The Devlin Deception: Book One of The Devlin Quatrology (5 page)

Donne frowned at the camera, narrowing his eyes, intimidating
everyone watching. "I'm sure that our defenses will be tested
in the very near future, but I assure anyone who wants to do that
that we will stop any attempts with quick and powerful force, not
necessarily proportional. Word to the wise, okay? And on the remote
chance that any attempts succeed, our response will be totally out of
proportion. I trust that is clear, plain and direct.

"Here in America, most of us are familiar with hearing moms
telling their misbehaving kids, 'Just wait till your father gets
home.' Well, for anyone who's been misbehaving, inside or outside
our borders, I have just two words for you: 'Daddy's Home.' And for
those of you who know how I've run Donne Enterprises International,
you know I do NOT mess around. Another word to the wise. Got it?

"For some of the biggest bloodsuckers who've been feeding their
egos and their bank accounts from the federal trough, that gravy
train comes to a halt right now; that includes all lobbyists, PACs
and political analysts, because there will be no federal elections
for the foreseeable future. As a side benefit, we won't be assaulted
with all the negative ads that most political campaigns bombard us
with.

“For some others, who've benefited from federal largesse, but
not to the bloodsucking level, that ol' gravy train will either come
to a halt this January 1st or slow down quickly until coming to a
full stop on January 1st of 2013; and that includes ALL business and
agricultural subsidies, the so-called 'loopholes' in the now-defunct
tax code and the special non-taxable status of most so-called
'nonprofit' institutions. Again, for the truly vulnerable, you will
find some changes to the 'safety nets,' but nothing that you won't be
able to handle.

"And for the many people in this country who have gotten
spoiled, coddled and pandered to by politicians seeking only to be
re-elected and refusing to make unpopular but necessary decisions, I
will tell you frankly, those days are over. I will not make
decisions simply because they'll be unpopular, but I will also not
shy away from making needed decisions because they may be unpopular.
I don't plan to play Santa Claus, and I will be insisting that
Americans start the process, if they haven't already, of growing up.

"There will also be many changes on the social front, most of
them designed to increase your personal freedoms and choices. You'll
find all of these on the web site at ten p.m., but just for a few
quick examples, marijuana will be decriminalized on January 1st,
2012, and production and sales of it will be licensed and taxed,
beginning in July 2012, and ..."

Debbie, Darryl and many of the other regulars cheered.

"... gay marrage, abortion and assisted suicide (using the
Oregon law as a model) will all be legalized as of January 1st, 2012,
about three weeks from today. The same goes for prostitution, using
the Nevada laws as a model there. Pornography, too, but not child
porn."

At that, a variety of applause and boos resonated through the whole
restaurant. Of course, booze circulated, too.

"Additionally, although I am not and never have been a smoker,
all federal, state and local laws, statutes, regulations and
ordinances restricting smoking in outdoor areas are now repealed,
other than within ten feet of entrances to highly trafficked
buildings, and local business owners, including, but not limited to,
restaurants, bars and retail establishments or any business open to
the public, may decide for themselves whether smoking will be allowed
in and on their premises."

Debbie, Darryl and many of the others cheered even more loudly. In
the back office, Joe and Pete exchanged glances and smiled. Joe made
another note.

"As for Donne Enterprises International, some of you know that
I've become a multi-billionaire over the past three decades, but as
of today, I've severed my operational relationship with the company,
leaving it in the capable hands of my COO, chief operations officer,
Wes Farley. And, Wes, I have to let you know that you'll be getting
no favors and no inside information from me. You're on your own, and
I know you'll do right by the company, its clients and employees.

"And as a tiny sign of my confidence in my plans for the
country, I'm immediately donating two billion dollars from my
personal wealth toward the 2012 deficit, and I encourage others on my
economic level to do similarly. Together with (ready for another
buzzword?) shared sacrifices, we will be able to pull this country
not only back from the brink and up by its bootstraps, but forward
into a successful and sustainable growth trajectory and to return to
our rightful place as a shining beacon to freedom- and
success-seeking people around the world.

