The Darkness of Shadows (18 page)

I grasped at the words he had spoken, but they were all over the place.

Sometimes, you can just tell when you’re about to hear something you really won’t like.

Val and I had reached a fragile truce. She was coming over so we could strategize—her word, not mine—about our plan. Except she was late.

She was never late.

I was getting a little worried. She was always twenty to twenty-five minutes early for everything. Me, on the other hand, not so much. Val deemed it NST: Natalie Standard Time.

She finally came in and tossed the bag she kept in her car on the floor.

“Hey. Sorry I’m late. Had to take care of a few things.”

“Hola, Slim. What’s going on?” I said.

She shrugged her response and plunked down in a chair. “Got anything to eat?”

I was going to save the dark chocolate coconut tart with an almond crust as a surprise peace offering, but it looked like an emergency was brewing. I plated a big wedge of decadence and placed it in front of her.

“Whole milk or skim?” I said.

“Ugh! Skim milk? White water’s for rafting, not drinking.”

“What happened?”

She took a big forkful of chocolate and coconut and chewed with a deliberate slowness. Took a swig of milk, then another bite.

“I hope you never give up baking. This is really great. One of my favs. Just like an Almond Joy bar.”

I smiled and waited.

She pushed the tines of the fork against the plate to pick up the remaining morsels. She looked a little sad it was gone.

“Can I have another piece?”

“After you tell me what’s upsetting you.”

“Blackmail. Real nice.” She got up and helped herself to another slab. “Shit with Tina. Mom not listening. Don’t want to talk about it.” She plowed through the second piece as if it was the first. “Can I stay with you tonight?”

“Sure thing.”

I did my paranoid person walk-through, making sure everything was locked and the alarm was set. When I got to the bedroom, Val was in her pajamas and sitting on my side of the bed. I plopped down next to her.

Her shoulders slumped and her quiescent demeanor had faded into vulnerability.

She turned her head into my shoulder and started to cry. I held her as she let the pain of the family drama slip from her eyes. Her tears soaked through the soft cotton of my shirt. This was Tina at her destructive best, I could feel it.

“I can’t believe she’s my sister,” Val said. “She’s soulless.”

“What’d you fight about?”

“Same stuff.”

“You can’t change what’s happened. Stop chasing the past.”

Val could hold a grudge until it reached epic proportions. To be honest with you, I don’t think I’d let go of this one either.

She sniffed. “Guess you’re right.”

“Of course I’m right. I’m always right. It’s part of the awesomeness that’s me.” I got up from the bed and pulled her with me. “Wash your face. You’re a mess. And you got snot on my shirt. Gross.”

“Thanks, Nat.”

“I wish I was better at helping.”

“You do just fine.” She snagged a tissue from the dresser and went into the bathroom.

“Same rules,” I said. “No hogging the covers and stay on your side of the bed. I don’t need you thumping me in the stomach while you flail around.” Val had a tendency to sprawl into the middle of the bed and I was shoved to one side, teetertottering on the edge. Not my idea of a restful night’s sleep.

I know what you’re thinking, but you’re wrong. Yes, Val and I sometimes slept in the same bed. And, no, there’s nothing sexual between us. She likes guys, a lot, and she’s straight as a ruler. Me, I like guys too, but my insanity prevents me from having normal relationships.

Val peeked her head out of the doorway. She raised her right hand and held up three fingers so they resembled a
W
, then turned them to the side to form an
E
. The international symbol for
whatever
. I rolled my eyes, put on my pajamas, and limped back to the bed.

She’d stopped crying, thank God. I never know what to do when people are crying.

She slid under the covers.

“Nat?”

“Hmm?”

“A while back, you said to me that I never ask for help. The thing is, it’s like you know, so I don’t have to. You’re just there for me. And you’re really good at being there for me, whether you know it or not.” She scooted to my side and hugged me. “Love you.”

“Right back at ya. Now, go back on your side. We both need to get some sleep.” I knew I’d never be able to move her unless she wanted to be moved. She was just as stubborn as me and a hell of a lot stronger. “Come on! Move over!”

“Man, you’re cranky. No fun at all.”

“Never said I was. Now shove over. Hey! Stop hogging the covers!”

Val snorted, followed by a good, cleansing laugh. I smiled and pulled the quilt back over me.

I’d share Walter’s epiphanies in the morning.

