The Crossroad (18 page)

“Why don’t I mail the book to you when a friend of mine finishes reading it,” Philip offered.

“Jah, do that.”

They talked awhile longer, mostly ’bout what they could do to band together in prayer for the community, though Rachel just listened, finding it interesting how very well Philip seemed to fit in with her cousins. In many ways, he was a man her family would approve of. Except for one glaring problem. He wasn’t Plain. ’Course, then again, she was gettin’ way ahead of herself. It wasn’t as if they were courtin’ or any such a thing.

All too soon, Philip mentioned that he needed to get back to Reading. “I came to visit Adele Herr for Christmas,” he explained.

“Lavina and I were just up to see Adele a week ago,” she offered. “Adele told us ’bout the Christmas program comin’ up.”

“That’s where I’m heading now.”

“Will ya tell her Merry Christmas for me?”

He was silent, but only for a second or two. “You could tell her yourself, if you wanted to,” Philip said, surprising her completely.

“What … what do you mean?”

“Come with me to the program.” He didn’t wait for her answer, then added, “Adele would be delighted, I’m sure.”

Is Philip speaking for himself, too?
Rachel wondered, hesitating, not sure how to answer, really. After all, Esther and Levi wouldn’t be staying ’round Lancaster for too much longer, and she really wanted to have some personal sharing time with her beloved cousin.

“Sounds like a gut idea to me,” Esther chimed in.

“Jah, go ahead and have yourself a nice time,” Levi added.

They must approve of Philip
, she decided, finding the situation to be rather comical. A fancy New Yorker invitin’ an Amish widow—a blind one at that—to a Christmas program at a nursing home, of all things! “Well, if Mam won’t mind lookin’ after Annie, I s’pose I could go.”

“Ach, don’t worry over Annie. I’ll see to it she gets fed supper and has a gut time with her cousins,” Esther offered. “And tomorrow, we’ll do some catchin’ up, just you and me.”

Rachel paused, thinking that it was high time she told Esther what she’d been planning to do. “Uh, tomorrow, I’m lookin’ to go to the Crossroad. Sometime after church.” She hadn’t got up the nerve to tell anyone before now, but she’d thought it through, all the same.

“How will ya get there?” Esther asked, sounding flabbergasted.

“You and Levi will take me, won’tcha?” she said, her voice growing softer and a lump filling her throat. “I’ve been waitin’ an awful long time.”

“What’s this all ’bout?” Levi sounded concerned.

“I wanna see again, that’s what. I feel I hafta go to the scene of the accident. After all this time, I’m ready to face up to whatever happened there—every last bit.” She didn’t go on to say that she’d suffered severe headaches due to some of her memory returning. But she was past that and wanted to force herself to remember
everything
.

“Well, now, have ya prayed ’bout this?” Levi asked, sounding more like a father than her cousin’s husband.

“Oh, I’ve prayed like nobody knows. And I believe the Lord’s in it—me goin’ to that intersection, in a horse and buggy … on Second Christmas.” She wasn’t exactly sure if Philip knew what “Second Christmas” was, but if he’d done a thorough job of researching Plain Christmas customs, he’d surely know that it was merely another day set aside for visitin’ and relaxation in Lancaster County. ’Course, when it fell on a Sunday, like this year, the Old Order Amishfolk would have house church. Beachy Amish had church
every
Sunday in celebration of the Resurrection, like most Bible-based churches.

Just then Philip spoke up. “If you wouldn’t think it too bold of me, Rachel, I’d be more than happy to accompany you and your cousins to the Crossroad.”

Esther seemed to take the decision right away from her. “Jah, I think Philip
should
ride along.”

Oddly enough, Rachel didn’t resent her cousin for speakin’ up that way. Not one iota.

Susanna had promised herself she would go and look up certain Scripture verses in the old German Bible once the busy day was behind her. But with Rachel off into the night with that Mr. Bradley, she was lookin’ after Annie. Esther hadn’t stayed but rather had given in when Susanna insisted she and Levi go on back to Leah’s to bed down the children at their
own
mammi’s house.

