The Cost of Living (10 page)

All
I can do is shove it back into the site office. I push it into the dark room
and it ends up on the floor in the corner, arms and legs everywhere. I’m only
watching for half a second but it’s already up and coming at me again, moving
with impossible speed now. I pull the door shut in its face, keeping hold of
the handle, and I feel it throw itself up against the door again and again and
again. It knows I’m still here, but it can’t get out.

I
just wish the noise would stop. I bet you can hear it for miles.

#

Feels like I’ve
been gone for days, but it’s only been a couple of hours. From up here on the
roof I can see for miles. Parts of the city centre have disappeared. There’s
dirty smoke in the air above where the tower blocks used to be. The place looks
completely dead.

The
infected are still here. The one in the Portakabin is still making a hell of a
noise, but I don’t think that’s the only reason they keep coming. I don’t know
if these are the ones that followed me from Northfield, or if this is a new
crowd that’s sniffed me out.

And
I’m lying up here on my belly, looking down over the edge of the roof, and even
though I know they can’t see me, I know they know I’m here. The weird,
fucked-up way they move makes it hard to work out how many there are, but that
doesn’t matter. All it takes is one – one drop of blood or spit or vomit
– and I’ve had it.

STUART

THURSDAY 9 JULY – 11:37am

‘What do you
mean, he’s not in his room?’

I
just look at Gabby. Is she losing it?

‘What
do you think I mean?’ she says. ‘He’s not here. I’ve checked his room, the
garage... everywhere. I looked out all the windows...’

‘And
he was definitely inside last night?’

‘I
checked on him when Sally started screaming.’

‘And?’

‘And
what? He was in bed, wide awake, just looking up at the ceiling.’

‘And
he didn’t say anything?’

‘Like
what? By the way, Mum, I’m going to run away in the morning?’

‘Don’t
back-chat me, Gabrielle. This isn’t the time.’

‘And
don’t belittle me.’

She
turns her back on me and storms out of the kitchen, Sally at her side and
Hannah in her arms. I get dressed to go out, putting half my stuff on in the
utility room, the other half when I’m outside. That bloody kid. He’ll be hiding
out in one of the other houses, I know he will. I’ll crucify him when I find
him. Selfish little shit.

#

No sign. No sign
of him anywhere. I’ve torn this place apart, checking every house. Most of them
are still locked and he doesn’t have any keys, but I haven’t found any forced
doors or broken windows.

He’s
hiding from me. Little bastard. He’s playing games. He’s probably watching me
right now, enjoying putting me and his mother through this. I’ll give him hell
when I find him.

I
walk around the full perimeter of the development, checking the fence. He
wouldn’t be stupid enough to have damaged the fence or the blockade we built
together would he? I don’t know what’s going through his head right now, and
even if he does want to give me grief because he’s stuck here, I don’t reckon
he’d do anything to put the safety of his sisters or his mother at risk.

There
are more bodies than ever around the outside of this place now. Piled high.
Dead but for the germ which keeps bringing them ever closer towards us.

I
head back for the green and I shout out for Nathan. The noise is a risk, but I
can’t not do it, can I? When he doesn’t answer, I return to the house.

He
thinks he’s got one over on me. Bloody stupid kid.

STUART

THURSDAY 9 JULY – 6:19pm

‘Daddy,’ Sally
says, tugging my arm, ‘there’s a man at the door.’

My
blood runs cold.

Is
it Nathan? Is it one of the infected?

It’s
neither.

I
hang back at the end of the hallway, watching the shape on the other side of
the frosted glass. Who the hell is this? I don’t recognise him. Where the hell
did he come from?

‘Aren’t
you going to answer it?’ Sally asks.

I
crouch down so I’m level with her and I whisper. ‘Go upstairs and find Mummy.’

‘Mummy’s
upset about Nathan,’ she says, whispering too now.

‘I
know. Go and make her happy, there’s a good girl. I’ll see what the man wants.’

I
watch her all the way up the stairs. She looks back and I gesture for her to
keep going.

He’s
gone. Where is he?

Fucker’s
having a good look around.

I
see him moving in front of the living room window, checking out the house,
trying to see where we are. How does he know we’re here? What’s he after? Is he
just trying his luck, looking for supplies. Christ, the supplies. I have to
stop him before he goes anywhere near the garage. We’ve not got enough to last
ourselves. I’ll be buggered if anyone else is getting hold of any of our stuff.

Nothing
else for it. I’m going to have to go out there.

I
slip into the kitchen, moving quietly. I start to put on my protective gear but
when I hear him at the door again, banging on it now, shouting through the letter
box, I know I don’t have any choice. I grab my axe then run around the side of
the house, ready to defend what’s mine.

He’s
still standing at the door, bending down and looking through the slot. He
doesn’t even know I’m here. How the hell has he survived so long?

