The Doctor's Lost-and-Found Bride (14 page)

The only good thing to happen was that Nathan was discharged, and Rosie was ecstatic to have him home. Although Marina was genuinely happy for her sister, she wasn’t completely successful in hiding her own misery, and Rosie picked up on it the second that both Phoebe and Nathan were asleep.

‘You look awful. Is something wrong between you and Max?’

‘There is no me and Max. We’re just colleagues.’

The deadness in her voice must have been obvious, because Rosie simply put her arms round her. ‘I’m so sorry. I thought you two were working out your differences. Phoebe said you kissed when you took her out.’

‘We did,’ Marina admitted.

‘Then what’s the problem?’

‘He wanted us to get back together properly.’

‘But that’s good, isn’t it?’

When Marina didn’t reply, Rosie sighed. ‘Why not?’

‘Because.’ Marina wrinkled her nose and flapped a dismissive hand. ‘It doesn’t matter, Rosie, you’ve got enough on your plate.’

‘Listen,
cara
, you were there for me when I needed
you, and I’m here for you now. And I’m going to worry an awful lot more if you don’t tell me,’ Rosie warned.

Marina swallowed hard. ‘It didn’t work out last time. How can we be sure it’ll work out this time?’

‘Well, there aren’t any guarantees.’

‘That’s what he said.’

‘Look at the last few weeks,’ Rosie said gently. ‘It’s been a pretty tough time for our family, and he’s been there to support you. He’s even cooked you a meal every night, even though he hates being in the kitchen. Why would he do that, if he didn’t love you? Cut him a bit of slack.’

‘It sounds,’ Marina said miserably, ‘as if you’re on his side.’

‘I’m not taking anybody’s side. I just want to see my little sister as happy as I am,’ Rosie said. ‘You never got over Max, and he never got over you. I know it was a mess last time—but you’ve talked through what went wrong, haven’t you?’

Marina nodded.

‘You’ve both changed over the last four years. If you’d lost the baby now, it would’ve been completely different—you both would’ve coped a lot better.’ Rosie’s eyes widened. ‘You’re not pregnant again, are you? Is that what you’re not telling me?’

‘No. Of course not.’

‘So it’s not hormones making you look like that.’ She sighed. ‘It’s because you’re missing him. And I bet he’s just as miserable as you are. Marina, when are you going to stop punishing yourself—and him?’

‘I’m not punishing myself. Or him.’

‘No?’ Rosie raised an eyebrow. ‘What are you holding back?’

Marina sighed. ‘I’m just scared that it’ll all go wrong again, and I don’t know how to get past the fear.’

‘Then talk to Max,
cara
. Tell him how you feel. Because the only way you’re going to work this out is together.’ Rosie patted her shoulder. ‘Remember that Tennyson poem I studied for my finals? He had a point: “Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all”,’ she quoted. ‘Do you really want to give up on everything you could have with Max just because you’re scared of losing it?’ She spread her hands. ‘From where I’m standing, you’re losing it right now. Talk to him, Marina—before it’s too late.’

Marina slept badly that night, brooding over what her sister had said. And at stupid o’clock she finally came to a decision: the only way to get past the fear was to face it head on. To talk to Max. Work it out with him.

Though she knew she’d hurt him. Badly. She owed him an apology before she could ask him to help her sort things out in her head.

But she didn’t have the chance to talk to him at work, to ask him to meet her for lunch or after their shift. He was already in Resus when she arrived, and she was with a patient just before lunch when Ellen, the head of the department, put the department on alert for a major incident.

‘There’s a huge fire at a hotel just down the road—a boiler exploded and the whole place went up. So we’re expecting an influx of patients with burns, scalds, smoke inhalation and possibly crush injuries; right now, we don’t know what to expect,’ Ellen said. ‘I’ve sent Max out to head up the rapid-response team.’

It made sense, given Max’s experience in disaster zones, but it also meant that he was walking straight into danger.
Ice trickled down Marina’s spine. Fires were notoriously unpredictable. All it would take was a change in the direction of the wind, and he could end up surrounded by the inferno. And he might not make it back.

Please let him come back safely.
Let her have another chance to apologise and explain, and tell him how she really felt about him.

She listened to Ellen’s instructions about the procedures; she’d be working with the Resus team on the priority one patients, Eve was heading Triage at the main ambulance entrance, and they’d use the pre-prepared major-incident folders for all patients because there wouldn’t be time to use the computerised system.