“Ach, are ya sure?” Esther had asked, indicating she wanted to help with Annie as she’d promised Rachel.

“Yes … yes, you go on. There’s no need for you to stay up all hours. Besides, who knows when Rachel will be back.”

So Esther, Levi, and the children had got their coats on and scurried off, almost as if they’d been pushed out against their will.

Later, Susanna was fit to be tied when Annie started askin’ her things like “Why’s Mister Philip so awful nice to Mamma?” Those sorts of questions flyin’ out of Annie’s mouth served to rankle her all the more. And she could scarcely get the little one bathed and into bed fast enough.

“He brought a Christmas present along,” Annie said as Susanna pulled up the quilts on the small bed. “I saw it.”

“Well, now, I think you must be dreamin’.”

“No … no, I
saw
some perty paper and a big green and red bow and—”

“Time for prayers now.” She cut off the girl’s chatter.

Annie blinked her big eyes. “Why don’tcha like Mister Philip?”

Susanna sucked in her breath. “I think you have no idea ’bout that man.”

“Well, I think he’s just ’bout the nicest I’ve ever met, Mammi Susanna.”

“Your dawdi Ben’s a
nice
man.” She was desperate to turn the conversation ’round before lights out.

“But Mister Philip is, too.”

“Guess I don’t know him as well as you seem to.”

Annie giggled. “Oh, I know him, all right.” And she went on and on ’bout how the tall, smooth-faced Englischer had saved her life from the wasp sting she’d got down by Mill Creek, out behind the house. “He smiles real nice, and Mamma says he’s followin’ the Lord God heavenly Father. That makes him a gut man, don’tcha think?”

“
I
think you’ve talked quite enough for one night,” she said, getting up and heading for the door.

“I’m sorry, Mammi. Honest, I am. I talk too much sometimes … even on Christmas, I s’pose.”

“Ach, Annie, just say your silent prayers” was all she could think to sputter before flicking off the light.

Annie said her prayers all right, but they weren’t her ordinary prayers. No, she said “prayers from her heart,” just the way Mamma had been praying lately.

“Dear Lord Jesus,” Annie began. “Please watch over Mamma tonight. Mister Philip, too. And thank you ever so much for bringin’ him back for a visit. I’m thinkin’ it’s the best gift I could’ve ever had, come Christmas Day.”

Part Three

For, behold, the darkness shall cover the earth,

and gross darkness the people:

but the Lord shall arise upon thee,

and his glory shall be seen upon thee.

—Isaiah 60:2

Sixteen

Rachel decided it was real thoughtful of Esther to pack a meal for both her and Philip. She was also completely dumbfounded when Levi had suggested that Philip check in at the Zooks’ B&B for the night. “It’ll save him from havin’ to drive all the way back to Reading tonight.” Not only was it surprising, but Philip had actually agreed to the idea, making financial arrangements on the spot with Mam—who was tolerant of the idea—before they ever left the house.

Mam, she was sure, had had a change of heart toward Philip. Possibly toward other things, as she had not lashed out at Esther and Levi when they were talking ’bout their church in Ohio and some of the teachings. She actually wondered if Mam wasn’t mellowing somewhat. And if so, it had been a long time comin’!

So once again, Philip would stay temporarily in the southeast guest room—one of their very best. Rachel could hardly believe this was happening! ’Course, she knew better than to get her hopes up that anything would come of this visit. No, she would be foolish to assume such a thing. Philip was a busy man, and though she had no idea what a magazine writer did besides write stories to earn a living, well, she was perty sure he kept a fast pace in New York City.

They rode along in Philip’s car, Rachel enjoying the easygoing conversation with this modern fella in the driver’s seat. She still got little shivers when he said her name, though she found herself making an effort to shield her heart. She must make herself not care so much!

Together, they ate their sandwiches, then sang along with familiar Christmas carols on the radio. Later Philip said, “I bought a book for Annie … a Christmas present. I thought it would be all right.”

