The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (579 page)

Persons in the Induction A LORD CHRISTOPHER SLY, a tinker HOSTESS PAGE PLAYERS HUNTSMEN SERVANTS

BAPTISTA MINOLA, a rich man of Padua VINCENTIO, an old gentleman of Pisa LUCENTIO, son to Vincentio; in love with Bianca PETRUCHIO, a gentleman of Verona; suitor to Katherina

Suitors to Bianca GREMIO HORTENSIO

Servants to Lucentio TRANIO BIONDELLO

Servants to Petruchio GRUMIO CURTIS

PEDANT, set up to personate Vincentio

Daughters to Baptista KATHERINA, the shrew BIANCA

WIDOW

Tailor, Haberdasher, and Servants attending on Baptista and Petruchio

SCENE: Sometimes in Padua, and sometimes in PETRUCHIO'S house in the country.

Before an alehouse on a heath

[Enter HOSTESS and SLY.]

SLY. I'll pheeze you, in faith.

I'll hit you, I swear.

HOSTESS. A pair of stocks, you rogue!

[A curse], you lowborn person!

SLY. Y'are a baggage; the Slys are no rogues; look in the chronicles: we came in with Richard Conqueror. Therefore, paucas pallabris; let the world slide. Sessa!

You're very ignorant; the Slys are not lowborn; look in the histories: we came [to England] with Richard the Conqueror. Therefore,
paucas pallabris;
let the world slide. Sessa!

HOSTESS. You will not pay for the glasses you have burst?

You will not pay for the glasses you have broken?

SLY. No, not a denier. Go by, Saint Jeronimy, go to thy cold bed and warm thee.

No, not a penny. Go away, Saint Jeronimy, go to your cold bed and get warm.

HOSTESS. I know my remedy; I must go fetch the third-borough.

I know what to do; I must go fetch a policeman.

[Exit.]

SLY. Third, or fourth, or fifth borough, I'll answer him by law. I'll not budge an inch, boy: let him come, and kindly.

No matter the policeman, I'll answer him by law. I won't budge an inch, boy: let him come, and gently.

[Lies down on the ground, and falls asleep.]

[Horns winded. Enter a LORD from hunting, with Huntsmen and Servants.]

LORD. Huntsman, I charge thee, tender well my hounds;

Huntsman, I command you, take good care of my hunting-dogs;

Brach Merriman, the poor cur, is emboss'd,

Brach Merriman, the poor dog, is scratched,

And couple Clowder with the deep-mouth'd brach.

And give Clowder something for his mouth.

Saw'st thou not, boy, how Silver made it good

Did you not see, boy, how Silver did well

At the hedge-corner, in the coldest fault?

At the corner of the hedge at the critical moment?

I would not lose the dog for twenty pound.

I would not lose that dog for twenty pounds.

FIRST HUNTSMAN. Why, Bellman is as good as he, my lord;

He cried upon it at the merest loss,

He howled at the slightest loss,

And twice to-day pick'd out the dullest scent;

And twice today picked up the faintest scent;

Trust me, I take him for the better dog.

Trust me, I consider him the better dog.

LORD. Thou art a fool: if Echo were as fleet, I would esteem him worth a dozen such.

You are a fool: if Echo were as fast, I would consider him worth a dozen such
.

But sup them well, and look unto them all;

But feed them well, and look after them all;

To-morrow I intend to hunt again.

FIRST HUNTSMAN. I will, my lord.

LORD. [ Sees Sly.] What's here? One dead, or drunk? See, doth he breathe?

What is this here? A man dead, or drunk? See, does he breathe?

SECOND HUNTSMAN. He breathes, my lord.

Were he not warm'd with ale,

If he were not warmed with alcohol,

This were a bed but cold to sleep so soundly.

This would be too cold a bed for him to sleep so soundly.

LORD. O monstrous beast! how like a swine he lies!

Oh monstrous beast! He sleeps so much like a pig!

Grim death, how foul and loathsome is thine image!

Grim death, how disgusting is your image!

Sirs, I will practise on this drunken man.

Gentlemen, I will experiment on this drunken man.

What think you, if he were convey'd to bed,

What do you think, if he were taken to a bed,

Wrapp'd in sweet clothes, rings put upon his fingers,

Wrapped in the best of clothes, rings put on his fingers,

A most delicious banquet by his bed, And brave attendants near him when he wakes,

And good servants near him when he wakes,

Would not the beggar then forget himself?

Would the beggar not then forget who he was?

FIRST HUNTSMAN. Believe me, lord, I think he cannot choose.

SECOND HUNTSMAN. It would seem strange unto him when he wak'd.

It would seem strange to him when he woke.

LORD. Even as a flattering dream or worthless fancy.

Much like a dream or worthless fantasy.

Then take him up, and manage well the jest.

Then take him up, and do a good job with the joke.

Carry him gently to my fairest chamber,

Carry him gently to my most beautiful room,

And hang it round with all my wanton pictures;

And decorate it with all my nudes;

Balm his foul head in warm distilled waters,

Wash his disgusting head in warm, clean waters

And burn sweet wood to make the lodging sweet.

And burn cedar to make the room smell good.

Procure me music ready when he wakes,

Get me music ready when he wakes,

To make a dulcet and a heavenly sound;

To make a melodious and a heavenly sound;

And if he chance to speak, be ready straight,

And if he happens to speak, be ready straight away,

And with a low submissive reverence

And with low, submissive respect

Say 'What is it your honour will command?'

Ask, 'What is it your honor will command?'

Let one attend him with a silver basin

Let one man serve him with a silver bowl

Full of rose-water and bestrew'd with flowers;

Full of rose-water and decorated with flowers;

Another bear the ewer, the third a diaper,

Another carry the jug, the third a towel,

And say 'Will't please your lordship cool your hands?'

And ask, 'Will it please your lordship to cool your hands?'

Some one be ready with a costly suit,

Someone should be ready with expensive clothes,

And ask him what apparel he will wear;

Another tell him of his hounds and horse,

And that his lady mourns at his disease.

And that his wife is sad about his disease.

Persuade him that he hath been lunatic;

Persuade him that he has been a lunatic;

And, when he says he is--say that he dreams,

For he is nothing but a mighty lord.

This do, and do it kindly, gentle sirs;

It will be pastime passing excellent,

It will be an excellent pastime,

If it be husbanded with modesty.

If it is done carefully.

FIRST HUNTSMAN. My lord, I warrant you we will play our part,

My lord, I promise you that we will play our part,

As he shall think by our true diligence,

As he shall think by our true hard work,

He is no less than what we say he is.

That he is nothing other than what we say he says.

LORD. Take him up gently, and to bed with him,

Pick him up gently, and take him to bed,

And each one to his office when he wakes.

And each one do his job when he wakes.

[SLY is bourne out. A trumpet sounds.]

[
Sly is carried out. A trumpet blows.]

Sirrah, go see what trumpet 'tis that sounds:

Sir, go see what trumpet it is that blows:

[Exit SERVANT.]

Belike some noble gentleman that means,

It is probably some noble gentleman that intends,