The Doppelgänger: A Psychological Thriller (16 page)

‘Mary had a little lamb, little lamb…’ the processed voice sang. The sharp edge to the voice cut across silence. Darcy was startled, but the stranger didn’t budge.

The door opened. Light burst into the room. Silhouetted against the light, she saw her father’s strong frame. His steps grew louder. He rushed to her. His eyes were on the stranger who was holding her down.

His hand stretched over the shadow. He was coming to save her. A flash of blinding light covered the scenery. The image dissolved into reality. The first rays of the morning sun hit her eyes through the open window. She opened her eyes, breathless. She sank to the ground, placing the papers on the wooden floor.

Thoughts rewound in her mind. Her mother was bipolar. Her mind hummed the words.

What else did she not know? Had dad been hiding the records from her? Why had her mother left it behind?

Darcy heard Dan’s footsteps outside the door. He was awake. With fear pumping in her heart, she shoved the papers back into the drawer and shut it.

Dan opened the room, unaware that she was awake.

“You’re up?” he asked.

“Yes...” she said.

“Let’s eat breakfast and go visit dad.” He said.

“S…sure.” She said, getting up. She walked out of the door, closing it. Her gaze lingered on the door before she disappeared into her room.

Later that morning, she and dad went to visit dad at the hospital. It was relatively quiet at 9:00 AM on a Friday morning. When Darcy got to her father’s room, she found him sitting by the bed. The wires and hospital clothing was gone. He wore a pair of faded jeans and a jacket.

“The doctor said I could leave today,” he said. “All the readings came out fine.”

“That’s a relief.” Dan said, walking toward dad to help him up. Darcy stood expressionless at the door.

“I can walk, you know.” Dad insisted.

Darcy picked up dad’s belongings and followed Dan.

They reached the house fifteen minutes later. Darcy drove down the street. Their neighbor, Mr. Singh was on his way to work.

“Good morning,” he said, noticing them climb out of the car. His eyes moved to dad. “Are you feeling better?”

“Yes. The doctor released me this morning. I should be back to my old self by tomorrow.”

“That’s good….” He said, his eyeballs moving to his car. He left for work.

They entered the house. A faint smell of morning’s coffee hung in the air. Dad walked over to the couch and sat down. Darcy carried his bag to his room and left it on the bed. Her eyes fell on the drawer again. She wanted to ask her father about it. That was a reason she came to New York. She had to find out what it was that she didn’t remember. She climbed down the stairs.

“Where’s Dan?” she asked, noticing that dad sat alone on the dining table, eating a bagel.

“He went to the supermarket to get some stuff. It’s Saturday and we’re out of groceries.”

“Oh,” Darcy’s heartbeat escalated in anticipation. “How’re you feeling?”

“I’m fine,” He said, biting into the bagel. “You can leave, if you want. I know you need to get back to work on Monday.”

“Actually….” Darcy wondered if she should bring up the issue of lack of funds. “Dad, can you loan me some money?”

Her father’s eyes went wide. She felt like a sixteen-year old all of a sudden.

“There is an issue with my bank account. I called the bank manager, and he asked me to come down to the bank…it’s complicated…I’ll get back and sort it out.” She said. Technically, she could still use her credit card but she needed some cash right now.

“Is everything okay?” dad asked.

“It’ll be.” Darcy said, brushing the topic aside.

“How much do you need?” Dad asked.

“Enough to get back, eat and pay the car rental company.”

“When are you planning to leave?”

“On Sunday.” She said.

“I’ll get the money by then.” He said.

Darcy stood up and began to walk away.

“Dad…ummm…can I ask you something?” Darcy asked, turning around.

“What?” her father asked, biting into his bagel.

“What happened to mom?”

Her father choked on the bagel. He downed some coke, helping the food slide down his throat.

“What was that all of a sudden?”

“You said she was ill,” Darcy said. “Dan told me you divorced fourteen years ago. Why don’t I remember that?”

“We divorced after you moved to Chicago to study,” her father said, his eyes downcast. He stopped eating. He turned to her.

“I don’t remember any of this. She was bipolar. Why didn’t you tell me?” Darcy asked.