‘Move
away from the house,’ I tell him. He panics and spins around and starts moving
towards me, mouth opening and closing, tears running down his cheeks, hands
raised in submission. I hold the axe up ready to hit him, even though I don’t
know if I can.

‘Please,’
he says, sobbing. ‘Please don’t...’

‘Move
away from the house,’ I tell him again, and I gesture for him to move to the
middle of the front lawn. He does what I tell him. Christ, he’s in a state. His
clothes look like they haven’t been changed in weeks, and his beard and hair
haven’t been touched. He keeps pulling up his trousers. Skinny bugger looks
like he’s lost half his body weight. If I didn’t know better I’d think he was
infected. Wait... I think I recognise him. Is he that slacker from across the
way? The one who never went out of his house? ‘What do you want?’

‘Have
you got any food you can spare?’ he asks, his voice so weak it’s hard to make
out.

‘No.’

He
sobs again. ‘I ran out a couple of days ago. I don’t want much. Just a little...’

‘No,’
I tell him again. ‘How did you know we were here?’

He
points at one of the other houses. ‘I live at number twelve.’

‘But
I checked all the houses. I knocked your door.’

‘I
know.’

‘And
you didn’t think to answer?’

‘Too
scared.’

‘So
you’ve been locked up in there all this time?’

‘Yeah...
I heard you and I saw you outside a few times... I didn’t know if it was safe
to come out. I thought you might get sick and I didn’t want to risk it.’

‘Who
else is with you?’

‘Just
me.’

‘What
about your family?’

‘My
girlfriend’s dead.’

‘Where?’

‘Not
here. She died way back. She was in the hospital. I’m on my own now. You’re my
only hope now. There’s no way back in or out since you blocked the road.’

Fair
point. I look up at the house and see Gabby looking down. I try and get her to
move back behind the curtains. I don’t want this guy knowing how many of us
there are here.

‘I’m
sorry,’ I tell him again, ‘I’m not giving you any food. Like I said, I don’t
have enough for my family.’

He
turns his back on me and starts walking away. Fucker looks emaciated. He
doesn’t even have the energy to lift his feet, just drags them along like one
of the infected.

Then
he stops.

‘I
know where your kid went.’

‘What?’

‘I
saw him earlier...’

He
stops again and makes proper eye contact for the first time. What’s his game?

‘Tell
me where he went.’

I
curse myself. My voice sounded more desperate than I intended, and he knows it.
I can see him thinking through his options now, a little life back in his eyes.

‘Give
me some food. You give me food, I’ll tell you where the kid went.’

Fuck.
What choice do I have? But wait, what difference does it make? ‘Why should I?
What am I supposed to do about Nathan?’

He
shrugs. ‘I don’t know... but I know I’d have to do something if I was in your
shoes. I mean, I couldn’t just sit there and do nothing if I thought he might
still be alive out there. There’s nothing I can do for my girlfriend, but your
kid’s only been gone a few hours. You could still catch him if you wanted.’

‘You
watched him leave?’

‘I
know what he was wearing, what he was carrying, which way he went... I’ve seen
everything
these past weeks.’

I
do what I can to hide what I’m thinking. Don’t want him to think he’s got any
advantage, any kind of hold over me. ‘I don’t want you near my family,’ I tell
him.

‘And
I don’t particularly want to go anywhere near your family. I just want
something to eat.’

I
look up at Gabby, still visible at the window. I can tell by the way the
curtain shifts that Sally’s with her too. What do I do? My family is the most
important thing here, and this guy knows it.

‘You
stay away from here, understand?’

‘Like
I said, I just want—’

‘You
go back to your house. Wait there. I’ll bring you something.’

Amazingly,
he does as I say.

#

‘What’s
happening?’ Gabby asks. I’m in the garage, bagging up a little food.

‘Stay
upstairs and keep out of sight.’

‘Who
is he?’

‘A
neighbour.’

‘And
he’s been here all this time?’

‘It
looks that way.’

‘But
why? Why didn’t he let us know he was here. Why didn’t he—’

‘That
doesn’t matter now. Just go back upstairs and stay there. I’m going to get rid
of him.’

‘What
do you mean, get rid of him. Wait, Stuart, does he know anything about Nathan?
Does he know where he’s gone? If he can tell us anything then—’

‘He
doesn’t know anything. He’s full of shit. He’s sick. Deluded. I’m giving him
this stuff to keep him quiet. He won’t bother us again.’

‘I
don’t like this, Stu. I think you should—’

‘I
think you should do what I told you. Go upstairs with the girls and stay there.
I’ll be back in a little while. Keep out of sight.’

#

Back outside,
this time wearing all my outdoor gear. I don’t know what this guy’s place is
going to be like. I’ve got my axe too, just in case.

