THE DEAL: Novel (5 page)

One step forward, two steps back

After the meeting Carolina had with JP, she was waiting for the days to pass by, but they passed slowly until Saturday so she could see him again. She was anxious and nervous to meet him now more than before because her emotions started to burst in her mind. She couldn’t get him out of her head, as more she wanted to try not to do a big deal of it, as more she thought about him, she couldn’t avoid it. Since the date she had with JP, she can’t stop thinking about everything that happened in that encounter, she went through all the details over and over again, triggering in her neurological system a feeling of anxiety with a mixture of excitement and almost uncontrollable desire for repeating it. She was waking up every day hoping that JP would send her a message or calling her only to say "hi" after having been together.

But he never contacted her again.

Carolina tried to absorb herself in work, doing all sort of stuff back at home, going to the gym and spa. Just everything to avoid not to think too much about him at in all had happen and what’s about to come days later. Saturday finally arrives but Carolina has no news from JP.

She unconsciously knows he doesn’t want to see her again, because if he wanted to, he would have already contacted her. But she was completely blind in love already and ignored the most obvious signs that he wasn’t interested in her. Even without any news of him and not paying attention to all red flags she keeps on hoping, and Carolina decides to send him a message asking to confirm whether he would meet later that day. He answers her that unfortunately he can’t, but he would like to see her again as soon as possible.

Days and weeks go by without any contact from JP for another date. Carolina couldn’t help herself and try to convince that it’s over without having started and she knew there was no future since the beginning, there was anything she could do. So she felt she had to put a stop and give up hope on him, she decides to send him a message one month later, to let him know that she would be moving on:

"Hello, I know you don’t want to see me again, but I want you to know that I loved meeting you. Goodbye."

Taking Carolina completely by surprise JP answers her in the next minutes:

"Where do you think you're going? We are not done yet"

Looking at his message, her hope is instantly renewed and she can’t resist asking:

"I don’t understand, if we aren’t done yet why are we not together?!"

"Because I'm in New York" He said.

Carolina took a breath of relief, after all he was only busy with work and she thought all this time that he wasn’t interested in her and he's just out of the country. Again she ignored all the red signs coming from the bottom of her brain just because she was madly in love with him. Another month passes by, two months, failing to schedule another meeting.

They kept in contact only through messages with circumstance talk and sometimes sexting. Whenever Carolina suggests JP she would like to see him again, he never makes an effort to set another date, he never invites her out to have fun together, and there is never an invitation for a dinner or even just for a coffee. JP never gives Carolina the opportunity to talk in person, and he doesn’t show any interest to repeat the extraordinary sex they had together. Carolina at this time already knew that what had happened between them meant nothing to him, he was still in love for the other woman and what had happened between JP and Carolina had been only once so she doesn’t see repeating it, because he doesn’t wants too. She was aware that men don’t fall in love having sex as they were perfectly able to separate the waters having sex without feeling anything for a woman.

The most interesting thing
- Carolina thought she had read somewhere in one magazine article -
is that men forget so easily who they went to bed with, than those women they were never able to have sex with.

In their case, they had been together only once while it was weird for a first time and experience, but intense and wonderful to remember for lifetime. If Carolina knew that they weren’t seeing each other again, she would try to grasp the opportunity to have had a decent conversation with him at the time and the only time they had been together. She can´t forgive her for not being able to talk with him at the time and to ask to spend more time together to know each other better.

So the only experience they had together was arriving, talked a few sentences, had sex and walked away. Then again she blamed herself because that’s what she initially wanted from him, but now she wants to see him again and she feels she wants to try more. She would like to think and have the illusion that she could have a way of having the time and opportunity for him to develop any feelings for her, she know it was almost impossible for him to have any feelings for her only from a couple of hours and she couldn’t blame him for that, because she consented it to happen as well.

As much she thought about it, as much she knew it was an impossible love, after all not even she knew him, how could she love him without knowing him? She knew she loved an illusion, a fantasy from her head, she didn’t know who that man was and she had fallen in love for him. And the truth is that he was always straight and truthful from the first moment with her, he never lied to her, never promised her anything, never tried any artist scam to take her to bed, she always knew what she was going too. What happened and how she felt for him, it was only her fault and no one else’s. She was confused about her feelings for him, on how she felt so attracted and enjoyed him so much, and they were only a couple hours together. She knew he wasn’t perfect, he had for certain his flaws, but she loved everything about him, to the fact that he was cruelly direct and honest with her.

All people like honesty, but when the honesty is in front of us sometimes the truth hurt destroying any hope. There was no doubt that JP was only having fun, plus he had a great physical aspect, an extreme seductive eyes that goes into the soul of a woman, being successful professionally, he had no problem finding women just for sex. What she lived was special for her, it wasn’t in her plans to fall in love for him. She was conforming herself all this time that she couldn’t fall in love for a man again. When she decided to have a sexual experience and never see him again, but then she falls in love for him, she thought she was already bullet proof, but she wasn’t, she now wants desperately to go back to his house and see him.

But how can I change his mind?

She was trying to figure out a way to convince him to see her again. She could never tell him that she developed feelings for him, because both made it explicit that it was just sex, he would never understand what she felt for him. It was a mess, Carolina felt a complete mess. The text messages between them decreases with the time and Carolina knows that now it’s the end of everything and a few months later, they stop contacting and Carolina eventually realize that she will never see him again, she doesn’t want that to happen, she wants to go back to see him.

