The Dreamer (32 page)

Notes: Hallowed be thy name ….

“What is it? Wha —”

The words were curt, and he’d opened the door only a fraction. But he seemed to falter as his eyes widened, registering my extraordinary attire. He opened the door a little wider so he could get a better look at me.

I cleared my throat. “Lady Alistair was wondering ….”

“Lady Alistair?” His eyes were still roving over me.

I flushed under his absorbed scrutiny. “Well … I was wondering why you hadn’t come to supper.”

He looked at me now, his eyes darkening, his lips hardening. “I have too much to do. Are you well again, then?”

“Oh, me? I’m fine now.”

His eyes softened. “Rachel, gold or no gold, your name is known now. There will still be opportunities for you.”

“Not without the treasure,” I muttered.

“Yes there are. We will find a way.”

“You know that’s not true. I have no negotiating power now.” I fingered my dress and glimpsed at him. I took a breath and cleared the sudden lump in my throat. “And … I’m not sure I care anyway ….”

He shifted his weight to lean against the door jam and laughed. “I find that hard to believe. You’ve spent every waking moment with that gold since we got it. You’ve hardly done anything else. You just say that now because the treasure is lost. You’ll recover over time and want to resume your work again.”

I was silent, staring at him with uncertainty. “Why aren’t you coming down?”

“I told you, I’m busy.”

“Please come down.”

He took a step back. “No.”

“Why not?”

“I said I’m not coming down.”

I paused at his tone. “Then let me come in,” I ventured.

“Into my chamber? It would be indecent.”

“We practically slept together on your ship.”

“Hush!” He quickly looked down the empty hallway and then glared at me. “Don’t be a fool. This isn’t the ship anymore, Rachel.”

I took a step back, injured at his tone. “Of course. I’m sorry.” I turned my back to him. All I wanted was to escape and crawl into a dark corner somewhere.

“Rachel.”

I stopped.

He sighed. Then wordlessly he held the door open for me.

His room was much like mine, rich and tastefully decorated but totally devoid of any personal touches. I wondered if it was the room he’d used when he lived here all those years ago, when he tried his hand at life on land.

I turned and saw him standing before me, and I caught my breath.

“Captain!” I gasped, looking at him.

He was in a rich, crimson jacket and dark breeches that hugged his hard muscular legs. I recognized the jacket. He’d worn it before during that lovely dinner so long ago on his ship. But I didn’t remember it having this affect on me then.

He strode around me, stripping off the jacket and tossing it onto the bed. “I know,” he growled. “The jacket’s a mess. I forgot to take it to the tailor to get it repaired.”

He went to a desk standing in the corner and began to shuffle through some papers. “I’m not going to supper. So don’t ask it. I’m too busy.”

I said evenly, “But you’re already dressed.”

“I have too much to do. I have to talk to my backers. I have to secure another ship.”

“But if you got dressed you must have
planned
on joining us.”

“I’m not coming!” Violently, he kicked the chair beside him and it broke with a loud snap.

Quietly I asked, “What changed your mind?”

He controlled himself with difficulty. “Rachel, try to understand. You can’t afford another embarrassment. Not after what happened today.”

“Another embarrassment?”

“We’ve lost the gold. You still have to secure your position.”

“What do you mean ‘another embarrassment’?”

“You can establish yourself on your own. I cannot help you anymore.”

I gritted my teeth and said distinctly, “But that isn’t what you
said
. You said ‘another embarrassment.’ To what were you referring?”

“Would you stop it, Rachel?” He turned on me suddenly, his face hard, his nostrils flared. “Stop analyzing me. You and your questions. I’m
sick
of them.”

I gasped.

Without a word he turned to the window and looked out stoically.

Suddenly all pretense was gone, and I covered my face with my hands and began to weep.

There was startled silence, then the stride of footsteps and his arms went around me.

“Don’t,” I sobbed. “All I want is to d-die.”

“But why?” he asked, astonished.

“B-because I’m all alone,” I wailed.

“I told you before,” he exclaimed in anguished tones, almost shaking me. “You’re simply upset because of the loss of the treasure. In time, it won’t seem so daunting. You’ll recover and want to resume your life. In time you’ll forget all about me.”

I shook my head and felt my body curl up in pain. “Oh, don’t repeat what I said! Those meaningless words. I was wrong about everything. I was so blind. It was right before me, and I didn’t see it. All I saw was the gold. And now it’s too late. What do I do now? P-perhaps one day I may heal, logic dictates a heart must heal. But now … oh, how it hurts. It’s agony. Love is agony,” I cried, literally bowling over in the anguish.

Mallory became very still. “What did you say?” he asked quietly.

I didn’t answer him. I just sobbed and sobbed.

After a moment, his arms cradled me, much like one would a wounded child. I rested in the crook of his arm, my head on his chest, and my sobbing quieted.

He pressed his lips to my forehead. My eyes opened but I dared not move in fear of causing him to stop.