I
head straight over, pulse racing, and he’s in the doorway waiting before I get
anywhere near. He looks surprised, seeing me in my full garb. But if he’s as
desperate as I think he is, he won’t react.

He
lets me straight through and I go inside, holding the axe where he can see it.
Don’t know if I’ll use it, but I don’t reckon he’ll take any chances. He’s
apologising about the state of the house, but I’m too busy to listen, checking
all the downstairs rooms. It’s a crying shame – this place would have
been quite nice when he first moved in, but it’s wrecked beyond repair now. The
dirt in here is engrained and I can taste a foul stench in the air even through
my facemask. It sticks in my throat. He’s been cooped up here on his own for
weeks. The downstairs toilet is overflowing with shit.

He
shuts the front door, and that makes me feel uneasy. ‘Leave it open,’ I tell
him, but he doesn’t.

‘It’s
okay... I’m not going to try anything, I swear. I’m just relieved you’re here.
I’ve been watching you for ages, but I was too scared to make contact until
now. It’s only seeing your lad that made me come and see you.’

‘I
don’t understand why you didn’t do it sooner? Can’t believe you’ve been here
all this time.’

‘I
didn’t know how you’d be. You’ve been perfectly reasonable. I thought you might
be a little unhinged, given the circumstances.’

I
don’t tell him I thought the same thing. I still think that, actually.

‘So
which way did he go?’

He
gestures for me to follow him upstairs. ‘I’ve spent most of the time around the
back of the house,’ he tells me. ‘I thought it was more sensible. I know those
things outside can’t see me from the back of the house.’

This
place is vile. The floors are covered in litter. His bedroom, the room we’re in
now, is like some kind of filthy nest. The covers are badly soiled. I can’t
even see the carpet. ‘How did you let yourself get in such a state?’

He
seems to take offence. I shouldn’t have said that.

‘I
lost my girlfriend, remember? There’s just me here. Didn’t seem any point
keeping the place nice.’

‘Yeah,
but there’s nice and there’s
nice
, isn’t there? This isn’t healthy,
mate.’

He
just laughs at me. ‘Strikes me the whole world’s not that healthy anymore.’ He
turns to the window, moving crap out of the way so he can get close to the
glass. He points at a gap. Some kind of alleyway down by the offices adjacent
to the development. ‘He went out that way. I heard him climbing over the fence.
It was about half-seven this morning, I think. Bugger woke me up.’

‘And
which way did he go?’

‘I
haven’t got fucking telescopic vision, you know.’

‘What
was he wearing?’

‘Full
garb like you. And he had a rucksack. Now what did you bring me? I’m fucking
starving.’

I
give him a couple of scraps. We can’t spare any of this, but I needed to know
what he knows. ‘Here.’

‘This
all? You’re taking the piss.’

‘I’m
not. I’ve got a family to look after.’

‘Half
a family. The boy jumped ship, remember?’

‘Don’t
push me.’

‘I’m
sorry, man,’ he says, and he genuinely looks like he is.

He’s
wolfing down the food. ‘How long’s it been since you’ve eaten?’

‘Couple
of days,’ he says between mouthfuls. ‘I had enough to last until now. I thought
about breaking into some of the other houses, seeing if there’s any food there,
but I didn’t want to do it on my own. We could do it together if you like. We
could both do it and split the difference.’

That
stuff – if there is anything in the rest of the estate – is mine.
Mine and my family’s. ‘I already checked,’ I tell him. ‘There’s nothing. I
cleared most of the houses out a while back.’

He
nods thoughtfully, still chewing. ‘Oh, well.’ He sounds resigned, accepting.
‘That’s all of us fucked then.’

‘Looks
that way.’

‘What
about your kid?’

‘What
about him?’

‘You
going after him?’

‘Maybe.’

‘I
reckon he’ll be all right, you know. He looked up for it. Well prepared.’

‘You
think? I’m not so sure.’

‘All
the more reason why you should go.’

And leave you here with my wife and daughters?
I think but don’t say. I know I couldn’t
go now, even if I wanted to.

I
turn to leave. ‘Stay here,’ I warn him as I go back downstairs. ‘Keep yourself
to yourself, and we’ll do the same. Right?’

‘There’s
no need to be like that...’ he starts to say as he follows me down and I stop,
turn around, and pin him up against the wall.

‘You
keep away from my family, got it?’

‘Got
it,’ he says, and I can feel him shaking with nerves. Fucker doesn’t have the
strength to fight me even if he wanted to. I let him go and he slides down the
wall, sitting in a heap in the crap at the bottom of the stairs. I slam the
door behind me, but it’s open again before I’ve even made it to the end of his
drive.

‘I
mean it,’ I tell him, pointing the axe in his direction. He holds up his hands...
capitulates.

‘I
get it, I get it...’ I walk away and he shouts after me. ‘I just want us to be
mates. I’m Dean, by the way...’ But I just keep walking.