The Desire to Touch (26 page)

“Don’t,” I mutter breathlessly.

“You want me to stop?” He grunts, he shifts me on his lap and I feel his impressive length growing hard beneath me.

“What about Michael?” I mutter.

“Don’t worry he’s used to it, he knows the score.”

“What?” I glare at him, then I push myself off of him I slide back to my original seat, I swear I even saw Michael shudder and shake his head.

“What’s wrong?”

“He knows the score?” I mutter at him my mouth aghast.

“Yeah, he ignores what happens in the back.” He looks at me clueless.

Fuck this! “Stop the car!” I call to the front but my words go unheard.

“Stop the fucking car!”

Chapter Fifteen

We screech to a halt and Michael jumps round to see what’s wrong. I push open the door and jump out slamming the door behind me, the rain is heavy and the traffic is almost matching that. I hear a beep and turn around to see the queue of traffic that we’ve now caused, with my hair sticking to my face I push it out of the way and try to run across the road to the safety of the p
athway, dodging moving traffic. I make it across and get my bearings as to where I am, I’m only a few blocks from the hotel and I can weave the back streets meaning I’ll be home in a matter of minutes. Uncle Brendan would have a fit if he knew what I was doing, so I start running as fast as I can, trying to stick to the lit roads. All I can think of is that I want to get home and now!

After what feels like an eternity of running for my life, I make my way into the foyer of the hotel and stumble into Earl.

“Hey slow down, Jesus girl, look at you what have you been doing? Are you ok?”

I can’t breathe, my chest hurts and the rain has soaked my hair so it’s stuck atrociously to my face like rats’ tails.

“I’m ok,” I puff, trying to catch my breath, “Decided on some late night jogging.”

“In the rain?” Earl looks at me suspiciously.

“What can I say, I got it in my head to do it so I did.”

“Well your uncle is on reception at the moment, so be warned.”

Earls walkie talkie starts speaking and he picks it up and runs off shouting to someone the other end.

I slowly walk towards the lift but spot Brendan at reception looking more stressed than usual, going straight up and cleaning up is what I need to do. Hurrying to the lift with my head hung low I think I’ve escaped when I hear my name called. I look over to the reception desk and see Brendan leaning over it looking at me.

“Ellie can I see you a moment?”

I stalk over, feeling like a disobedient child waiting to be put on the naughty step.

“Where have you been?” He asks, all authoritative.

“I thought Meagan had told you?” Oh, oh.

“Yes she did, I know you’ve been at Hooch’s but you know how I feel about that place!”

“Lucas was up the creek without a paddle I had to go and help.”

He starts fussing with the computer, “Look I don’t want to give you a lecture but…”

“No it’s fine,” I cut him off, “I am twenty four and I’m having, was having a really great time but I need to calm down a bit. Don’t worry.”

I spot a bit of paper by his hand with big thick letters strewn across it, he catches me looking at it and turns it over so I can’t read what it says. Brendan rubs his fingers across his forehead and I sense he is more stressed than I first thought.

“Everything ok?”

“Yes fine,” he looks back down to the computer, “I may be late back tonight, I have a late meeting.” He glances up at me from the screen and I can see the irritation in his eyes, I’m not quite sure if that’s due to me or whatever he’s fussing over on the computer. Just in case it is me, I take my cue and walk towards the lift.

I press the button and stand waiting for it to arrive, then thoughts start swimming through my head and all his comments of the day just bounce from one ear to the other.
‘Hell no, you did not just run out on a Hollywood star? Look, ring him now. Maybe you can take it back!’
Devil girl has appeared and is pacing and shouting. Angel girl stands with crossed arms
‘You did the right thing, you know you did! Stand your ground.’

“Oh fuck off you two, you’re never there when I need you, just after the event!” I grumble and shake my head.

I look to my right and there is an old oriental couple staring at me in all their tourist gear, the old lady looks at me worried and her husband peers over her shoulder matching her expression.

I smile at them whilst trying to move some of my hair out of my face, which I think, has resulted in a creepy smile, they whisper something to each other and the husband drags his wife towards the stairs.

“Great one, Ellie!” I grunt under my breath.

The lift arrives, I jump in and check I’m still on my own; I press my floor number and throw myself against the wall of the carriage and slump down holding myself tightly. The doors start to close and I feel the lump in my throat start to rise as the outside world is shut away, a tear starts to form in my eye and I blink rapidly to try and disperse it.

The doors come to an almost close when a hand catches the door and it opens again, I stand quickly and try to readjust myself.

“I can’t keep running after you!”

Trey is stood in the doorway and steps into the lift leaving the doors to close once again.

I look away from him, “I can’t keep running from you.”

I hug my arms closer around myself as he moves closer to me, he puts one arm on the lift wall trying to corner me but his phone starts ringing.

“What the…” He huffs and pulls his phone out of his pocket and answers, “Jenna can this wait...Yes my flight is at 6am…”

Trey moves away from me and I breath a sigh of relief, I look up at the level dial and see I’m nearly back at my floor and my haven.

“Jenna I told you no... I know but… don’t I get a fucking say?” He half shouts and lifts his hands up.

I turn away from him and try to block out his one-way conversation. The lift doors open and I make a quick-paced walk for the front door, I grab my room key out of the back of my phone case and I unlock the door and push to enter when something catches me. Turning I see Trey has hold of my cardigan and he’s signaling me to wait one minute.

“Yes…fine we’ll talk tomorrow at the hotel.” He hangs up and places his phone back in his pocket.