“Jah, ’tis. And Annie does like her books.”

“This one has full-color illustrations …; set in Amish country,” he explained. “It very well could be Lancaster County, though it doesn’t say for sure.”

“You’re very kind,” Rachel said, meaning it. Oh, how she meant it, but she guarded her response so as not to let on just how much.

They traveled awhile in complete silence, except for the soft radio music, until Philip spoke. “I don’t know how to bring this up … wouldn’t want you to misunderstand, but I’ve been doing some research. On your … type of blindness.” He said it with empathy, almost apologetically.

Rachel felt a sudden rush of warmth to her face and neck. “Then you must be recallin’ what my mother said that day on the phone—’bout her own daughter bein’ ‘mental.’”

“I think I understand why she may have said that.”

“Jah, I’ve forgiven her. Mam means well.” She was eager to know what he’d discovered. “What did you find out … from your research, I mean?”

“Many interesting things.” He paused for a moment, then continued. “Have you ever thought of talking to a professional, Rachel? For some initial counseling, perhaps?”

She didn’t know how befitting it would be to tell him that she’d memorized many Scriptures dealing with divine healing but hadn’t thought of counseling much at all. She wasn’t sure if she should open herself up to this kind and ever so thoughtful Englischer. “I do happen to have the name of a therapist,” she said softly. “From a doctor at Community Hospital.”

“Then you’ve talked with someone?”

“Not a therapist … not yet.”

Philip didn’t speak again for a moment. Then, “What made you decide to go to the Crossroad?”

“I guess I’ve just been puttin’ it off long enough now, that’s all.”

“But the day after Christmas … is there some special reason?”

“Has nothin’ to do with it, really.”

“This is a big step for you, Rachel.”

She thought she might cry, hearing him speak so tenderly, as though he truly cared.

“All I know is I’m standin’ on the Word of God. It may sound a bit odd to you, but I believe the Lord’s been leadin’ me to the Crossroad for a gut long time. My whole life changed there in a split second of time.” She felt a bit more comfortable now, sharing with him the accident story, at least the things she’d begun to remember just in the past week. How Jacob had been driving the enclosed market wagon, their precious little children—Aaron and Annie—sitting behind them, playing and cuttin’ up a bit. “Honestly, I must’ve told Aaron to hush several times, at least,” she confessed. “But now, knowin’ what I know, that it was to be the very last day of his dear life, well, I’d give anything if I could take back those words.”

“Your little boy knew you loved him. I’m sure he did.”

“Oh jah, he most certainly knew,” she said, the strangest feeling comin’ over her now. “I can’t change a thing by talking ’bout it, but I just know it’s better for me not to hold all those memories inside any longer.”

“Do you remember what happened?”

“Most everything, jah, except after the car hit the wagon. I don’t remember much at all after that.” And she’d told no one ’cept Lavina the extent of the horrendous pain she’d endured this week—days of ceaseless headaches, stabbing pain through her skull. With the memories and the acceptance of them, though, the headaches had gone away completely. At last.

Now she was anticipating the next step on the road to healing. Her sight must surely return. Oh, she was ever so hopeful!

“I had wanted to be able to share some of the information I gathered … with the possibility that it might help you see again, Rachel.” Philip trod gently, trusting she would understand that his research was meant to be helpful, not pushy. “I prayed that the Lord would guide me to know what to do.” He went on to tell her he’d thought of contacting Lavina, sending the materials to her.

“Well, it’s a gut thing
you
came, ’cause Lavina’s reading skills are a bit limited, I must say.”

He smiled at her insight. “You’re right. I’m glad we could visit.” He sighed, thinking how relaxing it was to be in her company again. Rachel Yoder was a pure breath of fresh air. She had it all over the erudite women he worked with, and though they were articulate, witty, and climbing the success ladder, they lacked Rachel’s simple and refreshing common sense, her ability to perceive the world in an uncomplicated way. No wonder he’d thought of her off and on all these weeks.

