The Donors (6 page)

You couldn't give enough Morphine to make the pain go away without stopping their breathing. All you could do was hope that the little bit of Versed you gave would keep the little guy from remembering why he should hate you.

But Nathan had been a real trooper. He sobbed almost silently as Jason removed the dead skin on the sensitive palm of his hand and up the side of his index finger. Jason tried to talk to him at first, searched for consoling words, but it felt ridiculous. He finally tried to just finish as quickly as possible.

The hand itself looked remarkably good and could probably have a skin graft in another day or so (during which Nathan would get to have general anesthesia—thank god). When he finished he realized he had cried more than Nathan. He had nearly burst when his new buddy looked up at him between sobs and said, “Thanks for taking care of me, Jason.”

Jason looked again at the painfully slow clock and his gaze caught Dietrich coming up the hallway from the magnetized doors. He walked slowly and whispered something to a pretty girl in scrubs, who looked familiar—someone from X-Ray, he thought. She blushed and glanced at her own feet, then put a hand on Dietrich's chest to push him away. The push held an intimacy that made it clear she had not shunned him earlier. Jason chuckled and shook his head.

“Hey there, big guy,” Dietrich said as he breezed up beside him. “How's the nut house?”

“About average.” Jason knew Rich wanted him to ask about the girl, so naturally, he refused. “Ready to get going?”

“Yeah,” Dietrich said with an exaggerated stretch and yawn. “Pretty worn out this evening, I don't mind tellin' ya',” he baited.

“No doubt,” Jason answered, feigning disinterest. “I have one sickie pending and another that might be a discharge.”

“She might be Miss Right,” Rich said and looked longingly down the hall at miss-right-now. She winked and waved with two fingers just before the magnetic doors shut. Jason felt a tug of jealousy, not at the parade of meaningless sex in his friend's life (he really didn't have more than a passing curiosity about that), but at the ease with which Rich talked to everyone, women included. Jason would have given about anything to be that comfortable.

Jason shook the thought off; they were pointless at best and distracting enough to keep him from talking to Jenny at worst.

“Ready?” he demanded, more irritably than he intended. Not Rich's fault he had what Jason needed.

“Yeah, sorry,” Rich said and let himself get drawn into the somewhat boring tale of the very sick Mrs. Cathcart and the very annoying (and probably drug-seeking) Mr. Griffey.

Fifteen minutes later, Jason stood at the elevators, his back-pack over one shoulder, and stared at the button instead of pushing it. He didn't want to rehearse what he would say to Jenny and sound stilted and… well, rehearsed. But on the other hand, he couldn't just walk up unprepared and stammer at her like a choking victim (as he had done once already). He felt a familiar dread grow inside of him and rubbed his face with both hands.

“God, don't be such an asshole,” he said to himself quietly. Then he looked up and saw an old man. The guy stared with a gaze usually reserved for a half-naked man on a street corner holding a “The End Is Coming” sign. “Good morning,” Jason said, looking directly at him. The man only nodded in response and moved slowly away.

He mashed the up button with some irritation and one of the elevator doors swooshed open. Inside, he pushed the number six, then crossed his arms across his chest in defiance. He had to go up, for Christ's sake. He had to see Nathan in any case. For all he knew Jenny wouldn't even be there. He had no idea what her work schedule was.

Jenny sat at a round table looking through a chart. She looked beautiful. Jason stood at the doorway to the ICU for a moment and just watched her. She twirled her hair with one hand, the other resting on the clipboard. When she looked up and saw him, a smile lit her face. Instead of just smiling back, Jason walked over to her with a casualness he didn't feel, hoping he didn't look stupid.
Hi, I'm Larry…

“Hi, I'm Jason,” he said awkwardly and then felt so foolish he almost turned around.

“I know who you are, Dr. Gelman,” Jenny said with a little chuckle. She held his eyes, his smile, and waited expectantly.

Jason took a deep breath and dove right in. “So how is our little guy this evening?” he asked and boldly sat down in the empty chair next to her.