D
id you ever see
It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown
? The scene where all the kids are out trick or treating and then they compare the hauls they got? One kid says, “I got five pieces of candy.” Another says, “I got a chocolate bar.” “I got a quarter,” says another. Then Charlie Brown looks in his sack and says, “I got a rock.”

Today was going to be a rock day.

“What’s on your agenda?” Val was working on her second bowl of cereal.

“Why, is it ‘Take a Cripple to Work Day’?”

“Ha ha. Very funny.”

“I need to bounce a few things off you.”

“Lay it on me.”

“I met with Walter Young yesterday.”

Words are not Val’s natural enemies, but these seemed stuck in her throat. She took several deep breaths, releasing each with a measured discipline.

“I met him in a public place and he’s the only one that’s been helpful. He gave me some books. Have you found anything on the World Wide Waste of Time?” I said.

“Nothing useful.” She looked downright sour about it too. “You’re right, we’ll have to go old school. What did he tell you?”

“I want you to promise not to flip out,” I said.

“Must be something big.” She pointed at me spinning my cane.

“Walter said that he went to college with our parents.”

“It’s a big campus. It’s possible.”

“He also said that your mom dated my father.”

“Bullshit!” So much for the promise not to flip out—oh wait, she hadn’t actually promised. She was towering over her cereal. “Mom would
never
date a freak like that! After everything she’s done for you, you’d believe that?” She was breathing hard now. “We took you in when—she’s your mother, for God’s sake!”

“She’s not,” I said. “If she were, I wouldn’t be so screwed up. And I never asked your parents for anything. I ran away and they always found me.”

Her words were hot enough to melt sand into glass. “Like it was so hard to find a cripple sitting at the bus station.”

I stared at the floor, waiting for the sting of her remarks to subside. She was right—Mrs. G would never date outside of her species, but something wasn’t tracking.

Some of her anger disintegrated as she wiped the spittle from her lips.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. Your parents are saints. My lineage is sociopaths and murderers.”

“Why don’t you just ask her?”

“I did and she said she knew him from the PTA.”

“See? End of story.”

“Your mom had a life before you,” I said.

“Mom doesn’t lie.”

“You should get your eyes checked.”

“Excuse me?”

Nomadic feelings of impatience and anger found a home.

“Your whole family has selective blindness, your mom for Tina and you for your mom.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about. This whole situation has skewed your reality.”

“Well, when you’re right, you’re right.” I glared. “What would I know about moms and dads and their secret lives?”

“I didn’t mean—”

“Let’s get this out into the open—and hey, Tina’s already laid all the groundwork for me. I stole your childhood. If I wasn’t around, your life would have been fantastic, you wouldn’t have dated every loser in the world, and you certainly wouldn’t have picked up the bottle. Your life’s been a hamster wheel of chaos because of me. Does that about sum it up?”

She leaned closer, her breathing erratic. I stood up, dropped my cane, and raised my arms to my sides.

“Take your best shot. I know you want to,” I said.

In the world of dumbass moves, this was by far the stupidest thing I’d ever done. She could kill me with one blow.

She rose, fists clenched but firmly at her sides.

“Stop trying to push me away. Walter’s just trying to stir up a shitstorm.”

“Whatever.” I gathered my gear and headed for the door.

“Where are you going?” Val said.

“To find out for myself.”

She got in between me and the door. Her words were achingly direct, painful with the truth she believed.

“Mom would never date someone like your father.”

“See you later.”

She wasn’t budging. The text message alert sounded on her cell phone. She reached for it and I took advantage of the opening.

“Karl got the number.”

I stopped mid-limp. “Really?”

“Yeah. He’s sorry it took so long.” Val’s demeanor softened. “Can we put aside what just happened?”

Our exchange had created new chasms that went beyond those already residing within me—or maybe it just brought them to light.

“We’ve got no other choice,” I said. “Let’s do this.”

A
ll the supplies were packed in the back of my truck, double and triple checked—had been for days. Nothing left to do but call my father and set up a meeting.

Val and I stood in my kitchen—I had the phone in one hand and the number Karl got for us in the other, waiting to be dialed.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” I said.

“A thousand times, yes. Make the call. Say what we rehearsed. Short and to the point. Don’t let him get in your head.”

“Too late.”

She thumped me on the shoulder. “You can do this.”

I gathered some fake courage and hit the buttons.

One ring, two rings …

“He’s not—”