Then his lips touched my brow, I looked up at him and our eyes met. I knew that he was no longer trying to comfort me. He lowered his head and kissed my nose. I swallowed and waited. He drew away and looked at me. When I would have pulled away in embarrassment, I remembered Lady Alistair’s words: “Love is a dance.” Deliberately I stayed where I was and waited, watching him, letting him see my heart, my desire, my love. In answer, he bent and pressed his lips fully on mine.

I wound my arms around his neck and I almost exclaimed out loud, “At last! At last!” His arms tightened and crushed me to him, and I eagerly responded, my passion all the stronger for the weeks it had been kept in check. Like a flood spilling forth from a dam, I rushed to meet him.

He broke free to explore my face and neck. “I love you,” I told him. “I love you so much, Mallory.”

“Darling, is it true?” he muttered huskily into my ear.

“Yes!”

“I never thought … I didn’t dare hope ….”

“But why not?”

“Because you’re brilliant and sophisticated and somehow impenetrable.”

“And you’re courageous and strong and noble. And so ….” I touched his face appreciatively. “So handsome.”

He looked down at me adoringly. “Is that what you think?”

“Yes.”

“Since when?”

“Since forever. For weeks and weeks and weeks. Perhaps even when I first saw you, though I was still asleep then and didn’t realize it.”

He looked amazed. “But the way you responded when I kissed you before …?”

“Yes?” I asked, leaning forward and brushing my lips against his rough cheek, and then the thick scar at his neck that had been beckoning me for so long.

He closed his eyes and allowed it, though I think he was valiantly trying to concentrate. “You changed.”

“Did I?”

“You were quiet, hardly looked me in the eye. And you didn’t come to me like you usually did. I waited for you. And you never came. I thought you were afraid of me … didn’t want me to touch you again.”

“I was embarrassed. I was waiting for you.”

He kissed me fully on the mouth again, and then we drew apart. He looked down at me, an expression on his face I cannot begin to describe. It was a mixture of love and relief, mingled with amused pride and affection. “
You
were embarrassed?” he asked with mocking disbelief.

“Yes! Why not?”

“You? Who didn’t care a ship load of men wanted to ravish you?”

I blushed. “Well, that sounds worse than it really was ….”

“You, who had no problem sharing chambers with a strange man, taking it as course, inviting me in wearing only a nightshirt.”

I grimaced.

“And had a hand in instigating mutiny.”

“Yes, I see.”

“And attempted to convince a law abiding and honest mariner to attack a pirate ship and go treasure seeking.”

“Alright! You’ve made your point!”

He laughed, and then slowly sobered as he searched my face as though taking in every detail. “We’ve come a long way, haven’t we, Rachel?”

“Yes, Captain.”

“And you love me?”

“Yes, Captain,” I said humbly, well aware he still had not said the words himself. “Very much.”

With his eyes scanning my face, he reached out and lightly brushed my cheek with the back of a finger. “You reached out to me. Do you remember?”

“What?”

“The first time I saw you, looking so beautiful and tragic with the black ropes strung across you like an ungodly monster. You reached out to me as they carried you away. Your hand brushed mine.”

I was thoughtful. “Oh, yes.”

“And then you were lying there in the bed … on my bed, that wonderful hair falling across my pillow. I wondered if I was dreaming. I couldn’t take my eyes off you.”

I smiled slowly. “You couldn’t?”

“I never thought … didn’t dare to dream then that ….”

He stopped, his hand on my cheek, I smiled up at him with confidence.

“Right, then.” Suddenly he released me and sprang to life, pacing the room with pent up, exuberant energy. Gone was the unhappy, almost sulky man from moments ago. Now Mallory was at ease, confident, and even cock-sure, almost as if he thought to himself,
Of course she loves me. Who wouldn’t?

“I’ll arrange for a license,” he said as he paced. “No need to wait for the calling of banns. Then, of course, there’s the question of a suitable house. Shouldn’t be too difficult, but it might take some time. Lady Alistair, I’m sure, will tolerate us in the meantime ….”

I paled. “Mallory! What do you mean?”

He rubbed his chin. “I’ll speak with Justin Miller. He might know of a post for me.”

“You mean you’ll stay ashore?”

“It’ll take time, but I’ll work my way up.”

“But it’s impossible! You said … you
said
it was impossible. The sea was all you knew.”

“Who knows? Perhaps Parliament one day.”

“You said you had money saved and that it won’t take you long to secure another vessel, that there was nothing ashore for you.”

He looked at me. “So?”

“So what’s changed?”

He strode to me and pulled me to a stand, holding me in a grip that hurt. “
You
. You impossible, infuriating, disaster! Strange and sweet and my safest harbor. I didn’t think it was possible. I thought I was beyond all hope. But I have you now. And I can do anything.”

He kissed me and continued to make his plans. I was called on to do little. He strode around the room, and I watched dazed and awed, a small smile touching my lips.

“The discovery of the treasure is helpful, despite the subsequent loss,” he told me.

“What treasure?” I murmured.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Notes: Title: Prologue. Five Years Later. Year: 1719

Although there is no chance these memoirs will ever be read, and no possibility that they will lead to my fame and acclaim, there is something deep inside of me rebelling against the idea that they aren’t finished. Every story deserves an ending. And so I will end it.