He wondered what Adele would say about his bringing Rachel along to visit her on Christmas night. She was a wise one, his seasoned friend. No doubt she would suspect there was something happening between him and this beautiful Plain woman. But more important than initiating a romantic situation—out of the question entirely—his true goal was to help Rachel accomplish her own objective: regaining her sight. But he wouldn’t interfere in her life while doing so. It was a fine line he must walk in his pursuit of Rachel’s wholeness and ultimate healing.

So he would. But in the interim, he would continue to pray for God’s leading.

Rachel waited in the car while Philip checked out of his room at the Reading inn. She found herself becoming giddy at the thought that they were to share the evening with Adele, enjoying a Christmas program, of all things. She’d always enjoyed music played on instruments but hadn’t been much exposed to it in church or ’round the community. Amishfolk relied more on human voices for their music of worship. But to think that she would be hearin’ a quartet of stringed instruments with Philip at her side, well, that thought made her as joyful as she’d been in two long years. Jah, she was perty sure this night would be most exciting.

Opening the German family Bible, Susanna read the words she’d first heard on Esther’s tape:
Our fathers have sinned, and are not; and we have borne their iniquities.

Our fathers have sinned… .

She paused, thinking ’bout such a Scripture. How could it be that the sins of the fathers were passed down through the family? Through the bloodline?

We have borne their iniquities… .

She closed the Bible, wondering. Yet here it was, stated ever so clearly in God’s Word. Right there in Lamentations—the Old Testament, of all things. She knew their preachers much preferred to admonish them from the Old Testament. Still, in all her days, she’d never heard a single sermon on any of the verses Esther had talked about on her tape to Rachel. Not one time. And why was that?

’Course, she’d be asking Benjamin ’bout this just as soon as possible. Right now the house was quiet and peaceful, what with Annie asleep and all of Leah’s grand-youngsters finally gone, too. Ben would be snorin’ up a storm here before long. The thought never crossed her mind to talk to Leah ’bout any of this. No, Leah was actin’ awful strange these days. My goodness, for her sister to question the validity of the powwow doctors. Why, it was beyond her what would make Leah say such a thing. She knew better. ’Least, she oughta by now. Leah had lived a gut long time here in Bird-in-Hand, for goodness’ sake—same as Susanna. Folks living ’round here had the sense to believe in what they’d been taught. Down through the years, comin’ straight from their fathers’ lips and their grandfathers before them.

The sins of the fathers …

The words stuck in her head as she outened the lantern and slipped into bed. Her silent rote prayers seemed awful heavy this night, like stones weighting her down. And she didn’t understand why, really, but she began to weep into her feather pillow, wishing she didn’t feel this way—not on the night of the celebration of Jesus’ birth.

“I do believe the Lord has His guiding hand on that young Englischer, Philip Bradley,” Levi said as he and Esther prepared to retire for the night.

“Jah, I feel the same way,” Esther replied. “That’s the reason I encouraged Rachel to go along with him to Reading.”

“I thought so.” He paused, weighing his words. “I’m thinkin’ it’s a gut idea that Philip goes with us over to the Crossroad tomorrow … the four of us together.”

“Why’s that?”

“Let’s just be prayerful as we take the horse and buggy down North Ronks Road. The Lord’s impressed on me that this trip is necessary for more than Rachel’s memory.”

“Oh?”

“I believe Philip, too, has a need to make such a journey.” He watched as Esther stood at the dresser, brushing her long flowing hair, without the prayer veiling. His wife’s hair, thick and dark, was her glory, meant to be shared only with him.

Esther put down the brush and crossed the room to turn down the bed quilts. “I believe something else, too,” she said softly.

“What’s that, dear?”

“Rachel’s falling in love again.”

Levi didn’t quite know what to make of that. Could be Esther was so in tune to her cousin, so close to her, that she could rightly make such a statement. As for himself, he could only pray that God would guide and direct his wife’s blind and widowed cousin. Surely the Lord had a plan for Rachel Yoder’s life, as well.