The Cries of the Butterfly - A LOVE STORY (20 page)

But the voice kept knocking incessantly on the door of her soul:
you can’t do this to the poor thing, you just can’t!

When finally she could take the torment no more, she took a couple of sleeping tablets. But for the first time in her life, they refused to work. Instead, she got a massive headache...which quickly threatened to blow her skull to bits. She fished around in her medical chest and popped in more pills, this time for the headache. Now, she began to feel feverish.

It was two in the morning when she finally parked her old black Ford near the Home. She would call on Sister Toynette first and she cared a damn what the matron might think of being aroused so callously from slumber.

The security guard was dozing on a chair by the main gate. She waited for a moment, but the guy seemed dead for the night. Savannah quietly pushed the gate open.

There was another security man outside the girl’s hostel and equally somnolent. Again she watched him for a second, then pushed the entrance door. Perhaps I don’t need to rouse Sister Toynette after all, she thought. The corridors were well lit and she silently made her way up to the third floor, taking the steps, not risking the elevator.

The dorm door was ajar, the room in darkness. But sky light threw a pale glow through the windows. Savannah tiptoed to the other end of the room, then froze at Robin’s bed. The girl wasn’t in. Savannah’s heart cramped with fear and for an instant she thought the worst. Somehow, she willed herself to remain calm.

She knelt before Robin’s closet. It wasn’t locked and she pulled the door open. The chipmunk was absent too, and Savannah understood.

As she had expected, she found Robin on the terrace.

Found her lying on her side on the floor, and a shudder went down Savannah’s legs.
Lord, no!
For a very long time she kept staring inanely at the girl, a tightness in her throat. Then she perceived a slight movement of Robin’s right foot and Savannah exhaled.

As she began approaching Robin, the girl cringed, then cringed further, and Savannah stopped.

“Robin, it’s me,” she whispered, crouching so she could be at her level. “There’s something very important that I have to tell you.”

But the girl shrank back along the parapet, fervently hugging her squirrel to her chest. There was a look of stark terror in those little eyes.

“It’s very important,” Savannah repeated. “Please trust me, I’m not here to hurt you. I’m here to tell you something you really need to know.”
Oh, how small and frail she looks,
Savannah thought, and for a second turned her face away, unable to look. A slight breeze slapped up from the west, bringing with it a mild stench that made Savannah look back sharply. There was a little dark puddle a couple of feet to Robin’s left and Savannah squinted. At first it didn’t make sense, but then it hit her.
Mary!

Automatically, she took a step forward. Her entreaties became more frantic now.

“After I left you, I went over to Wolf. I told him what I had told you and he got very angry at me,” she lied. “He scolded me that I shouldn’t be talking about things I didn’t understand.” She studied Robin for an instant. There was such naked agony in the girl’s eyes that it brought a lump to Savannah’s throat, which choked the words for a while.

When she spoke again her voice was husky and tight. “And then he said that yes, in the beginning he saw Philippa in you; that was the first attraction. But then he got to know you closely and he found out just what a wonderful person you, Robin, were, and soon he began to forget Philippa. He began to love Robin, the beautiful girl with the beautiful eyes and a beautiful heart. That ever since, he has loved Robin and only Robin and he wants only her for his daughter and no one else. That is what he said—his exact words.”

The girl’s eyes had gone dull now, as if she was very tired and wanted to just fall asleep. Savannah kept on.

“And he said if he didn’t get Robin soon, he wouldn’t be able to live. All he talks about is you and he keeps saying that Philippa now belongs to a memory in the past, and that Robin is the real thing.” She paused, inhaled. “And when I knew this truth, it made me terribly ashamed of myself. I should’ve never told you all those stupid things, for they simply weren’t true. Not one bit. But I hadn’t known then. I do know now, and I’m so, so sorry.”

The receding eyes stopped receding, but Savannah saw Robin didn’t quite believe her although she badly wanted to. But at least she had begun to get through to the girl.

“And you know what? This is exactly what I want too. I want you for my daughter, as badly as Wolf does. I
really
do. I’ve never known a lovelier person than you and I speak with all the honesty of my heart. Forget everything that I said in the evening, for I was foolish and ignorant; I didn’t know the truth. Think of the future now—you and Wolf and me. A family. So happy. So very happy together. Can you see it?”

Robin straightened a little and a mild glitter came to her eyes.

“I swear this on the almighty Lord, Robin. May I burn in hell if I’m not telling the truth. I badly want you for my daughter. Will you give me that chance? Please?”

Suddenly, water gathered in the girl’s eyes. Then it began silently rolling down her cheeks. Savannah hesitated no more. She rushed to Robin and took her in a cling. Stripey leapt from Robin’s chest onto Savannah’s shoulder and watched this strange scene between woman and girl.

When at length they broke, Savannah put a hand on Robin’s brow and realized she was hot, as if from fever. She pulled out her handkerchief from her trouser pocket. She looked around and saw a tap on a water tank to her left. She wetted a part of the handkerchief and carefully wiped Robin’s face. She knew Robin was dehydrated and badly needed a drink of water. She helped the girl to her feet, then quickly dusted her clothes and ironed them with her hands. But the clothes needed changing too. It was speckled with her puke.

“Do you have drinking water in your room?” Savannah asked.

“No, but there is in the playroom.” Her voice was barely a squeak.

“Alright, let’s go…and we’ll change your clothes too, yes?”

“Yes.”

Robin tripped as she took the first step, but Savannah was there and quickly corrected her.

“You want me to carry you down?”

“No, no!”

Savannah smiled. “But I can, you know. I’m strong enough for that.”

“But I can walk,” she said hastily.

“Alright.”