“How did you find out?” he asked.

“I came across her medical records that you have. Why do you still have them?”

“How did you come across them?”

“I saw them in your room this morning.”

“What were you doing there?”

“I woke up early and ended up-that’s not the point.” Darcy said.

“Those are photocopies. Your mother took the originals when we divorced.” He said.

“Have you been in touch after the divorce?”

Her father turned away. “She calls sometimes. That’s all.”

“Did she call you after my visit?” Darcy asked.

“Yes. She called earlier this week,” He said. Darcy remained silent. “She said you called her. How did you find out where she lived?”

“You told me she was in Chicago. I did a bit of research.” She said.

“Darcy, nothing is going to come out of meeting her now. It’s all in the past.”

“Did she say that?”

Her father sighed.

“Dan said I was kidnapped,” she said. “What are you not telling me? What happened to me?”

“We’re not hiding anything,” dad said. “It was hard for you to forget those things. I don’t want to bring it up.” 

His tone struck her in the gut. He knew. He was looking at her like she was crazy. It made repulsion crawl up her belly.

“Tell me,” Darcy demanded. “I deserve to know.” 

Dad turned away, his eyes appearing conflicted.

“What do you want to know?” he asked, after a long moment. His fingers fiddled with the can of coke.

“I was kidnapped at fifteen. Mom and I were taken to an asylum and tortured. She was shot the next day. Dr. Cleo Williams was conducting an illegal experiment on patients in the asylum. When mom discovered it and wrote about it, her had us kidnapped and killed. I stayed there for three days and ran away. He’s been looking for me ever since.” Darcy took a deep breath. She looked at her father’s blank eyes. Nothing she said made sense to him. In fact, how that she said it, it didn’t make sense to her either. Her memory was a jigsaw puzzle of contradicting images. Dad didn’t look at her.

More silence.

“That is not what happened, is it?” Darcy read the silence.

“No. It’s certainly not what I remember.”

“Then, what happened?” Darcy asked.

Dad didn’t answer.

“Did mom ever try to s-suffocate me?” Darcy asked.

Dad coughed this time. His eyes enlarged.

“How much of it do you remember?” he asked. So, she was right. The shadow in her vision was her mother.

“She was on me…you came into the room…the toy started singing…” she pushed the words out of her mouth in rapid succession.

Dad nodded.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me about this? The divorce…mom…”

“You weren’t in a condition to understand,” he said, bluntly. “She left because she was afraid you’d turn out like she did.”

“Like she did?”

“She couldn’t control her impulses. She did crazy things when she was high and then, she would be depressed for days together. She turned violent-”

“And I was like that?”

“Darcy, we all know you had a rough patch in your teens,” he said, dismissively. “You were delusional.”

“What happened to make me like that? Why won’t you and Dan say anything about it?”

“I told you, you were kidnapped. I don’t know what those men did to you but…uh…it must’ve traumatized you.”

“So I started having delusions after that incident?”

“Your condition as unmanageable. Jenny took you to all the psychiatrists she could find but nobody could make you okay. You never told us what happened there.”

“What about the red barn?” Darcy asked, quizzically. Dad stiffened.

“What-what red barn?” he asked. Darcy’s eyes were sharp and penetrating as they closed in on him.

“What happened there, dad? I know it burned down. Why do I see it burning in my vision?”

“Vision? Darcy, are you hallucinating again?” he asked. She didn’t reply. “I know it was a bad idea to leave you alone in Chicago. I thought you were all right-”

“What happened there?”

“I don’t know,” dad lied. “The police said the kidnappers took you there. Only you know what happened in there.”

“Why can’t I remember? How did I lose track of my memories?”

Dad was silent.

“Just tell me this, do I know Dr. Cleo Williams?”

“Dr. Williams? No…I can’t remember anything about him,” came the instant reply. “You’ve never mentioned him.” He said. The expression as genuine. Darcy wondered why she memories of him torturing her when she didn’t know him. There was obviously a missing link that she needed to figure out. She had vivid memories of him. They couldn’t all be lies, could they? Darcy placed her cold palm on her head, in an attempt to re-orient herself.

The doorbell rang.