She still wants an opportunity with him.

Opting for an approach that she had never done before, and that would surely go against all rules to persuade a man to go out with her, but she was so desperate to see him.

At this point what do I have to lose? Absolutely nothing.

She thought looking over the window in her work place, with her mind far away from her work duties. She begins to send him every day a message with a story, describing in detail a fantasy with him, trying to awake his desire for her and this way asking to be together again. She wanted him to remember the pleasant moments they had, but is was nothing compared with what could come, even if they only continue to see each other for sexual experiences together. But at least this way she had opportunity to see him again and to know each other. Unconsciously this was more an act of desperation to get his attention than anything else, but she was completely blind. So every day around 9 am he begins receiving a message with a picture of him and a fantasy description.

"Every time I see this picture I fantasize making you the best oral sex I could ever do to someone. I imagine you sitting in a chair, the same you sit in the picture, and I'm on my knees between your legs only with my panties and bra on. I imagine starting with the head of your member spending most of my time there, moving my mouth around your length in deep and often enough to give you intense pleasure. As I am playing with you I like making eye contact, sometimes when I go deep I gasp a little bit, but I continue just to show you that I do everything to please you. When you approach the climax, I suck just the head of your member, begging and needy to be fed. When you finish in my mouth, I lick very softly the tip of your member. Saying only "Thank you"

Moments after she has sent the first message of many, she gets a JP text message:

"So sexy, wow, I loved"

She returns to feel close to him, and back is the hope that he wants to be with her again. The next day, at 9am JP receives a new message from Carolina:

"And this picture brings me to another fantasy with you: See you in a public place, I approach you, taking you by surprise I put my left hand around your neck, you cherish the touch of my nails in your skin, up your neck stirring in your hair. I approach you staying glued to your body, giving you an intense and long kiss. While I kiss you, I take my right hand over the pants to your groin, passing it gently and unhurried in your inner thigh finally arriving between your legs, making your body react to my touch of my hand sliding gently waking you up very slowly. Slowly I massage your member, holding it above the pants, and you start to moan accelerating your breath, begging to continue. I will slowly unbuttoning your pants and then I slip my hand inside your boxers, I don’t feel the need to speed up, and making a slow, sensual massage giving yourself time to enjoy each of my touches. Suddenly I stop and walk away, waiting for you to come after me for more."

Days go by, Carolina’s continue sending a new message every day with a new fantasy, but he never gives any feedback. Two weeks after sending on a daily basis a new fantasy and not having any news from him, she fills up with courage and asks him if he wants her to stop with the fantasy messages. Asking him if he has any fantasy with her, and for her surprise he finally replies:

"Don’t stop, please continue. Yes, I have a fantasy with you."

Surprised at his answer, assuming he also had a fantasy with Carolina. She asks him to describe his fantasy with her, and she didn’t need to beg for it, he started immediately describing his fantasy with her through a message:

"My fantasy is: we go together to a bar you are with a little black dress, black stockings, and my favourite lingerie, you sit down with me in a table bar and let the stockings embroidery visible, to seduce a man who pleases you at the bar, going to him and invite him join us. We all enter in the car and inside the car you will give him oral to him and I will pull your panties to the side and do you oral right there. We shall continue in a hotel or go home for great fun."

When she finished reading his fantasy that he describes, she thought she had entered in another dimension. All fantasies she had sent to him, where only referring to them two, she never imagined being with him and a third person, which wasn’t what she wanted. She knew all fantasized sex with a third person, but it was usually a man and two women and not two men and a woman. No one had made an offer like this before, and less with two men, she was confused.

She just wanted him and nobody else.

It was interesting his approach, he didn’t ask to be with her and another woman, and he wanted a sexual experience with another man as well.

How far would he go?
- Questioned Carolina -
Would he go all the way with a man?!

Intrigued by a sudden impulse, she sends him a message:

"Are you bi-sexual?!"

She waited for a reply that never arrived, he doesn’t answer, and she keeps with the doubt if he is a bi sexual or if he was only teasing her, to understand how far she would go for a fantasy with her or does he thinks because of all fantasies she sent him, she fancies all kind of fantasies, she will never know if doesn’t reply. She tried to connect with him over and over again, sending messages explaining her opinion about her fantasy:

"I never thought about having a fantasy with two men, but if I would like to go ahead with a fantasy like that, it would be with two men in whom I could trust, and not someone I met at a bar. To make it work I would need to have a solid relationship with a man already, I could never go ahead like the fantasy you described."

That said, she expects JP’s reaction or at least an attempt to negotiate his fantasy, but there was none, he was in complete silent again. Making Carolina deeply sad, he loses his interest again and the contact between them becomes increasingly distant spending weeks without a word. They rarely exchange messages after, and when they did it was because she was the one who always started contact, he replied, but abandon the conversation in the middle stopping contact completely. His lack of communication makes her very sad, a misery that makes her losing her interest in seeing other people, talking to her friends and although she only wants to be at home and don’t feel like seeing anyone, she makes an extra effort every day going to the gym, making a dance course and having an intensive Asian cooking course, she does a huge effort to go out of home on a daily basis, knowing she needs to forget him and continue living, he will be part of her past forever, she continues to go weekly events for business contacts and meet in between new people. She had to keep her mind occupied and distracted with activities, she didn’t want to think about JP anymore.