The Doppelgänger: A Psychological Thriller (23 page)

I hung around her house, waiting for any sign of you. That night, you came. You saw me. You knew I was around her.

I thought you had patched up, but I was wrong. I only realized how wrong I was when she died the next day. Everything I wanted to accomplish was gone. Our mother was dead.

I lived under the shadow of the sadness for a day. That was when Detective Jones found out about me. He found out that I existed. It gave me hope. I failed to stop you but I could give you a second chance. I could give you the second chance I never got.

The eight years I spent in prison ruined me. But your life was different. You didn’t go to jail at twenty-two. You lived a normal life until thirty. Most of all, you had me. You had me to protect you.

So, I did what I always dreaded I’d do. I framed myself. I had planned it out before I came. It was the worst case scenario. I left Detective Jones clues that pointed to me. He found the alibis I planted. I confessed the day before I came to meet you. I set the stage for my arrest.

Now, only one thing remained. I had to meet you. I had to see you once before I left forever. We met at the parking lot on Thursday. To be honest, I’d expected you to tell Detective Jones about our meeting. But you didn’t. So, I did. I sent a message from your phone telling him where you were. I assume he got the message, and he found you. That’s why you’re reading this.

I ask you that once you finish reading this, delete it. Delete it from ‘trash’ too. Make sure nobody knows what happened. That will be the end of my plan. And, the fulfilment of my destiny.

You must be wondering why I did all this. Why did I frame myself for a complete stranger? Why do I want to protect you? The answer is, I don’t know. I was thrilled when I received your e-mail. You gave me a reason to live.

You gave me hope. That hope became my happiness. It became the reason for my existence. I wasn’t alone because you existed. I could save you. I could protect you the way I wanted to be protected.

So, I hope you understand. This is my last gift to you. The only thing I can do for you is give you a second chance. I hope you use this chance to find happiness.

D

Darcy curled into a ball. Salty tears flowed down her cheeks and lips. She quivered. The words on the screen blurred. Her heart constricted, drawing in more tears. Her sobs reached Smokey’s ears, and she began to meow.

The voice of the news anchor faded into nothingness. Darcy’s fingers moved over the screen. She pulled the laptop closer and hugged it. Those were the only memories of her doppelgänger.

Chapter 28

Dr. Nathan sat before Darcy, morose. His hair had greyed in the eight years that they hadn’t met. Darcy moved in her chair. She struggled breathe.

“How long has it been since your last session?” he asked, expressionless.

“Eight years,” Darcy said in a hollow voice.

“Is there any reason you decided to come back?”

Darcy looked away. Her hands kneaded her thighs.

“I think my schizophrenia relapsed,” her voice was airy. “I’ve been seeing things that don’t exist. I’ve been having delusions often.”

“How do you know they are delusions?”

“They don’t match the facts. My memories are lies.” Darcy’s tone became shrill.

“Why do you say that?”

“I recently discovered I remember things that never happened. I’ve forgotten things that happened.”

“You saw me for schizophrenia ten years ago,” he noted. “I remember we spoke about how your mother died.”

“I was wrong,” Darcy said with downcast eyes. “I was wrong about everything.”

Dr. Nathan read his notes. “You said Dr. C, that’s what you called him, killed your mother. She was a journalist. She found out that he was conducting illegal trials and wanted to expose him. He imprisoned you in an asylum and shot her. Am I right?” he lifted his head. His eyes shot her a look.

“That’s not what happened. She died recently,” Darcy said, her nose curling up with disgust. “I didn’t know it was a lie. I discovered recently.”

“Would you like to tell me about it?”

“I was hypnotized at sixteen. The sessions lasted for a year.” Darcy said in a groggy voice.

“Hypnosis? Have we spoken about this?” Dr. Nathan turned the pages of his book.

“No. I didn’t remember anything when I spoke to you the last time.”

“What do you remember now?”

“Dr. C was my psychiatrist. He didn’t kill my mother or imprison me in an asylum.”

“Hmmmm…” Dr. Nathan said, apathetic.

“He hypnotized me to make me forget some bad memories.”

“Bad memories?”

“When I was fifteen, I killed two men.” Darcy paused. Dr. Nathan quickly changed his shock to mild surprise.