They’d just about cleared the reception area of patients when the first casualties came in. She assessed each patient as quickly and as carefully as she could, taking blood samples and giving fluids. Patients with burns needed plenty of fluids to support their circulation and avoid the risk of ending up with pulmonary oedema; during the first four hours, the extra fluid needed was calculated by the percentage of burns multiplied by their weight in kilograms, divided by two, so she double-checked the calculations to make sure.

Patients came in, already on oxygen and with IV lines in, their burns covered with sterile sheets. One particular patient had severe burns to his chest, which restricted his chest movement and in turn his ability to breathe. Marina had seen an escharotomy done before but had never done one herself; however, with the rest of the senior doctors busy with cardiac arrests and patients with severe inhalation injuries, she had no option. Her patient couldn’t afford to wait. Although the experience was one of the grimmest
she’d ever had in her years in the emergency department, Marina reassured her patient, cut the burnt areas of his skin down to the viable tissue along the line of his ribcage, across his sternum, and then made eight parallel-downward cuts. Just as she’d finished and her patient was able to breathe again, Ellen came across. ‘Good job, Marina,’ she said approvingly.

They were so busy that Marina completely lost track of time. She forced herself not to think of Max and worry about whether he was safe—with his experience in disaster zones, she just knew that he’d ignore any risks. Wasn’t that how he’d ended up with a house collapsing on him in an earthquake zone? Something that still gave him nightmares.

Eventually, the flood of patients steadied to a trickle, but Max still wasn’t back.

She was walking through the reception area on the way back from the loo when she heard the news reporter saying that one of the rescue team was hurt.

No names, no details: but her first thought was Max.

And if he was hurt badly there was a possibility that she would lose him before she could tell him how she felt about him. Before she could tell him that she loved him. Before she could tell him that she was scared stupid about things going wrong again, but she was willing to take that risk—if he was still willing to give her the chance.

She headed for the triage area to talk to Roland, the ambulance controller.

‘Roly, I just heard the news. One of the rescue team’s been hurt. Do you know who it is?’ Not caring any more whether the hospital grapevine would start to talk about her, she asked urgently, ‘Please tell me it isn’t Max. Please. I need to talk to someone on site to be sure it’s not him.’

Max—tired and dirty after a very long day—walked from the ambulance bay to the triage area. He recognised Marina instantly and he could hear the panic in her voice as she asked Roland about him—panic, desperation and fear.

So did that mean she cared after all?

‘Marina,’ he said.

She whipped round and burst into tears as she saw him.

‘It’s all right, mate—no need to ring in to the RRT,’ he said to Roland. ‘We’re all back now.’

Marina was shaking. ‘Max, I thought you were…’

He wrapped his arms round her and drew her over to a quiet corner. ‘In need of a shower and a cold drink, and some sleep, but I’m OK. It was one of the firefighters who was hurt, but he’s going to be fine. What about you? It must’ve been pretty bad here, too.’

‘Not like being in the front line.’ She was holding him just as tightly. ‘Max, if you’d been hurt and I hadn’t had a chance to tell you—’

‘I know,’ he cut in softly. ‘Me, too. I was just glad you weren’t out there. I’d have gone crazy with worry about you. At least I knew you were safe here. Rushed off your feet and under a huge amount of stress, but
safe
.’

They were both shaking now.

‘I stink of smoke and sweat,’ he said.

‘I don’t care.’ She refused to let him go, holding him more tightly.

‘I need a shower and a change of clothes.’ He rested his cheek against her hair. ‘Come home with me?’

The word she’d wanted to say a week ago—the word she should’ve said a week ago—finally she was able to say it.

‘Yes,’ she whispered.

T
HEY
went back to Max’s flat, their arms wrapped tightly round each other all the way.

‘Have you had a chance to eat today?’ Max asked as they walked into his kitchen.

‘I had a sandwich earlier.’ She had no idea how long ago it had been. ‘But I’m not hungry.’

‘Too tired?’

She nodded.

‘Me, too,’ he admitted. ‘Which is probably just as well, because my kitchen’s in Dr Hubbard mode. But I do need a cold drink.’ He filled two glasses of water and handed one to her. He downed his in two swallows and refilled it, this time drinking it more slowly. Then he sniffed his armpit again and grimaced. ‘I
really
need that shower. Come and wash my back?’

It was a ridiculously tight squeeze in the cubicle, but she didn’t care, and she could see on his face that he didn’t care either. Right then they needed to have each other in their sight, just to be sure each other was safe. Tenderly, she washed him clean, washed all the smoke, dirt and grit out of his hair, and he did the same for her.

Usually, when they were naked and in a shower, passion
would flare between them: but tonight it went deeper than that, emotion so raw that only gentleness would do.

