The dark side of my soul (16 page)

David’s next statement bore out my reasoning. “It’s Julie, she’s changed. This last month she has been a completely different person,” he turned to face me with a mixture of sadness and anger. “How long has it been going on?”

For a second I did not understand. How long had what been going on, the killings? He could not possibly know about my recent murderous past, then it dawned on me, he thought Julie and I were having an affair.

I laughed out loud. “Oh you silly old fool, you think Julie has been cheating on you, with me? You are so mistaken. Nothing has been going on between us. What makes you think it has?”

“The way she looks at you, the way she fondles you. The other week when you came around she rushed out to meet you, flung her arms around you and kissed you passionately on the lips. You think I didn’t see, didn’t notice? That was not a normal welcome. It wasn’t exactly a perfunctory peck on the cheek.” He stared at me accusingly. The left eye started to jiggle.

“And that’s it? Because she was a bit overzealous, which I admit she was, that means we’re having an affair?” I was stunned. I couldn’t believe that he had brought us out here to accuse me of an affair with his wife.

We were near one of those little paths marked by trodden down grass that led to the edge of the cliff and without another word David started along it, only stopping when he arrived at the top of the cliff. I felt a twinge of uneasiness as he approached the sheer drop, I had no idea what he had in mind and reluctantly I followed.

I stopped a few paces behind him. I didn’t like heights. “David, listen to me. Julie is a beautiful woman and I admit that I find her attractive, what man wouldn’t and there have been times when I have envied you but Sandra and I are happy. I would never jeopardise our marriage. I swear to you that Julie and I are not having an affair. It’s a ridiculous conclusion to draw from one tiny incident.”

From my point of view he was standing far too close to that terrible drop, only one step away from the sheer white cliff face and what made matters worse was that the patch of flattened grass on which he stood angled down to that awful brink. A mother, seeing her child so close to the edge would have dragged it away in a panic.

David seemed oblivious to the danger and looking out to sea spoke in a quiet controlled tone. “I know you and Julie were having an affair. There were other things she said.” He appeared to think for a moment, before still staring out towards the channel he continued. “Some weeks ago she went off sex completely which was unusual. When we discussed it, I can’t remember her exact words but she intimated that it was your fault. That was the start of it. Got me wondering, well it would wouldn’t it?”

I tried to put the pieces together. That must have been after I had shot her brothers. Perhaps she was closer to them than I had imagined. While I was considering what David had said he turned around to face me and continued, a little louder now and more animated.

“And then this morning she was very upset. She told me that the garage owner who was shot dead last night in Folkestone was her father. I didn’t even know that she had any relatives alive, let alone a father living so close. When I first met her she told me that her parents were dead.” He regarded me accusingly. I saw confusion in his one good eye and the other one moved around uncontrollably. “Yet this chap, Terry Govey…..”

“Bovey,” I corrected

“Bovey, whatever his name is, was, turns out to be her father and you knew. She said that you knew he was her father.” His voice grew louder. “How the hell did you know a thing like that, a personal piece of information that I wasn’t aware of? How could you know unless you were very close to her, having an affair?”

I didn’t have an answer. These facts were coming at me too fast. I needed time to think but David was becoming more and more agitated. “So don’t make it worse by lying to me. I just want to know how long it has been going on.”

“David I swear to you that you have got it all wrong. There’s nothing going on between Julie and me.” Should I tell him the whole story, the truth, how I had killed her brothers and her father. He would never believe it anyway.

“You lying bastard,” he was shouting now and with his fists clenched it looked as if he was going to come at me.

That’s when it happened. I can’t tell you what exactly occurred because it was over in the blink of an eye but somehow as he pushed forward his weak knee must have given way and he went down on it with a jolt. For a split second he was on one knee then his legs shot out behind him and hung over the edge of the cliff. There was panic in his face and his bad eye spun like a Catherine wheel as his whole body started to slip slowly down the grass slope.

I rushed to him, fell to my knees and grabbed both his wrists as his hands tried to get a grip on tufts of the long grass. I halted his slide and yelled at him. “Hold my wrists.”

David was on his rather large belly, with both his legs hanging over the precipice. I was on my knees facing him. He studied me accusingly, wondering whether he could trust me but when the clumps of foot long grass that he had grabbed started coming out by the roots he let them go and grabbed on to me and we were both holding on to each other’s wrists (literally) for dear life.

“Don’t panic. I’ve got you,” I said with more confidence than I felt and I started trying to haul him back to safety. I tugged for all I was worth but he was a heavy man and I could not move him. Fortunately his centre of gravity was on this side of the drop so as long as I clung onto him he was not in immediate danger.

“Try and get a foothold on the cliff so you can push up as I pull you.” My voice was reasonably calm. If he didn’t panic we should be okay but then I realised that his legs were poking straight out over the edge and unless he was very supple (which he wasn’t) he would not be able to draw them in enough to get a foot near the cliff face. He was trying to do as I suggested but the more he moved about the greater the pressure became on my wrists and then to my horror my knees started to slip an inch at a time on the sloping carpet of flattened grass.

I struggled into a standing position and dug my heels into the long grass but David’s slow slide towards the rim appeared unstoppable. Panic set in and having failed to arrest his slither from both standing and kneeling stances, I flung myself onto the ground so that I was facing him, gripped his wrists even tighter and tried digging the toes of my shoes into the earth to act as a brake. For a few seconds it worked but then we both started slipping once again towards that terrible drop.

David’s face was a mask of fear but his haunted look held another emotion, something I could not read. He held onto my wrists with a grip of iron. He was not going to let go. If he went over then so did I and for the first time it dawned on me that I was in as much danger as the man I was trying to save. I had to think of something and quickly to stop our slow descent towards certain death.

