The Debt & the Doormat (38 page)

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‘Well, I’ve spoken to Grams and she’s going to get here as soon as she can,’ I say when I go back into the room.

‘What?’ he says, looking up disgusted.

‘What?’

‘You called my Grandma?’

‘Yeah,’ I say in a quiet voice.  ‘Was I…not supposed to?’

‘No, no.  You go ahead and call my eighty year old grandmother and give her a heart attack.  I’m sure she’ll be fine.’

‘Oh.  I hadn’t thought of that.’

‘That's your problem Poppy.  You don't think.’  He glares at me thoroughly pissed off.

‘What?’  I’m suddenly very aware of Jazz being here. 

‘Yeah, it was you that got me in this whole fucking mess.  If you wouldn’t have started the fight with the drunk, I wouldn’t have had to lie, I wouldn’t have been in the paper and I wouldn’t have been shot.’

‘I’m...I’m sorry.’

‘Ryan that is some kind of twisted logic.  I mean, Poppy didn’t know this was gonna happen.’

I look at Jazz and smile.  Thank God someone is sticking up for me.

‘Oh whatever,’ he says, looking away.  ‘I’d like to be left alone now.  It's late.’

‘OK.  Well, we’ll see you soon then,’ Jazz says.

He ignores us.  We walk awkwardly out into the hall by the lift. 

‘Come on, let’s go,’ Jazz says, taking my arm.  ‘You’ve had a pretty rough night.’

‘No.  I have to wait for his Grandma.’

‘Are you sure?  You don't have to feel responsible for this you know?’

‘I know.  But I do.’

She kisses me goodbye and I wander back towards his bed and sit down next to him.  His eyes are closed and his head is rolled to the side but I’m sure he’s faking.

‘Are you asleep?’ I whisper, just in case I’m wrong.

‘Yes.’

‘OK.’

‘Don't speak to me,’ he growls, still with his eyes closed.

*                            *                            *

A hand on my shoulder wakes me up.

‘Poppy, dear.’

I look up to see his Grandma and realise that I’ve fallen asleep leant over his bed.  Ah, my back aches.  I look at Ryan and he’s still sleeping peacefully.  I glance at my clock and realise its 6am.

I put my finger up to my lips to signal to be quiet around him.

‘Let’s talk outside,’ she whispers.

I follow her out, feeling a slight sting on my leg as I walk around the bed. 

‘Don't worry.  He’s totally fine.  The bullet just grazed him.’

‘I know dear.  I spoke to one of the nurses.  What I’m more interested in is that she says you’re his fiancée?’

‘Oh, shit.  Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to say shit.  Oh god, I just said it again!’

‘Calm yourself darling.’

I take a deep breath and try to chill out.  ‘I’m not his fiancée.  But I just had to see him and...It’s all my fault anyway...and...’

‘And your leg’s bleeding,’ she says, looking down.

‘What?’

I look down and sure enough dark red blood is dripping down my leg.

‘How the hell?’

I follow the small trickle of blood back to the bed and find that I’ve caught it on a bit of rusty bed.

‘Nurse!’ Grams says, grabbing the Irish one.  ‘She just caught her leg.’

‘Not another one,’ she sighs.  ‘Sorry love, but you’ll need a tetanus.’

I break into pathetic heavy sobs.

‘Come on love.  I’ll come with you.  We’ll get a tea and you can tell me all about it.’

The next morning it's full action stations.  We’ve decided to surprise Ryan with a made over garden.  It's the bloody least I could do after nearly getting him killed.

A knock at the door startles me.  I swing it open to see Lilly with red puffy eyes and a mini red suitcase.

‘Lilly?  What's wrong?’

‘Oh, fucking everything!’ she says, bursting into tears.  I hug her tightly and pull her off the street, dragging her suitcase with me.  ‘Can I stay here tonight?’

‘Yeah of course.  Why, what's wrong?  Is it Alex?’  I pull her into the sitting room and settle us both on the sofa. 

‘We got into this massive fight about the flat,’ she sniffs, blowing her nose in an already crumpled tissue. 

‘What about the flat?’ I ask.  My voice is high and unnatural, I notice.

‘The sellers have taken it off the market!’

‘What?’

‘They said something had happened to them recently which made them realise what was important in life and that they didn’t need to upgrade anymore.  Someone about a vase or something.  I think they’re just kooks.’

Oh my Jesus.  I only wanted to put an offer in to delay it.  I had no idea they’d lose out on their dream flat for definite.

‘Oh my God, I’m so sorry.’

‘It's OK,’ she says, pushing me away.  ‘But he started saying that maybe it wasn’t meant to be.  Can you believe that!?  And I was like, well maybe you just don't want to buy with me.  Maybe you’re having second thoughts about the whole thing!  And he was like you’re always so paranoid and I was like paranoid?  Your mother’s paranoid.’

‘You...’ I take a deep breath.  ‘You mentioned his mother?’

She looks down at her tissue.  ‘Well I mean....maybe I did slightly over react, but then he said I spent too long blow drying my hair in the morning and I told him I hated how he never washed out the bath and before I knew it I was packing a bag and telling him I needed space.’

