The Cost of Living (11 page)

#

‘I can’t go out
and look for him.’

‘Why
not?’ she says, tears streaming down her face.

‘Think
about it logically. Use your brain, love, like Nathan should have. He could
have gone anywhere. The chances of me finding him are next to zero.’

She’s
screaming at me now. ‘So that’s it? You’re just going to write Nathan off?
Leave him out there to die?’

‘Listen
to me – I don’t have any option.’

‘Fine
then, I’ll go.’

‘Don’t
be stupid.’

‘Don’t
call me stupid, I’m not stupid. I can’t just give up on our son like you can.’

‘It’s
not about giving up on him. The best thing we can do is wait here and hope he
comes home. And anyway, I’m not going anywhere now we know there’s someone else
on the development.’

‘I
can handle him. I’ll just—’

‘You’ll
just what? You’ll just invite him in, make him a coffee and explain nicely that
it’s probably for the best that he stays away? For fuck’s sake, Gabby, get a
grip.’

‘I
wouldn’t do that. I wouldn’t let him in.’

‘You
would
. I know you better than you know yourself. It’s a harsh new world
we’re living in now, love. The old rules don’t apply. We have to be hard to
survive, cruel even. That’s why that fucker over the road can go to hell, and
that’s why we’re not going after Nathan. He made his choice. If he wants to act
the big man, then he has to take the consequences too.’

‘But,
Stu—’

‘But
nothing. Don’t argue with me. You know I’m right.’

STUART

FRIDAY 10 JULY – 6:23am

What happened
yesterday changed everything. Nathan’s gone, this Dean person has revealed
himself... we’re in the same place, facing the same issues, but it feels like
nothing’s certain anymore. There’s a new urgency to everything, and I have to
get to work. I’m up early, creeping around the house so I don’t wake Gabby. I
think I’ve done it, but as I’m about to go outside, she startles me. She’s in
the doorway, looking like a ghost in the low light. ‘Shit. You scared the hell
out of me, love.’

‘Where
are you going?’

‘Outside.’

‘What
for?’

‘To
start checking the other houses. I should have done it weeks ago.’

‘Why
now?’

‘I
need to see if there’s anything worth salvaging in the other houses.’

‘Yeah,
I get that, but why now?’

‘Isn’t
it obvious? Because of
him
.’

#

The first few
houses don’t take long. Dean’s house is way over to the left as you look out of
our front door, so I go right. I start with the houses I know he can’t see,
houses I’ve given the once-over to before, houses I know are definitely empty.

I
figure there’ll be something I can use to carry stuff in each house, and for
the most part I’m right. There’s a house the same design as ours but with the
reverse layout and horribly decorated inside. I find a decent stash in the
kitchen. I reckon this is where that really fat couple must live. Gabby was
always pointing them out. He had one of those mobility scooters, and he didn’t
look any older than me. It’s a sad state when you let yourself get in that kind
of condition. Mind you, I’m starting to think I might have gone too far the
other way. I was shocked at how thin that Dean was yesterday, but when I catch
my own reflection in a mirror in the hallway, I have to look twice to be sure
it’s me. Even with all this kit on I’m half the size I used to be.

I
could do with that mobility scooter now to help me carry this stuff to the
house. I dump it all in next door’s garden where I know Dean won’t be able to
see me. I’ll come back and sort it all later when it’s dark. I’ve come across
plenty of people like him before now. Selfish. Only thinking about themselves.
Fucker would take all our stuff and not think twice about it. He’d see my kids
starve just as long as he’s got a full stomach. He waited like a coward until
I’d made the development safe, and he was quick enough to help himself
yesterday...

Thinking
about my kids makes me stop again. Nathan. I wonder where he is, what he’s
doing...? Is he still alive? Is he infected? I wish he hadn’t run, but a part
of me understands why he did it. I might have done the same if I’d been in his
shoes.

I
could do with him here now, though. The work is physical and hard, too much for
one person.

There’s
less in the next few houses. It’s taking me a lot longer to do this than I was
expecting. I didn’t count on getting so tired so quickly, nor on having to keep
looking over my shoulder, watching out for Dean. And if it’s not him, it’s
them
.
From time to time I can see them on the other side of the metal railings.
There’s no way they can get inside, but they keep on trying. Even those at the
bottom of the crush of diseased flesh keep reaching out for me, stretching
their hands and arms between the posts.

I’ve
built up quite a pile of food next door now, but I’m going to have to stop. I’m
exhausted. Hungry. But at least I managed to get a few treats. A couple of cans
of beer and some spirits... some chocolate for Sally. We’ll eat well tonight.
It’ll be good for everyone. It’ll help calm Gabby down and settle her nerves.
More to the point, it’ll settle my nerves too. I’ve managed to find a few books
and a couple of board games for Sally, and a baby toy or two for Hannah. I don’t
allow myself to think about where the original owners of these things might be.
I properly scared myself a while back, imagining an infected baby crawling over
the massive drifts of dead flesh which surround the development. I force myself
to focus on the future. I think ahead to a few more months from now when
they’ll probably all have withered down to nothing, and a couple more months
later still when winter will take hold, when what hasn’t rotted away will have
frozen. We’ll be safe then.