“That must be Dan.” Her father said. Darcy walked to the door and opened it. Dan stood at the other end of the door with two bags full of groceries.

“Saturday rush at Walmart.” He explained.

Darcy turned to her dad who had gotten up.

“What are we having for lunch?” he said, digging into the bags Dan had placed on the table.

“Let’s see what we’ve got.” Darcy said, pulling out ingredients form the bag. That’s how the conversation ended.

Chapter 19

Darcy checked her letter box before entering her apartment on Monday. She had a long envelope that felt heavy. She checked the address on the envelope. Her medical report was here.

Darcy’s phone began to vibrate. It was the lawyer. She answered immediately.

“Good morning,” he said, in a formal tone.

“Good morning.” She said

“I tried contacting you last night but I couldn’t get through.”

“I was driving.” She said.

“Are you out of town?”

“I went to New York this weekend. I’m back now.”

“I had a look through the CCTV footage at the apartment building after our previous meeting and I found something very interesting.” He said.

“Interesting?”

“Right after you leave, somebody that looks like you appears outside the window.”

“Huh?”

“I think you should have a look at the video,” he continued. “I was surprised when I saw it too but she was right there. You look the same but her clothes were different. Her expression is shocked. I’ve been trying to find who this person is.”

Darcy stiffened. It was the doppelgänger. She was right. The doppelgänger had come to the apartment that night.

“Did you tell detective Jones about it?” Darcy asked.

“Not yet. I need to find this person first. If we can find her, it’ll help our case immensely. The only piece of evidence against you is that videotape.”

“I understand what you’re saying,” Darcy said. “But I don’t know anything about this person.” 

“Your neighbor said something about a stalker…” he began.

Darcy swallowed. “It could be her,” Darcy said, hesitantly. “I never found out who it was, but it is highly likely it’s her.”

“Do you know where she lives? Anything she left behind? Any clues?”

Darcy didn’t say anything.

“I’d appreciate if you were honest,” he said, returning to a formal tone. “It’s going to help your case.”

Darcy sighed.

“She writes a blog,” Darcy said.

“What’s it called?”

“My Diary.”

“Ummmm….” He said, writing it down. “What else?”

“She usually comes around when I’m off to work.”

“Has she stolen anything?”

“No,” Darcy suppressed the uneasy feeling that rose to her throat. She decided not to tell him about the revolver. “But she broke a photo frame.”

“Whose picture?”

“My mother’s.”

“You mother? The one who passed away?”

“Ummm…about that…I think she’s still alive.” Darcy said.

“What!?”

“I found out from my father that she moved away after their divorce,” she said. “She didn’t die. She left. I was very young so…I must’ve confused the two.”

“You didn’t know this until now!?” he asked, shocked.

“We never talk about her.” Darcy said.

“Do you think this woman is trying to find your mother?”

“That is possible….” Darcy said.

“Do you know where she lives? Your mother?”

“Ummm…I’ve been looking into it.”

“This woman might be hanging around her for all we know.”

“Actually….” Darcy swallowed. “I think she met my mother while I was away.”

“What!?”

Darcy told the lawyer about what Jillian saw and the missing money.

“Have you called the bank about it?”

“They said they’ll look into it and get back to me in ten days.” She said.

“What’re you going to do until then?”

“They’ve deposited some money in my account to help me out.”

“So, you think this woman saw your mother at the bank?”

“That’s what she said in the blog post.”

“You should meet your mother. Ask her if she left an address or a phone number.” Adams said.

“I haven’t met her in fifteen years…I don’t know…” Darcy said.

“Your innocence depends on this.” Adams said.

“I’ll think about it.” Darcy said, before hanging up.

She walked up the stairs, her head heavy with thoughts. There was a small window that could prove her innocence. A faint ray of hope entered her mind. If she managed to track this doppelgänger down, she could walk free. She had less than a week to go before the second meeting. She had to figure this out before Detective Jones did.

Darcy looked at the piece of paper clutched in her hand. Forty pages of medical history rested between her fingertips. Anticipation overwhelmed her. What if there was something in there that she didn’t want to know? As intriguing as the unknown was, it also made her fearful. Dad and Dan were keeping something from her. They didn’t want her to know for her own good. Was the key to the puzzle buried in these pages?

