The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (581 page)

Oh! This is what makes your servants depressed.

LORD. Hence comes it that your kindred shuns your house,

It is because of this that your relatives avoid your house,

As beaten hence by your strange lunacy.

As driven away by your strange insanity.

O noble lord, bethink thee of thy birth,

Oh noble lord, think of your position,

Call home thy ancient thoughts from banishment,

Call home your former thoughts from where they have been sent away,

And banish hence these abject lowly dreams.

And send away there these pathetic lowly dreams.

Look how thy servants do attend on thee,

Look how your servants serve you,

Each in his office ready at thy beck:

Each in his office ready at your beck and call:

Wilt thou have music? Hark! Apollo plays,

Will you have music? Listen! [The Greek/Roman god of music] plays,

[Music]

And twenty caged nightingales do sing:

Or wilt thou sleep? We'll have thee to a couch

Or will you sleep? We'll take you to a couch

Softer and sweeter than the lustful bed

Softer and sweeter than the luscious bed

On purpose trimm'd up for Semiramis.

Purposefully decked out for Semiramis.

Say thou wilt walk: we will bestrew the ground:

Say you will walk: we will lay out a carpet on the ground:

Or wilt thou ride? Thy horses shall be trapp'd,

Or will you ride? Your horses shall be decked out,

Their harness studded all with gold and pearl.

Their harnesses all studded with gold and pearls.

Dost thou love hawking? Thou hast hawks will soar

Do you love hunting with hawks? You have hawks that will soar

Above the morning lark: or wilt thou hunt?

Higher than the morning lark: or will you hunt?

Thy hounds shall make the welkin answer them

Your dogs shall make the sky answer them

And fetch shall echoes from the hollow earth.

And their howls shall echo from the hollow earth.

FIRST SERVANT. Say thou wilt course; thy greyhounds are as swift

Say you will race; your greyhounds are as quick

As breathed stags; ay, fleeter than the roe.

As male deer; indeed, more nimble than female deer.

SECOND SERVANT. Dost thou love pictures?

Do you love pictures?

We will fetch thee straight

We will fetch for you straightaway

Adonis painted by a running brook,

And Cytherea all in sedges hid,

And Cytherea all hidden in the foliage,

Which seem to move and wanton with her breath

Which seem to move and dance with her breath

Even as the waving sedges play with wind.

The same way as the waving leaves play with wind.

LORD. We'll show thee Io as she was a maid

We'll show you Io as she was a young woman

And how she was beguiled and surpris'd,

And how she was tricked and surprised,

As lively painted as the deed was done.

Painted like it is happening right in front of you.

THIRD SERVANT. Or Daphne roaming through a thorny wood,

Scratching her legs, that one shall swear she bleeds

And at that sight shall sad Apollo weep,

So workmanly the blood and tears are drawn.

The blood and tears are drawn with such skill.

LORD. Thou art a lord, and nothing but a lord:

You are a lord, and nothing but a lord:

Thou hast a lady far more beautiful

You are married to a lady for more beautiful

Than any woman in this waning age.

Than any other woman in these tough times.

FIRST SERVANT.

And, till the tears that she hath shed for thee

And, until the tears she has shed for you

Like envious floods o'er-run her lovely face,

Like jealous floods overran her lovely face,

She was the fairest creature in the world;

She was the most beautiful creature in the world;

And yet she is inferior to none.

And yet there are still none better than her.

SLY. Am I a lord? and have I such a lady?

Or do I dream? Or have I dream'd till now?

Or am I dreaming? Or have I dreamed until now?

I do not sleep: I see, I hear, I speak;

I smell sweet savours, and I feel soft things:

I smell sweet scents, and I feel soft things:

Upon my life, I am a lord indeed;

And not a tinker, nor Christophero Sly.

Well, bring our lady hither to our sight;

Well, bring our lady here to see us;

And once again, a pot o' the smallest ale.

And once again, a glass of the cheapest beer.

SECOND SERVANT. Will't please your mightiness to wash your hands?

Will it please your mightiness to wash your hands?

[Servants present a ewer, basin, and napkin.]