“He's doing fine,” Jenny said cheerfully. “I actually have him tonight, so I'll be looking after him. Listen…” She leaned forward, putting her warm hand on his wrist. Her hand felt smooth, soft on his skin and he worried he might actually give off a contented sigh. “I heard what you did earlier this afternoon, and, well, I just wanted to tell you I think you're great. I wish you were his doctor all the time instead of the Burn Service Team.”

She looked down the hall at a group of retreating white coats with poorly veiled disappointment. “I'm sure they're all good, but they barely even talk to the poor kid.” Her hand squeezed his wrist and he felt a little dizzy. “He's lucky to have met you,” she said and then pulled her hand away.

“Well,” Jason replied when he could speak. His face felt hot and he knew it was red. “Thanks. I mean—well, thanks a lot.” He started to reach out to touch her hand and decided against it, though he desperately wanted to feel her skin again.

“I'm glad you'll be his nurse tonight,” Jason said awkwardly. Jenny showed no signs of discomfort whatsoever. Probably because she was just being professional and polite and had no idea he was interested in being more colleagues.

“Oh, I asked to be,” she said and he thought he saw a little blush, which to him looked more like hope. “I think Nathan is just great,” she continued and looked down. She seemed to be gathering her courage for something. “And I like his doctor, too.”

Jason felt a wave of nausea burning in his throat. Was it one of the Surgery Residents? Maybe an attending from the Pediatric ICU service? Holy shit, he was such an idiot. Why would a gorgeous woman like this be interested in him?

“You know I mean you, right?” Jenny asked. Her voice sounded nervous. When he looked at her, relief washed over him.

Wow. Shit, now what?

“Look,” he said with a sigh. Being himself would probably be easier than trying to be Dietrich. “Jenny, I suck at this. But…” He hesitated.
But what?
“But, I would really like to get to know you.” There, he said it. Go on. Get in there. No going back now anyway. “Do you want to grab some coffee or get breakfast or something in the morning after your shift?” He gazed expectantly into her beautiful green eyes.

“I would love that,” she said and sighed, visibly relieved. “I thought I was going to look like an idiot here.” She touched his wrist again. “I can sneak away for five or ten minutes in just a little while if you want. We can make plans for tomorrow?”

“That would be great,” he said louder than he intended.

“I figured you were going to check on Nathan, right?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Jason answered. He felt a twinge of guilt that Nathan waited in his room while he made time with his nurse. “Yeah, he had a tough day. I just want to spend a little time with him.” He realized he really did.

“Great,” Jenny said, but left her hand on his arm this time. He wondered if she knew that. “How about we meet in thirty or forty minutes when I finish my other assessments?” She handed him the chart she had been looking at.

The red tape on the front read “SMH Doe”—Nathan's chart. Jason realized he didn't really need the chart. He wasn't there as a doctor.

“Perfect,” he said, remembering that Jenny still waited for a reply. They smiled at each other as Jason rose and headed to Nathan's room. He set the chart in the box by the door and quietly walked in.

Nathan sat up in his bed where he watched a video on a small TV set on a rolling cart.
Ice
Age
II
. He watched for a moment as Nathan stared at the screen with all the interest of a cross-country trucker forced to see
Cinderella
when Monday night football was on. He wondered where his mind had taken him.

“What's up, kiddo?” Jason called from the door and screwed his biggest smile on his face. He noted that Nathan jumped a bit, startled away from wherever his thoughts had taken him. Jason hoped that Nathan had not been thinking about his earlier torture at the hands of Dr. Gelman. “How ya' feelin'?” he asked as he sat on the edge of his bed. To his relief, Nathan smiled a huge five-year-old grin.

“Hi, Jason,” he said warmly. “I feel pretty good.” He raised his bandaged arm a bit. “Hardly hurts at all.”

Jason knew that if his hand felt better, it was because of the narcotics, not because of him. He nodded anyway. “Good,” he said. “What are we watching?”

“
Ice Age II: The Melt Down
,” Nathan said. “I've already seen it but it's really funny. Can you watch it with me?” he asked hopefully.

“Absolutely,” Jason answered and settled more comfortably onto the bed beside his buddy. “Where's your mom?” he asked.