Brushing her fears aside, she turned the page. The word hit her like an arrow.

Diagnosis: Schizoaffective disorder

Darcy steadied her breath. She read the diagnosis again. She knew she had suffered from schizophrenia during university but revisiting it after a long time made her uneasy. Then, summoning courage, she went on.

Doctor’s notes: Patient was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder which often resulted in alternating episodes of depression and mania. Symptoms of Generalized Anxiety Disorder were also found. Patient was prescribed anti-psychotic drugs and advised to undergo regular counselling sessions.

Darcy lay the piece of paper on the bed and smoothed it out. The diagnosis was followed by a long list of medication prescribed and the details of the counselling sessions. She spent the next hour leafing through the details. The report didn’t say much about what went on during the counselling sessions. Darcy read through it, trying to remember anything that might be connected to her past but she failed. She closed the medical report and laid it out on the bed. She rested her back against the wall and breathed.

She stopped taking medication six years ago. She never visited Dr. Nathan about it. In fact, he didn’t know she stopped. Her counselling sessions had ceased soon after she finished university. The counselor thought she was fine. That’s what she thought too. But, apparently, she was not.

She didn’t remember her mother’s illness. The kidnapping was blank in her memory. She always assumed she completed school and moved to Chicago but she was wrong. According to dad, after the kidnapping incident at fifteen, she developed depression, anxiety and began displaying symptoms of schizophrenia. She was in therapy for two years during which she home-schooled. Her parents divorced during this time due to hopelessness regarding her condition. Her mother chose to abandon her while her father stayed.

After she finished school, she moved to Chicago for university where her condition only worsened. It took her some time to adjust to the alien environment and new therapist. That’s when she found Dr. Nathan who practiced at Rush University’s Medical Center. Their sessions had lasted two years. She stopped taking medication and therapy once she was better.

She looked at the page and convinced herself that she was on the right track. Yet, it didn’t add up. Her mother was alive. She didn’t know why she remembered the red barn. How did it burn? Pieces of the truth didn’t fit into her life. There must be something more to it- something she didn’t know yet.

Darcy pushed the papers into her bag and took a moment to breathe. Nothing made sense. The lamps, bed and papers swirled in concentric circles. Darcy pulled herself away from the vortex of delusion. She walked to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. She puled out a bottle of water and splashed it on her face.

Cool water droplets dripped down her squarish face. They stained the ground. The chill permeated her sweater. Darcy caught glimpses of white snow outside the window.

Four days to go until judgment day. She had four days to find out the truth. She hadn’t said anything about the arrest to her father or Dan. She hoped she could find something by then. She remembered Detective Jones’ menacing face. 

After the murder, nightmares of Dr. Cleo and the asylum ceased. An uncomfortable memory took its place. Each clue that she discovered brought her closer to an unfamiliar truth. And then, there was the blogger. Her doppelgänger. She knew everything. Her posts disturbed Darcy. Why was she writing them? Darcy picked up her phone and stared at it.

D

We’ll meet soon.

Those mysterious words lingered. If she wasn’t going to come, Darcy needed to find her. Was the withdrawal her way of making Darcy come to her? In any case, the doppelgänger was the only one that had answers.

Darcy swallowed some water before she called the bank. The call ended twenty minutes later with the bank manager promising her an investigation of the issue.

She sat down on the dining table and turned her laptop on. Her eyes wafted through the computer screen. She visited My Diary. There was no update. It was Monday and there was no update. Something seemed a bit off. 

Darcy rested her shoulder on the bed. She stared up at the ceiling. The whiteness of it drummed on her. Her heartbeat filled her ears. She needed to find out the complete truth. Darcy cleared her throat. She began dialing her mother’s number.

One ring. Two rings. Three rings. Four rings. There was no response. The phone continued to ring. Darcy’s eyes darted to the shop owner who was busy reading the newspaper A sharp voice erupted from the other side of the wall. It was her neighbor’s cat. She sighed.

The phone continued to ring. Darcy hung up.