“That’s…” He was lost for words.

“They kidnapped me.” Darcy continued.

“You’ve never spoken about this.” he said with enlarged eyes.

“He erased the event from my memory,” she said. “Those years were hard for all of us. My parents divorced, I was kicked out of school because I pushed a girl and she ended up in intensive care for six months and I home-schooled until I could go to college. I’m sure there are other things I don’t remember but…I want to.” 

“That’s- whoa…that’s very different from the sessions we had eight years ago. How did you end up at Dr. C’s?”

“My mother wanted me to forget. She took me to him.”

“That was a dangerous thing to do,” he said. “I don’t know if I’m convinced about the memory erasing part. Some people think hypnosis can re-program memories but there’s debate on the issue. I for one, don’t believe it can.”

“I remember things in flashes. My mind combined whatever I knew and that’s how that story came about,” Darcy said. “I forgot the murders, but I remembered him.”

“That’s the reason you believe he killed your mother?”

Darcy nodded.

“How did you find out?”

“I met my mother recently. She told me.”

“You saw her?”

“Yes. She was real.” Darcy emphasized, getting a bit emotional.

“Is she here today?”

“No. She died.”

“When did she die?”

“It’s been two weeks.”

“How did she die?”

Darcy shot him a glance. “She was murdered.”

Dr. Nathan backed off.

“My intention is not to bring up your pain but to make sure your memories are more reliable,” he said.

“I killed two people but I don’t remember anything,” Darcy said. “I want to get my memories back. I want to be fine again. I don’t trust myself anymore. I don’t know what I’ve done. I don’t know what I’ll do if I keep going like this.”

Darcy broke down into tears. Dr. Nathan steadied himself. He shuffled the papers and turned the heating off. He sat back down and looked at Darcy. He brushed a stray strand of grey hair back. Darcy looked at him with red eyes.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Please don’t tell anybody about this,” she requested. “I don’t know how true these events are.”

“Everything that goes on in this room is confidential. Only you can access the record.”

Darcy nodded.

“Now then, where do you want to start?”

“I think I’ll start with Dr. Cleo’s death.” Darcy said.

“What happened that day?” he asked, breathless. His dark eyes were fixed on her. She didn’t make any eye contact. Her gaze was concentrated on the table.

“I went to his house.” Darcy said, in a low voice.

“Whose house?”

“Dr. Cleo.” Dr. Nathan inhaled sharply.

“Why?” he asked.

“I-I was paranoid. I kept thinking he was coming to get me. He wanted to drag me back into that asylum,” Darcy said. Her tone turned harsh. “I was sick of running away. I wanted him to die. I wanted my fears to die. I avoided him as much as I could but when he showed up at my house, I knew I couldn’t do it anymore. He found me. I think he saw me at the lecture and found out.”

“Did he approach you?”

“He came to me house twice. He left his card with the neighbor.”

“Do you have the card?”

Darcy dug into her purse and pulled out Dr. Cleo’s card. She handed it to her therapist. Dr. Nathan examined the card, turning it over.

“I just wanted to confirm-you said you wanted to know the truth. We’ve got to check everything.”

“I know.” Darcy said. He returned the card to her.

“Go on. What happened after he came?” he asked.

“Once I was there, I went up to his apartment. I signed the register and walked to the elevator.”

“Which floor did he live on?”

“He lived in the penthouse.”

“Was he in that night?”

“Yes. I followed him home.” Darcy said.

“What did you do after that?”

“I rang the bell. He opened the door. I went in. He was surprised to see me. When I saw his face, scenes from the asylum flashed in my mind. I don’t remember clearly what was going on in my mind then. I was wrapped up in the images. I don’t know what happened after that but I pulled a trigger.”

Dr. Nathan took a deep breath. He ran his hand over his face, wiping his tiredness away. He coughed, in an attempt to dissolve the uneasiness he was feeling.

“Where did the revolver come from?”

“I brought it with me. I keep a revolver in my drawer. I’ve had it since I stopped therapy.”

“You’ve had it since you stopped coming?”

“Yes. And I also stopped taking medication six years ago.”

Dr. Nathan inhaled, trying to suppress his frustration.

“What was going on in your mind during the incident?” Dr Nathan asked.

