reasonable request. I think we all forget most of the nation hasn’t been in this war as long as we have – most don’t know it’s been going almost as long as the king’s reign.’

‘It ain’t the time for a history lesson,’ Doranei growled, ‘nor for telling two decades o’ secrets.’

‘Don’t worry; we all know our duty here, right, Sergeant Garelden? So you get the quick version; most likely you heard it already, but rumour messes up most stories. There’s a shadow, as old as mortal life – it’s not a God and not a daemon, just claws and a voice that can whisper inside a man’s head, persuade him to do stuff he sometimes thought of in the quiet of night, but never really meant. We all got a bad side. Some of us let it out, and some of us get it forced out by others – life ain’t fair, and sometimes the shit gets too much. But for some, a shadow talks and talks at you until you let out that dark bit of your soul that you wouldn’t want your loved ones to see. With me so far?’

‘Aye, I think so.’

‘Well the shadow loves this power, but for centuries that was all it had – one or two folk here and there, a few whispers and fearful stories. Then the shadow found the Last King of the Elves, and it found the key to unlock that dark part, the hunger for more than we’ve got:
ambition
. A lot else happened and the Elves and Gods made their own mistakes, and the Great War was the result.’

Doranei cleared his throat, but Ebarn didn’t object when he took up the explanation. ‘All that was a long time ago, but it’s still important. When our king was a young man, the shadow made an enemy of him because the king’s a man who brings out the best in others – that’s his genius, really. The shadow knew it had found its opposite – its mirror-match. As the king’s power grew, the shadow’s did too, and it finally had a chance to take advantage of all the things it’d learned over the years.

‘You can’t hide from a shadow. Whatever strong-room you put your secrets in, shadows creep in as you shut that door. And this shadow’s learned as much as the Gods about the balance of the Land. Daemons did its bidding, furthering its legend in return for the souls they covet, and the Last King, Aryn Bwr himself, gave his soul over to the shadow before he died. Then when Aryn Bwr tried to be reborn, the shadow played the Last King for its own purpose. It knew the Gods would fear their old enemy – and all those with the sort of power Bwr’d wielded – but none of them cared about something as weak as a shadow.

‘It had seen how the Great War weakened the Gods, and now it knew it could bring about the same: it could stop the prayers that sustain the Gods; it could make folk turn against the priests who carry those prayers to the Gods. And now it intends to use the weapons Aryn Bwr himself forged – the Crystal Skulls – to unbalance the Land so it can force itself into the Pantheon of the Gods.’

‘So that’s why the child of Byora has sent preachers out across the Land?’ Sergeant Garelden asked, as rapt as his young soldiers. ‘He’s gathering worshippers for when the shadow becomes a God, stealing them away from the other Gods to weaken them?’

‘Exactly. Now there’s more to the story, and some things I won’t tell you, but that’s the heart of it. That child, Ruhen, has an immortal soul, and it hopes to become a God. We have to stop that happening and we’ve got a weapon to do just that.’

‘So that’s what we’re fighting for – to stop a shadow killing the Gods?’ one young soldier breathed, wonder mingling with terror in his voice. ‘We’re fighting for the fate of the whole Land?’

Doranei shook his head and forced a smile, clapping his hand on the youth’s shoulder. ‘No, lad, you’re in the infantry. Let folk like Ebarn and me do that; you just remember what you learned your very first day of training.’

‘What—? Sarge?’

‘Come on, Private, you’ve heard it so many times it should be carved into your heart!’ Garelden replied.

‘Oh, that.’ He swallowed. ‘You fight for the man beside you; you fight for your friends around you so you don’t let them down.’

‘Aye, that’s it,’ Doranei said. ‘Don’t think about where the war’s going or what the king’s thinking; you’re here to be strong. Victory only comes if men like you stay strong. Look after the man beside you and he’ll look after you. Kill the enemy before they get you or the man at your side – that’s the only way any of us are going to make it home.’

‘Yes sir,’ the soldier said. He looked down at the ground, another question clearly on his lips.

‘Go on,’ Doranei encouraged, ‘ask it, even if you’re afraid to. There’s no shame in fear, only in letting it rule you. Fear is a shadow,’ he added, amending the Brotherhood’s long-standing mantra about grief, ‘and we don’t submit to shadows.’

‘Yes, sir. I just – I don’t know what it’ll be like, when we do have to fight.’

‘Fucking terrifying,’ Doranei said with a rough laugh. ‘It looks like the Land’s exploded around you, and everything’s moving too fast for anything to make sense. That’s why you stick to the man at your shoulder. You’re safer when you’re together, and once you realise you’re not alone, the chaos will fade.’

‘What about killing, sir? I’m a soldier and we’re going to fight – but what’s it like, to kill a man? I’ve never done more’n split a lip before and – well, you’re a— you’re a King’s Man.’ The soldier hung his head, fearing he’d insulted Doranei.

‘I’m a King’s Man, aye, and I’ve killed more’n a few in his name: it’s part of what we do. Don’t mean I’ve enjoyed it, but I was trained to kill, sure enough, better than any soldier.’ He looked around. ‘Gods, now you’ve made me feel old, lad. So what’s it like? Don’t know I can tell you rightly; it’s different for everyone, far’s I can tell. First man I killed, I couldn’t stop my hand shaking afterwards. Knife went in so easy and smooth I couldn’t believe it. It frightened me, how easy it was, in truth.’

He sighed and looked away, trying to work out how to explain it in a way that wouldn’t break the boy’s spirit and mean he didn’t last longer than his first battle. Those who feared the killing were the ones who hesitated. At last he said, ‘It’s easy t’kill a man. I’m serious, killing a man’s so easy you’ll be scared too. See that spear you got?’ He took hold of the shaft and lowered the weapon so he could tap the slim blade on the end. ‘This is sharp and hard – people ain’t. You put your shoulder into it, not just prod like a girl, and this’ll go through flesh and bone and out the other side, right through a man. We ain’t made to be hard to kill, and the first time you put a man down you’ll feel the weight of that like a punch to the gut.

‘Afterwards comes the screams and the stink of spilled guts, blood, shit and mud all mixed and filling your nose. Then the chaos of battle comes back and grabs you in its teeth and you’re more scared than ever before – but that’s what battle is: more noise and movement than any mind can keep up with, so keep your mind on the job and don’t let all that distract you.’ He released the spear.

‘Killing a man’s easy,’ Doranei repeated sadly, ‘forgetting the next day that he was just like your brother – that his mother’ll be weeping when she hears, or something’ll break inside his father, never to be fixed – that’s the hard part. Come see me after your first battle, lad, and we’ll drink until we forget those we’ve killed.

‘You don’t get a choice about killing sometime, and not in war, that’s for sure. Just remember to share the burden or it’ll eat you up inside. There’s no shame in sharing; and any man who thinks so can explain himself to me or the Mad Axe – we’ll both – ah,
respond
– the same. Understanding consequences is what makes us men. Sometimes you got to accept consequences, sometimes you got to know when they’re too great. Without understanding that choice you’re nothing.’