There
are three more houses ’til the end of this row. I’ll just check them, then go
home and shift everything from next door’s garden into ours. Then I’ll sort the
garage. That’s enough work for one day.

Christ,
I’ll sleep well tonight.

STUART

SATURDAY 11 JULY – 1:37pm

I sit up quick,
then lie back down again. Fuck me, my head... What the hell happened?

I
remember as soon as I smell the booze. The stench of stale whiskey makes me
gag. My stomach’s flipping over.

‘So
you’re awake,’ she says. Gabby’s sitting on the chair in the corner of the
bedroom, reading a book and watching me. ‘I told you you shouldn’t have drunk
so much. I said it’d affect you, didn’t I? You’ve barely drunk anything for the
past few months. Half a bottle of malt whiskey’s enough to knock anyone off
their feet.’

‘What
time is it?’

‘Just
gone half one.’

That
takes a couple of seconds to sink in. Half one in the morning, or the
afternoon? The curtains are closed, but there’s light trickling in through the
gap between them. ‘Jesus, how long was I out for?’

‘Catching
up on all the sleep you haven’t had in weeks, I reckon,’ she says.

‘How
long?’

‘You
were out like a light just after eight last night. A bomb wouldn’t have woken
you. I was starting to get worried.’

For
a couple of seconds longer I just lie there, soaking up her words and waiting
for my guts to stop swilling. This feels almost normal. Strange. It’s like the
morning after a work’s do. Then reality starts trickling back...

‘Any
sign of Nathan?’

‘No,
nothing.’ She pauses. Is there something she’s not telling me? She catches my
eye then looks away. She opens the curtains slightly, pretends she’s busy. Then
she drops the bombshell. ‘That man was here again. Dean, was it?’

‘What?
I told him to stay away.’

‘Yeah,
he said that.’

‘I
hope you told him to piss off.’

‘Not
in so many words.’

‘What
did he want?’

‘He
wanted to know where you were, actually.’

‘Why?’

‘How
am I supposed to know? Anyway, I did exactly what you said, I told him we
didn’t want any trouble, and asked him to keep himself to himself.’

‘And?’

‘And
he did.’

‘And
where did you say I was?’

‘I
told him you were sleeping. Don’t worry, I didn’t tell him about the booze. I
just said you were feeling a bit fragile.’

I
get up fast, then regret it. But I have to keep going. I make it to the toilet,
then throw up everywhere. Jeez, I really can’t take my booze anymore.

‘I’ll
go and get some water,’ Gabby says, and I hear her leave the room.

I
make myself get dressed, then clean up when she brings the water. Then I go
straight to the garage and check the supplies. Thank God for that...
everything’s just as I left it last night. If that bastard sets foot in here...
so help me, I’ll tear him limb from limb. I’ll feed him to the infected on the
other side of the fence. Little shit. Who does he think he is, coming around
here?

I
need to tell him.

I
need to put him straight.

#

He answers the
door as soon as I start hammering on it, like he was waiting for me. ‘Morning,
Stu,’ he says, and that wrong-foots me.

‘How
do you know my name?’

‘Gabby
told me,’ he says, looking all innocent. But innocent is the last thing he is.
I can see it in his eyes. Fucker’s playing with me. ‘She’s lovely, your wife.
You’re a very lucky man.’

That’s
enough. Have to show this cunt who’s boss. I grab him by the neck and force him
back into his house, all the way down his hall until we hit the kitchen door
and can’t go any further. ‘You stay away from my house and from my family.’

‘I
was just trying to be neighbourly... we’re all stuck here together... I thought
we could help each other out.’

‘Forget
it. The only way you can help me is by staying away. Got it?

‘Got
it...’ he says, and I can tell from the expression on his face now that he
really has. I let him go and he falls at my feet, still cowering. Weedy little
bastard.

#

I’ve already
wasted enough time today. Since I’m out now I figure I’ll empty a few more
houses. Even though I slept for hours I’m still tired. I don’t feel at all
well, but I’ll make myself do this anyway.

I
manage to check a couple more homes before the effort gets too much and I go
back. There’s always tomorrow. No sense peaking too soon. I’m in this for the
long haul.

But
I can still see that fucker watching me from his upstairs window.

STUART

SUNDAY 12 JULY – 10:02am

I feel much better
today. Refreshed. Ready.

Physical
work stops me thinking about Nathan, stops me worrying about him. He’s been
gone three days now. I half expect to find him hiding in one of these houses,
though I know in my heart that he’s long gone by now. Wish he hadn’t done it.
Wish he hadn’t gone.