‘Oh hun.’  I pull her close into my chest, albeit awkwardly.

‘I don't need space!  I hate space.  I just want him and I’ve messed it all up.’

‘Lill, you haven’t messed it all up.’ 

Jazz and I have done that for you.

‘Come on.  We’re clearing up the garden, why don't you help?’

She looks at me in horror.  ‘You think manual labour is going to help me?’

‘Well...maybe not.  But surely bossing people around will help?’

‘I don't know what you mean,’ she smiles.  ‘Where are they all?’

Before I’ve even had a chance to open my mouth she’s jumped off the sofa and is outside.  I look out of the window and see her charging in, briefly introducing herself and ordering people to do things.  Everyone’s looking a bit confused and put out, but wisely they’ve decided to just do it. 

*
                            *                            *

As I walk down the long hospital corridor that afternoon, I start to rehearse the speech in my head.  Ryan, I’m really sorry for all of the pain I’ve caused you but I think we should both move on and you should forgive me.  I imagine he’ll smile, shrug and tell me to forget about it.  Then he might drop to his knees and tell me his near death experience has made him realise he wants to marry me.  And have five kids.  Well,
maybe
I went a bit too far with that bit, but you never know.   

I take one last deep breath before I turn the corner and see him sat on the bed in his horrible green hospital gown. 

‘Hi.’  I attempt a smile as I look into his gorgeous face.

‘Have you got my clothes?’ he asks, avoiding eye contact.

‘Yeah.’  I hand over the bag containing some tracksuit bottoms and a t-shirt.  ‘How are you feeling?’

‘I’ve been better,’ he snorts.  He turns to face me, holding his tracksuit bottoms.  ‘Can you turn round?’

‘Huh?’  I look at him bewildered.  ‘Oh, you mean so you can get dressed?’

‘Yes,’ he says, slowly as if I’m special. 

I turn round, trying desperately to remember my speech.  What was it?  Something about forgiving me.  I knew I should have written it down.

‘I’m ready.’

I turn round to face him, but he’s already half way down the corridor.  I run after him to the car and we spend the entire journey in awkward silence. 

I pull into our road and attempt to park, ending up with one half on the curb, almost touching the lamppost and the back end sticking out into the road.  Not that I’m going to admit it's an awful park.  I turn the engine off and open the door.

Ryan pulls my arm.  ‘You’re not seriously leaving it like this?’

‘What?’ I say, playing innocent and hoping he doesn’t notice the sweat on my forehead at the thought of having to try and correct it.

‘The car.  You have passed your test, right?’

‘Yes!  I have, thank you very much.  I passed with flying colours.  And first time!’

‘Really,’ he laughs.  ‘Were you by any chance wearing a short skirt at the time?’

‘What?  How dare you!  You think I just passed my test because I’m a little slut.  You’re way out of line.’

The fact that I’ve still got my lucky denim mini skirt hanging proudly in my wardrobe is not something I feel I should share.

‘Sorry,’ he scoffs, sounding anything but.  He sighs heavily.  ‘Just give me the keys.  I’ll fix this.’

I throw the keys into his lap and slam the door behind me, but not before I hear him mutter ‘like I always do.’

I slam the front door behind me, shaking with rage.  He’s such an arrogant prick!  How can someone be shot and still make you want to kill them?   

Izzy comes running into the hallway.  ‘Where’s Ryan?’ she asks, her face beaming with excitement.

‘He’s in the car,’ I growl, reminding myself that I shouldn’t take it out on Izzy.

‘Why?  Are you OK?  You look kinda red?’

‘I’m fine,’ I snap.

The door swings open and Ryan walks in, throwing his bag angrily on the floor like a moody teenager.

‘Ryan!’ Izzy sings, throwing her arms round his neck and straining on her tippy toes for a hug.  ‘How are you?’

‘I’m fine,’ he shrugs. 

‘Well...’ she says, smiling mischievously at me.  ‘We’ve got a surprise for you.’

‘Really?’ he asks, scrunching his face up.  ‘What is it?’

‘It wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you,’ she giggles, hitting him playfully on the chest.  ‘Come on.’

She places her hands over his eyes and he instinctively crouches down, so as to make her job easier.  Bless her, she’s short.   

A strange feeling of jealousy overwhelms me, as I wish it was me with my hands round Ryan’s face. 
Totally
irrational.  I don't even like him. 

‘Keep your eyes closed,’ she sings, as she ushers Ryan through the house.

‘I am, but I can't see where the hell I’m going,’ he says, as he stumbles around.

‘That's the whole point,’ she says, giggling.  God, he really doesn’t get this.  ‘Poppy, help me will you?’

I take his arm, pleased to have some excuse to touch him.

‘Ow!’ he shouts as he stubs his toe on the banister.  ‘Poppy!  For fucks sake.’

Why does he instantly blame me?  What about Izzy? 

‘Just a little longer now,’ Izzy says, leading him outside into the garden.  She smiles at me.  ‘OK.  Open your eyes.’

‘Surprise!’  Me, Izzy, Lilly, Jazz and Grace shout, before he’s even opened them.