[Servants present a jug, basin, and towel.]

O, how we joy to see your wit restor'd!

Oh, how glad we are to see you come to your senses!

O, that once more you knew but what you are!

Oh, that you know once again who you are!

These fifteen years you have been in a dream,

For the past fifteen years you have been dreaming,

Or, when you wak'd, so wak'd as if you slept.

Or, when you were awake, it was still as if you were sleeping.

SLY. These fifteen years! by my fay, a goodly nap. But did I never speak of all that time?

For the past fifteen years! My, what a nap. But did I never speak during all that time?

FIRST SERVANT. O! yes, my lord, but very idle words;

Oh yes, my lord, but very useless things;

For though you lay here in this goodly chamber,

For though you lay here in this good room,

Yet would you say ye were beaten out of door,

Yet you would say you were chased outdoors,

And rail upon the hostess of the house,

And yell at the hostess of the house,

And say you would present her at the leet,

And say you would take her to court,

Because she brought stone jugs and no seal'd quarts.

Because she did not bring the jugs you wanted.

Sometimes you would call out for Cicely Hacket.

SLY. Ay, the woman's maid of the house.

 Yes, the woman's maid of the house.

THIRD SERVANT. Why, sir, you know no house nor no such maid,

Why, sir, you have never known such a place or such a maid,

Nor no such men as you have reckon'd up,

And no such men as you have imagined,

As Stephen Sly, and old John Naps of Greece,

And Peter Turf, and Henry Pimpernell;

And twenty more such names and men as these,

Which never were, nor no man ever saw.

Which never existed, and no man ever saw.

SLY. Now, Lord be thanked for my good amends!

Now, thank God for my recovery!

ALL. Amen.

SLY. I thank thee; thou shalt not lose by it.

I thank you; you will not lose by it.

[Enter the PAGE, as a lady, with ATTENDANTS.]

PAGE. How fares my noble lord?

How is my noble lord?

SLY. Marry, I fare well; for here is cheer enough. Where is my wife?

By Mary, I am doing well; for it is pleasant enough here. Where is my wife?

PAGE. Here, noble lord: what is thy will with her?

Here, noble lord: what do you want with her?

SLY. Are you my wife, and will not call me husband? My men should call me lord: I am your goodman.

PAGE. My husband and my lord, my lord and husband; I am your wife in all obedience.

SLY. I know it well. What must I call her?

LORD. Madam.

SLY. Al'ce madam, or Joan madam?

Alice madam, or Joan madam?

LORD. Madam, and nothing else; so lords call ladies.

Madam, and nothing else; that is what lords call ladies.

SLY. Madam wife, they say that I have dream'd

Madam wife, they say that I have dreamed

And slept above some fifteen year or more.

And slept here some fifteen years or more.

PAGE. Ay, and the time seems thirty unto me,

Yes, and that time has seemed like thirty years to me,

Being all this time abandon'd from your bed.

Having been all this time abandoned from your bed.

SLY. 'Tis much. Servants, leave me and her alone. Madam, undress you, and come now to bed.

It it much. Servants, leave me and her alone. Madam, get undressed, and come now to bed.

PAGE. Thrice noble lord, let me entreat of you

Three times noble lord, let me persuade you

To pardon me yet for a night or two;

To leave me alone for a night or two;

Or, if not so, until the sun be set:

Or, if not, until the sun has set:

For your physicians have expressly charg'd,

For your doctors have specifically commanded

In peril to incur your former malady,

To avoid risking you getting sick again,

That I should yet absent me from your bed:

That I should still stay away from your bed:

I hope this reason stands for my excuse.

I hope this will be enough of an excuse.

SLY. Ay, it stands so that I may hardly tarry so long; but I would be loath to fall into my dreams again: I will therefore tarry, in despite of the flesh and the blood.

Yes, it is true that I can hardly wait so long; but I would hate to start dreaming again: I will therefore wait, despite my physical wants.

[Enter a SERVANT.]

SERVANT. Your honour's players, hearing your amendment,

Your honor's actors, hearing about your recovery,