I
found a good haul in the first house I cleared out this morning. Stacks of
stuff. Some tins of food and other stuff that’s in date... packet mixes, jars
of sauces, that kind of thing. Should last us for a few days, and I reckon if I
can squeeze a few days out of each couple of houses, then that should keep us
going for a couple more months. Gabby keeps on at me, keeps asking what we’re
going to do after that. Bloody woman’s getting like a broken bloody record. She
knows what I’ll tell her. Same thing I always do: another couple of months and
everything’ll look completely different. Fewer infected, and those that’ll
still be here will be in a far worse state. The world’ll be ours for the
taking.

I’ve
been able to get in most places easy enough. This next one is easier than most.
The back door has already been forced. They’re all looking much of a muchness
now. Have I been here before? Can’t remember. It looks familiar, but I don’t
recall leaving a door open like this. I would have remembered, wouldn’t I?
Could it be Nathan? I check the house at double-speed, running from room to
room, wondering if my son’s here, if all the worry has been for nothing. I know
before I’ve finished that he’s not here, of course, but just for a second I
allow myself to dream I’ve found him. I wouldn’t be cross, wouldn’t be angry.
The kid’s acted like an idiot, but I can’t hold that against him. We’ve all
been under incredible stress since the beginning of May.

No
sign.

I’m
standing in the kitchen, and it’s only now that it hits me. I definitely
haven’t been in here before. Someone has, though. Some fucker has already
cleared this place out. The cupboards have been emptied, everything taken, and
I know it was recent because there are obvious signs. Dust has been disturbed.
There’s a wrapper on the floor that looks fresh, not sun-bleached like
everything else. The rest of the kitchen is relatively clean, but there are
crumbs all over the worktop.

Dean.

The
fucker’s found his confidence. He locked himself away for weeks on end, only to
finally emerge once he’d seen me and my family outside, once he knew it was
definitely safe. I’ll show him. Bastard. This is
mine
now. This is for
my
family, not him.

I
head for his house. I’m going to kill the little shit.

I
run from one side of the development to the other, and now I see all sorts of
signs that he’s been more active than he should have been. There are a couple
more front doors open, scraps of rubbish blowing in the wind... a fucking huge
rat runs across my path and I stop dead, because I don’t know where it’s been
or where it’s going. What if it’s infected? Can rats carry the disease? Has
that dumb bastard left scraps around to encourage them?

I
hammer on his door and try to get in but it’s locked. I kick it and beat it,
but it’s strong and I can’t break it down. I’m knackered. Exhausted. Soaked
with sweat. I’m not feeling great. It’s all I can do to keep standing, but I
have to try and look the part, because I know that frigging weasel is watching.

‘What’s
wrong, Stu?’ he says, and I look around for him. Can’t work out where he is.

‘Come
out here, you cunt.’

‘Bloody
hell, mate, that’s a bit strong.’

I
look up and see him hanging out of one of his bedroom windows.

‘Get
down here, you shit. And I’m
not
your mate.’

‘What’s
the problem?’

‘You’ve
taken my food. My family’s food.’

‘No
I haven’t. It’s as much mine as yours. It’s neither of ours, if you want to get
particular about it. All belonged to the neighbours.’

‘It’s
mine
.’

‘You’re
being very unreasonable, Stuart,’ he says, and the patronising tone of his
voice just makes me want to kill him. I try to open the door again, but we both
know it’s not going to happen. We both know he’s safe up there. Fucker.

‘Come
down here,’ I scream, and now I’m kicking the door, throwing myself against it.
I take a few steps back then run at it, determined to get inside. Then again.
And again. And again. And all the time he’s up there looking down at me. Cunt.

One
more.

I
step back again, and someone grabs my arm. I spin around fast, thinking it’s
one of the infected. But it isn’t. It’s Gabby. ‘Come on, love,’ she says,
trying to pull me away. ‘Come home.’

I
pull myself free and keep kicking at the door. Again, she drags me back.

‘Leave
me alone.’

‘Come
on, love,’ she says again, and this time I stop. I don’t want either of them to
see, but I’m fucked. I can’t keep going. I go back to the house with her
because I don’t know what else to do.

‘He’s
right, you know,’ she says when I explain what’s happened.

‘I
know that technically he’s right, but things have changed in case you hadn’t
noticed, Gabby. The world’s a different place now.’

‘I
get that, love...’

‘Do
you? Do you really? I’m not sure you do. I don’t want the stuff that’s in other
people’s houses just to spite him, I want it because you, me and our kids
need
that food. Now do you get it? It’s all well and good standing there like some
prissy churchgoer, taking the moral high-ground, but what good’s that gonna do
Sally and Hannah when the food finally runs out? I’m not exaggerating here...
you might think he’s got some entitlement, some kind of right to share, but he
hasn’t. Things are different now. He’s killing our kids and I’ll do anything I
have to to keep you and the kids safe. You hear me, Gabby?
Anything
.’