"Now, putting all the needed policies in place is sort of like
putting a huge jigsaw puzzle together, and a lot of smart and
dedicated people have been working with me on these policies for
months as we've prepared for this occasion, and so far tonight, I've
spoken mostly in generalities. Now I'm going to give you some of the
details -- not all of them, 'cause I don't have the time and I doubt
many of you watching this do, either -- but here are a few of the
major ones, mainly on income taxes for businesses and individuals.

"But first, since I've fired the President and the entire
Congress and there'll be no more federal elections for the
foreseeable future, I will be confiscating all campaign funds, all
PAC and SuperPAC monies and all lobbying funds held by registered or
unregistered lobbyists and applying them to the deficit."

Everybody in Slinky Joe's cheered, other than Debbie Jackson, who had
fallen asleep with her face on the bar; she awoke enough to give out
a groggy "Yay" and then closed her eyes again, a little bit
of drool sliding onto her forearm.

(Author's note: Here come the numbers. Policy wonks: notepads
ready? JD)

"Now, as to taxes, major changes. Here to my left is the
current tax code, totaling more than 72,000 pages. Here's the new
one, three pages for individuals, ten pages for businesses. Here's
some details.

“Effective January 1st, 2012, there'll be a maximum rate of 21%
of GAAP earnings for businesses with over $10 billion in revenues,
with no subsidies or so-called 'loopholes,' 100% expensing, with a
territorial system, and dividends will be fully deductible; in fact,
dividends paid in 2012 will be granted a 150% deduction, not just a
hundred. This will apply no matter what form of business structure
you have, be it corporate, partnership or sole proprietorship. For
businesses with less than a million dollars in revenue, the rate will
be 10%; between a million and 10 million, 12%; between 10 million and
100 million, 14%; between 100 million and one billion, 16%; and
between one billion and ten billion, 18%. The maximum rate of 21%
kicks in when revenues are above $10 billion. Those rates will apply
to all earnings, not tiered, as with individual tax rates."

In the back office, Pete said to Joe, "That's good, right?"
Joe nodded and said, "I think so; I'll have to run the numbers
to be sure, but it sounds good."

"And since businesses will have no more lobbying expenses, they
will give the government the average annual amount they've spent on
lobbying, including campaign contributions, over the last five years,
in addition to their taxes. Since there will be no more federal
lobbying, I'd encourage all businesses to get refunds, to the extent
they can, of any prepaid lobbying expenses.

"Also, to encourage the repatriation of the trillion-plus
dollars held overseas, we will only charge a 5% tax rate on funds
repatriated in the first six months of 2012.

"For individuals, the top rate will be 27% of all income, earned
and unearned, with NO deductions or exemptions and only two tax
credits: the foreign tax credit and a new charitable tax credit of
50%, limited to 40% of your income tax liability. So if you donate a
thousand dollars to your favorite charity, you'll be able to take
five hundred bucks off your tax bill, which is much more generous
than the current charitable deduction. Lower rates of 6, 12, 18 and
24 percent will apply at income levels below $1,300,000 for
individuals, and the first $20,000 is not taxed at all. Incomes from
20 thousand to 40 thousand will be taxed at only six percent. From
40 thousand to 100 thousand, you'll pay a flat 12 percent; between
100 thousand and 300 thousand, it'll be 18 percent; and it'll be 24
percent on the next million. That's for individuals. For couples
filing jointly, double those numbers and subtract one percentage
point from the tax rate; that should help balance out the 'marriage
penalty.'

"The capital loss offset against ordinary income will be raised
from the current $3,000 to $25,000, and then indexed for inflation in
future years; again, double that for couples. No change to the
carryover provisions. Also, as of January 1st, there will be no
differentiation between short- and long-term gains or losses, and
neither you nor your broker will have to report all your individual
trades; you'll be able to rely on your broker's summary of capital
gains or losses and report that on a single line on your tax return.

"Social Security benefits will not be taxed, but welfare,
unemployment payments, food stamps and other federally-funded
benefits will be.

