Authors: Jordan Deen
“I’m fine honey. The past few weeks have just been hard on us all.” She pulled back and smoothed a flyaway piece of hair on my forehead. “What movie do you want to watch?” Her eyes still wet as she feigned a smile.
I pulled her closer again. “I love you mom.” The smell of vanilla radiated from her hair; I took in a deep breath of the comforting scent. “What about Runaway Bride?”
“That sounds wonderful. Do you want to get drinks while I pop the popcorn?” As she winked a heavy tear escaped the corner of her eye and rushed down her cheek.
“Ut-oh. I feel a girl’s night coming on with mushy movies…” Dad wrapped his hand around mom’s waist and hugged her tightly. “What movie will it be tonight?”
“Runaway Bride.” I said as I pulled glasses from the cabinet.
“Again? Aren’t you sick of that movie yet?” He laughed. “Never mind, I know better. I’ll be in the office.” He kissed my forehead, swatted mom on the butt and headed down the hallway. If there were problems between them, I couldn’t tell.
Mom and I curled up on the couch and watched the movie roll through the previews. We shared popcorn and candy like we had done so many times before. And like most other times, we tossed popcorn and candy at each other and at the TV when Julia ran from Richard at the church. We laughed and cried, sharing a common goal- for Julia to finally stop running from her destiny. Long after the movie was over, we stayed curled up against each other on the couch, covered by a blanket my grandmother had quilted.
“How is Jillian doing? She hasn’t come over lately.” I stared at the black screen as mom rubbed her fingers through my hair.
“I haven’t really hung out with her…” I thought about Jillian telling me she had met Gavin.
“Maybe you should invite her to a sleep over. We could go get ice cream and pizzas like you guys used to do…” Mom smiled and uncurled herself from the couch. “What about that boy you were dating?”
Alex.
“I haven’t been around him much since I got sick.”
“Well, I’m sure he is missing you.” She pulled the DVD out of the player and put it back in the case. “Do you want to have him over for dinner sometime? Your dad and I would like to get a chance to get to know him.” Mom grinned and started folding the blanket.
“That sounds good.” I lied. It didn’t sound good. The pain Alex caused me the last time I saw him didn’t exactly make me want to run to him.
FOURTEEN
The next morning mom busied herself in the kitchen making chocolate chip waffles and putting treats in a bag for my lunch. Dad sat at the table reading his newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. Grant’s huge head was up to his ears in his food bowl; mom had been feeding him the rice and hamburger mixture while I was sick.
“So have you thought about homecoming at all?” Mom said without turning to look at me as I entered the kitchen. “We will have to get you a dress soon if you plan on going.”
Dad looked up and winked. “You know how your mom feels about spending money…” I thought he was mad about mom bring up homecoming, but his eyes were sparkling this morning.
It felt like déjà vu as I rushed with my book bag to Jillian’s Ford parked at the curb. She wore the same outfit as in my dream, but her hair was curled and she had dark makeup on. She sort of looked like she was glowing. “Hey girl! How are you feeling?” In fact, she glowed as her grin stretched ear to ear.
“I’m ok. How are you doing?” I said taking in how different she looked.
“Doing fantastic! I can’t wait for you to meet Gavin!” Jillian’s peppiness was getting on my nerves. At least I knew that conversation was real. “You don’t seem ok.” She said after a few minutes of silence.
“I’m ok. It’s just been rough.”
“I can’t believe you’ve been sick for two weeks. Alex is driving me nuts talking about you every two seconds.” Jillian pulled into the school parking lot. “What’s your Aunt been doing without you?”
“I don’t know. I think Michelle has been staying late to help out.”
“I’m sure your Aunt can’t wait for you to come back. She’ll need your help with that spastic cat.” Jillian laughed, but I didn’t. I had forgotten about flinging the cat across the room and the horrible way he hit the wall; so much for hoping that could’ve been a dream too.
Jillian claimed the spot next to Alex’s Camaro in the parking lot. I hesitated opening the door, nervous of his reaction and mine. “Gavin can’t wait to meet you.” Jillian grabbed my hand and walked determined towards the gates to school. She had to be in love, I’d never seen her excited to go to school before.