Finally, they dried each other. Max pulled on a pair of clean jeans and wrapped Marina in his bathrobe. She held him tightly, resting her cheek against his chest. ‘I’m sorry, Max. Sorry for pushing you away and hurting you.’

‘So why did you do it?’

‘Because I was scared. Scared that it might all go wrong again.’

‘Scared that I’d let you down, the way I did last time?’

She dragged in a breath. ‘I know I was wrong.’

‘Marina, honey, what do you think I’ve spent the last few weeks doing?’ he asked.

‘Being there for me. Helping to take the worry away.’

‘With actions, not words. Doesn’t that prove to you that it’ll be different in the future—that I’ve changed? That we’ve
both
changed?’

‘I know.’ She closed her eyes. ‘But I couldn’t get past the fear. Not until today, when I thought you were hurt—when I thought I might have lost you and I wouldn’t be able to tell you how I feel about you.’

‘Now might be quite a good time to tell me,’ he said softly.

So she was going to be the one to say it first. To take the risk.

Though when she looked at him his expression told her the same as the words stuck in her throat. And she could see that he needed to hear it as badly as she did.

Given that she’d been the one to push him away, she was the one who needed to make it better between them. To say it.

‘I love you,’ she said. ‘I thought I hated you at one point. But underneath it all I always loved you. A bit of me
hoped that when you got the divorce papers it’d be like chucking cold water over you: you’d wake up, realise what we had and come and get me back.’ She swallowed hard. ‘But you just ignored them. My solicitor had to send them three times.’

‘I didn’t get them until I came back to England. And even then I wasn’t in a position to sign because I’d broken my right arm and couldn’t hold a pen.’

‘But you signed them eventually.’

He nodded. ‘I thought that was what you wanted.’

‘I told myself it was what I wanted.’ She sighed. ‘I tried to move on. But nobody ever quite matched up to you. I always ended things after the second date.’

‘Same here. I dated, and there was always something missing. It was because she wasn’t you.’

She stroked his face. ‘Max, we’ve wasted so much time.’

‘In one sense, yes. But it’s given us both time to grow up and learn what’s important.’ He dipped his head and brushed a kiss across her mouth. ‘Do you know now that I love you and that’s not going to change?’

‘Yes. And I love you.’

‘But?’

He’d picked up on her last doubts. ‘There is one thing.’ She bit her lip. ‘Your parents never liked me, Max. I know you’re close to them, and I don’t want to make you feel torn between us. It isn’t fair to them or to you.’

‘You’re not marrying them, you’re marrying me—at least, I hope you are,’ he said. ‘Besides, it might not be the issue you think it is. None of my girlfriends before you were ever good enough for me either, in my mother’s eyes. But this time I think she’ll accept that I’m an adult and I’ve found the woman I wanted to share the rest of my life with.’

‘Will she?’ The words came out before Marina could stop them.

His gaze held hers. ‘She’s changed. A lot of things have changed. Even if the accident hadn’t happened when it did, I would still have had to come home.’ He paused. ‘Dad had a heart attack.’

‘Is he all right now?’

‘He died. About two hours before I could get to the hospital.’

Marina stared at him in shock. She’d had no idea that Andrew Fenton had even been ill, much less that he was dead. Max hadn’t said a word.

Then again, maybe he’d been too busy supporting her and hadn’t wanted to burden her with his grief.

He hadn’t had the chance to say goodbye to his father. Hadn’t had the chance to hold his hand while he lay dying and say ‘I love you’.

‘Max, I’m so sorry. I know you thought a lot of him.’

‘Past tense,’ he said drily. ‘It wasn’t just that he had a heart attack, Marina. I found out after the funeral that it happened while he was in bed with his mistress.’

‘Oh, Max. That’s…I don’t know what to say.’ Not only had he lost his father, then, he’d also lost his ideals and had his family blown apart. She tightened her arms round him. ‘That must’ve been so hard for your mother. And for you.’

‘It turned out,’ Max said, ‘that he’d been having affairs for years. All those business trips…Half the time, he had another woman accompanying him. My mother turned a blind eye because—Well, I suppose because she loved him, and she hoped that if she put up with it he wouldn’t leave her.’

‘And it’s why she clung to you so much,’ Marina said
softly, enlightenment dawning. ‘Why she couldn’t bear the idea of losing you to another woman, the way she was losing her husband.’ She kissed him lightly. ‘Yet she did lose you, because you went abroad. It must have been hell for her, watching the disaster zones on the news and worrying herself sick because you were out there. It was bad enough for me today, and I only had one day of it. She had three years of worry.’ She blew out a breath. ‘Maybe we can find some common ground this time round—because we both love you. And love stretches, Max; it isn’t like a cake that you have to cut into smaller and smaller pieces.’