His big belly went over and we started to move faster. Only his chest and head remained in sight but I reasoned that it should now be easier for him to get his feet onto the chalky cliff face.

“Find a foothold, a toehold, anything,” I didn’t recognise my own voice as I yelled at him. In my mouth there was a horrible, disgusting taste. Does fear have a taste?

Despite all my efforts at stopping him, David’s inexorable slide continued until only his head and shoulders were above the top of the cliff, the rest of his heavy body dangling precariously over the edge. He held on to me fiercely, his eyes, both eyes wide with fear. His left eye no longer danced around and it looked almost normal.

Thoughts flitted through my head as thoughts do, quickly, almost timeless. A hundred ideas to save us came to mind, all of them useless, the only practical one was that I could let him go, let him fall and save myself but then straightaway I felt guilty at even contemplating such action. In any case he was not going to let go of me. Our movement down the slope increased and desperately I tried again to dig my shoes into the ground but it was impossible to get a grip in the long grass.

David’s head disappeared over the ledge and with it his arms and mine locked together in some sort of weird death grip. My body was being pulled faster by David’s weight and my head went over the edge of the cliff and I found myself looking straight down at David’s dangling torso, the white cliff, and beyond that the shingle beach that would be our final destination. It was only then in that fleeting moment that I realised that the cliff was not really perpendicular. There were little slopes and ledges on the way down where seabirds nested, meaning that our fall would not be a clean drop to the beach but rather a bone crunching series of crashes as our bodies smashed against the chalky outcrops.

Perspiration blossomed on my forehead, fear and pain racked my body and the pressure on my arms was unbelievable as I tried frantically one last time to stop slipping over the edge, then as if by some miracle just when I thought all hope was lost, the weight on my arms lessened and I came to a standstill on top of the grassy slope with my head and shoulders over the rim.

David had found a foothold.

He still clung to me but was taking his own weight on some tiny protrusion of chalk. I could barely breathe and the muscles of my upper body screamed and tingled as the load lessened. We stayed like that for a moment or two, recovering from our ordeal but unsure what to do next.

David spoke first and amazed me with his comment. “Now tell me the truth. If you don’t I’ll take my foot off this bloody little ledge I’ve found and we’ll both go tumbling.”

“For Christ sake David not here, not now, don’t be stupid.”

He ignored my plea and carried on as though he had not heard me. “Margaret’s dead. That was a terrible loss. Now you are going to take Julie away from me. If she goes I have nothing left to live for, so unless you tell me right now what’s going on I swear I’ll take both of us down.”

He meant it. His face was wild with anger and fear. This was not the best time or place to have a meaningful conversation but I decided to tell him everything as briefly as possible. I informed him about Julie’s brothers blackmailing me and that I had shot them in the forest. I went on quickly to say that I had also killed Julie’s father and I explained that it was her father who told me that Julie was his daughter. Julie hadn’t confided in me. We were not having an affair.

When I had finished he regarded me with his one good eye, and spat out the word, “liar.”

“It’s true David. Now you know the whole story.” Not quite, I had not had time to mention the Roma travellers.

“You, shoot people? You couldn’t kill a fly.”

“And that’s what the police think. How could this little average guy, this pasty faced pen pusher murder anyone? That’s probably the only reason I’m still free.”

At that moment our bizarre chat while clinging onto a cliff and looking down to certain death was interrupted by the sound of another voice drifting in the wind. “Hold on we’re coming.”

I turned my head to the left and saw two figures running towards us along the path. It must have been the couple that I had seen in the distance earlier. They had been coming in our direction and had seen our predicament. They were still some way off but at least help was at hand.

“Hold on David,” I said with relief, “help is on its way.”

“I don’t think I can stand on this little perch much longer,” he replied. “All my weight is on the ball of one foot. It’s my bad leg and it’s going dead.”

That wasn’t the news I wanted to hear. “A little longer, hold on just a little longer,” I was willing his leg not to give way.

Then I saw it. On the cliff face a few inches from my left hand, the one that was gripping David’s right wrist, there was a horizontal crevice with a little ridge of chalk below it, a perfect handhold.

“David, on my left, your right, a few inches away from you there is somewhere you can hold onto and take some of the weight off that leg. Do you see it?”

David turned his head. “Yes but it means I have to let go of you.”

“That’s okay. I’ll keep hold of your wrist. Just move your hand slowly along the cliff and when you get to it grab hold. Test it first with just a little weight to make sure it’s not going to give way, then if it holds and I don’t see why it shouldn’t you can put more weight on it.”

Unwillingly he slowly, carefully, took his fingers from my wrist and cautiously walked them along to the spot I had suggested. Once found he grabbed hold of the chalky lump a little too enthusiastically but to my satisfaction it held. At least he had gained both a hand and a toe hold on the sheer surface.

“Good,” I said, the relief discernible, “Now I’m going to let go of your wrist and place my hand next to yours so that I can brace myself as well.”

I released David’s arm and moved my hand the few inches to the fissure where I was able to lean on it to stop me sliding any further. I breathe a quiet sigh of relief; at least I had something to stop myself sliding further over the top.

The couple coming to our rescue weren’t far away. I could hear their footsteps but I couldn’t see how they could help, then a male voice that sounded quite young shouted to his associate as they approached.

“Get hold of his ankles. Brace yourself against that bulge.”

I hadn’t noticed a protuberance or any lump in the ground which I could have used to stopped my slide to the edge but then I had had little or no time to assess my surroundings. I was grateful that this stranger had seen something that in my panic I had missed.