I felt my heart accelerate as we were almost to the office. If this were like my dream, Brandon would be leaning against the building waiting for us. I closed my eyes and turned the last corner to the office. I opened them timidly, not truly ready for what I would find.
“Hey babe!” Alex’s voice forced my eyes open; his face was beaming. He stood next to a boy almost twice his size with blonde hair and bright blue eyes. “This is Gavin.” Gavin didn’t wait for an introduction; he wrapped his arms tightly around Jillian picking her body off the ground and kissing her passionately.
“Hi.” I said but knowing fully he didn’t care what I said.
“Don’t worry about him.” Alex leaned over and whispered in my ear and brushed his face up my neck to my cheek. I didn’t want to breathe, but if I didn’t I would pass out shortly. His shirt crumpled under my grip, I steadied myself and inhaled deeply at his chest. Disappointment… no… relief came over me when nothing happened.
“Are you ok?” Alex pressed two fingers under my chin. No shock, no crawling skin… nothing. “You aren’t trying to come back too soon, are you? I mean two weeks is a long time to be sick.” I stayed locked in his stare, mesmerized by his eyes. “Lace?”
“Yeah, umm…” I stepped back after I realized I was taking deep breaths at his chest trying to find any trace of what I smelt on him before. Alex smiled and pulled me back to him.
“I’ve missed you… so, so much.” Alex took in his own deep breath against my hair. “I’m glad you are better. You had me worried.”
“Me too.” I replied and linked my fingers through his. He wrapped his arm around my back and we walked to the office door. Alex held me tightly against his body; he buried his head into my hair and took another deep breath. “I hope you have a great day. If you want to go home, call me on my cell.” I watched Jillian and Gavin kiss again before Alex finally pulled them apart. Alex laughed and talked to Gavin as they headed to their class. Alex’s reaction had just been my imagination, instead of my worst nightmare coming to life.
I sat staring at the doors to the office for much of my first period. Courtney droned on and on about Thomas dating Liz even after they made out at Josh Davis’ party over the weekend. I kept waiting for Brandon to walk through the door, to chastise me for my interaction with Alex this morning. But Alex didn’t smell today, in fact, his touch felt like nothing had ever gone wrong between us.
Alex pulled his chair next to mine in Econ to work on a project that he convinced the teacher we should be paired on instead of him being paired with Mike, his table partner. Alex’s wrapped his hand around mine to draw a square on my paper; my heart skipped a beat from his touch.
“This is the universe…” He grinned as he looked at me from the corner of his eye. He pressed the pen firmly to the paper making a small mark. “This dot is you.” He looked up at me and grinned again. “This dot…” He pressed the pen hard onto the paper making another dot close to mine. “is me…”
Jillian leaned over and looked at Alex’s handy work. “The world is round… not square.” She laughed.
“The world is whatever you want it to be. Besides, this is the universe, not the world.”
“Ooooh excuse me!” Jillian tossed her pen playfully at Alex. “But why would you think the universe is a square? I mean…”
“How do you know the earth is round?” He challenged her.
“Proven science…” Jillian said matter of factly.
“Do you believe everything you read?” Alex smileed.
“With some things… Do you believe in the boogey monster and the tooth fairy too?” She retorted.
“No… but not all things are explained in books.” Alex lifted my hand and kissed the back. “Take love… Love can be written, can be described, but until you
feel
it shake your entire being…” His fingers slid smoothly across the back of my hand. “You never truly understand it.” The look he gave me made me dizzy, but I couldn’t take my eyes off him.
Jillian nodded. “Point taken.”
“Excellent description of free thought Alex. Now, do you two think you could finish your project in this decade?”
“Yes Mr. Thompson.” We both say in unison as my skin turns red. Jillian tried to hide her laughter.
After school Alex drove me to my Aunt’s and we sat in the car in silence. My hand wrapped in his felt perfect. He traced my knuckles and ran his soft fingertip down the length of my fingers. “Alex…” I said, stopping his finger in its path.
“Yes?”
“I really need to talk to you about something.” I hesitated trying to figure out how to ask him if my reaction at the house was real or if it was a dream. I’m afraid he will think I’m crazy or maybe break up with me. Honestly, I don’t think I’d blame him.
