The Devil's Closet (19 page)

“It’s time to play nice.” He began taking off my shirt and pants.

I laughed. “I surrender…. Don’t forget we have food coming, though.”

“Trust me, this won’t take that long.”

Every time we made love, I fell deeper and deeper in love with him. I thought about my life without him and didn’t think I would ever be able to cope. As we lay breathless and naked in each other’s arms, he read my thoughts.

“What happens from here, Cee?” He was drawing one of his fingers along the contours of my body.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, we can’t stay in this hotel forever. This case will end eventually, then what? I think we should start planning what comes next.”

“I know, and I have thought about it, trust me. Right now, I just don’t know where to begin. Eric said I can keep the house, but I simply can’t move you right in with the girls. You know this. You’re a parent. And what about Sean? We can’t figure it all out in a conversation or two. It’s going to be slower than that. Please understand. I love you. I know that for sure. Let’s just take it one day at a time, and it will play out.”

“I understand and accept that, but your one-day-at-a-time scenario will only keep for so long. Eventually, after this case is over, we need to sit down and take concrete action. You promise me that, and I’ll say no more, my dear.”

“Promise.”

Though nothing had been solved, we both felt better knowing we were committed to moving forward. We eventually got up and dressed, just in time for our Chinese food to arrive. After dinner, it was all business.

Over and over we replayed the tape and scoured every inch of the Bible passage. At one point, I saw Michael stick his ear against the television and write something in his notebook.

“What’s going on?”

“I can’t tell, but I think I hear water running. I’m going to have the technicians enhance it in the morning.”

The more I read and reread the passage, the more confused I got. I even took the first words from every line to see if they spelled out something. When I got nothing there, I took the first letter from every word, then the last. I wrote it backward, upside down, sideways; I skipped every other word, and still I came up with nothing. The only thought I had seemed a little ridiculous. But sometimes, those were the things that made the most sense.

“Michael? Have you ever been to the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo?”

“I took Sean there once. Why? The zoos have been checked out. Remember?”

“I don’t know. It’s all forest, and if memory serves, there’s a small river through the lions attraction. What exactly did the agents check out?”

“I think just the den area plus all the employees. If I know what you’re thinking, Jim Carlson couldn’t have driven to Cleveland, taken the video, and driven back to deliver it in time after you talked to him.”

“How do you know the tape wasn’t made prior? Earlier in the day? How do you know he didn’t stash her around here somewhere before going back up?”

“Could be. I just don’t understand why he would make the tape earlier. He didn’t know you wanted proof then unless, and this isn’t off the mark, he did it just to fuck with us.”

“He could’ve
anticipated
it. Don’t forget, we’re playing with a smart man who’s predicted—or watched—every move we’ve made so far. He knew I took his doll for a reason.”

Michael thought about this, while I called the girls. I hadn’t spoken to them yet that day. Talking to them was always the bright spot in my day, and it kept me going no matter what else was happening. They were having a great time, but missed me. I promised I would come down once I caught my bad guy. Before Eric got on the phone, they talked my ear off about watching a man on the fishing pier catch a baby shark, which they got to pet.

“You let them touch that thing?” I asked Eric.

“Don’t worry. It was only about a foot long and they thought it was great. We had gone down to the pier to get ice cream and there it was. Selina ran over before I had a chance to say anything.”

These few minutes, painfully, brought back our routine in North Carolina on the Cape Fear coast. After spending the day at the beach, we would go out to dinner and then take the girls for ice cream at the Kure Beach Pier. It was so very sad realizing those days were long over for us, at least as a family. Eric, knowing just how to kick me when I was down, broke our silence.

“I spoke with Jordan today.”

“Fabulous.” I wasn’t in the mood to get into that.

“CeeCee, she’s due in January. We’re going to have to figure out what to tell the girls.”

“
We
don’t have to figure out anything, Eric. This was your bed, you can lie in it—no pun intended, of course. All I agreed is that we tell them together.”

“Please, CeeCee.”

“Are you going to marry her?”

“God, I was hoping there was a chance, though I know it’s a long shot, that you and I could try to work this out. I’m not going to push off my responsibilities as the baby’s father, and I can’t undo my affair with Jordan, but I think with counseling we might be able to work through this.”

“There have been too many lies, Eric. It took a while, but deep down I believe we can’t go back.” Michael had stopped the videotape and was looking at me, with no pretense about trying to avoid listening to the conversation.

“Just promise me you’ll continue to think about it. That’s all I’m asking—especially for the girls. Please.”

“Yes, I’ll still think about it.”

I hung up. Michael was sitting on the floor, quiet, putting the videotape back in its box.

Tentatively, he asked, “What are you supposed to think about?”

“He wants me to think about counseling to save our marriage. I only said I would think about it. Right now is not the time for an argument. Of course, he reminded me to consider the girls, as if that wasn’t primary in my mind.

Essentially, yet again, he laid the guilt trip. Michael, I love you, and I am
not
raising a child my husband had with his mistress. I want you, and I can’t ever be without you again. It’s just sad. When I was talking to the girls about their day, it hit me very hard that we would never be in North Carolina as a family again. I’ve been trying to back away from that thought for a while, but it keeps coming up and I have to deal with it.”

He nodded, and I knelt on the floor beside him, gathering him in my arms. I inhaled the smell of his cologne and knew there would be no thinking about counseling for Eric and me. We were finished, but since we both loved the girls deeply, we would find some way to make their lives secure. For that, I would always love Eric.