‘I think my mother’s beginning to see that that now,’ Max said. ‘Because she’s found someone else. It’s still early days, but Rupert treats her better than my father ever did. I think she’s beginning to realise that if you love someone it’s safe to let them go, because they’ll want to come back, whereas if you smother them they’ll pull away and not want to be near you.’ He frowned. ‘Maybe it’s why Dad had all those affairs—because she was so anxious to be the most important person in his life that it made him feel trapped, and it was his way of escaping.’

‘And it was a vicious circle—the more he did it, the more scared she became, the more she tried to bind him to her, and the more he tried to escape. Poor Kay.’ She stroked his hair back from his forehead. ‘And poor you. I know you looked up to your dad.’

‘He wasn’t who I thought he was.’ Max lifted a shoulder in a half-shrug. ‘I had plenty of time to think about it.’

‘While you were stuck in a hospital bed.’

‘I wasn’t the best of patients,’ Max admitted.

‘Medics never are—and you’d already had enough dumped on you. Being hurt so you couldn’t work, your
father dying and then having to deal with all the emotional fallout of what you’d learned.’

‘I stopped believing in love and marriage for a while.’ He stroked her face. ‘Though your family’s restored my faith there.’

‘I’m glad.’ She bit her lip. ‘Though it couldn’t have helped, having divorce papers waiting for you when you got back to England.’

‘When I finally opened them, I was livid. I had a fit and threw them over the other side of the room,’ Max said ruefully. ‘Except then, because of my leg, I couldn’t get down to pick them up again. Luckily a friend came in to visit me before my mother did, and she got rid of the evidence for me.’

‘She?’

‘It’s possible for a man to have female friends,’ Max said. ‘And, believe me, I was in no fit state to think about anything more than friendship. I was either stuck in traction or stuck in a wheelchair.’

Max wasn’t the still, quiet sort. He was happiest in the thick of action. ‘It must have driven you crazy.’

‘It did. I had hours and hours and hours with nothing to do except brood. I thought of you—a lot. And ranted a bit. Your ears must’ve been burning.’

‘I ranted about you, too,’ Marina admitted.

‘I was so sure I hated you,’ Max said. ‘And then I came to London and opened that curtain and saw you.’

‘In all the emergency departments in all the world, you had to walk into mine,’ she quipped.

‘Yup. And then I discovered that, actually, I didn’t hate you. That was just a mask, a way of coping with what I’d lost. I couldn’t keep my eyes off you. And when I thought
that Neil was your husband…Well, put it this way, my physio would’ve taken me to task for overdoing it at the gym that evening.’

‘Oh, Max.’

‘And you wore those jeans to taunt me at the bowling alley.’

‘My jeans are perfectly respectable,’ Marina said. ‘Besides, I didn’t know you were going to be there that night. Might I point out that
you
were wearing soft, very touchable denims yourself?’

A teasing glint lit his eyes. ‘You wanted to touch me, then?’

‘I wanted to take you home, rip your clothes off and have my wicked way with you,’ Marina said.

The glint intensified. ‘I seem to remember you did that a few days later. In my flat. Come to think of it, not very far from where we are right now.’

‘This isn’t home,’ Marina said.

‘Actually, it is.’ He leaned forward and stole a kiss. ‘Home’s wherever
you
are. Everything else is just trappings.’ He stroked her face. ‘I think we’ve been given a second chance. Are you brave enough to take it?’

This time, she didn’t hesitate. Didn’t need to. ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘Because I know you’ll be there right beside me.’

His kiss was warm and sweet and full of promise.

‘So, are we going to take it steady this time? Court each other all over again?’ she asked.

‘Not on your life,’ Max said. ‘I’ve spent four years missing you, and the last week in the uttermost reaches of hell. I want you back in my life permanently, starting right now.’

‘Marry in haste…’ she warned him. ‘Didn’t you learn that last time round?’

‘We don’t have to set a date right now. Actually, you don’t even have to marry me, if you don’t want to.’ His eyes were very, very blue, full of sincerity and love. ‘Just be with me, Marina. You’re the love of my life; I’ve missed you so much that it hurt even to breathe, and I don’t want to spend any more time without you. I don’t care where we live, or whether you call yourself Fenton or Petrelli. I just want you back with me. For good. And starting right now.’ He paused. ‘One more thing: we talk. Even if we think what we say might be upsetting, if we’re unhappy about something, we talk about it. No hiding in work. Deal?’

‘Deal.’ And she sealed it with a kiss.