As if he thought I was going to say something bad, he stops me. “Wait. Before you say anything…” Alex tightened his grip on my hand making me lose my concentration. “I have to tell you something… The last two weeks without you have been miserable. I know you haven’t known me that long, but I feel we have a connection. I hated being away from you.” He looked straight into my eyes and whispered
I love you.
I didn’t respond. I never let anyone close enough to love me. I wasn’t really sure if he was close enough to truly mean it.
“Alex…” I needed to be delicate; I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but wasn’t sure I could say it back.
“No… I know what you are thinking. I can’t think when I’m not with you, it feels like I can’t breathe, I don’t want to eat, I don’t want to move.” He smirks, “I’ve never been this type of guy. I’m not the poetry and flowers guy… but I would be if that is what you wanted.” Alex’s face turned serious. “I would do anything for you. I’d be whatever you want me to be.”
Alex leaned across the console of the car and rested the palm of his hand against my cheek. “I would, I mean it. I’d do anything you’d ask of me.”
I hesitated examining his face and his hand in mine. His large thumb rubbed across the back of my hand. I tried my hardest not to think of Alex’s touch and smell causing so much pain. I didn’t want to think about Brandon saying he was here to stop my destiny. Could he truly love me if what Brandon said was true?
“Alex, I don’t want you to change for me.” I covered his hand on mine. I needed answers. I reorganized my thoughts before continuing. “I need to ask you a question. I keep having these weird dreams about people I know. I had one about you…”
“I hope it was a good one…” He squeezed my hand under his and grinned mischievously.
“It wasn’t.” I replied quickly trying to stay focused.
“Oh.”
“No- it’s not that it was bad either. It’s just… the dreams are so vivid, it’s hard to figure out if they are real or not.”
Alex looked at me perplexed. “What are you saying? You can’t tell if you’re dreaming now or not?”
“No. I don’t know… maybe. They are just so real. I had a dream that your touch caused pain to rip through me.” I dropped my eyes from him and stared at his hand, ashamed of my own admission.
“Why do you think you dreamed that?” He stared at me intently.
“I don’t know… the dreams have just gone on so long, it’s hard to tell when I’m sleeping and when I’m not.”
Alex pulled his hand back from mine. “So… you thought it really happened?”
I shifted in my seat uncomfortably. “I told you, I don’t know what is real and what isn’t.” I felt my eyes getting heavy; I was afraid I’d start crying.
Alex slowly ran his fingers down my hand again. I took in every delicate brush of his hand; his skin was smooth and tender against mine. “Well, I think it’s safe to say that it didn’t happen. I mean…” He tapped the back of my hand with his finger. “How could I touch you now if I had caused you so much pain before?” Alex asked exactly what I had been thinking. “I guess since you changed the subject…” He pulled up the corner of his mouth to his heart-melting smile. “You don’t feel the same way?”
I wasn’t sure how to answer. I loved kissing him and his touch made me melt. But my instant feelings for Brandon and the story that came with them confused me. There couldn’t be werewolves in the world- there was no such thing.
“I love you too.” I whispered and firmly wrapped my fingers around his. Alex leaned in and claimed my mouth with his. No pain or smell followed- just the sweet taste of his lips on mine.
“Will you go to homecoming with me?” He asked when he finally pulled back.
“Yes.” I said quietly, trying to catch my breath.
FIFTEEN
The next morning I rolled out of bed to the sounds of bacon and eggs being cooked on the stove. The hearty maple and oil smell lofted up the stairs filling my room and making me instantly hungry. I slipped out of bed and pulled on my robe, taking less than a minute to get into the kitchen.
“Good morning honey. Ready for some breakfast?” Mom set a full plate of eggs, bacon and toast in front of me.
“This looks great!” I barely got the words out when I spooned a large helping of eggs into my mouth. Mom grinned as she claimed the spot next to me. Dad had already gone to work. I looked over at the vacant dog bed in the corner.
“Where’s Grant?” I pointed to the bed with my fork in between bites.
“Dad already put him out this morning. He was chasing birds last I saw him. For an adult dog, he sure acts like a pup.” Mom and I both laughed. I was surprised when Grant didn’t sleep with me last night. I had called him to my room but he hadn’t come; I started to think he was leaning towards being owned by mom instead of me. She had been feeding and playing with him while I was sick. Dad still wanted us to find another home for him, but I just couldn’t do it.