I look at him then at his hand waiting to be released, he catches my eye and releases me.

“Sorry about that, my agent is a slave driver.”

I roll my eyes and shake my head pushing my way into the apartment, I can feel him following me so I stop and turn to him.

“What do you want from me?”

“I…I don’t know anymore.” He stutters.

“Meaning?” I walk to the sofa and perch on the edge, looking down the words are out of my mouth before I know what I’ve said, “I don’t want this Trey.”

Devil girl has appeared and is screaming at me
‘You do, you do!
’ but Angel girl is chanting
‘You can do this be strong, be strong!’

“You don’t want this?” he gestures at us both.

“No Trey I don’t want
this
! I don’t want to be a friend you sleep with, I don’t want to feel like you’re ashamed of me when we’re out and I don’t want to be constantly worrying that I am just another nameless face amongst the harem of women you are known for.”

He looks at me stunned for a moment then sits on the sofa opposite, perching his elbows on his knees, he rests his chin on his hands and looks up at me.

I know I look a state and I feel that in times like this the female should always look impeccable like they do in the movies, this is how it’s supposed to pan out – he declares his undying love after twenty-four hours and rescues her from her inner torment.

Though my movie goes like this - My hair is tasselled and knotty, my nose is running,  my face is red and blotchy like I’m teething and I’m four words away from crying my eyes out. Movie ending, my arse!

“Anything else?” he chokes.

“I don’t want to feel like I’m constantly trying to work out who you are.” I look down at my cuffs and pull them down over my hands.

He doesn’t answer for ages, he just looks at the ground.

‘Come on Ellie, this is too much’ I say to myself. I take a deep breath and stand looking at him.

“Look we’ve known each other a couple of days; it’s all too much, I really like you, I mean really like you but this is silly don’t you think?”

“There are two sides to you too, you know. One minute you’re smart mouthed and full of life, the next you’re a scared and timid little girl. I don’t think you realise what sort of hold you have had over me since the minute I first saw you, fucked-up past or not.”

“Fucked-up past? Who said I have a fucked-up past?” Now I’m angry and reaching for my phone to text Meagan.

“It’s an observation and the fact everyone chases you around like you’re so fragile you need to be locked up.”

“Well if I’m so scared and timid why the hell are you always around me?”

“Is it so hard for you to believe that I am infatuated with you? I am confused myself as to what I want but I do know I can’t stop thinking about you, from the minute you first ran into me at the apartments and then, after saving you from Jerry, I was…I ran after you but you were gone.” He looks up at me, “Is it really so hard for you to understand that? But I can’t keep chasing you.”

Things are getting too complicated and this is heading in a direction I don’t want or need, “Like I said, we’re from two different worlds and I can’t be another faceless name on your list.”

“But I keep telling you you’re not!”

“Yes, you say it but your actions keep saying different, that to me says more than your empty words. You don’t want me - if you did you’d know not to push me nor would you treat me like all your other sex fiends. You’re a polygamous man Trey.”

“You’re right.” He stands and our eyes meet, I feel like he’s searching the depths of my soul with his intense gaze. I feel frozen by his eyes that have turned an icy blue, his face softens slightly he looks down shakes his head and turns for the door.

‘No no no!
’ Devil girl is on bended knee, wailing
.

He reaches the door and turns the handle, for a split second he looks back over his shoulder then leaves without another word said.

I stand there in shock, “What the hell has just happened?” I nervously laugh.

Looking at the time I realise I have been rooted to the spot for minutes and he hasn’t come back. He’s not coming back.

I feel the lump rising in my throat again and I walk into the bedroom, I have no desire to shower tonight I’ll just do it before work. I lie on my bed and pull the covers over my head trying to shut everything and everyone out, the unshed tears of the past few days start to peak and I use every ounce of strength in my body to not let them break through.

The tiredness within starts to take over and I feel weak, weak from fighting and trying to figure this guy out.

“Sing for me, my angel”.

The heat from his breath burns my face again, I sit bolt upright and wipe away the beads of sweat that are starting to form on my forehead.

The whispers are still haunting me, there in the back of my mind I can sense him, I can smell his foul stench nearby. The familiar feeling of being the little weak child cowering in the corner is starting to return and I have fought so long and hard to rid myself of this angst. But, when I am with Trey it’s gone. I feel safe and secure, what have I done? Was I wrong to say it like it is? Should I have just kept my mouth shut and smiled through gritted teeth at every little comment passed?

‘You’ve done the right thing, a leopard can’t change its spots’
Angel girl soothes.
‘Spots shmots! Are you a complete moron? Text him now, grovel, apologise do whatever you can to get him back now! You have, as usual, completely overreacted’
Devil girl’s tear soaked, panda eyes plead with me.

I close my eyes and shake them away, I need to talk to someone, anyone that can bring me back down. I grab my phone and bring up Trey’s contact details, for minutes I debate on hitting the call button and begging him to come back, my fingers hover over the screen trembling with anticipation.

No! I hold my phone to my forehead then throw it across the room. I jump up out of bed and run into the kitchen, grabbing one of the closest mugs from the side I open the cupboard and pick up the half-full bottle of brandy. I pour some into the mug and, holding the cup to my lips, I take a deep inhale of the intoxicating aroma that I know will settle my nerves perfectly.

‘
Drink problem?
’ Angel girl sarcastically asks?

I slam the mug back on the side and bend over, holding my head in my hands, my body starts to shake from the pent
up frustration as I try to suppress the tears again.