“I only knew he was there to get me. He wanted to take me back there. There was no reality, only emotions. I knew I had to kill him or he’d kill me.”

“What did he say to you?”

“I don’t remember what he said. I only saw his face and blood,” Darcy said. She cupped her face in her hands. “I ran out of there soon after. Even when I went back home that night, I thought it was all a nightmare. I didn’t realize what happened until the next day when I saw the news. By that time, I’d forgotten everything. It passed like a delusion.”

“You forgot everything that happened that night?”

“Yes. I don’t know why. I thought it was all in my mind. My mind went blank after he left my apartment that night.”

“What about your mother?”

“I never thought I’d meet my mother again. I’ve always thought she was dead,” Darcy said. “One day, her name slipped from Dan’s mouth. That’s when I began to suspect she was alive. I called up my father, and he told me the truth. My mother left fifteen years ago.”

“Was that the only reason?”

“I found out she was bipolar from the hospital records,” Darcy said. “Did you know that?”

Dr. Nathan nodded. “I knew you had a family history of mental illness. Your father filled out the form for you the last time you were here. But I didn’t know your mother was alive.”

“I thought she abandoned me. I couldn’t believe that she never tried to contact me after she left. From what I know, she’s spoken to Dan and dad  since the divorce but not me.”

“How did that make you feel?”

“Crushed. Betrayed. All this time, I only wanted to see my mother. Every dream and nightmare I was filled with images of her. She was alive, but she didn’t contact me. Worse, she left me. She abandoned me.”

“What about her illness? Do you remember anything about it?”

“I had this vision awhile ago….” Darcy began. “I remember she tried to strangle me while I was sleeping. I was eight at that time. I knocked a toy over, in an attempt to break free from her. The toy started to sing. My father heard the sound and came into the room.”

“Did you talk to him about this?”

“Yes. He said my mother suffered from post-natal depression after she gave birth to Dan. She began showing symptoms of bipolar disorder around that time. She was diagnosed in 1995.”

“What do you remember of your childhood?”

“It was a happy one until she…that happened.”

“All of it?”

“I don’t know.”

“Why do you think she left?”

“She was afraid of me. She wanted to leave me before…before I did something to her…I believed that.”

“But?”

“After what happened at eight, she was afraid I’d develop something similar. When I killed my kidnappers, she knew she had to leave. That was the only way I could get better.”

“Do you think that was the only reason?”

“I’ve been thinking about it and…maybe in some sense, she wanted to protect me. I don’t want to admit it because it makes me feel so guilty. I regret what I did. I regret it so much but I can never have her back. I can never have any of them back.” Darcy said. She began to sob bitterly. 

Dr. Nathan breathed, waiting for her to calm down.

“Why did you tell me this today?” he asked.

“I want to be fine. I want to live again.”

“Hmmmm….”

“I’m afraid of everything. I can’t distinguish between reality and illusions. I don’t trust myself. I don’t know who I am and what I’m doing.”

“What kind of life do you want to live?”

“I want to be normal. I want to be happy. I want to remember everything. I want to make happy memories. I’ve wasted all my life living in delusions. I want to get that time back.”

“What does happiness mean to you?” Dr. Nathan asked, out of the blue. Darcy blinked at him. His expression was serious.

“I want to hope again. That is what I want now.”

“I understand. We’ll begin sessions again. I can’t say how long you will need to continue with the sessions at this point,” he said. “I’m not sure if it’s a good idea for you to go back to your apartment. Can somebody stay with you for a while? I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be alone at this point.”

“I’ll ask my father.” Darcy said.

“I am also referring you to a psychiatrist. I suggest you drop by tomorrow and we’ll take it from there.”

“Thank you.”

She muttered her goodbyes and left the room. She walked out of the hospital doors. The sun was shining brightly that morning. It cast a glint on the fresh, green grass. It was filled with people. Nurses helped patients in wheelchairs get around. Children played in the park. they smiled and laughed as they tossed the ball. They were all sick but still, they smiled because they had hope.

She took the tube home. She got off and traced her steps down the road. Her apartment stood before her eyes. No shadows lingered in the darkness. No sounds reverberated in the distance. No strangers watched her. She was alone. All alone.