They were careful on the way down. Didn’t want to wake anyone up, after all. Under a light bulb, Savannah glanced at her watch. Two-fifty-one am.

They found drinking water in the playroom like Robin had said, and Savannah filled a glass for her. The girl’s throat still hurt, so it was a little difficult to swallow. However, she finally put down three glasses and seemed to feel so much better for it. Thereafter, Savannah drank a little herself and realized how thirsty she too was. She offered some to Stripey, but he was only interested in making a nest out of his mistress’s hair. Savannah put a hand on Robin’s brow again and exhaled. Her temperature had receded markedly.

Back in the dorm, she quested around Robin’s closet for a new pair of night clothes, while the girl humped tiredly on the edge of her bed. They were extra-quiet now.

It was as she finished changing Robin (and Robin allowed her, so enervated she was), that Savannah heard the girl mutter something…something unintelligible.

“Robin, you said something?” she whispered.

Robin shook her head vigorously.
No, no, nothing!

“No, tell me…what’s it?” Savannah pressed.

But Robin wouldn’t say anything. She looked down sheepishly, almost embarrassedly, her chin on her chest, her lips pressed tightly together.

“Hey, come on, don’t be like that, Robin. Will you keep secrets from your mom?”

Robin looked up sharply…too sharply.

And in that, Savannah understood.
Oh!

“Of course… But of course!” she nodded vehemently, putting an arm around Robin’s shoulder. “I’d love nothing more. In fact,
I
was just going to ask you myself if you’d call me
Mom.
After all, I
am
your mom now. Am I not?”

For a long moment, the little girl looked at Savannah, her unblinking gaze almost disbelieving. Then slowly a smile formed on her mouth and she nodded her head briskly, and her eyes began twinkling brightly in the semi-dark.

And for the second time this night, Savannah reached forward and clasped the girl tightly in her arms.

Five minutes later, she was finally ready to leave.

“Alright, Robin, I must go now. Or do you want me to stay?”

“I’m okay. I’ll go to sleep now.” She paused for a second. “You’ll be at Daddy’s place tomorrow?” she asked doubtfully, hopefully.

“Of course I’ll be there.” Then she had an idea. “I’ll tell you what—we’ll surprise Daddy. I’ll pick you up at eight in the morning and take you to him. What you say?”

Robin’s face perked up. “Yes!” she squealed, then guiltily slapped her mouth. They both looked around, but no damage seemed to have been done. The girls were all dead for the night.

Savannah rose to her feet. “I’m taking these clothes with me. I shall wash them and return them in the morning.” She rolled the soiled clothes into a neat bundle.

“But I can wash them, I always do it!” Robin protested in an undertone.

“But now that I’m your mother, it’s for me to take care of you. Yes?”

Robin’s face glowed with happiness. “Yes,” she said.

After Robin had lain down, Savannah pulled the blanket over her, tucking her in. Then with a gentle kiss to the girl’s cheek and forehead, she left.

.

T
he two ladies made the pact on the way to Butcher Garden the next day, Saturday, April 5th.

“Wolf knows nothing about my nightly visit to you…or all the awful things that happened between us earlier,” Savannah said in the Ford. “Let’s keep it our secret and our secret alone, what you say?”…making it sound colorfully conspiratorial. “We women have to stick together, you know,” she winked.

Robin, still vulnerable from yesterday, and from the thrill of having Savannah for her mother, completely overlooked the holes in Savannah’s utterance. Instead, she immediately warmed up to her and a naughty glint came to her eyes. “Yes, yes!” she said excitedly.

“But he’s sure to ask you about it,” Savannah pressed further.

“And I’ll say, it’s none of your business, Daddy, it’s between Mom and me, so please keep your nose out of ladies’ affairs,” she said decisively.

And Savannah laughed, greatly relieved.

.

“
Y
ou rushed me,” Savannah now said when Robin had gone off to meet Rochelle and Estelle. “I felt overwhelmed with something I didn’t think I could handle. I wasn’t ready for it.”

“And now you are?”

“Yes, after spending the day with Robin yesterday.”

“What! You took her to your home?”

“No, I spent the day
at
the Home.”

“I don’t understand…”

“I asked Sisters Toynette and Blessing and they allowed me.”

“Didn’t she have school?”

“Only up to two pm.”

“But how did they agree? It’s against all Home rules.”

“Evidently, the Butcher name carries a ton of weight. I told them who I was. Then Robin must have confirmed it.”

Wolf sighed.
Oh, nice!

“So now you are certain about it?” Wolf repeated.

“Never been more sure,” she answered looking him straight in the eye. “I realize now I needed to spend this day with her, and without you around. I needed a clear view. I’m ready, Wolf.”

He had one final question. “Her handicap doesn’t bother you?”

A slight pique came to her face. “It was never really an issue.”

Wolf felt supreme peace ride up into his core. He took her hand. He was wordless for a moment.

“You know what?” she said.

“Tell me.”

“The other day, Robin brought me to you. Today, I brought Robin to you. Nice, uh?”

He put an arm around her. It was his turn now. “You know what?”

“What? … Oh, I know exactly what—we should get married.”

“Oh, you’re such a beauty!”

“I know. But don’t stray,” she smiled. “When?”

“But don’t you think it’s too soon? We’ve hardly met.”

“Didn’t you yourself say:
when it’s right, it’s right?
And that’s so true. So why wait? Otherwise, even years of knowing each other doesn’t amount to anything.” she said. “So, when?”

“In a week? Is that too soon?”

“How about tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow?” He seemed clearly taken aback.

“Why not?”

“It’s too quick…my head spins!”

“Coward!” she laughed. “Alright, in seven days then. But no later.”

“Make it eight. The Sunday after tomorrow.”