At 1:00 PM in the afternoon, she took the Red Line to work. She couldn’t afford to take any more days off. When she reached the library, she noticed that it was getting more and more crowded each day as the exam period approached.  She met Jillian in Susan’s room.

“Darcy how’re you? How’s your dad? Is he all right?”

“He’s better now.” Darcy said.

“That’s good.” Jillian said, relieved. “When did you get back?”

“This morning.”

“You should’ve skipped work.”

“I’ve been missing quite a few days at work.” Darcy said. Jillian turned to leave.

“Well, you should go ask Susan what needs to be done. I’ll get going.”

Jillian got to the door and opened it. 

“Oh, that reminds me, why didn’t you say hi to me at Michigan avenue?”

“Huh?”

“You were at Michigan avenue on Wednesday, weren’t you?”

“Ummm…” she remembered Mike’s call. “No. You must’ve seen somebody else.”

“That’s strange. It sure looked like you.…You’re sure you weren’t there?” Jillian asked, doubtful. Darcy nodded.

“Well…maybe I was wrong…” Jillian said, walking out of the door, staring at the ground. Darcy continued to stare at the door after Jillian left. Jillian really had seen her doppelgänger.

Darcy went back to her her apartment after work that evening. She called dad to make sure everything was fine.  After that, she made some dinner and ate it while staring at the wall. She brought out her phone and stared at it. There were no messages or missed calls. She sighed. The phone suddenly buzzed with a message. She instantly tapped it open.

Brian

New article.

It was a short message. So, the blogger had posted something. Darcy logged onto the website and saw a new, evocative image on the front page. The post was titled ‘What if’. The image of a shadow came on the screen. Darcy scrolled. 

What if you wake up one day and realize that you’re not who you thought you were? What if you found out about horrible things that happened to you in the past? Or, about the hobbile things you did?  I’ve never asked myself this question until now. But now, having discovered what I have, I must ask myself this- who is Darcy?

The person I know myself as is not the person people know me as. Now that the truth is within reach, I don’t know it is not what I used to believe. As senseless fragments of memory come together, they form a new collage.

The mother I loved so much, the mother I thought loved me unconditionally abandoned me because I was hopeless. 

Darcy stopped at that word. Her mother abandoned her? She swallowed her spit and tried to calm herself. The words unleashed a tsunami of hate in her. Her fists curled into a ball, her nails digging deeper into her skin. She narrowed her eyes on the screen.

I wish I’d never discovered that. Maybe that’s why I don’t remember. The mother I spent all these years looking for didn’t give me a second glance. What I saw in her eyes that day was fear and dread- like she was looking at a monster.

And that is not all. I now know that she has been ill for a long time. The smiling, gentle woman in my mind is nothing but a creation of my mind. The reality doesn’t measure up.

What happened at the red barn? I believe that is the final missing piece that will glue the puzzle of my past. What could’ve been so horrible as to have turned her away?

When I find out, I won’t be the same person anymore.

So, I ask myself again, who is Darcy Godfrey?

Is she the meek, reclusive librarian or somebody whose sins are buried in the layers of my memory?

The post ended. Darcy moved away from the laptop and breathed. Though the post ended suddenly, Darcy knew there was more to it. It made her more curious that ever about her past. Nobody ever spoke about the red barn. She texted Brian immediately and asked him to take the post down.

Her phone lit up. A message.

She turned to the screen.

Mom

We should meet.

Her breath got stuck in her throat. She eyeballed the message over and over again until the realization sunk in. Her mother wanted to meet her. Her shaky fingers stopped an inch away from the screen. They hovered over the virtual alphabets.

Words crossed her mind. She typed a message. She read it.

Darcy

Tomorrow. 8 am. Potter’s cafe.

She needed to know. She pressed ‘send’. She struggled to keep her eyes on the road. Her heart filled with anticipation. Three seconds passed. Fifteen seconds. Fifty seconds. A minute later, the phone buzzed. Darcy pulled it out of the seat and read the message.

Mom

Ok.

She shook her head. She breathed. The dark road greeted her. She had a long way to go. She needed to get back by next morning. Her unwilling mother wanted to meet her. She wanted to meet her too. What was it that had kept them apart for fifteen years?

It was time for answers.