"There will also be a minimum tax of a little under two bucks a
day for every resident, other than those who are listed as dependents
on another taxpayer's return and those under age 18 or over 80,
beginning in 2013, but only half of that, a bit under a dollar a day,
starting in 2012.

"There will be no alternative minimum tax nor any estate tax.

"And since Democrats have generally tended to call for higher
taxes, we'll give you what you want; everybody who is registered as a
Democrat will pay a 20% surcharge on their income tax bill.
Registered Republicans will pay a 15% surcharge, since they've
generally called for lower taxes, but have also increased spending on
a near par with Democrats. Registered independents will pay a 10%
surcharge. This will be based on your registration as of today, so
there's no point in rushing to change that. If you are not a
registered voter, there'll be no surcharge. I will reconsider these
surcharges for the 2014 tax year, but you can count on them for 2012
and 2013.

"There will be a national sales tax, on everything except labor,
energy, medicine and consumer medical equipment, of 4%, beginning on
April 1st, 2012, with an offsetting nonrefundable tax credit of $375
for those whose total income is at or below 125% of the poverty
level. On January 1st, 2013, that credit will increase to $500.
Again, double that for couples filing jointly. This tax will also
apply to all online retailers who deliver to customers within the
USA.

"The amount that triggers a 1099 will be increased to $1,000.

"The limit on contributions to the tax-free Roth IRA will be
doubled to $10,000 for 2012 and go up by 1,000 dollars each year
after that for the next ten years. I would strongly encourage each
of you to contribute that maximum, if you can.

"One special additional tax will only apply to people who've
worked at high levels in the federal government and then gone on to
leverage their position into a high-paying job in the private sector,
what we've come to call the 'revolving door,' or to demand big bucks
for speaking, writing or other celebrity pursuits. And that tax will
be 50% of any income they make as a result, in addition to their
regular income tax. This tax will also apply to anyone who has been
entitled to Secret Service protection since the year 1990.

"As for non-profits, all 501(c)(2, 3, 4 and 5) institutions with
revenues of over a million dollars a year will be taxed at the
greater of 50% of gross donation and/or grant revenues OR 50% of
their average annual gross donation and/or grant revenues over the
past five years; it'll be 20% for those under a million, 10 percent
on those under $100,000 per year, and zero on those under 20,000.
Local governments may also begin charging them property taxes; no
more tax exemptions there. And they will also have to pay the
national sales tax, as well as state and local sales taxes.

"Combined with the charitable donation tax credit AND the fact
that as of this moment, the federal government will no longer be
giving grants to ANY nonprofits, donors will be able to exercise much
greater freedom of choice as to those institutions they want to
support. Which nonprofits thrive and which don't survive will be up
to the PEOPLE, not bureaucrats.

"We will be creating an app for filing your simplified tax
returns, which will work securely across all platforms; that'll be
ready by mid-2012, so you'll be able to file your returns on your
smartphone, PC or any mobile device.

"Individuals will also have the choice of filing their 2011
taxes under the new rules or the current ones, whichever is more
advantageous for you.

"And to combat identity theft and tax refund fraud, individual
taxpayers will need to provide a thumbprint on their paper form or in
the app that we'll be creating for the digital platforms. Obviously,
we'll have alternatives for amputees and others unable to provide a
thumbprint, and we'll work hard to address any privacy concerns.

"Also, when our GDP growth rate has reached five percent,
halfway to my goal, I will look very seriously at lowering both
business and individual tax rates. But we've got to get there first,
okay? Another word to the wise.

"Another tax, but one with which I expect near-zero compliance,
is a 150% tax on all revenues from criminal activity, especially drug
dealing, combined with much tougher penalties for failure to pay that
tax at a local bank or police station within 12 hours of receiving
the revenues. While that may not generate many dollars directly, it
will give prosecutors a new tool to fight serious crime, and
penalties will include confiscation of ALL of the criminals' assets,
using the same burden of proof the IRS uses, and as you all probably
know, the IRS can be relentless. I call that the Al Capone tax, and
it begins right” ... Donne snapped his fingers ... “now."