His eyes flick open and widen as he takes in the transformation.

‘Wow,’ he breathes, looking from one side to the other. 

I smile as I look around.  It does look incredible, if I do say so myself.  No longer do we have to look at the over grown grass and rusted rotting furniture.  On the freshly jet hosed patio there’s a new bamboo table which I found at the dump.  In perfect condition!  Well, I mean, the top was kind of scratched and there were a few fag burns, but you don't notice it.  I’ve covered it with a multi coloured bed sheet, which I think passes as a table cloth, and placed different coloured tea light holders on it. 

My Mum’s old gazebo has been given to us and is erected at the end of the garden with a couple of brightly coloured duvets and cushions inside it.  Around the garden walls are brightly coloured pots bursting with geraniums and Busy Lizzie’s.  Lanterns are placed on the floor next to bean bags from the local charity shop.  Auntie Beryl even gave me a wooden wind chime. 

‘You like it then?’ Izzy asks excitedly. 

His jaw is still open.  He runs his hand through his hair, clearly trying to compose himself. 

‘I...I just never knew the garden was even this big,’ he says, letting out a nervous laugh.

‘I know!  Me neither!’ Jazz exclaims, jumping on the grass and putting her arms wide.  ‘It was Poppy that told us it was wasted.’

I smile modestly, trying to make out this is no big deal.  But really I want ALL of the credit.

‘She wanted to do something special for you after....well, the incident,’ Izzy adds looking sheepish.

‘She means after Poppy got you shot,’ Grace adds, quickly at his side.

I glare at her quickly, wishing for once, just once, she’d know when to keep her mouth shut.

‘How are you feeling Ryan?’ Grace asks, practically purring.

‘Fine.  It was just a graze,’ he shrugs, avoiding her gaze.

‘You’re so strong,’ she says, flicking her hair back.  ‘Has Poppy even apologised yet?’  She turns to shoot me an evil look.

‘I think this is her apology,’ he says, smiling knowingly at me.

‘Excuse me!  We did all help,’ Jazz shouts.  ‘We’ve spent all day at it.’  She suddenly drops onto her knees and strokes the grass.  ‘Look at this grass – I mowed it!’

‘Yes Jazz,’ he nods, bemused.  ‘Very impressive.’

‘And I jet hosed the patio,’ Izzy says proudly.

‘Great.  And what did you do Gracie?’ he asks turning to her.

Why does he have to involve her?  She’s just stood there looking like she’s sucking a wasp.

‘Um...I...I supervised,’ she says finally.

‘Well done,’ he nods before stealing a quick grin at me.

‘Ha!  Supervised,’ Lilly complains under her breath.  ‘Hi Ryan, I’m Lilly,’ she says shyly. 

‘Yeah, we’ve met, right?’

‘Yeah we have,’ she beams, winking at me.

‘Is this the old table?’ he asks inspecting the bamboo table.

‘No, it's new,’ Jazz beams.

‘Well, second hand...but new to us,’ I add.

‘It's cool,’ he says finally, still seeming to be taking it all in.

‘Great.  You want a beer?  Jazz is doing a barbeque.’

He immediately pulls a face the minute I mention Jazz cooking and I try to hide my smile.  My phone starts flashing ‘Oliver’.

‘Hello?’

‘Didn’t you get my messages?’ he asks, his voice frantic.

‘Yeah, but I’ve been kind of busy,’ I say backing away from the rest of them as they fuss over Ryan.

‘Oh.  Well, have you heard from Jazz?’

‘Of course I have.  Why?’

‘Why?  Because I’ve tried to ring her like a hundred times since Leicester and she’s just ignoring me,’ he says, irritated. 

‘OK and think about it.  Is there any reason why she’d be pissed off with you?’

God, he’s slow sometimes.

‘I don't think so.  I thought we were having a good time, but the drive home she was really off with me.’

I walk into the house so Jazz can't hear me.  I lower my voice to a whisper. 

‘You don't think it's got anything to do with you sleeping with someone, when you invited her all the way to Leicester?’

‘What do you mean?’ he says, after a long pause.  ‘We’re just friends.’

‘Friends with benefits!’ I spit out, still pissed off they’ve put me in this situation. 

‘W..what?’ he asks, trying to sound innocent. 

‘Look, Jazz told me you’ve been sleeping together.’

‘Yeah, as friends!’ he laughs. 

‘Oh, for goodness sake!  This is why that never works.’

‘Anyway, she’s still dating Jake....isn’t she?’

‘I think so.’

‘I Just...’ he tails off, sounding embarrassed. 

‘You just what?’

‘I don't know.  I just...kind of miss her I guess.’

‘Really?’ I ask a bit too enthusiastically. 

I immediately start fantasising about them falling in love and getting married.  Jazz would be my official sister and we could have babies at the same time.  And we could buy houses next door to each other and build a gate into the fence so we could wander into each other’s houses all the time.

‘I guess,’ he sighs.

Well, that's hardly a love confession, but its close.  Jazz had said she’d been bothered about seeing him with someone else.  Maybe they’re both secretly in love with each other and they just need a little push.