There wasn’t much more to do that night, and as we were gathering all the files, I broached what I wanted to do the next day.

“I want to go to the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo and look around.”

“Okay, if you think it’s necessary. I’ll have an agent call up there and make sure someone is waiting for us. The lion exhibit, of course?”

“Of course. The entire exhibit, not just the den.”

We decided to get a good night’s sleep so we could start our day early. That night, for the first time in months, I dreamt of Murder Mountain. The nightmares had been horrific, and I’d had to take medication for a quite some time afterward because of them.

I had thought the dreams long gone, but apparently they weren’t. My latest dream was one of the worst ever.

In my dream I was on the edge of the well filled with rats again, this time alone. No one was anywhere nearby. Not the corrupt cops or their sidekicks, not Michael, Eric, Naomi, or Coop. Although I was alone, something from behind pushed me into the well. I kept falling until I felt the mushy thud of hitting all the rats. They were climbing all over me, biting me, and shrieking their high-pitched squeals. I tried to swat at them, but my hands were tied.

I woke up covered in sweat and screaming. Michael was shaking me. When I was fully awake and realized it was a dream, I began to sob uncontrollably. Michael took me in his arms.

“Shh, it’s going to be OK. I’m here. You’re safe. My God, what happened?”

When I was able to speak, I told him. Michael had been there when all of it happened originally, so he understood about the nightmares. “I thought you said you were all done with the dreams, Cee.” He was gently stroking my hair.

“I thought so, but I guess not. I quit taking medicine months ago and haven’t had a nightmare since. I wonder if you being back and this whole case didn’t trigger them again.”

Michael held me for the rest of the night, not that I was able to go back to sleep. I was too keyed up and terrified that the dream would return. It felt better simply to get up early and go to work, though it was still dark when we got to the department. The night shift was just coming in, ending their day. Jordan and her new training officer, who was filling in for Eric, were standing by the door.

I had every intention of ignoring her, but she waved me over to one of the patrol cars. Michael stopped, anticipating a problem, but I told him to go ahead. I’d deal with her alone.

“CeeCee, I just wanted to tell you that Eric called. He told me you said he should. I just wanted to say thank you, and I’m sorry for what I’ve put you through.”

“Do you have any idea how Eric and I are supposed to tell our daughters they’re going to have another brother or sister, Jordan? I don’t. And secondly, what do you think is going to come out of all this?” Right then and there I knew I didn’t want her to have Eric. Maybe it was a pride thing, and I was being catty and selfish, but I couldn’t help it. Not that I wanted him…

She shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“You realize Eric wants to work out our marriage, don’t you? We spoke last night and he wants us to go to counseling. I haven’t decided yet, but that’s a scenario you might want to start considering. Your baby will be taken care of no matter what. Eric would never abandon you there, but start allowing for all possibilities.”

She began to cry while I just stood there. A slight part of me felt bad, but the rest of me didn’t.

“Jordan, if you don’t need anything else, I’m going in now.”

I left her there crying. By the time I got upstairs to my office, I was entirely riddled with guilt. Although I had nothing but contempt for her, her baby was Eric’s, and our daughters’ sibling. Jordan was obviously under a great deal of stress, and I certainly hadn’t helped her situation. But I didn’t want her to do anything outrageous.

Acceptance breeds action. The first thing I did was leave a message for an attorney friend of mine to discuss filing for divorce. Michael was around for that call. There was no turning back.

“Your conversation with Jordan went well, I see.”

Michael never wanted to say much when it came to Eric and Jordan, and this time was no different. All he cared about was that I had taken the first concrete step to legally end my marriage.

I wanted a respite from thinking about all of this mess and to get going. It was time to drive to Cleveland.

Less than an hour later, we were pulling into the entrance of the zoo. The zoo wasn’t open yet, but we had arrangements to see the lions exhibit first thing. The zoo’s director had the trainer in charge waiting for us at the gate in a golf cart gassed and ready to drive us back to the lion exhibit.

It was a large area of forest, and it was going to take us a while to walk the whole thing. But walk it we did, with the temperatures soaring into the mid-nineties by the time we were done. We found nothing. Not a footprint, piece of paper, or a chewed piece of gum. I was so hot and sweaty by the time we were done I gave serious thought to jumping into the river. However, the idea that every animal in the zoo used it as a bathroom dissuaded me.

“If I’d known we were taking an African safari nature walk today, I would’ve worn shorts,” Michael grumbled.

“Sorry, I didn’t know we were supposed to have Congo-like temperatures.”

On the ride back to the hotel to clean up, we reviewed our little adventure, both of us acknowledging that no one, let alone a man holding a little girl hostage, had been anywhere near those woods.

“At least we know for sure now. Damn,” I said.

After a long shower, which we took together, we grabbed lunch and headed back to the office. Coop’s door was open, but I didn’t see him. A couple of the other detectives were in their offices working away on other cases. It was business as usual.

It was back to the Bible passage for me. I hoped the time away might have brought some fresh insight. Again, I looked at the passages before and after the one given by Jim Carlson.

“Michael, do you know why Daniel was cast into the lions’ den?”

“He prayed to God.” I didn’t know Michael knew that.

“Right, but because praying to God was ‘breaking the law,’ or ‘breaking the rules.’ Daniel was thrown into the lions’ den for breaking the rules.”