“Went to get some food,” Nathan said and Jason felt his heart warm when the boy scooted over so he would be right next to him. “She's gonna bring me back some ice cream, but you can share if you want.” He seemed engrossed in the movie now, though he had been barely watching it when Jason came in.

Jason smiled at the warm feeling he had for this boy. He tried to watch the movie with Nathan and managed to laugh at Nathan giggling, but his mind remained consumed with thoughts about the boy's nightmares. He wanted so much to ask him about what he saw when he closed his eyes. He especially wanted to hear more about the Lizard Men. He saw a mental image of two tall men in trench coats in the alley, wide-brimmed hats low over their faces, and orange-yellow orbs peering from the shadows.

Remember me, Jason?

He shuddered uncontrollably. Nathan looked at him for a moment with uncertainty. Jason smiled back which seemed to be enough for his buddy, who returned eagerly to the movie.

“The big elephant is gonna help him,” he chattered excitedly and pointed at the TV.

Jason knew he couldn't take Nathan to the nightmares. Not right now. He needed to just be a little boy for a while. He did his best to get into the movie, but mostly enjoyed hearing Nathan laugh and tell him what was going to happen next.

When Jenny tapped lightly on the door, he found himself a little disappointed to be pulled away. Then again, Jenny did smile at him beautifully from the doorway.

“Hi, Nathan,” she said warmly. “Can I steal Dr. Gelman for a quick minute?”

“Okay,” Nathan answered, but he held up the remote and pointed it at the TV. “I'll pause it for ya, Jason.”

Jason smiled. “Sounds great,” he said as he got up from the hospital bed, ruffling Nathan's mop of hair as he did. “I'll just be a minute,” he said and slipped out the door with Jenny.

“Wow, you're so great with him,” Jenny said warmly.

“Thanks,” Jason replied. “You want a coffee?”

“No, thanks,” she answered. “I like to wait until I need it in a few hours. Can we just sit in the staff lounge for a minute?”

“Sure,” he answered. He followed her to the small kitchen-like lounge and enjoyed the pleasure of being beside her. They sat at the little table together and she seemed to gather her thoughts.

“Look,” she said staring at her own hands. Her eyes seemed clouded.

Uh-oh. This doesn't look good. This could be a new personal record—a break up before the first date.

He swallowed hard and let her continue.

“I'm really excited about seeing you in the morning,” she said.

But?

“But,” she continued and then paused. To his relief she put her soft hand on his again and went on. “It's just that I have a rule about dating guys at work, or before that, at school.” She stopped and looked to be in deep thought. “Actually,” she said and smiled at him, “it seems I usually set up lots of rules to not date guys that would be worth dating. I just…” She looked at him as if searching for words.

Jason tried to let her off the hook. “Jenny, I think I like you but if you are uncomfortable with this...”

Yeah, no big deal at all. If you need me, I'll be at my apartment, hanging myself in the shower.

“No,” she said. “I want to get together with you and I am excited.” She sighed and looked embarrassed. “Listen, I am NOT some emotional, high-maintenance chick. I just have some stuff from my past that makes me like this—kind of—I don't know, awkward I guess—around guys.” She looked at him to see his reaction and he smiled. “I'm a lot of fun, actually. I just have a hard time relaxing sometimes.” She watched his eyes carefully.

Jason laughed. “It'll be cool not being the only one who's awkward and uncomfortable. Maybe I won't be at such a disadvantage.” Jenny laughed with him. “I just want to find out who you are.” He allowed himself to take her hand in his this time.

Again he thought her eyes clouded.

“That takes time,” she said, looking at her hand in his.

“I have it,” he said and she gazed at him, happily it seemed.

“Alright then,” she said getting up. “It's a date.” She put her hands on her hips at the declaration and they both laughed.

“I'll meet you at around seven-thirty,” he said. “Where?”

“How about right in the lobby by the elevators?” she offered.

“Perfect.” He turned to go.

“Jason,” she said from behind him. He turned to look again at her incredibly beautiful face, eyebrows raised. “Thanks for making me comfortable. It's not you, just bad family stuff.” He winced at that.

“Believe me, I know.” He tried to sound reassuring and not creepy.